Unexplainable Badluck with magick

[Gzyne]

I am hoping to find someone in similar situation as I am, or one who can explain things or provide help.
I was raised a pentecostal Christian and was very passionate about the things of God until it reached a point in my teens when I began to experience lots of emotional problems. It was at this point that I needed the peace and comfort religion promises, but I couldn't seem to find it. I realised that my enthusiasm about spiritual things wasn't rewarded with a connection. No matter how long and hard I prayed, I didn't get any message or comfort from God. I hear about other people receiving ministration from the holy spirit, but I never had any experience like that. Realising this gave me a sort of inferiority complex. I questioned my faith and and began to explore other paths. I read other religious books that aren't Christian with the hope of finding truth and a connection with the divine, but things remained the same.
Close to my late teens, I discovered that a body flaw I had that was making me depressed was not hereditary but was a result of unfortunate circumstances during infancy. It's one thing to know you have an unusual head shape, it is also another thing to know that you weren't created that way but Plagiocephaly happened. This made me seek spiritual comfort even more. After years of praying without answers or a sign. I decide to look into what magick has to offer. I read some materials on spirits and what they are capable of. I familiarised myself with the processes involved, and after much studying, I felt I was ready to summon a spirit to help me. Through research, I identified 3 spirits capable of giving me the miracle I badly needed. They are Chenor (The wish granter), Marbas (From the Goetia) and Barashakushu (Necronomicon). Over a period of 2 years, I have been trying to make contact with these spirits. I have tried everything ranging from conventional rituals to desperate and less cautious approaches. All have failed. Not a sign, no nothing. In between I have been trying some meditation to develop my astral senses but it changed nothing. My will is strong and the purpose is important. I don't understand why spirits seem to ignore me. It's like getting snubbed by the gods of every religion. It made me even wonder if the supernatural exists at all. But based on the stories of others, I know it does. My case seem to be different.

[Desecrated]

So you tried a little bit of meditation and it didn't help?

You're like one of those guys that goes on a diet for 2 weeks and then complain when you don't have instant abs.

-

Honestly, it doesn't sound like magic is for you, You would probably be better of going to some self-help seminar and getting a a good psychiatrist to talk with.
Your attitude sucks, your self-confidence sucks, you seem conflicted, weak and lost. Why would an immortal being want to talk to you? Why are you mixing different spirits from different traditions? Have you even read the entire goetica and follow all the instructions? 2 years of trying? That's nothing. Try 2-3years of practicing before even trying.

[corvidus]

The purpose of your pursuit might be clear to you, but... what is the point of your thread again? Self-esteem issues based on your head shape?

At least, that's all I'm getting from it..

[Caerdon]

So, you familiarized yourself with a process and then decided to go balls-deep into attempting to summon entities that are, clearly, above your level of skill?
Yeah, you'll be disappointed for a while until you learn that it takes alot of practical practice instead of just becoming familiar with a process. There are sooo many things you need to learn and practice first before you should even think about tackling something like this. You have senses to develop, skills to learn, disciplines to follow and accumulate.
You can't just read about something and expect to do it in regards to magick. There are alot of things between studying and reading to successfully preforming a spell. You wouldn't expect to read the process of fighting with a sword and being a master swordsman as soon as you pick up a blade for the first time. You'd have to still put in the legwork before you can claim that with actual practice and -most importantly- developing the proper skills and disciplines and foundations.

[Napoli]

It is not always easy to get contact from spirits that is tangible. You have to open up your perception abilities, like your Third Eye and the likes. Occasionally, it takes time to get the attention or response from the spirits. If you really want to continue with your work, I think you need to train yourself more and give it more time. Many times spirits do hear you but prefer to remain silent, either working in the background or wanting to see your dedication.

You know, you should not lack self-confidence just because of what you perceive to be your defect . Confidence is something that only you can cultivate. I understand where you are coming from. We have many things in common. These beings may or may not grant you your desires, but you should not rely on these beings or anyone for the matter, for your peace of mind. Best of luck [thumbup] .