Healing a friend shaped hole

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Clockwork Ghost
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Healing a friend shaped hole

Post by Clockwork Ghost »

Extremely recently I had an argument with someone I considered to be a very good friend and now the friendship has collapsed and we've gone our seperate ways. Now I'm left with a hole in my life the size and shape of this person. Usually I just laugh off these holes, but this person was very special to me, and I thought they were a much better friend than they obviously were, so losing them has left me feeling very raw and lonely almost. I still revolve in the same circles as them, so I need to associate with them every day, so I cant just forget about them and move on.

What do other people do in regards to situations like this? What can I do to let go of them as a friend while still associating with them as a person? How can I heal the hole they have left in my life without just slipping back into a psychotic depressed state and going begging to them to be my friend again?

Taiyounoryu
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Re: Healing a friend shaped hole

Post by Taiyounoryu »

Things are hard man, and I'm not sure an occult site is the best place to find an answer to this. Like you know, magic just wont make something "poof" away. It's hard, but I think you just need to cut your ties off to the person and give yourself room to heal and move past it. Best of luck Case, I hope things work out.

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Re: Healing a friend shaped hole

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I'm wondering if Mindfulness might work? Just focus on the present rather than the past, think of the person in terms of what theyre doing now rather than what they used to mean to me. Cutting them out of my life isnt an option as I need to spend time in the same places with them every day, as they frequent the same places I do and changing my habits or asking them to do the same just isnt an option right now. Thanks for the advice though. As for magic not being the right option, Im more approaching this from a psychology perspective, of which certain areas and branches of magic basically are - Mindfulness being a good example of this. I would have put this thread in the Eastern Philosophy board, but I wanted a more general healing perspective on the matter, more than a Eastern specific one.

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Re: Healing a friend shaped hole

Post by Madavascus »

They say time heals all wounds...
Incipit Chaos!

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Nahemah
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Re: Healing a friend shaped hole

Post by Nahemah »

There are two sides or more,to every story.

Perhaps you should consider if the other person involved is feeling the same way you do?

Just a thought.

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Re: Healing a friend shaped hole

Post by Taiyounoryu »

Well I didn't mean COMPLETELY cut this person out of your life, as you've said you have to deal with them on a daily basis. I meant cut emotional ties, personally.. If I were in your situation I would do my best to just stop caring about them or the hole they left. You know, the whole "when god closes one door, another one opens." kind of a thing.

A person can hurt for a loooong time, I think it's easier to cut what's causing the pain at the roots and be done with it.

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Re: Healing a friend shaped hole

Post by ΙΟΛΗ7 »

Case wrote:Extremely recently I had an argument with someone I considered to be a very good friend and now the friendship has collapsed and we've gone our seperate ways. Now I'm left with a hole in my life the size and shape of this person. Usually I just laugh off these holes, but this person was very special to me, and I thought they were a much better friend than they obviously were, so losing them has left me feeling very raw and lonely almost. I still revolve in the same circles as them, so I need to associate with them every day, so I cant just forget about them and move on.

What do other people do in regards to situations like this? What can I do to let go of them as a friend while still associating with them as a person? How can I heal the hole they have left in my life without just slipping back into a psychotic depressed state and going begging to them to be my friend again?
hmm...the strange thing about this,is that this sounds like a loss...that's how you make it sound.Other times weren't so hard for you,to get it over with...so,i understand that we're talking about strong feelings here.Don't think that strong and real feelings can not be swept away by a hurricane of egoisme or insecurity...we are only human.As easy as we can build castles and palaces,in the same easy way we can destroy them...burn them without any regret.
But time passes like a dream,and when this happens,we look back and we regret not have given a second chance.The first lesson that i've learned in my life is that i better regret for something i've done,than regret something i've never done...we have to take the risks in every moment of our short passing,in this world...we can't be held slaves of our own self in a golden cage.
All i mean is that...if it feels like a wound,maybe you should risk to give another chance to this person,cause he or she might feel the same way...friendship is a blessing...!!!!!!!!
Most people fight for the possible.
I fight for the impossible!

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Re: Healing a friend shaped hole

Post by akimbomoss »

Case it's good to have you back on the forum and talking again. I've actually grown more in the past 4 months than my entire life. I think just posting on this forum starts pushing the soul to enlightenment. Getting to enlightenment is a bitch but there's no way I would want to go back.

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Re: Healing a friend shaped hole

Post by Clockwork Ghost »

Thanks [grin] . Ive sorted things out with my friend and now we're friends again, which is great. I feel much happier for it.

As for posting on this forum, there was too much to give away by not being on it I guess - I had considered finding another forum, but I like this one too much.

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Re: Healing a friend shaped hole

Post by ΙΟΛΗ7 »

i'm relieved now...thank God this friendship will go on and on... [happyface]
Most people fight for the possible.
I fight for the impossible!

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akimbomoss
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Re: Healing a friend shaped hole

Post by akimbomoss »

I admit I sent you alot of energy Case. Nice to have you back with the repository of knowledge! [thumbup]

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adawehi
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Re: Healing a friend shaped hole

Post by adawehi »

This isn't much of an answer because it's due to my personality. I'm what is called a loner and it's something one cannot develop or "get over". It matters very little to me whether or not someone is angry with me. It matters just as much whether or not someone even likes me. It's all irrelevant. Perhaps it's possible for you to find a way to teach yourself, "if someone wants to get along we will, if they don't we won't".

In situations such as yours I don't waste my time feeling sorry for myself, being angry or worrying over whether or not they may still like me. I leave the ball in their court. I'm courteous to them and if possible will even be helpful, provided they'll allow it of course. Amazingly, the majority respond and become friendly again.

Worrying,anger, feeling sorry for yourself is also negative energy and influence. Combat it with positive energy and influence by doing the right thing which is being courteous and helpful, but only if you're permitted to do so.
"Health and wealth are my birthright, success my tool, kindness my standard."

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Nahemah
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Re: Healing a friend shaped hole

Post by Nahemah »

This isn't much of an answer because it's due to my personality. I'm what is called a loner and it's something one cannot develop or "get over". It matters very little to me whether or not someone is angry with me. It matters just as much whether or not someone even likes me. It's all irrelevant. Perhaps it's possible for you to find a way to teach yourself, "if someone wants to get along we will, if they don't we won't".

In situations such as yours I don't waste my time feeling sorry for myself, being angry or worrying over whether or not they may still like me. I leave the ball in their court. I'm courteous to them and if possible will even be helpful, provided they'll allow it of course. Amazingly, the majority respond and become friendly again.

Worrying,anger, feeling sorry for yourself is also negative energy and influence. Combat it with positive energy and influence by doing the right thing which is being courteous and helpful, but only if you're permitted to do so.
That's quite wise,but it's over analytical.

I know.

How?

I am the other person.

My mate and I had a bout of dissonance.I am a logical and analytical person and I took the path you describe above.
But..something kept bugging me,it was a connection that went down and it can't be analysed using logos alone,it relates across the spectrum,its human and it's emotional and it's strange.

I built a bridge with my friend and we crossed over it,eventually.We need to work some things out,but we have hope.

Sometimes you just have to accept that friendship means more than ego.
"He lived his words, spoke his own actions and his story and the story of the world ran parallel."

Sartre speaking of Che Guevara.

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Nahemah
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Re: Healing a friend shaped hole

Post by Nahemah »

I''m what is called a loner and it's something one cannot develop or "get over".

Me too.However,no man is an island ... unless his name is Madagascar,of course...



]Extremely recently I had an argument with someone I considered to be a very good friend and now the friendship has collapsed and we've gone our seperate ways. Now I'm left with a hole in my life the size and shape of this person. Usually I just laugh off these holes, but this person was very special to me, and I thought they were a much better friend than they obviously were, so losing them has left me feeling very raw and lonely almost. I still revolve in the same circles as them, so I need to associate with them every day, so I cant just forget about them and move on.
[/quote][/quote]

You see,this bit,hard.It echoed my feelings exactly.

Some times we find out who we are, in mirrors.It can be a revelation,indeed.
"He lived his words, spoke his own actions and his story and the story of the world ran parallel."

Sartre speaking of Che Guevara.

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adawehi
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Re: Healing a friend shaped hole

Post by adawehi »

Nahemah wrote: Me too.However,no man is an island ... unless his name is Madagascar,of course...
Agreed. I'm one who only allows a very select few to get close enough to cause the type of pain that seems to be involved here. She's sitting a few feet from me at the moment. I'm also divorced from a 20+ year marriage sooooo. We all learn to handle things of the heart in our own ways. [happyface]
"Health and wealth are my birthright, success my tool, kindness my standard."

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