Original post: Draginvry
Kath_;347179 wrote:
But it IS necessarily better, I think, to be consciously aware of decisions, such as one to temper progress in order to avoid difficulties.
It's not really about results, or even progress for me. It is about the means, the exact method. I want to know that my knowledge is complete. When the knowledge is incomplete, I refine my theory.
If an obsession is blocking my acquisition of knowledge, I will meditate until I am in the correct state of mind to observe simply. It's all about knowledge. Certainly I could use a method to gain results in the course of only a few years, in fact I almost chose to do that when I started this project.
It's not so much a matter of my practicing a theory to change gender. I practice everything. My meditation, parkour, magick, even how and when I play computer games are all related to a larger paradigm. In this paradigm, there is no attachment to results. There is only what is learned from the attempt. And what is learned from the attempt, determines one's next attempt.
I could have taken a different route and completely changed the body or behavior or appearance. It wouldn't even have been that hard, compared to the things that I have done such as extensive fasting and meditation. But where would I be then? I would be someone who appears more female. But I would not have my knowledge of logic or science. I would not have studied parkour. I would still be addicted to food, not having experimented with fasting. I would still think things like money or social status is important.
I've lost nothing, and gained everything. The only thing I've lost is the results from taking more traditional methods. So maybe my method hasn't produced many results related to changing the sex of the body. But I wouldn't trade any of my current knowledge for even having a born female body.
If someone is deadly serious about fixing gender dysphoria, they'd be wise not to leave 'any' stone unturned. As a transsexual friend of mine once said "You can't do something like this *and* care what other people think"
Just don't be deadly serious about it, but only dabble.
I don't care what other people think. You talk about dysphoria. You talk about time. But these are merely obsessions. I have given up obsession, which is why I can make time for what I do. You think I'm dabbling in changing the body? You want to know how much I've sacrificed for my research?
But for everything I've sacrificed, I've increased my knowledge of the body. I know things few people will know. I've done things few people will do. Not many people will water fast for twenty one days. Not many people will dry fast for a week. Not many people will meditate on a hilltop. But I have done these things, and for having done these things I have gained a greater knowledge of the body. And I tell you now, the body is much less limited than people believe it to be.
If it takes years to recreate the body, so be it. My research has brought me much more experience and capabilities than I ever imagined possible. I've only scratched the surface of what the body is truly capable of.
If someone wants results rather than knowledge, give them the hormones. Give them the snake oil. But I will settle for no less than real knowledge of what the body is, what the body does. I
will discover how much the body can be changed with this meditation. I present this merely as information. What one does with the information, is their choice.
I merely present information. Those who don't want to know, will refuse to believe. Those who don't want to accept, will make an excuse not to use the information. Those who truly want to know, will test it out for themselves to see if it works. It is not my duty to censor that information, or try to doctor it up to make it look like something that it really isn't. If someone wants to know what the body does if you stop consuming food and water, I will tell them what it does. And if they want to attempt a dry fast, that is their business. If that makes me insensitive or immoral, then so be it. I talk about parkour the same way. I tell people what I am doing, what I've done, and what I did to get there. I present that information, knowing full well that many people will injure themselves from foolishly taking drops and vaults they aren't prepared for. But it's not my job to babysit the world. Everyone is going to do exactly what they intend to do. And there's nothing wrong with that, even if they do end up hurting themselves or wasting their time.
I'm not selling snake oil. If someone wants to perceive my information as snake oil, that is their choice. I've said outright that changing the body isn't easy. I've stated specifically that meditation can be dangerous. Some people mocked me. But I know the results I have and have not achieved. I know the things I can and cannot do. I know the intentional changes I have made to the body, and the unintentional injury caused by taking foolish risks.
Knowledge is equated with risk, actually. You can't gain knowledge without stepping into the unknown. And I am in very unknown territory with my experiments. That's why I give myself time to take a break. There's no point in making major changes to the body if I kill myself in the process. When I can maintain this gnosis throughout the day, I have no doubt that the results will come. But learning how to use this meditation is far from easy. In fact, "rushing" to get it done is non-sequitur to my purpose.
Thinking about time in general is a bad idea. The only that exists is now. What happens when you spend lots of time preparing for something, and it doesn't turn out like you expected it to? I'd rather focus on gaining my knowledge now, and doing things properly, rather than grasping for results that probably won't turn out like I expect them to.
One of my main tenets in life is that you get out of life what you put into it. If you are looking for something cheap, you get cheap results. If you are looking for fast results, you get something rushed. If you are looking for easy work, you end up getting something only half-finished.
