Becoming aware of something strange...

[Kami]

I've always had a hunch about this,
But I couldn't go through with believing this:

Ever notice how when you accept a gift,
Moments later - a force the opposite of happiness,
Comes along and infects the area,
All of a sudden - the people who just gained your trust *again*,
Does something that just - grr - angers you.

That phenomenon is stuck on repeat,
Why is that?

I know how to combat this force,
A force no one *besides us* can detect.

This is how I do so:

1.) Stay angry and reject everyone and everything,
If I stay that way - I can't fall prey to that force,
Anything bad that happens only justifies my state of mind.
Or...
2.) Turn everything I perceive - into comedy.

Else - I don't know how to combat it.

...

I ain't complainin' aight. lol

What I'm asking - is what the hell is going on in the background?

It makes me question free will.

I see an all too familiar behaviour of people being enacted everyday that I can't honestly believe they are blind to a force that controls them through emotions.

It's hard to explain. Ugh.

Sorry if I confused y'all.

[Desecrated]

This is not "Normal" behavior. This is something that is specifically tied to you.
Have you tried talking to a professional?

[cactusjack543]

reminds me of some of the writtings on my rock babalon and family company around produce 100 years extra of athizm 9 5 jobs.... no pain only comfort zone for next 100 years lighters and gas for the children of mankind for 100 years backed up when going to the washroom and sitting on the front room chair I keep records....

[Kami]

This is not "Normal" behavior. This is something that is specifically tied to you.
Have you tried talking to a professional?

You mean a therapist?
Yeah - it's a no go.

I thought it was something specifically tied to me to.

But what I meant was,
Whenever I am finally at peace,
Something comes along and ruins it.

It can be from me unconsciously setting myself up,
Or it can happen straight from nothing.

And I think you understand what I am talking about.

Again it is my fault for being not so detailed.

It's not only with this either,
I can see a certain behaviour that takes control of everyone *including me at times*,
Once they become emotional - they become irrational.

Trust me - I know there is something wrong with me,
But it isn't what you think.

The only problems I am aware of are:
1.) O.C.D.
2.) A.D.D.
3.) Can't relate to the norm.
4.) Chooses unconventional methods to cope with reality - because they actually work and they don't make you feel stupid or special.
5.) Germ-o-phobe - unless I am in the "mating" mood. lol

The world is a waste of time - because they choose to follow rules that don't make a whole lot of sense.
Tradition,
And they all loath shortcuts in life.

I always felt like free will is an illusion,
Just because I felt like I made a desicion,
Doesn't mean I made it.

But that's just a mind f* I came up with.

It lead me to analyze things so well,
That it makese seem like I am complaining,
But really I am tired of living with such forces.

I cannot control people,
Cannot tell them what is right and what is wrong,
I just have to watch them mess up,
It's like living in the matrix,
It feels like it's all a dream,
Like people are just programs that were desigined to imitate someone with actual free will.

And don't get me wrong - I mess up too,
But at least I learn from it,
But not my family nor friends.

...

I hope you know what I am talking about now,
I can totally choose to be happy regardless of such forces,
But I am the type of person who needs a reason,
I'm not Ghandi... I cannot just be happy for no reason.

xD

...

Edit: At first I thought maybe - it was spiritual warfare that I talked about in the past,
And it could be,
Or something to do with morphic resonance - to some degree,
But i.d.k. what it is besides what psychology calls it: Social Behaviour; One Minded Groups.

[Desecrated]

You mean a therapist?
Yeah - it's a no go.

Why not?

But what I meant was,
Whenever I am finally at peace,
Something comes along and ruins it.

That's because you allow it to. Also, that isn't not peace, it's temporary content.
That nagging feeling you get in your stomach when you finally buy something that you've always wanted and your brain kinda goes "no what". That is suffering. Suffering because there is already a new desire being born.

I can see a certain behaviour that takes control of everyone *including me at times*,
Once they become emotional - they become irrational.

Yes. That's humans in a nutshell.

The world is a waste of time

The world is what you make it. Don't concern yourself with what others do and concentrate on yourself.

I always felt like free will is an illusion,
Just because I felt like I made a desicion,
Doesn't mean I made it.

That is a philosophical question that shouldn't necessary cause you any emotional pain.
Just because we have free will doesn't mean that we are completely free from the chain of events. Just because there are influences doesn't mean that everything is determined.

But that's just a mind f* I came up with.
It lead me to analyze things so well,
That it makese seem like I am complaining,
But really I am tired of living with such forces.

Stop thinking so much. Do some meditation.

I cannot control people,
Cannot tell them what is right and what is wrong,
I just have to watch them mess up,
It's like living in the matrix,
It feels like it's all a dream,
Like people are just programs that were desigined to imitate someone with actual free will.

You're not supposed to be able to control them or tell them how to live their life. In fact, everything I've just written, you're going to ignore.

And don't get me wrong - I mess up too,
But at least I learn from it,
But not my family nor friends.

It is easier to see mistakes in others. Also, some of the things you might think is your strong side other think of as mistakes, and the other way around. Maybe you see a behavior that is causing them problem, but they like their behavior. Even though it causes them problem.
I'm stubborn, I like being stubborn, it gets me into a lot of trouble, I should probably stop being stubborn, but quitting is for losers.

...

I hope you know what I am talking about now,
I can totally choose to be happy regardless of such forces,
But I am the type of person who needs a reason,
I'm not Ghandi... I cannot just be happy for no reason.

Ghandi wasn't very ghandi either, he was a bit of a racist, made his wife unhappy and almost never brushed his teeth. The reason people look up to him is because he sacrificed himself to a higher goal and a lot of people see that as inspirational.

Happy isn't something one get because of a situation. Happiness is a state of being, what you are looking for is being content.

...

Edit: At first I thought maybe - it was spiritual warfare that I talked about in the past,
And it could be,
Or something to do with morphic resonance - to some degree,
But i.d.k. what it is besides what psychology calls it: Social Behaviour; One Minded Groups.

It's the inability to truly understand other human beings, so they appear to us as being empty shells. You see the forest because of the trees, but you don't see the roots and you don't see the ongoing process. To us, it looks like trees are just standing still, doing nothing, but they are part of a large ecosystem.
Humans are the same. They appear simple, almost stupid, stuck in a loop on an endless repeat. But that's because you don't see the internal process that is going on. You don't see the slow maturing and complexity that goes on inside people. And not all of them wants to show you that either. When we meet other people we put up an empty generic mask that we think others feel safe with.
So what you are seeing is the empty generic faces of a suffering and terrified masses.

[Kami]

You mean a therapist?
Yeah - it's a no go.

Why not?

But what I meant was,
Whenever I am finally at peace,
Something comes along and ruins it.

That's because you allow it to. Also, that isn't not peace, it's temporary content.
That nagging feeling you get in your stomach when you finally buy something that you've always wanted and your brain kinda goes "no what". That is suffering. Suffering because there is already a new desire being born.

I can see a certain behaviour that takes control of everyone *including me at times*,
Once they become emotional - they become irrational.

Yes. That's humans in a nutshell.

The world is a waste of time

The world is what you make it. Don't concern yourself with what others do and concentrate on yourself.

I always felt like free will is an illusion,
Just because I felt like I made a desicion,
Doesn't mean I made it.

That is a philosophical question that shouldn't necessary cause you any emotional pain.
Just because we have free will doesn't mean that we are completely free from the chain of events. Just because there are influences doesn't mean that everything is determined.

But that's just a mind f* I came up with.
It lead me to analyze things so well,
That it makese seem like I am complaining,
But really I am tired of living with such forces.

Stop thinking so much. Do some meditation.

I cannot control people,
Cannot tell them what is right and what is wrong,
I just have to watch them mess up,
It's like living in the matrix,
It feels like it's all a dream,
Like people are just programs that were desigined to imitate someone with actual free will.

You're not supposed to be able to control them or tell them how to live their life. In fact, everything I've just written, you're going to ignore.

And don't get me wrong - I mess up too,
But at least I learn from it,
But not my family nor friends.

It is easier to see mistakes in others. Also, some of the things you might think is your strong side other think of as mistakes, and the other way around. Maybe you see a behavior that is causing them problem, but they like their behavior. Even though it causes them problem.
I'm stubborn, I like being stubborn, it gets me into a lot of trouble, I should probably stop being stubborn, but quitting is for losers.

...

I hope you know what I am talking about now,
I can totally choose to be happy regardless of such forces,
But I am the type of person who needs a reason,
I'm not Ghandi... I cannot just be happy for no reason.

Ghandi wasn't very ghandi either, he was a bit of a racist, made his wife unhappy and almost never brushed his teeth. The reason people look up to him is because he sacrificed himself to a higher goal and a lot of people see that as inspirational.

Happy isn't something one get because of a situation. Happiness is a state of being, what you are looking for is being content.

...

Edit: At first I thought maybe - it was spiritual warfare that I talked about in the past,
And it could be,
Or something to do with morphic resonance - to some degree,
But i.d.k. what it is besides what psychology calls it: Social Behaviour; One Minded Groups.

It's the inability to truly understand other human beings, so they appear to us as being empty shells. You see the forest because of the trees, but you don't see the roots and you don't see the ongoing process. To us, it looks like trees are just standing still, doing nothing, but they are part of a large ecosystem.
Humans are the same. They appear simple, almost stupid, stuck in a loop on an endless repeat. But that's because you don't see the internal process that is going on. You don't see the slow maturing and complexity that goes on inside people. And not all of them wants to show you that either. When we meet other people we put up an empty generic mask that we think others feel safe with.
So what you are seeing is the empty generic faces of a suffering and terrified masses.

You're better at this than my therapist. O.o

Thank you for taking the time help me unserstand that.

I read all of that and you are absolutely correct...

...

You mean a therapist?
Yeah - it's a no go.

Why not?

Because...
I don't need therapy,
What I need is a good hypnotist and a psychologist.

I need them because I feel there are things I am not consciously aware of that happened to me in my past that could account for my behaviour and perception of the world.

And also - I wanted to see if they could find something out about myself that I don't already know.

My therapist is a fine therapist,
It is just that her suggestions make me feel "crazy",
Just gow that book called: E.F.T. - Emotional Freeing Techniques,
Makes anyone *mostly* who tries the book's suggestions - feel stupid.

...

Anyways - thanks for helping me see. ~

[Desecrated]

And also - I wanted to see if they could find something out about myself that I don't already know.

ZaZen meditation can do that. Basically just sit still, breath and don't think about anything. After a couple of weeks you'll be amazed what kind of stuff your brain is prepared to throw at you.

[Hoodedrat]

Ever notice how when you accept a gift,
Moments later - a force the opposite of happiness,
Comes along and infects the area,
All of a sudden - the people who just gained your trust *again*,
Does something that just - grr - angers you.

This isn't an external phenomenon, its internal. I suffer from a similar occurrence but rather than being centered on people it's centered around moments of personal victories. The human mind being flawed tends to open itself up to failure and dissapoitment following moments of elation. This is due to the fact that we lower or guard and subconsciously cease to work as hard as we previously had (in your case on your relationships) distracted as we are by egotism and happiness.

I know how to combat this force,
a force no one besides "us" can detect.

I must reiterate that this isn't an experience targeting only the spiritually aware. It's a common flaw intrinisc to all humans, and it appears to me that you don't actually know how to overcome it. Humans are all flawed, including yourself. I would not be surprised if one of your associates had harbored similar feelings about you. As someone who considers them self a somewhat skilled empath i can say the best way to not be disappointed is to try and understand others without projecting your own personality onto them.

What I'm asking - is what the hell is going on in the background?

It makes me question free will.

The very same free will that you question. You do not understand others because you are only looking at them from your perspective. People, just like the world, are a collection of fractal personalities and perspectives vying against each other.

The world is a waste of time - because they choose to follow rules that don't make a whole lot of sense.
Tradition,
And they all loath shortcuts in life.

I cannot control people,
Cannot tell them what is right and what is wrong,
I just have to watch them mess up,
It's like living in the matrix,
It feels like it's all a dream,
Like people are just programs that were desigined to imitate someone with actual free will.

You're right to a certain extent. The world IS like the matrix; just not in the way you believe. The problem you're experiencing is that you're trying to break away from the world using magic as an escape. The problem with this is that magic is just as much a part of the world as anything else is. There is no way to break free of the universe from within it (at least to my knowledge) and even if you could I imagine it would be very VERY unpleasant.

We as humans are made up of patterns just like computer programs are designed via code. What you might think is right and wrong may not necessarily be what others do. As a creature of patterns yourself your personality (aka programming) might be opposed to someone elses. Most magic isn't about hacking the patterns of the world, it's about discovering patterns and programming that we were not previously aware of to help us reach our potential. Just like in the movie the Matrix though, people can't be forced to see these patterns unless they're willing too and the conditions are right.

I think it's important to state here that the Matrix is a great metaphor for magic in general. Neo WASN'T the one in the first movie. Why? Because he was still limited by his preconceptions about the world and was not able to utilize his ability to manipulate the code of the Matrix fully. In reality anyone could be the one, as evidenced by the other candidates who could perform acts similar to Neo. It's all a matter of perspective.

Change your perspective and all your problems will dissapear. Perspective is the key to understanding and understanding is the key to magic.

[PoisonPen]

In Japanese, there are many ways of saying "thank you," but all of them express some level of hostility. Most of them translate into some variation of, "I now feel a sense of obligation to you."

This is why gratefulness is so toxic, and why it's important to always give the opportunity for people to reciprocate acts of kindness. No one wants to feel obliged to someone else. As Cervantes put it in Don Quixote, "Happy the man to whom heaven has given a morsel of bread for which he is obliged to thank heaven alone."