An Odd Feeling
An Odd Feeling
Ever since I was a child I felt a presence near me, one that was a bit dark, but protective. I've seen orange eyes in the dark several times, watching me, like an older sibling would his or her confused and fragile brother. As I've gotten older and started trying to learn more about myself, I've found I have an odd affection for the, for lack of a better word, Demon Belial. When i say affection, I mean like a son to his father. It strikes me as odd and maybe it's just me trying to reach out to someone or something, trying to find someone who cares about me as a child who was scorned affection from it's own family. I know somehow that my protector with the orange eyes is not Belial, and I've never been able to talk to him/her. I was wondering if anyone could help me figure out how to speak to my protector, as I've grown to call them, and help me figure out why i have this affection for Belial. Thank you in advance.
Re: An Odd Feeling
Whoever is looking out for you is taking on a form that seems to please you - am I right in assuming that you like the idea of your guardian being this dark, mysterious and "unholy" shadow watcher? Have you tried talking to the entity, contacting in any way? Would be interesting to find why he/shes/its been watching over your shoulder, although I'd wager the answer you get is one you already knew.
Wild cats shall meet with desert beasts, satyrs shall call to one another, there shall the Lilith repose, and find for herself a place to rest.
Re: An Odd Feeling
In all honesty, no, I'd actually prefer something that wouldn't have made a young..I mean like 8 year old, me afraid to sleep alone. and yes, I've tried but I've gotten no understandable response.
Re: An Odd Feeling
What kinds of things have you tried to contact this presence?
Often times people strive for the type of communication we have with other people when that kind of communication will only lead to failure. It could be that communication cannot be forced and you simply need to learn to listen in a different way. Try this exercise, even if you have already, it's worth repeating: Sit alone in a completely dark and quiet room that you have just finished cleaning. If you have a room that's already clean, go ahead and clean it again. Make the room as dark and quiet as you possibly can. Sit alone and just feel. Some people find meditation works, others not so much. Don't worry about your thoughts so much and focus on feelings. Pay attention to any feelings of this presence. Let these feelings grow. Let them wash over you and inside of you. For some this might be intense and they will want to discontinue. Try not to do this. Instead, let it fill you completely and become one with it. It is then you will be able to know its true name.
Be careful when doing this though. Be sure to always keep a hold of yourself. You might be tempted to let go completely, but sometimes when you open yourself up something else might find its way in. Be sure to always have a way back to yourself.
Often times people strive for the type of communication we have with other people when that kind of communication will only lead to failure. It could be that communication cannot be forced and you simply need to learn to listen in a different way. Try this exercise, even if you have already, it's worth repeating: Sit alone in a completely dark and quiet room that you have just finished cleaning. If you have a room that's already clean, go ahead and clean it again. Make the room as dark and quiet as you possibly can. Sit alone and just feel. Some people find meditation works, others not so much. Don't worry about your thoughts so much and focus on feelings. Pay attention to any feelings of this presence. Let these feelings grow. Let them wash over you and inside of you. For some this might be intense and they will want to discontinue. Try not to do this. Instead, let it fill you completely and become one with it. It is then you will be able to know its true name.
Be careful when doing this though. Be sure to always keep a hold of yourself. You might be tempted to let go completely, but sometimes when you open yourself up something else might find its way in. Be sure to always have a way back to yourself.
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entropic
Re: An Odd Feeling
'Letting go completely' is a lot harder than it sounds, I found I cant do this even if I try...but you have to try that first to find out I think. So I always try to let go completely and I'm still me, I think. Or maybe I'm just bad at thisShaden wrote: Be careful when doing this though. Be sure to always keep a hold of yourself. You might be tempted to let go completely, but sometimes when you open yourself up something else might find its way in. Be sure to always have a way back to yourself.
Re: An Odd Feeling
I haven't done the excercise yet because of physical issues, but last night I saw him in the window and he seemed...mad at me
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Persephone
- Forum Member
- Posts: 5
- Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2012 6:59 am
- Location: Los Angeles, CA
Re: An Odd Feeling
Hey, Lost_Soul, I had to register just so I can tell you this...
As I read your original post, I literally almost went into shock. Everything (literally everything) you described is what has been happening me. Right down to Belial being the source. The difference being, I can communicate with my guardian. He prefers to be called Belial, and he told me his name when I was only five years old... long before learning (in high school) that Belial was a real name of a real demon. He has protected me from many, many things, and for that I thank him daily. However, a lady who I have been working for has detected this "presence" that follows me. So tonight, she sent her spiritual adviser to my apartment to figure out some things. Well, my guardian warned me about her. Made it clear to me that she had other intentions (religious intentions), and I told him to leave her alone, etc. She came over, and almost immediately started saying all these catholic prayers, and calling upon all these angels, then screaming out "J.C." (the full name, that I am not allowed to say)... and then she got very nauseous and light-headed and had to sit down. Before she could finish whatever it was she was doing, she had to leave. Now he's pissed at me. The last time something like this happened was on Halloween, I had gone to a church to speak with a priest about the possibility of demonic oppression (even though I have NEVER been a follower of god or anything religious at all! -- I'm a scientist, and I believe in physical proof, and mathematics.) The very next morning, I woke up without a voice, had slept in by almost 5 hours, had purple bags under my eyes, blue lips, couldn't breathe, was coughing up a storm... two days later found out I had bacterial pneumonia, that ended up turning close to fatal within the next week. He punishes me. I apologized to him in the hospital bed, and swore I'd never go to a priest or a church again, and I'd stay loyal to him no matter what, if he'd just heal me and not let me die. Now, 48 hours later, I am almost completely healed. Even my doctor said he'd never seen a roller-coaster case of pneumonia like that before.
Anyway, if I'm not coming off as too insane, I'd love to talk with you about him, and about what I have learned so far. The communication part is the most difficult. It took several years of screaming, shouting, crying, begging him to show me something -- anything at all, with no response. Then one day, it happened. And now, I can do it almost any time of the day or night.
I will tell you that if you are dealing with the same entity that I am, he is very proud, and not very patient. It's easy to accidentally disrespect him, and he acts like 'you should have known better' a lot. but he can help you, and he will protect you. He can also find ways of manifesting himself if you ask him. But the only time I've seen it, I was terrified beyond belief (although, in my dreams, he presents himself as being extremely immaculate and incredibly handsome.)
Good luck. Like I said, feel free to PM me or ask me whatever. You aren't alone. Don't be afraid of him.
As I read your original post, I literally almost went into shock. Everything (literally everything) you described is what has been happening me. Right down to Belial being the source. The difference being, I can communicate with my guardian. He prefers to be called Belial, and he told me his name when I was only five years old... long before learning (in high school) that Belial was a real name of a real demon. He has protected me from many, many things, and for that I thank him daily. However, a lady who I have been working for has detected this "presence" that follows me. So tonight, she sent her spiritual adviser to my apartment to figure out some things. Well, my guardian warned me about her. Made it clear to me that she had other intentions (religious intentions), and I told him to leave her alone, etc. She came over, and almost immediately started saying all these catholic prayers, and calling upon all these angels, then screaming out "J.C." (the full name, that I am not allowed to say)... and then she got very nauseous and light-headed and had to sit down. Before she could finish whatever it was she was doing, she had to leave. Now he's pissed at me. The last time something like this happened was on Halloween, I had gone to a church to speak with a priest about the possibility of demonic oppression (even though I have NEVER been a follower of god or anything religious at all! -- I'm a scientist, and I believe in physical proof, and mathematics.) The very next morning, I woke up without a voice, had slept in by almost 5 hours, had purple bags under my eyes, blue lips, couldn't breathe, was coughing up a storm... two days later found out I had bacterial pneumonia, that ended up turning close to fatal within the next week. He punishes me. I apologized to him in the hospital bed, and swore I'd never go to a priest or a church again, and I'd stay loyal to him no matter what, if he'd just heal me and not let me die. Now, 48 hours later, I am almost completely healed. Even my doctor said he'd never seen a roller-coaster case of pneumonia like that before.
Anyway, if I'm not coming off as too insane, I'd love to talk with you about him, and about what I have learned so far. The communication part is the most difficult. It took several years of screaming, shouting, crying, begging him to show me something -- anything at all, with no response. Then one day, it happened. And now, I can do it almost any time of the day or night.
I will tell you that if you are dealing with the same entity that I am, he is very proud, and not very patient. It's easy to accidentally disrespect him, and he acts like 'you should have known better' a lot. but he can help you, and he will protect you. He can also find ways of manifesting himself if you ask him. But the only time I've seen it, I was terrified beyond belief (although, in my dreams, he presents himself as being extremely immaculate and incredibly handsome.)
Good luck. Like I said, feel free to PM me or ask me whatever. You aren't alone. Don't be afraid of him.
So many shades of white
So many shades of pale
I know how to cut
A wound that will not heal
So many shades of pale
I know how to cut
A wound that will not heal