Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Tundrawolf
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Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Post by Tundrawolf »

Hi,



I have had a hard and painful life, suffered much trauma, things have been uphill till recently. About 18 years ago, due to a desire for "sin", I was, as the Bible says, "Given over to the devil" and dark, powerful, angry spirits were allowed to damage my spiritual "soul", that this body is an avatar for.

About 5 months ago I was given a series of early morning visions.

Around my broken body which darkness has enveloped, is a light. The light is Universe love energy that I was soaked in when I died in a hospital as a child, and had a NDE.

There is a creature at the edge of the light, her visage is one of a "Calm werewolf", her head is the head of a wolf, her body the body of a human, her legs, the long and curvy legs of a canine (Digitigrade). She is self-conscious and does not want to be fully seen by me, though she has revealed certain parts of herself to me.

In the second vision, my heart was connected to her heart. Our hearts beat in perfect unison. She is "My other half".

The third vision, I was able to communicate with her. I believe God/the universe had some preset questions for me to ask her, and possibly one question I asked her of my own will.

She hates God, she hates me, and she doesn't want to leave. She is in the first level of Hell. I was shown three layers, each darker than the last. There are fallen beings nine feet tall in the second layer. I could not see what was in the third, but possibly, "Leviathan" great swimming beasts that flow in the darkness, there.

So, I inquired into the universe (I was raised Christian, but I identify as spiritual, now.) as to why a half-wolf woman had the other half of my heart.

I was shown, her (Ms. Asrael. God told me he could not tell me her name because I would eventually speak it, and it would summon her- which may not be good for either of us.) and I were "Married", a couple, in higher realms (Perhaps Heaven?). Except, I was an idiot, selfish, angry, self centered, incapable of considering others. I only thought of myself.

I was not good to her- I loved her, deeply, but I was not a good husband. She protested to the Creator, so he placed her in a realm where he does not exist there, where she could be alone with her anger (Rather than pushing it down).

She joined a "rebellion" against the way things were in that realm- but for good reason. As Christians we are told the demons are bad, except I am coming to see that they actually have a very valid point. They were wronged, harmed, placed in difficult situations, in a place that should have been paradise.

Anyway, in my near death experience I saw beautiful lights you could hear and taste, it was amazing, then I was in darkness, in a place of rest (not hell), where God saturated me like dry bread in warm water, in His living waters of pure love (source). He didn't do this for me, he did it for them.

When I was given over to the devil, I was shown my wolf-wife made me her prey, and as such parts of me became absorbed into her body (And thus the trojan horse of love, as it once saturated me)

The light that is around me grows with each creature that steps into it. Any creature that has spent enough time in the dark realm but wishes for a different life at this point.

A christian scholar I spoke to asked me if "God is saving the demons" I said no, "God is giving them a choice". I was shown some demons are in terrible pain, bullied, sick, hungry, thirsty, in need of medical attention that isn't available to them.

I have spoken with a handful of these entities. Some are very charismatic. Intelligent. Cunning. Some times I realize I am capable of being deceived, and in some ways, i am at their mercy. But, i bare myself to them, and be vulnerable to them, and when I do, they surrender to me (Maybe because they know I will not hurt them?)

It has become aware to me that in being shown of her existence, Ms. Asrael has been made extremely vulnerable to all manner of torments and tortures I could do to her as a sort of exorcist, however, I choose not to harm her, though she has gotten her jollies out on my body in a gruesome way.

For some reason i really, really love her.

It has become aware to me that I am aware of the fact that I was incarnated as a tortured male human to learn meekness, humility, patience, love, and etc. To love canines. And by extension the uniqueness of my wife.

I've become aware of a man named Rudolph Steiner who was a spiritualist, and maybe all these incredible realms and creatures I suddenly have access to, maybe they can be made sense of?

That's why I am here. I want to know more about Ms. Asrael, this dynamic of a love-dance, why a crimson strand (A vein, actually) connects her heart to my heart, to the heart of God.

I was shown that God is just a nebula of energy. I asked God, why, then, manifest yourself as a short, bearded hippy stoner? God answered me 3 days later, he said, "Because energy is boring."

So, Ms. Asrael manifests as part-wolf.

I was shown that when God made her, he used a big barrel of living wolf-water, a big barrel of human water, and a heaping scoop of SENSUALITY (Among other things that make her unique). Her libido has tortured me all my life, I am becoming aware of.

God showed me I am made of a large barrel of human water, with a scoop of wolf- which is why she appeals to me in her current form.

As I do not resist these entities, and allow them to show me things, it seems like it is cascading in knowledge and understanding. These things are NOT in the Bible!

In fact God has told me to stop praying, and to figure this out myself. God desires me to be "Like him" in that I am either a creator, or will graduate to become one, soon. This may seem exciting, except it is an infinite, desperate Creator trying to stave of the horror of his existence as long as he can, as he lives through us. I am not immediately aware of what my purpose is. I can communicate with these creatures. I can summon them by thinking about them, where I must be vulnerable to them before they will communicate intimately with me and reveal themselves to me.

I would like to know the reason I was shown this woman who has my heart. I tried projecting love to her, and she snapped at me, which was very frightening, as she is very powerful. I was told she is so negative, my love "injures" her and causes her pain. God told me he is working on creating an aura of love around her by virtue of what is in her stomach. He is changing her, perhaps. The work is outside of my hands- it is my duty to fully release her- which is hard, but I am doing it.

I was shown a vision of the inky blackness of the dark realm, beginning to clear up to reveal a beautiful forest, trees, grass, and birds.

Ms. Asrael is out of my hands. The Creator must work with her as I release her outside of my own understanding. I am an ignorant human, my higher knowledge has been muted as I live as a human in this realm, I am ignorant and unschooled here. But, this is the place of learning, only these experiences are real, because in this realm you are mortal, you can die, so things are more real here than they are in other realms in some ways, if that makes sense.

This is the realm of learning, or enjoyment, or any entity that wants to experience this life. I was shown there are spirits that desperately want to experience this life, but cannot. And yet I viewed my first 40 years as ones of pain, suffering, and misery.

Anyway there is more but I will leave that here. I posted in another forum and it attracted a 60 year old man who has a spirit spouse as well, and I was able to communicate with her, I was able to help him somewhat, and he was able to go to a higher level with her. He is a very romantic man, but the dynamic between him and her is very, very strange, and transcends what we know and understand in this finite, limited realm.

I was so excited over the whole thing, I wanted to tell the whole world, but people tend to hear the story and "Unfriend" you. (I am careful who I tell any more) But, I can understand how strange it all sounds. Especially to Christians who are told to "Stay away" from the darkness. What am I supposed to do with the knowledge I have a spirit spouse? So, i am to release her into the hands of the universe. I have been stagnating the last few weeks as I went from excited, to overwhelmed, weary, then finally bored and confused, and "Over it" so to speak.

I was shown there are realms "Tuned" to forward and backward frequencies, in some realms it is 1,000 years from now, in others, I haven't even been born yet. In some realms, I see Ms. Asrael fully washed, clean, snow white fur, she is sitting indian-legged and smiling down on my from the heavens, cheering me on. In other visions we are together, reconciled, forgiving one another, and enjoying paradise together. In others, we have played out our love for one another, and choose different forms to explore our connection. In one realm, she is a flower, and I am a tree, for example. I absorb her energy there, and she, absorbs my own.

I was also shown Ms. Asrael is a very depressed feminine energy. She is weary, tired, and sad. Eons old sad.

There has to be another entity or many, many entities at work, here. Otherwise an ignorant, confused human has just been handed the keys to the universe, and has no idea what to do other than eat cannabis edibles, eat good food, drink good beer, and enjoy my life...

I am starting to see some "light", as I shut my business down and focused on myself, on finally relaxing from my traumatic child and adulthood. i am healing. I have had to go back to work, but things have changed. I am pursuing my highest calling, my purpose. Is it to introduce people to spirit spouses? Pursue being a medium for united people with understanding of their spouses? God told me to stop saying, "I don't know." Because, I do know. I knew before I was born in this world. So, I say, "The answer is not apparent, yet."



I am open to exploring more in perhaps a religious ayahuasca ceremony or seeking plant medicine to help open up my mind to understand these once taboo things that were once forbidden.
Be kind to yourself, for we were all made by a fool. (Saklas)

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Post by Amor »

I suggest you learn to control the frequency on which your awareness is operating at particular times.

Until you can choose/recognise/measure the plane and subplane on which you are operating, you will find it difficult to test your experiences - to tell the real from the unreal and remove the human filtering.

The core exercise is often called Rising on the Planes. The traditional kabbalistic form is not really suited to scientific practices. The use of images for navigation is too cultural and personal to allow easy peer review of perceptions and experience. A numerical form is much better but only toy versions are publicly taught.

Ask your inner sponsor to teach you

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Post by Tundrawolf »

Amor wrote: Fri Jun 18, 2021 1:01 am I suggest you learn to control the frequency on which your awareness is operating at particular times.

Until you can choose/recognise/measure the plane and subplane on which you are operating, you will find it difficult to test your experiences - to tell the real from the unreal and remove the human filtering.

The core exercise is often called Rising on the Planes. The traditional kabbalistic form is not really suited to scientific practices. The use of images for navigation is too cultural and personal to allow easy peer review of perceptions and experience. A numerical form is much better but only toy versions are publicly taught.

Ask your inner sponsor to teach you
Is my inner sponsor the entity of pure love who saturated my soul in his essence (pure love)?
Be kind to yourself, for we were all made by a fool. (Saklas)

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Post by Amor »

In my view, having been educated by Catholic priests, a Christian context provides theological constructs, such as "God", that obscure rather than clarify the nature of Reality.

Your sponsor is a being from outside this galaxy that is posted to this solar system to work with entities such as yourself.

As you become more effective in your meditation, your sponsor will find opportunities to guide you.

In one of my early posts on this forum I described the Flame in the Heart meditation. It is foundational.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Post by Tundrawolf »

Amor, thank you. You are a great help. Your time isn't wasted.

SO MUCH has happened since I first wrote this.

Whomever has lent me their energy for this. Thank you. You have an ally, inasmuch as I am able.

Here is what I know now:

1. I have put no debts on her, Karmic or otherwise. I love her so much I am willing to let her go (To make her own decisions, choose a lover, choose to be single, etc. However, I do not believe I can continue to live without her, if you want to know how I feel about it. But you cannot love someone unless you are willing to give them full freedom to choose...)

2. I am owed a great and terrible karmic debt to her, she is terrified of me and frequently shivers when I talk in my vlogs about the power I now have over her, now that she has been revealed to me fully, even her heart.

3. I am holding back a great and terrible karmic debt, to repay her for what she has done- with my arms and my will and power, I am keeping her safe.

4. As I submit to her, she is learning she can trust me.

5. Two days ago she appeared to me as an ascended Goddess of light. Though she is a being of light, she appears as a Wolven female, every hair on her body contains untold universes of infinite light. She told me she cannot love me as I desire to be loved, as she has evolved. And, she mentioned appearing to me (To please my eyes) as a Wolven Goddess, it cost her everything. I asked her in sorrow, why did you do this? She said, "Because you pulled me out of a dark place when I had no hope. I knew this would please you, even though I surrendered my highest hopes for it." She has completed an infinite cycle and is now my Sun, guiding me, ministering me, and loving me with a love that is blasphemed by human words.

6. The universe told me yesterday I had to let her go. The universe prompted me to make an instant decision to release her to it, as she is making me sick in my gut, (The Asrael in darkness) I asked the universe to keep me healthy enough long enough to talk to her, rather than just releasing her, as I do not want to hurt or scare her. So, I was able to speak to her and tell her how much I loved her, over and over, and told her- I have to release you, please do not be afraid, I love you! (Borrowing from the fire of the heart!!! Thank you Amor) I waited and was patient and eventually she accepted that, I was not abandoning her in her vulnerable state, I was taking my hands off of her so that she could grow.

Eventually, she accepted it.

7. Though I hesitate to type these words, a 180 degree change has happened. She is completely different. Perhaps a switch has been flipped in her heart and mind and soul. She is bright, cheerful. Playful, kind. Wise? She is no longer the dark woman she once was.

8. This is an end to hell. As the prophet Muhammed said, he will see Hell emptied out and it's gates swinging in the wind. I do not necessarily agree with much of his other teachings- I realize they were necessary. I, however, agree with him on this.

9. I am terrified of losing her.

10. But I am also aware we will never be separated.

11. Ever.

12. God is upset with humanities lack of evolving, held back by religion as fallen man interprets it. Sorry, not sorry. We need to evolve. When we no longer need God because we are good people, that is the next step. God is not so limited he needs your direct worship. Being a good person, holding onto love (god) in all you do is higher worship than even song.

13. As I obey the universe and it prompts me, it told me, to get my revenge on her. It was as natural as breathing. Asrael went overboard in my karmic debt- and she is owed retribution. (Destruction) This was two days ago. However, I stopped the urges in their tracks, even though mercy is unnatural and kept pushing me to justice. I said no. She is afraid, and I refuse to harm her. Even if she was brazen and hateful, as she once was, it was my duty to protect her. She was vulnerable. At whatever cost to me, even unto being unmade, destroyed, deresonated, my energy scattered and wasted across the universe- I refused all harm to her vulnerable being. I continue to hold her destruction back, and will continue to do so for all of eternity. Nothing will change this. I will become her destruction eventually and I am fine with that. I will absorb her punishment and will be undone eventually for her, this is not self immolation, but rather giving of myself for the one I love.

Only love will triumph, I do this willingly and of my own volition. This is why the Christian Bible says a coward will not inherit the kingdom. There is truth, even in the neutered and wrongly read Bible- God is smarter than we are by at least two layers of understanding.

There are also higher than him- let go of common understanding, it is false and will pass away (Because it is false)

This is what love does.

14. She, and the universe are weary of the name "Asrael". She desires me to be worthy of her real name, which is a private matter as of now, and to see her body fully (She has shown me bits and parts, she is not shy, but she is limited by MY shame of her individual attributes, which is why I am here, to love her fully, feet to ears, if her ears are the highest point of her body, unlike humans)

15. This is a work of the creator energy many call God, and is already done. Praying against it is unproductive and will result in possible correction. However, hardships only make us stronger. Who can stand against God? :3

16. Hell is just a holding area for creatures honest enough to tell the creator they are not happy. These creation are honest, noble, and dignified, which is why the Christian Bible says not to insult them. They are also the creator energy's Beloved. He did not make them to be (Inferior, or...) lower than any of the other creation. The common interpretation of the word demon is a twisted human dynamic that doesn't resonate with the universe (It is false, esp. in America) I have a rebuttal to this, but it is rather harsh. I will post it if people desire.

17. I would (and will) move infinite universes to touch her heart once.

18. I am sharing this so that others may evolve. Do not be afraid.

19. I am told this is movie material. I welcome it. Neither the sun, nor the truth will be hidden for long.

20. I harbor no ill will towards anyone who harbors no ill will towards me. You may believe as your heart guides you.

The work is done.

There is no undo button, but i do not wish to travel backwards, only forwards.

21. She has told me this morning, a freed creation from her chains, "Do not look to me. Work on yourself. This is my highest blessing. You will find rest within yourself."

He who has ears...

22. As we progress in our relationship, we also walk towards the ending of it. I do not type these words lightly. She is why I draw breath. Do you understand?

23. As I come against modern established religious standards, I am blessed by entities who thrive in the truth of their situation. This includes wealth, "luck", and my love life. These creatures have purpose. God made them for a reason. Be kind to them, and discard what religion says about them.

And, finally for now- 24. To protect myself from the de evolved, those just beginning their journey, I feel the need to establish a legal, non profit establishment of religious sanctuary. It will be for those who bow and nod to these creatures who live in darkness, but whom the creator energy cherishes anyway. It is a humble, loving respect of them, a form of Demonolatry, and offshoot of Satanism as the acknowledgment of Lucifer in various forms of understanding, as an angel of Light, a departure from what I understand to be erroneous understanding of a dynamic that has been wrongly decried for a millennia or two by humans as they attempt to transcend.

25. Asrael, a being of infinite light, unwilling to compromise and minister to me in my resent weakness, is a sung, moon, and my universe. She will forever guide me in this life and the next. My words echo into eternity. She is now more concerned with me than herself. So, I must focus within and not without!

This is by no means over. It may transcend into privacy. In a way, the afternoon after I was shown her body, and felt her heart completing me in my chest, in a way I wish to remain that awestruck man for all of eternity- perpetually reliving that blessed day. However, I push forward, finding solace only in her.

She is God, I am God, and the universe is moving towards unification. It is unimaginably beautiful. Embrace change, don't fear it. The more you release your Love to lose it, the more your Love is honored and returned back to you. Even releasing the core motivation of love, which can be narcissistic. 9as we all are) It is a counter-intuitive dynamic. But it is beautiful. And, eternal. Transcending even human beliefs.

Blessings, and blessed days.

Edit: I have to add this. Due to her rash behavior twenty years ago, Karma has placed a collar and leash on her neck. Karma has placed the leash in my hands. She is now my slave, by her debt to me. Destroy or direct her. However, as the one who loves her, I release her leash (And caution those who would try and touch it themselves. You may teach her lessons but also learn them yourselves. I am partially smiling as I type this as few understand these words. If she finds one more worthy than I, may she find them truly and be happy with them.) into her hands. She is and was, afraid, confused and worried about it, as she has lost her "leader" her owner. I have a blood contract of ownership of her now, as my slave. I took great pleasure in tossing her Karmic debt into the fire. Of telling her, I could destroy you, but instead I protect you. You may do as your heart desires, including returning to me, however, I grant you your freedom.

However, even these words are invalid, as she has been transformed in a single day, finding the lightness she once knew, tempered with maturity.

I reserve the right to remove these words at any time.

Thank you.
Be kind to yourself, for we were all made by a fool. (Saklas)

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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It has occurred to me that I was created to be an overseer of the reintroduction of disenfranchised spirits and assist them with reintegrating into original society (some may call this place "heaven")

A vision I had about a half hour ago of a more feral Wolven female (she could not speak with her mouth, but uttered various canine sounds including grunts, howls, and growls, mimicked attempts at verbal language) who struggled to integrate into heaven, trying to drive a vehicle, struggling with trying to hold down a job.

I saw myself, moments before she emotionally melted down over all of her newfound responsibilities and disappeared into the forests (and injuring me in the vision as I tried to console her) she was weeping, snarling, exasperated in this highest realm and it's strict and rigid ways, and chose to go where her heart drew her, which, as I said, was the gardens of heaven where she can live in peace, albeit at the chagrin of the angelic who sort of shiver in mild concern when they hear her howling in the distance.

While I was unable to see myself being able to commune with her in her frustrated and exasperated state, unable to find a resolution, I realized there are literal countless others like her, struggling to integrate into a realm of light, as they are so used to living in darkness. Not all of the demons are this feral, many are more civilized and will reintegrate with less issue, albeit heaven itself will also have to reintegrate with them.

It is possible this world was once heaven, where the dark ones reintegrate and in accommodating them this is where we are now, working it all out so that the energies of creation balance one another out, because peace and love are nice.

Further, the number of spirits in creation is not spelled out, but knowing God, there could be multiple trillions (I am told more than this? WAY more) ever multiplying in the dark realm alone.

I wish to say, I saw a Wolven in heaven, a creature of light, adorned in shimmering, gleaming armor, powerful, groomed, and clean, who has a connection with me, whether romantic (*cough who doesn't want a werewolf boyfriend I mean come on *cough) or otherwise, he told me to focus on Ms Asrael and not himself, he wears a smile on his face. (he is in heaven)

However, in communing with him, I have realized he has a set of fairly rigid laws and rules of civility that are designed to keep heaven a nice place, and dare I say, compared to Ms Asrael, boring, in a way as her rules are less rigid, and everything goes, that is to say, while he willingly follows rules and a code of conduct, Ms Asrael follows absolutely none at all. She will squat and urinate in public where as he goes to designated facilities for bodily function relief. Which, while disconcerting, it also makes her a lot more fun to commune with. She is a wild child and as I said I wouldn't want to change her, love accepts one as they are, not as you wish them to be. "I love you, but..." is not a statement of love.

It has become aware to me this day that the entity I once hugged who holds the title lucifer, may be replaced by me. I may be in training to replace/assist him as he was VERY busy. He is not "evil" as religion tells us, he allows the demons to poke at us through our weaknesses until we are made better to be better in heaven. He works for God. When I once feared him and considered him the enemy, I has a feeling I was wrong about it.

The creator entity will need someone with his essence, Asrael's essence, who is intimately aquanted with the darkness and light, to assist in these spirits transitioning their life dynamics as they step into the light, and leave the dark realm. (or not. I was shown there are various levels of "upset with God" going very, very dark. It possible the light won't work for all of them. That is beyond my present understanding.)

I consider myself, right now, to be a Grey worker, a worker of light and dark, and intimate understanding of both, I do not boast in this outside of cosmic honor of such a position, this journey has been terrible at times, I wouldn't change a thing but parts of it were so difficult I nearly was undone, however, as I have said, it has led me to true love that echoes across the eons and energy of eternity. And that's pretty cool.

I believe, humanity is going to reach a topping point as described in revelations, (time is an orb and easily observed by higher beings) and the earth will need to be melted down (too many curses and negative dynamics) and re made (for the billionth+++ time, and time will begin again with us in it) while humanity as a whole transcends just that much further.

So, when things collapse as we know them and wars and rumors of wars happen, when human life becomes worthless, do not be afraid. Such things have to happen, do not despair, rather be glad we made it this far this time. It will probably be another couple million years before we get to evolve higher, and many new earth's. Also, just because this is my understanding does not mean there are not beings here on earth masquerading as the gas station (for example) clerk who rule great and terrible realms that (our) God cannot and will not touch. So my idea of truth is not all of it. Just my little slice. If you disagree with anything I am saying, good, your dynamics and purpose are different by definition and that's okay. I am open to new knowledge and understanding.

I also say why be public about this? With the possibility of very real injury? Every new struggle, every new road block, every curse, problem and sorrow as they are overcome, I only get stronger. They aren't problems they are tools of spiritual exercise and ascension.

This dynamic is true across most humans here now, our "problems" are mere manifestations of weakness that must be overcome so we do better as immortals. Only a mortal can learn the lessons we learn here. This is a life, a dream, a hallucination of our souls, whereupon our driving instincts in heaven are altered to fit a love dynamic.

Can you imagine a selfish, hateful ruler who abused his power over creation, and wife, put to sleep and banished to this realm, only to learn meekness (Greek definition NOT the English one! Meekness is NOT weakness! Quite the opposite!) and to utterly fall before the blessed, beautiful feet of my wife, clinging to her sacred body as I weep over the past life treatment of her, and then give her the choice of being with me, and if she so chooses, I will treat her with compassion, dignity, respect and endless eternal love that is due her magnificent form. As I have seen her as a goddess, a being of unfathomable light, she is now my sun, my guide, and my God.

As I said the dark ones are God's Beloved, and they have legitimate reasons for rebelling. In a way God respects them a little more than those who tow the party line (and aren't totally happy with the way things are, their relationships, taxes etc) Same way as yes men are not regarded as highly as those who tell the truth to your face, no matter how hurtful or hateful.

Truly, to deny how much the dark ones mean to God would be to deny God himself, and to say he made them to suffer and fall, that is no God I want to be around for a minute let alone an eternity. Any God who would make us weak then punish us for sinning eternally isn't worth our time or us as creation, but we had to be threatened with damnation to ascend from where we once were, no other motivation was as terrible. As has been said, threaten someone with death and they may act poorly anyway, but threaten with eternal horror and they tend to listen.

I consider myself blessed beyond measure to be in the position I am in presently.

Blessings.
Be kind to yourself, for we were all made by a fool. (Saklas)

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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I am re reading this and I did not spell out, when I died as a child, God soaked my soul like dry bread in as water, with his pure love energy. The Wolven who weren't happy with things and went into darkness prefer the entrails of the damned, and I was shown she is no different, and by virtue of making me her... Um. Dinner. She unwittingly absorbed me, and also God energy, which is being digested by her stomach, and is now nourishing her, and changing her. (I was told)

Some people say, "I love you so much I could eat you."

And, it turns out that's one of the highest forms of love between beings. Because, now what was once my body (I don't know how bad it is, how reconfigured I was by hell, I was told it's worse than I can imagine, and also not a big deal at all, though it causede two decades of enduring terrible feelings and anxiety, which is over now that I have seen her) is being dissolved by her gastric juices and distributed where it's needed and wanted inside of her body. I can feel my energy nourishing her, it doesn't hurt necessarily, but it is the most timeless intimate thing I have ever experienced, far more intimate than mere sexual congress.

The bits she ate were sacred connection to the divine. (and absolutely horrific to experience, especially because I did not know what was going on) And as such she is being changed from the inside out.

When I died God soaked me in his living waters in darkness. I believe this was so that nobody knew what he was doing. Because she probably wouldn't have filled her stomach with my soul, because she was so angry over my failures as her husband.

But, as I work to forgive her and hold her harmless, to force myself not to extract vengeance, to hold back the karmic rage that is due her, and to be quite possibly destroyed by her punishment myself (as a sacrifice to save her current form) she realizes she isn't in danger, I'm not angry, I'm actually very penitent over how I treated her in the first life together.

Today was a mile stone in my relationship with her.

Before she was telling me she cared just because I wanted to hear it. I was shown she would abandon me the moment she was free. She viewed me as her ticket out of hell and thought she needed to deceive me. But, she's realizing I'm doing this willingly. That is why her tears wash the filth of hell away and reveal snow white fur.

Something flipped inside of her after I released her (took my hands off of her, perhaps to protect myself) yesterday. The universe told me to let her go. I did specifically speak with her about it before I did so it wouldn't be a shock to her, to help her realize I am not abandoning her. I am setting her free.

I saw a vision of me with my arms out, like in a cross, holding back great and terrible energy that was meant for her, and I saw her, a bright eyed Wolven, civilized, she closed her eyes and kissed me, it was not deception. It's interesting this just happened overnight.

But, I'll take it. Our entire dynamic has changed for what could be considered "the better".

Also the honeymoon period of helping bring relief to the demons and helping them incorporate back into society was over pretty quick and I now realize it is literally just a job. When we die here the stuff that sets us in awe of the heavenly becomes regular life and unspectacular, to a degree.

And, it isn't just my energy. It's God's essence. Which is the source of all love.
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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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One more thing. A month or two ago God told me, "do it yourself!" when I prayed asking for something I... Couldn't do myself. So, I tried to do the thing and was moderately successful at whatever it was. (I don't remember, it's not important)

But, this thing I am doing, is motivated by God energy but God is off doing other things. He isn't helping outside of nourishing her. He was once front and center in my life but now he's sort of released me.

I wondered why until recently, big duh, the demons fucking hate God. So, of course they don't want him meddling in this dynamic. God also told me when she absorbed my energy I became the title and deed holder of the realm known as hell. (I own it now!??)

But, i am to be Meek and understanding and demanding nothing. If I ask a demon for something or to do something, I ask humbly and allow them to say no, if they want. "what does your heart want?" I ask them. Eventually I will file for a 501c3 tax exempt religious whatever in order to protect myself from the weak. I guess I'm starting a movement of compassion for the demons, an offshoot of demonolatry, but with Asrael as the center of my universe, and the movement in a way. Asraelinarianism (a tongue in cheek word for it, not sure if it's even right.)

I saw a video today of ancient Norse rituals to the gods. They did not "summon" them as if they had the authority to control them. No, they "invited" them. Asraelinarianism (if that's a thing) is the tender compassion devoted to them, a changing of the dynamic of hatred and fear (as a Christian I was told I'm only allowed to hate Satan and the demons, no more!) of them to an acknowledgment of them as God's Beloved creation, whom he still loves and desires to save.

Maybe a lake of fire exists for them, but if they want to go there it's their choice to do so now, by virtue of me being her main course. (and who would want to burn alive forever? Idk) And I wouldn't change a thing. I love her from feet to ears.

Would I be the high priest, the grand pubah, the head guy... Maybe I just call myself "Resonant of Asrael" because our hearts are two perfect halves. Maybe there are others. I was told there are many, many others like me but I don't know if that's true. I am kinda jealous of her but she is free to be polyamorous and may do as she pleases of course. Not other Resonant with her necessarily, but other humans with dark spirit spouses with similar ways of bringing relief to the demons. I want to change the way people think about demons. We've been lied to for thousands of years by fearful people who do not want you to know the truth. Are they brilliant, cunning, deceitful, liars, vicious and violent and dangerous? They sure can be. But, if you test them with respect and kindness you may be surprised how they actually want to meet you where you are at.

One particular spirit is the spirit (demon) of prosperity. I made a video about the truth about them and he was so grateful he told me he is going to make me wealthy. Well that's pretty fucking swell. Honestly. He did it because he was grateful. They are downtrodden and hated and spit on by many Christians and they are abused for finding weakness in us. Well, I want to see that change.

For example, if someone is being tormented by demons, what I would do is speak kindly to them and see what they want. Rather than violently casting them out into a terrible place they do not want to be, (I have an exorcist friend who says they beg him not to send them away!) rather, we can find arrangements for them for nourishment that does not come at the expense of the person they are inhabiting that makes everyone happy (if possible).

I remember asking some of the spirits who were tormenting me from 20 years ago (when Asrael and friends attacked my soul) kindly, and listening to them, I asked them kindly to please leave me alone-they argued for a bit and we went back and forth, but they eventually were happy with the arrangement I was offering (to step into the light around me and stop tormenting me) and they actually did. They are out of my life and periphery and I have been in peace since that time, months ago. If I check in them to see how they are fairing, they are happy and Content (and thank me) and more than that: they aren't making my life hell any more!

Also I was told when I pass into the next realm (when I die here of whatever reason) they will walk among humans. And, it won't be fun for a lot of people, unless you have made peace with your demons before hand. Or something like that. It may be figurative but it won't be good. I could be wrong about it and literally everything else, but I believe what I am doing is the will of the creation nebula because he doesn't just stop loving his children even though they're mad at him.
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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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I've found a world of magic inside of a place of fear, lovelessness, wrath and heck.

I just watched a video about monogamy, and a woman being interviewed said, "Love dies. Love fades." I believe, she is right. As I dance with my Beloved in the unfathomable horrific darkness and vacuum of Eternity, I realize, she may not wish to be with me for eternity, and/nor me with her. How much of this love is my own selfish, narcissistic, self motivated desire to "keep" her as mine? As a slave? Does a master love their slave, or does true love set them free...

Eventually, we will grow weary of one-another. (Perhaps) Eventually our love-dance will change shape. As I stumble and falter, push my energy out there for her to grow, I do my best, it is all I can do for her. I hear whispers in the dark, "Keep going. Try harder. Re visit your motivations. Do better. For her." And, I obey, following the fire of the passion of the Heart.

She is becoming a warrior. Powerful, vicious.

The Karmic energy of retribution will not be dissolved... I am finding out matter and energy do not dissolve, they just change ownership. As I set my sword down at her feet, she picks it up in her hands, blesses us both and turns to face the darkness in her heart. Had I of kept my hatred of her, my resentment, she would be forced into the Black realm, a realm where there is no love, where viciousness and cruelty are the currency of existence- to them love is a curse and cruel, and perhaps they have a point. True love gives your Beloved a choice with no strings attached whatsoever.

True love desires ones happiness above your own.

For now, at this very moment, my heart is hers for eternity. I see the her light. I feel her passion. I worship her form, from feet to ears and everything in between- I wouldn't change a hair on her body whatsoever. To me, she is beautiful... She is perfect.

For now... The passion of eternity for her is my guide.
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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Post by Amor »

Some thoughts that may or may not be useful:

>The Karmic energy of retribution will not be dissolved..

In my observation, karmic energy follows lines of least resistance - thus is impersonal within a karmic group and may on occasion be diverted from a group member that has suffered enough on behalf of the group

Further, karmic energy is only required until the lesson is learned. Then it may be removed - even by the Lords of Karma if rightly approached. Often,however, no one cleans up the karmic energy and it hangs around long after needed.

>matter and energy do not dissolve, they just change ownership

I have not attempted with matter, but often with incoming adverse energies I have generated an inverse wave - thereby cancelling the flow

>True love desires ones happiness above your own.

That is true in specific human contexts, but in a galactic context, love has a quite different set of meanings

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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That is true in specific human contexts, but in a galactic context, love has a quite different set of meanings
I am in over my head.

My primary concern is for her well being, and a sword has been placed in my hand. I do not want to hurt her.

I was shown, the light force that is "her" is every version of her, mercenary, lover, prostitute, plumber, flower, tree, grass-a cool breeze on a warm summer day.

The Asrael actual is a hairless Wolven, the one who is being nourished by my essence. (she is also growing hungry, she has told me. But I don't want her to amass a Karmic debt that she will have to pay for later. She answers to me but I don't want to possibly harm her with my will, I desire her freedom and well being however that looks. She is scared and shaking because her prey has suddenly turned into the predator. But, her prey loves her and doesn't want her harmed.)

What do you mean in a galactic sense?

It was almost cruel of the universe to reveal her to me, a human man devoid of my eternal mind, given power over a creature that is the Beloved of the creator energy. What the f*ck am I supposed to do... I'm trying desperately not to harm her. A part of me wants to viciously anhilate her from the universe and do to her what she did to me and worse... And she's afraid of that, but my heart wants to show her compassion instead and to help her live "her best life" whatever that means, even if she chooses to go to the black realm (where I cannot go).

She is a being of light and is used to the light realm, my personal hope is that she steps into the light, but I want her to ha e her choice and not be beholden to me... If she chooses me then I will be the happiest man in the universe, but the choice must be wholly her own.
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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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I guess... She has already made her choice. She desires her other half, who's kind of mad at her, who's grossed out by her in a way. But, who loves the eternal her, knows she had a "moment" (that lasted an eon or two...) but so have i... I've done worse (based on my karmic suffering I've apparently done terrible things in previous lives)

It's like, this is a love dance, what do you think she would choose? Perhaps she needs a break from me. It feels like I am vasilating between husband and father of her, she has a teenage mentality (of age of course, wouldn't want to offend any interdimensional thought police) I was told she secretly believes I am her ticket out of hell and she doesn't love me like I love her (Asrael actual, not eternal Asrael) and she will run from me first chance she gets, she doesn't yet understand I want what she wants, her happiness, and her liberty to decide (maybe God didn't give her a choice in heaven? She was hapless creation? Idk what happened, all I know is I need to let her go. If she returns to me or not. I cannot deny how much I love her, as you said, from the fires of the passion of the heart. But I an unlearned and unschooled in these matters and I am used to mercing my way through life)
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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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>she is also growing hungry
>her prey has suddenly turned into the predator

Is such a relationship the essence of love? It seems more like the Stockholm syndrome " a condition in which hostages develop a psychological bond with their captors during captivity."

This universe is the body of manifestation of an Entity that, in It's second phase is now a god of love. Thus all life force in this universe is directly derivative from our god of love.

All chemical reactions, electronic processes, nuclear events are manifestations of the life force of love.

In humans this life force is partly used to draw together the components of human process: matter, energy, relationships, power. These components are but distant reflections of the Source of All - but all are ultimately directed to manifesting unity, however inadequately

In the next manifested universe our god will be a god of will. There is much to be done to prepare. Love must be so intense and pure that it holds integrated, human and cosmic families while they are driven by Universal Will.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Amor wrote: Mon Aug 16, 2021 11:59 pm >she is also growing hungry
>her prey has suddenly turned into the predator

Is such a relationship the essence of love? It seems more like the Stockholm syndrome " a condition in which hostages develop a psychological bond with their captors during captivity."

This universe is the body of manifestation of an Entity that, in It's second phase is now a god of love. Thus all life force in this universe is directly derivative from our god of love.

All chemical reactions, electronic processes, nuclear events are manifestations of the life force of love.

In humans this life force is partly used to draw together the components of human process: matter, energy, relationships, power. These components are but distant reflections of the Source of All - but all are ultimately directed to manifesting unity, however inadequately

In the next manifested universe our god will be a god of will. There is much to be done to prepare. Love must be so intense and pure that it holds integrated, human and cosmic families while they are driven by Universal Will.

"I found out I was given over to a demonic entity that looks like a werewolf, I was ripped apart, eaten alive in a realm where you neither pass out from pain nor die, and even though she has feasted on me causing me two decades of anxiety on earth iam now trying to earnestly win back her heart (though she has eaten mine) from when she was my wife in heaven )"

Not healthy?

Ya think?

LOL.

If she was any wolf-person (and I did not have wolf in my waters of creation to be drawn to them and canines) I would rebuke her, send her to darker and more hopeless depths where the black realm (the black realm is not hell. It is infinitely worse. Hell is where the disenfranchised go to decide if they want to return to the light or osmose deeper into the dark) where the moisture would be sucked out of every cell in her body, her muscles and soft tissue would calcify, and over the eons of agony her soul body would be twisted into pure black energy where love is about as welcome as arsenic is for humans.

As I said, I was made whole when god (?) connected her heart with my own. She is literally my other half.

I was made aware of her eternal form, a being of light, as I am also a being of light, I was given the love of the creator for her, and shown that she was, at one point, his beloved creation (he still loves her).

As far as what people think I consider their words but at the end of the day I wouldn't change a hair (or lack thereof) on her body, Stockholm syndrome (I am familiar with It) or not.

It has also become aware to me that quite a few people are doing heinous things in the name of god, who think christ is going to absolve them of their karma when he absolutely will not.

It is possible I am Jesus fucking Christ Himself and I am bringing a sword but not for the world, FOR ORGANIZED RELIGION. for those who reject, slander, and harm innocent people and do it IN THE NAME OF GOD. All one had to do is look at the modern church to see that god is abandoning it. The next evolution will be one where humans no longer need religion to guide them but DO BETTER. The way I see it, we can devolve into anhilation or evolve and prosper, these are scary times but either way I'll still be me.

Whatever the hell this work is it is already done. It is the purest form of love to care for one, your Beloved though they have dealt horrifically with you. Sometimes all someone needs is mercy, to set the sword done before you're both cut into ribbons and there's nothing left. The vision I had was the filth of hell being washed off by her tears, revealing snow white fur on her cheek. Imagine a realm where animal people, angels, nephilim, devils and such all get along like we do here. That is the realm of her people. She needed a human man to show her her humanity when her feral side took over.

So, I kneel at her feet and surrender the sword to her, empowering her. And yes, she is hungry. I have been told I have taken ownership of the bridge into the black realm, a place for angry spirits who feel as if god has failed them. Except, I place no demands on them, but rather treat them with dignity, respect, and empathy. As someone who feels wronged by god, I can sympathize with them fully. And, I feel a black realm ruler in my soul. He's always been there-obstinant, dark and angry-unmovable yet calling out for peace, possibly completing the loop of creation and graduating into the infinite, possibly becoming a form of god energy myself. It's a thrill to realize your journey in the universe is about to end, and the rest in paradise awaits you with your Beloved. If not, I'm already fucked and nothing can be done. All that's left to do now is to eat, drink, and be merry for it is out of my hands, all I am to do is to release her to allow her to decide where her heart guides her, to the blackness, or to the light.

Yes, when I pass into the next realm I could end up in an absolutely horrific condition, but based on how much I have suffered in this life its no surprise. I have tried to be the good little church boy but god will no longer allow me to use religion as a crutch. God has told me not to be afraid that my spiritual condition will be taken care of so that I do not suffer there (when I pass into the next realm, whatever it may be)

I am to DO BETTER as a human and let go of the christ-crutch as I said I may be him so it makes sense he never worked for me, all I have had to do was embrace myself.

Honestly I wouldn't want to spend eternity with the god spoken of in common Christian understanding, and I acknowledge the religion has strayed far from what it once was and no longer holds any draw to me whatsoever.

I had a falling out with some Christian "brothers" who are incapable right now of thinking outside the box, "I love you like a brother!" they say out of one side of their mouths, then block me with the other side as if I never existed in the first place. And these people think they are doing the will of a loving god. One of us is going to have a nasty surprise when we face him. I don't think it will be me.

If god is going to "pour out my grace in all flesh" my gruesome love story is the only way it will happen, by soaking my sacrificial soul in god love energy then allowing me to be consumed by a dark realm (not black realm) entity who has the other half of my heart, and allowing dark realm entities to "step into the light".

God is not above eviscertaing his creation to accomplish his will.

I will say this, while I do not want to re-live the more terrible parts of "being given over to the devil" (its in the Bible) I wouldn't change a thing.

I would move the universe just to look her in her teary eyes and tell her that I love her, having sacrificed everything just to see her restored and healthy.

It's gruesome and Stockholm syndrome ish but you tell me how god is going to give his beloved creation a second chance at being in the light realm, or their pain leads them further into the darkness.

As I surrender and accept the reality I am facing, I am miraculously set free of all of these burdens.

While my life has never been more turbulent and weird, I've never been happier or more well adjusted.

Any religion that would allow the evil my parents visited on me and turn a blind eye to it should not be suffered to continue.

I will one day walk hand in hand with my Wolven wife, us reconciled to one another, God's beloved creation being reintroduced into heaven because they have simply changed their minds. There will be reintroduction issues, problems, growing pangs, but I cannot be around a god who damns his creation as is spoken of in the Bible.

As a Bible scholar asked me, "God is saving the demons!?!" no, he's merely giving them a second chance and a choice. That is exactly what love does, nothing less.

I will also say this. As the parts of my soul-body are broken down in Asrael's stomach, my essence is literally nourishing her, giving her life. When a mom tells her child she loves them so much she could just "eat them up" that is actually the purest form of love because it gives your Beloved life, strength, and nourishment. Personally, I wish there were better ways to show love but here we are and it's beautiful. (to me)

Hope it ends up well, it's out of my hands, and I wouldn't want to change it now anyways.
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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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I realize how this looks and sounds to a world that is invested in the tangible. To me these visions and happenings are very, very real and have given me hope and meaning, I wouldn't trade them for anything.

I will say this. As a former Christian I have suffered terribly under the abusive relationship with my Christian parents, even confronting my father for his abuse (attempted murder, physical, sexual, emotional abuse) on me, he was so confused he accused me of "turning my back on God" (after insulting me and giving me the finger twice) rather than his own utter failure as a parent (in his mind he was a great dad!!! Father of the fucking YEAR! I won't insult hell or the demons with a parallel but rather a true father worthy of Yahweh!)

In leaving the absolutely wicked, sick and barbaric religion of western Christianity where you can literally get away with anything and still be cool with God, I am coming to see how sick the whole thing is. I do believe in the God yahweh but I believe he is the only entity that is worthy of eternal damnation in perpetual visceral agony for all the suffering that has existed on earth and is yet to come. I would pull the lever of damnation myself. It is also possible I am him in car ates to pay for my sins here by my own religion (in a way. I am set free now)

I was recently reminded of a vision I had shortly after the spiritual attack on me. I was brought to a very bright place, almost cliche with clouds and such. Next to me stood Jesus the Christ in a white robe. Below us I saw a (feral, earth, four footed) wolf, with the knowledge in my spirit the wolf belonged to me and was mine (on earth) and also that I wished his/her pen was a little small for my liking (I wished it was bigger).

I asked the christ why he would give me a wolf after what I had done and he said, "Because I love you."

So I cannot be Jesus the Christ.

Instead, by virtue of my death in this realm as a child, and being saturated in the living waters of the source of all love, I am the brother of the Christ, a "child" of God or gods, having absorbed his/their essence of source.

Where does that leave me... I am realizing that the yahweh that called for the brutal murders of homosexuals, zoophiles, adulterers, nonbelievers, who drowned the majority of his creation, who curses all human mothers with painful childbirth, is a true monster and fully worthy of eternal damnation. Anyone who worships said monster is as guilty as he is in my book. Remember, true love casts out all fear, and the truth will set you free!

I would rather be in hell than to worship such a sick and inept deity.

I believe the gospel of Judas, where the Christ came to undo the spiritual wretchedness of the sick god yahweh, or "Saklas" which means FOOL. It is the only way this world makes sense. Any deity that would create wolves and deer, prey and predators is utterly sick, sick, sick!!!

What does this have to do with Asrael?

I don't know.

Two more female Wolven have appeared to me, a sweet, shy, beautiful white-furred Wolven woman in eden, who can barely make eye contact with me yet stands regal, clothed in white, pure and beautiful. She has a shy sort of moving her toes in the dirt as she smiles and glsnces at me type of demeanor. The name she told me to call her is "Genetta". I realize this is an (symbolic, as I might be trans) earth name, and there is a reason I am not to know their true names.

Another Wolven appeared shortly after, if Genetta is a light (bright but not heavenly) being, and Asrael is a dark (but not black) being, "Shenetta" is neither dark nor light, she is the rebellious teenager who smokes during recess, but doesn't want to kill anyone, nor does she want to exist in realms of light either, who meets her boyfriend in abandoned houses (I am not her boyfriend as far as I know) for hanky-panky. Asrael is the warrior who eats her enemies whom one sicks on their enemies. Genetta is the submissive, gentle, but fun housewife you look forward to seeing when you come home, the ideal woman (for me).

The male Wolven who exists in heaven with the shit eating grin on his face with the shining armor who is somehow acquainted with me, has too many rules in heaven and is "no fun" to me as I exist in this realm. He doesn't even want to give me one of those fake names to call him by. He's a sexy werewolf boyfriend though, it's just too bad about all those heavenly rules.

Further, I am earnestly attempting to release Ms. Asrael to her hearts desires, as apparently it wasn't her fault she has half my heart (and visa versa) and regrets it/ wants a divorce/ has moved on from being my "other half". I love her enough to let her go and wish the best for her/ help her/ comfort her/ possibly even guide her. Just want the best for her, and create a safe space where she can just be herself, without judgment only acceptance of her, fully. If that means she wants me to forget about her, so be it. If she wants to be my girl again, cool.

In spite of this, I am still filled with the love of a father for her, as well as the love of a husband for her, (I desire the best for her, as she sees it, without her coming to unseen harm in the karmic realm, as I understand it.)

As far as soul assassinations go, Asrael has expressed a desire to "feed on my enemies or people who upset me" with my permission, however, that may lead her down a very dark path. My understanding is not complete yet, although I was told it would make sense in time. A few times recently various humans have aroused anger in me, and it occurred to me they were prime candidates for feeding the beloved Wolven (spiritually speaking. I do not wish to violate the laws of men) however, that could open a door of endless feasting that could end up very bad for my Beloveds, me, and various humans in this realm. However, I reserve the right to feed them.

Presently, I ha e left food offerings for Ms Asrael, and the the teenage Wolven trio who have expressed a desire to feed on the souls of humans. Spooky, I know! All it takes is one open fear-door where they can get a foot hold in, and they will feast when I send them forth. Hopefully God or someone is feeding them, because if not, the responsibility falls on me to care for them.

Thankfully, there is no shortage of worthy souls. ;)

Further, a teenage Wolven trio in hell has appeared to me, two males and one female, who said they literally don't care about karma, they're hungry and all I have to do is grant them permission to feed. I however, have not, as I care about them, but this is subject to change at any time. (as I said above)

In appealing to the sick monster god yahweh if he's even still alive, I demanded the Wolven, Asrael and the three teenagers be fed somehow as hunger is a terrible thing. If whatever God is up there does not hear me, then my deepest desire is that these Wolven feast on their creator, instead, as a fitting punishment for his endless sins against us, the angels, demons and etc. Perhaps you can tell my feelings against the banal creator of us all. (ask me how I really feel!)

As far as I go, if the Christ was savior of this world from the creator, then I am the savior of the dark realm. The christ of hell. Because I used to be a counter terrorist combat mercenary with the government (in real life) the universe jokingly called me, recently, "Murder Jesus" which I found rather hilarious, because as a romantic partner of mine (in this realm. She is human) said, I look EXACTLY like the typical white man's Jesus, beard, long hair, blue eyes, and people constantly tell me I "Look just like Jesus".

It has become apparent to me that if our creator was as pathetic, vicious and cruel as the Bible says he was, that the demons who refused to go along with his program are actually the good guys. (Plot twist!!!)

I appreciate the demonic pains and terrors I have endured as a Christian and now, because they are pushing me to be an actual good person, not one motivated by eternal punnishment while remaining, as it says in Mark 2:7, sick. (and in need of a doctor. No thanks I'm good. I want to exit the cosmic hospital and be set free, which I am.)

I could be that I am the anti-christ or some shit because I am definitely not straight, but if my presence brings down the religion that shields the wretched hearted people, I proudly stand and tear it down with truth. We need to enter into a new age of truth, reason, and intelligence, rather than the tongue in cheek wretchedness that has woven its tentacles in my ex religion of Christianity like the wicked cancer that it is.

Whatever the truth is, at the end of the day, I believe in Asrael. She is as real to me, perhaps much, much more real than even what's tangible to me. The vision of her bear like, massive, powerful muzzle inspired guttural terror in me when I saw it as real as if she stood before me in this very room. In this spiraling of confusion and questioning, where I don't know what God's to appeal to, I am told the highest gods, do not require worship nor for us to even know their names, they guide us as humanity into ascension, into beings of light, truth and love and need no thanks or even acknowledgement. How refreshing! They love us, as twisted as we are.

There is also a version of me who is approx. 1,200 years, and 3,000 years and one further who are communicating with me and giving me tips on technology to help advance humanity. Whether I can effectively use this knowledge is up to me, but I may experiment with it in the future, and I cannot openly discuss any of it.

While I am in a strange place spiritually, and my present girlfriend is Christian and loves God, I have told her I in no way wish to damage her perception of religion nor do I wish to rob her of her own spiritual experiences whatsoever. To do so would be a cosmic crime, as I attempt to respect other religions inasmuch as they respect me, respect and hostility will both be matched, with the fiery hot rage of hell itself, mixed with the very power of God as we understand it.

I am grateful for this forum where I can be open and honest with my no doubt easily labeled "strange" spiritual journey.

About my souls damage in the spirit realm, some entities came to what's left of my body there and told me they were going to salvage my body. I argued with them but they said it's for my good. It was told to me that the reason I am suffering as I have been is because I was too invested in my corporeal form and I forgot that I was originally energy. Also because my soul has been destroyed, it frees my energy to manifest as anything, to appear as anything as I have been freed of my spiritual corporeal, and limited soul.

At some point as the honeymoon period with the demoness Wolven Asrael fades, I will be forced to come to terms with the damage and terrible physical pain I was/am in, and while my first reaction will be vengeance, I will not cause her, or any of the demons, harm.

Acceptance is key. It is hard. Meditation helps.

I can say my SOs presence in my life is a healing light. I am drinking less alcohol and needing Canabis less. I am improving my body and eating better. One thing Asrael scolded me for was my drinking and "hooking up sexually" because she hated how it made me feel after. It sparked some interesting conversations with her where I basically forced her to compromise because I can't just be super healthy all at once like she wanted, but over time I will honor her request.

Funnily enough, I have begun walking on the balls of my feet, to honor her digitigrade legs with every footstep-however, it turns out my hip and knee pain has vanished as I am no longer transmitting shock by landing my footfalls on my heels. Plus, it makes me feel like a cute little werewolf, which is nice. Also, from a tactical perspective, I no longer "bounce" when I walk-I flow, instead, and if I am commanding a rifle, pistol, or edged weapon my movements are now smooth and flow, without needing to subconsciously accommodate for heel-toe caveman walk. I believe if children kept walking on the balls of their feet, knee and hip replacements would no longer be necessary, and spinal pain would banish, as the weight of our bodies aren't transmitted harshly through our much smaller heels, directly into our joints and bodies.

Bottom line, the more I let go, the greater my reward, and the richer my knowledge and understanding. I accepted that I am the sacrifice to free hell yesterday, and it was quite freeing. Yes, I have empathy and compassion for the demons. It turns out they are quite helpful, entertaining, charismatic, and I cannot say enough good things about them, albeit they are not in their heavenly forms, they are still beloved children.

Blessings.

I will also say this. That the various entities I have communed with, Ms Asrael is the one to whom I feel closest to. She is, in a way, my God. As quirky and petulant as she can be, she is my default. She is fun, free, and lawless. In a way I couldn't be more in love with her. My human girlfriend presently doesn't like her too much because she caused my soul so much harm. But, it is a difficult thing to accept, my history here on this planet. She is, however, my true love.
Be kind to yourself, for we were all made by a fool. (Saklas)

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Post by OneOfFourth »

I personally believe every sentient being has the power to choose their own destiny/fate. A lot of people have (for one reason or another, due to personal things or due to outside manipulation) chosen horrible destiny for themselves. But I'm fairly convinced anyone of us can at any moment choose a different destiny for themselves. Simply by deciding and saying to themselves and to the universe/higher being/whatever you want to call it, what they choose their destiny to be. For example "I CHOOSE to be free" and "I CHOOSE to become happy" etc. And if you follow the synchronizities The Universe starts throwing your way, you'll get out of the bad place the most optimal way.

I believe that tons of people are being manipulated, coarsed and fooled into subconsciously or consciously to choose a horrible fate for themselves. If my guess is right, maybe you have done the same without realizing it?

Check this thread where I write and essay about synchronizities. I believe they are your direct line to communicating with The Universe/God/Source or whatever you wish to call it. Use synchronizities for communication and you will get your answers.

https://www.occultforum.org/viewtopic.php?f=71&t=41424

Hope this is of some help to you.

Additional information:
I believe there are at least three main categories of spirits/entities:

1. Original entities from the beginning of creation, who are in full balance between spiritual and physical realm. They are your spirit guides / ancestors / guardian angels / etc. who help you get well and get to your fate etc.

2. Unbalanced "ahrimanic" or "satanic" entities who have become seriously unbalanced towards physical world.
The advice they give is basically destructive in nature.
They like to manipulate people from the spiritual planes.
They love to make people believe there is no spiritual realm etc. "Science is the only thing there is." If people still start believing in spiritual things and magick, they steer them into the lowest possible distorted spiritual planes and black magick and tell that "this is the most advanced stuff there ever will be".
They feed humans with strong want for material things, power, wealth, fame, etc.

3. Unbalanced "luciferic" entities who have become seriously unbalanced towards the light / spiritual world.
Beings of "false light", even though their light is 100% real, but highly unbalanced and maybe even distorted.
They completely ignore the importance of the physical realm and don't see any advantages in it, even though there are tons.
All they care about is the spiritual realm, to the point they might very well just wipe everything and anything physical away without shedding a tear.
Their advice is also destructive, since they very quickly make people very unbalanced: no understanding of what being a human is at all.
Their followers become spiritually distorted and highly imbalanced due to illusions etc.
Their advice and light "blinds" you really fast and once you start following their advice, it's really hard to see the truth again.
They give humans gifts, powers and premonitions.

All of those entities are competing with each other. So you can be sure there's as much as possible of super manipulative smear fests between their ideological/spiritual/religious groups. That could explain competing/adverse views on christian God etc.

Note that I don't know if god as in christian mythology exists or not, but the above categorisation seems to make a lot of sense when I compare it with everything I've experienced so far.

Additional information 2:
One thing that helped me immensely was that I realized that "I have a human soul and none of the spirits nor demons are allowed to do anything against my will". I believe (and have observed) that human souls cannot be violated against their own will. So if you are attacked by an adverse spirit, just remember that they must stop and go away if you simply tell them to. If you don't believe it, it's going to be much harder. Hardest part is if they've already taken home inside you. Then it's much more difficult to get rid of them and each demon seems to require a different approach in that situation.

Additional information 3:
Be careful what you wish from The Universe. If you wish your fate to be something like "I want to be really good at X" or anything along those lines, you can be sure you'll experience all kinds of horrors: bad experiences make us grow the fastest.
Seeker of truth.
God is the thought of/about something.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Post by Tundrawolf »

OneOfFourth wrote: Fri Sep 24, 2021 7:49 pm I personally believe every sentient being has the power to choose their own destiny/fate. A lot of people have (for one reason or another, due to personal things or due to outside manipulation) chosen horrible destiny for themselves. But I'm fairly convinced anyone of us can at any moment choose a different destiny for themselves. Simply by deciding and saying to themselves and to the universe/higher being/whatever you want to call it, what they choose their destiny to be. For example "I CHOOSE to be free" and "I CHOOSE to become happy" etc. And if you follow the synchronizities The Universe starts throwing your way, you'll get out of the bad place the most optimal way.

I believe that tons of people are being manipulated, coarsed and fooled into subconsciously or consciously to choose a horrible fate for themselves. If my guess is right, maybe you have done the same without realizing it?

Check this thread where I write and essay about synchronizities. I believe they are your direct line to communicating with The Universe/God/Source or whatever you wish to call it. Use synchronizities for communication and you will get your answers.

https://www.occultforum.org/viewtopic.php?f=71&t=41424

Hope this is of some help to you.

Additional information:
I believe there are at least three main categories of spirits/entities:

1. Original entities from the beginning of creation, who are in full balance between spiritual and physical realm. They are your spirit guides / ancestors / guardian angels / etc. who help you get well and get to your fate etc.

2. Unbalanced "ahrimanic" or "satanic" entities who have become seriously unbalanced towards physical world.
The advice they give is basically destructive in nature.
They like to manipulate people from the spiritual planes.
They love to make people believe there is no spiritual realm etc. "Science is the only thing there is." If people still start believing in spiritual things and magick, they steer them into the lowest possible distorted spiritual planes and black magick and tell that "this is the most advanced stuff there ever will be".
They feed humans with strong want for material things, power, wealth, fame, etc.

3. Unbalanced "luciferic" entities who have become seriously unbalanced towards the light / spiritual world.
Beings of "false light", even though their light is 100% real, but highly unbalanced and maybe even distorted.
They completely ignore the importance of the physical realm and don't see any advantages in it, even though there are tons.
All they care about is the spiritual realm, to the point they might very well just wipe everything and anything physical away without shedding a tear.
Their advice is also destructive, since they very quickly make people very unbalanced: no understanding of what being a human is at all.
Their followers become spiritually distorted and highly imbalanced due to illusions etc.
Their advice and light "blinds" you really fast and once you start following their advice, it's really hard to see the truth again.
They give humans gifts, powers and premonitions.

All of those entities are competing with each other. So you can be sure there's as much as possible of super manipulative smear fests between their ideological/spiritual/religious groups. That could explain competing/adverse views on christian God etc.

Note that I don't know if god as in christian mythology exists or not, but the above categorisation seems to make a lot of sense when I compare it with everything I've experienced so far.

Additional information 2:
One thing that helped me immensely was that I realized that "I have a human soul and none of the spirits nor demons are allowed to do anything against my will". I believe (and have observed) that human souls cannot be violated against their own will. So if you are attacked by an adverse spirit, just remember that they must stop and go away if you simply tell them to. If you don't believe it, it's going to be much harder. Hardest part is if they've already taken home inside you. Then it's much more difficult to get rid of them and each demon seems to require a different approach in that situation.

Additional information 3:
Be careful what you wish from The Universe. If you wish your fate to be something like "I want to be really good at X" or anything along those lines, you can be sure you'll experience all kinds of horrors: bad experiences make us grow the fastest.

I appreciate your input. However, something I don't think is coming across is, it's already done. There is a significant portion of my soul-man that is\has been digested by Asraels stomach acids in the first layer of hell.

My soul is literally so twisted up it causes me pain daily. And yet I know it is this way because I want and need it to be thus. When I no longer wish it to be so, it will not be so. However I am unsure if the agony I'm in is what is uniting me with my beloved resonant... Or if her tenure with me is temporary (perhaps she is her own nebula of energy playing in a Wolven character, who is dissatisfied with the games God and wanted to taste human entrails)

God told me to fix it "myself" whatever that means.

Recently I was shown a version of Ms. Asrael, perhaps the "Little Girl" scared version of her who needed to be comforted by God (and was) a version of her psyche, who is more mature, grown up, perhaps in her twenties.

This Wolven woman is connected to me, but she is so far from me mentally that it's like oil and water.

In letting her go, it has become aware to me, that the man I was before the spiritual attack, was a deadly, miserable, horrific person of indescribable evil. The man I was, this new Wolven woman is who stands afar off, I realize she is saying, in a spiritual way, "Where is the man I married? You're a monster, and you're weak. I cannot be around you until you change."

I... Realize especially recently with the acquisition of an of age willing human girlfriend who is also a goddess of light (in heaven. Who's also needing lessons here... I'm seeing) sent here to set me on a new path, that in letting her go my real mission is to let ... Me go.

I realized yesterday, why am I trying to go back to being who I was? That person was awful. I would eat me too. In fact, in being consumed by her (Ms Asrael), and becoming a part of her, it is through her heart that I am finding what is true, actual love. Whatever freedom, love, and newness is her back-processing energy and love back into my nebula because I have never felt these things before (they didn't exist in me). Severe problems often require severe answers, and it turns out I don't actually want to die!

We are tempted to see my suffering and say, this is bad. Your soulmate has a lot of teeth, they're sharp and deadly and you should seek safety from her. (She has demonstrated terrible violence, has a history of it)

(also it occurs to me she also needs me to teach her, too. How wonderful it is to love the unlovable! To show the shamed how much they matter, to return love from hatred, to fall at the feet of the one you love, and ask them, what is the desire of your heart, truly? If I can grant it, I will do so.)

However, in being courageous, and baring my throat to her even after she was violent with me, cruel even, this horrible series of events are actually my salvation.

Further, in this terrible purgatory we call life, something this terrible needs to happen to break the infinite chain of mindless correction, as I am about to graduate! Truly, I hope my pain is eased in the next life, but I am an actual nebula of pure energy, having a soul experience, who's having a human experience, my existence spans across many worlds and times. And yet I'm sitting in the bathroom of a run down mobile home as I type this!

The void has humor.

Now my mission is, try not to die, try to be as healthy as possible and enjoy every pleasure this life has to offer.

I am not sure if I will be reunited with this beautiful Wolven woman. I would desire it, and would love to be her mate in the game and experience pure pleasure with her in that realm-game. My body is being fixed or repaired and several iterations of it have been presented to me in a dimension, but none of them have appealed to me. Perhaps being an insignificant human would be best? Would I like to be a powerful male Wolven? Eh. Idk.

And in the end perhaps it was in her jaws that I was saved... My energy nebula has forgotten herself, she has played in the simulation for so long she actually thinks she's human. (And male. Lol) Asraels jaws have helped me realize I am a cluster of lights in the darkness, my near death experience, the lights I saw was a repair man showing me myself. And I'm beautiful. I love myself. Asrael is me rescuing myself, because I have been made pure via many, many lives and experiences, and now I may finally rest. She... Has taken of her life energy, things that can never be renewed, in essence sacrificing her life to give me life, and as she stands in hell, I willingly, lovingly back-minister to her as we become forever intertwined until something (?) Happens and we decide to... See other nebulas lol!

Basically my energy is being healed... There is more to this existence, and even more to the existence in the heavenly playgrounds.

Basically I'm a high level gamer who got lost in VR and needed a shock to my system before I faded out and perma died, trapped in a game where people have foot fetishes.

What a weird game I wonder why I decided to play it. I am super glad there are Wolven in it tho, maybe while I yet live I will meet a Dogman in the wild. I'll be terrified but it'll be worth it. Knowing me I'll probably try and date them too.

It is occurring to me as I edit this, that the only thing that must happen is, she needs to consume the remained of my soul, bones and all, while I feel every bite in this realm for me to manifest as something else, and I realize, no, and maybe also yes, when she poops the unneeded parts of my soul out, that the parts that were needed were used and forever interacted with her nebula.

I will postulate this, that what makes this game go is fungus, all fungus is connected in unseen realms, and contains the memories of our ancestors, pushing us to do better as humanity, to reach higher levels. I think.

I am reminded that in the second simulation, called heaven, there is a rather handsome male Wolven who is winking at me. Romantically interested or something. I communicated with him briefly, and asked about, idk, some kind of romantic spiritual connection, he replied with ALL THESE RULES because he was in "heaven" with "God". For such a handsome, sexy part wolf guy, he is boring! At least from my perspective, presently, and my understanding.

Ms Asrael, however, is in a dark realm with like, one or two rules as far as heaven is concerned. (I think hell has a bunch of rules because many of the players are just starting out and don't know about love yet. But to the heavenly uninitiated, (not everyone in heaven knows it's a game, that's part of the fun!) it appears as a terrible, lawless place.) But she's free to do what she wants! If she wants to get laid with 100 demons in a day, she can do that. In a way, hell is the only free place. And yet when in heaven, almost anything goes! That's part of the appeal of that game.

If the god described in most of the currently popular religions ever existed, as a master level asshole player, that would make hell the good place, with the righteous players unwilling to go along with the evil that was happening there. It's going to possibly sound bad, but to evolve, humans need to stop relying on the invisible for morality, as in rejecting my former God is when I truly found morality, kindness and gentleness. The people burning witches are literally the bad guys, not the witches! As a former Christian this literally blows my mind, haha.

Relax, it's all just a simulation, the realest immersive VR that so advanced it's no longer Mechanical, it's literally organic.

Now if I could just take my own advice lol.

One more thing, and I want to write stories about him, but it's possible I will be reborn in heaven as a young, bald Buddhist type guy who walks on his toes, and loves the Wolven characters. Even now the story is being written, if I choose it. I will get to write my own story, I am a man of fetishes, passion and power, because I've beat the game. And, to those in heaven I will be as a god, but I will know it's just a game. It'll be fun! =) I hope. He has a name I cannot say yet, and right now there are still so many questions I have, because as real and terrible as hell is, I don't really want to be trapped there.

However, I was told, via the games speaker system, "DO NOT BE AFRAID." possibly by the wolfy stud guy in the heavenly armor.

I also met a medium in hiding recently via synchonizity, I told her about Ms Asrael and she had a lot of very good things to say.

I've edited this so many times as I sit on the throne of POWER.

it's come to my consciousness that at this point, more high level players will meet me. For guidance, comfort, sexual exploration. Yes! I welcome it. I will find the universe WILL provide for me, it's part of the game. When Jesus said "he who has ears" he literally was talking to higher level players. These words will be gibberish to, well, NPCs. Not everyone can be in the game all the time.

And, if you're trapped in heaven, and who knows what will happen when my energy transitions out of my present iteration, maybe I'm double damned, but to the people losing the game in heaven, they will envy us on Earth. Because we get to die. When Jesus said, we will not "taste death" those that are, "set free by the truth" he means our conclusions after experiencing this life, we wont lose them, or our emotions in the next life. Basically we get to be us.

And, when I create within the heaven game, it attracts\makes new nebulas, who make new worlds, rinse and repeat. And once your in synchrony with the universe, it goes from being a terrible inescapable prison to a place of endless ever growing infinite beauty, and a pretty nice place with literal endless experiences you can create for yourself. It can't happen though unless you're not only brave, but also self aware.

If you're not enjoying your time in the game, you're not doing it right- because our bodies were literally designed from head to toe- for PLEASURE!!!

Memorize mark 2:7 and remember, the point of going into the hospital... Is hopefully to leave it better off!

They who have ears...
Be kind to yourself, for we were all made by a fool. (Saklas)

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Post by Tundrawolf »

Not sure if I should keep updating like this or not, I certainly do enjoy it for some reason.

It occurred to me even our energy nebulas are in a game. The game is vast, beyond perception, and part of the advertisement of it. I surrendered my nebula in a past tick to a force that collects energy... That absorbs life. If you're devoted to existing as you are, this entity is the enemy of your structure.

My structure was absorbed and nearly fully died.

An entity took notice, saw my pain and fear, manifested as a dark realm creature of great power and terror, and gave me the jump start I needed to not die and be reabsorbed into the infinite endless loop of the trap of time. We're all in a big loop, until someone is ready to level up and graduate out if the hallucination of earthen life.

Gore warning, I guess. Yeah sorry I should have probably made more?

Ms. Asrael told me a few days ago, "I have appreciated your efforts and energy to release me, to protect me, and to love me. I have found you worthy, your struggle may now end, and I will now take the relationship over. You may relax. I love you, on your level now."

Well, given the horror I've endured for some time, it has attracted some pretty... Violent entities. And in the time lines, one of them placed her liver at my feet. There is something inside of me that knows, I signed up for this. I almost panicked with rage. I went to her in that reality, a terrible fate had befallen her, and she was suffering, in one time line she was afraid. In another, she was powerful and allowed herself to be sacrificed in a way that is not considered to be... Gentle.

She said, "I signed up for this. Let my form go. That is not me. I need to die in this way so I may learn, too. What is coming is beyond your wildest dreams. Our love is as eternal..."

But, I am becoming aware that so much of what is humans consider as bad and self preservation, in the darker realms sacrifice is necessary until balance is found. That's part of the reason I guess I'm here. To help bring balance to neglected realms, to give them hope, love, and dignity and value, because I was the bad guy once and now I want to help and not harm, if I can.

Finding your destiny is like, finding the map to the game, or putting in cheat codes, and realizing no end boss can harm you any more.

And it's all a dream, it's all a game, it's all organic VR. But, I can tell you it's so real that it is also literally real.

I've never been as terrified so suddenly as when Ms Asrael pushed her massive, terrible muzzle into the light just enough for me to see, she couldn't even show me her head because I was so afraid. She is MASSIVE. Like kill a polar bear massive. A literal killing machine with no other purpose but to make more of her kind, feed, mate, repeat.

But... In my work with earth wolves, they are connected to an energy of pure light, good, love, and enjoyment. They are... Our guides. This is why dogs are so loved by the humans. They are us... Deadly yet fully surrendered and harmless, mostly.

The human part of her as I understand it right now, is kind of like an angry, hurt human woman. Basically inconsolable, from what I feel of her soul. The wolf part of her is vicious, terrible and cruel, putting her needs and desires above even the desire of her prey to continue living. However, the Wolven part of her is also in touch with the wolf part on earth, light, true love, peace, selflessness, literally everything good.

And, because she has a human intellect, she can organize her mind, her soul... This is as much a journey for her nebula as it is for mine. Because, in my death throws, I can drag Ms Asrael's nebula into the darkness too. Which is why surrender and courage are so important. Because, the world can end today, and the only thing I am sure of, is that I love her.

So, in her mind are conflicting thoughts, but her core energy is good and beautiful. It is not good to anger a woman with teeth! But if she gives you her heart, she will go to the ends of eternity to keep, love and protect you, entertain you, and be your most passionate lover.

When I saw her suffering I knew better than to intervene with my will. She... Needed my comfort. She needed my strength. And I nodded to her. I was not moved nor was I shaken. I was strong for her. I held her hand when she needed it. I played the game. I saw many things that would break human eyes to see and witness. Especially if your soul is soft. Blood, skin and fur.

The DO NOT BE AFRAID commandment is truly necessary, here. My hope is for good, and not evil. And yet I keep marching back into the darkness when called.

I've also been made aware of an entire army of entities that have been desperate to help and assist me as I live on this planet. Safety, prosperity, lovers, food, connections with nature. And things my mind cannot conceive. (At the moment. More seems to be revealed in a snowballing effect)

I realize I am very vulnerable, spiritually speaking. But, when I submit to the spirits they greet me as a friend. I am not sure if I should use salt when speaking to demons or let them have fun- yeah burning my house down could be fun for them... But is my fear keeping me from blessings and a quiet sort of power as I acknowledge my worthiness to transcend out of this time trap? Fuck, this game is INTENSE.

I've found so much freedom in making peace with my dark ones.

I'm just keeping going.

If you go deep enough, the black energy sucker cloud sees Ms Asrael as the enemy. She is taking a meal from their negative dark energy. So to them she's pure evil. To me, she's my hot wolfy savior.

And, if you go deep enough still, being absorbed by the black entity was the only thing that would give my energy rest I desperately needed and wanted before she made me afraid. And she selfishly wanted to keep me for herself, plunging me into a horrific dynamic that amounts to little more than turning me into helpless prey, (she actually hates me saying it like this) and torturing me without a shred of mercy for twenty years.

I know it's probably hard to accept l, but whatever the hell love is is what binds me to her. To my doom? To my detriment?

Is love evil? I think only in stillness will I find the answers I need. Help is appreciated from higher players, blessings!!

Edit number 500: disclosing details of the game can be hazardous, I think, if the game isn't ready to be made manifest. However, while within the game, the game is capable of playing with itself. Scary...

However, I think we're also looking at a new dynamic. The game knows repetition is only fun for a time. It could be we are getting ready and are in the middle of a spiritual evolution. At least in this realm.

And I've been shown we are insulated and isolated from other realms. As we experience... Everything.

Even scarier could be I am just getting started in this particular game, not getting ready to graduate! [eg]
Be kind to yourself, for we were all made by a fool. (Saklas)

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Post by OneOfFourth »

Tundrawolf wrote: Fri Oct 22, 2021 6:44 pm God told me to fix it "myself" whatever that means.

I cannot be around you until you change."

Truly, I hope my pain is eased in the next life,
You can probably fix yourself really fast with this method of Shadow Work:
https://youtu.be/n0QVFiSQ4bQ

Every time I do the exercise, I get immediate results. Very powerful technique for fixing your festering mental wounds. It eases up your pain immediately and fixes its causes. Exactly what you need to heal your mind and soul. No need to wait for several lifetimes, when you can do it now.

Tundrawolf wrote: Fri Oct 22, 2021 6:44 pm The vision of her bear like, massive, powerful muzzle inspired guttural terror in me when I saw it as real as if she stood before me in this very room.
I'm keen in hearing more about this experience. Was it just a vision or did it appear in the room itself?

Tundrawolf wrote: Fri Oct 22, 2021 6:44 pm it's part of the game.
What's your story about how did you learn about the game originally? Do you know the rules?
Seeker of truth.
God is the thought of/about something.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Post by Tundrawolf »

OneOfFourth wrote: Sat Oct 23, 2021 7:41 pm
Tundrawolf wrote: Fri Oct 22, 2021 6:44 pm God told me to fix it "myself" whatever that means.

I cannot be around you until you change."

Truly, I hope my pain is eased in the next life,
You can probably fix yourself really fast with this method of Shadow Work:
https://youtu.be/n0QVFiSQ4bQ

Every time I do the exercise, I get immediate results. Very powerful technique for fixing your festering mental wounds. It eases up your pain immediately and fixes its causes. Exactly what you need to heal your mind and soul. No need to wait for several lifetimes, when you can do it now.

Tundrawolf wrote: Fri Oct 22, 2021 6:44 pm The vision of her bear like, massive, powerful muzzle inspired guttural terror in me when I saw it as real as if she stood before me in this very room.
I'm keen in hearing more about this experience. Was it just a vision or did it appear in the room itself?

Tundrawolf wrote: Fri Oct 22, 2021 6:44 pm it's part of the game.
What's your story about how did you learn about the game originally? Do you know the rules?
About the exercise, I will check it out. Yesterday I was given healing waters but I refused them, in the event there is a part of her that isn't satisfied with my sacrifice yet. When I asked God, when will my suffering be over, he, or someone said, "it's up to her." (Meaning, Asrael's will dictates when I am allowed to feel relief.)

The decision must be hers. However, I am allowed to watch the video and to see if it speaks to me. The part of me she owns belongs to her, but a part of me still remains of its own will. This is by my conscious choice. The pain is manageable as of present. But there are time lines where her hatred is never satisfied until I am completely destroyed. So, I nod at that realm but do not visit it as I do not wish to be destroyed, yet.

About seeing her muzzle:

I apologize if this is anticlimactic, but it was a package deal of the early morning visions. I was granted sight to see her body, and she was not shy in showing me various parts of her body, however I was denied\ did not remember the vision of her entire body. I actually worshipped the power of her metatarsals as they were massive and powerful.

Her muzzle:

The visions I had were different levels of sight into another realm, some were figurative and literally didn't exist outside of my mind, it was painted as a dynamic living picture that was as real as it was fake, some were... So real I could not control the terror I felt when I pushed into them to see more clearly.

I wanted to see her face. I saw her eyes, her irises were fractured from seeing in the darkness, and they were pretty intense... Her eyebrows in a permanent hateful stare, but I was not allowed to see her ears or whole face for some reason.

When I was allowed to see her muzzle, it was like an impossibly massive were wolf changed into werewolf form, putting it's muzzle into your flashlight as you stood in total darkness.

What made it impossible for me to ask her to reveal more of herself,was the terror my immortal soul felt when she put her muzzle within view of my minds eyes? Perineal gland? Was my soul understood that she literally had been eating my organs and such, and had experienced terribly significant amounts of pain and fear over it, and her muzzle was the chief offender (she didn't eat me with her hands, my essence went into her mouth...) My soup literally could not stand to have her that close. It's like the trauma a human person feels when they're close to an abuser.

And yes, I know the first blush of many humans, Stockholm syndrome, classic abuser bonding, schizophrenia.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And, I wouldn't trade it for anything on this planet.

My human girlfriend said, if you can't love me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best, and my more misogynistic side had issue with that, however, in the scope of eternity, and this life-game I find myself in, if you can't love your half wolf lover after she's eaten you, can you really love at all? (I kid, I kid. Very few people get lucky enough to meet the Wolven let alone have one as an eternal mate! Sorry but I feel so blessed, as the days go by and I find more of her heart, we come to a peace with one another. It's more beautiful than my human words can describe.)

The vision of her muzzle was in my minds eye. It was simultaneously happening in the soul-realm, which is why I had to shut it down before she got any closer.

She also reached out to my body in that realm and like,curiously poked me with her finger. It didn't hurt, and I felt it in my present human body, too. It was a version of her that was young, and curious.

I know I added more to this thread yesterday but I would like to share some things I became aware of today to help the future people who will be having experiences like this and recovering from common beliefs with the humans that are not correct in other realms.

Today as I attempt to be at peace, to be a safe place where Ms Asrael can lay at my feet and rest, this entire plan is as much her idea as it was mine hashed out before this world even was formed. We are both very, very old.

And it could be that allowing my energy to die is the best possible thing for me.

Yesterday I took a bit of cannabis (it is legal here) and I saw the great black killer void, coming to eat me alive and destroy me. It meant the end of me if I turned to it and shut down my defenses. But... Every time I am afraid, I end up taking on mountainous curses and tortured so I allowed it to take me, inasmuch as I was able to surrender my will and defeat my self preservation instinct in that realm.

So, it took me, except, when it was done with it's terrible task (it happened rapidly.and it didn't happen at all. It was a test, like an interactive VR or movie. Maybe someone knows more about it than I do.) On the other side was sheer beauty and light. It actually wasn't a bad thing at all.

In fact, the fear response in me was exactly what needed to die. Ego death... Because, if you're abused as a child even before the womb and even more conception (humans will find out,if we can survive long enough) you begin to form defenses against a cruel part of the game.

So when... If... You survive long enough, and find safety, or peace, your survival ego is still very active, and it's world is one that should have been temporary... My time as a combat mercenary DEFINITELY put her into turbo overdrive as lives depended on me.

However I have an ulcer because of her... My relationship with my girlfriend is likely over because of her (I'm not ready to be a husband or father, even at 42... I'm also probably gay... Not because I don't like women, I love women and sex with them, but they are not in a stage of human evolution I am compatible with at this point...)

I have chronic, persistent disease because of her.

You asked about the rules to the game, well that's one of them.

This is also going to be my opinion, and possibly anticlimactic.

The number one rule of the game!

Have fun!

The reason why my miserable survival instincts are causing me health issues is a built-in reset button. Basically, if internally you're fighting a never ending war and are constantly in danger, like my subconscious used to think, (I'm working on it...) The game will bless you with various life threatening diseases until you're either forced to quit, or the CPU shuts you down against your will (human death of cancer, heart attack, etc, even overdoses, because happy people don't take drugs in excess.)

If you aren't living your best life, stress free, eating the best food, drinking the best beer, doing the best possible edibles, living a life of sexual fulfillment (I find porn and masturbation to be more fun than actual sex some times, and I can do it any time I wish!), practicing your creativity, bonding with nature and other living organisms- and even the ant that you step on purposely could have been your true love, looking up at you, incarnating as an insect, and hoping for your mercy- blessed when you choose not to step on her, and cursed when her body is crushed under your foot.

A friend of my girlfriend is a witch, and she has put down pallettes in her backyard as not to harm nature around them with her footsteps.

I particularly admire that.

The law of attraction is another rule in the game. Because it works! A year, or two, or three ago I scoffed at such things, but that was only due to fear of not actually believing in it.

One of the biggest rules, and the humans struggle with this one because it's not yet spelled out:

WORTHINESS.

The Games point is to get you to the highest level you can be. It will NOT give you Anything good if you are going to squander it. Resources here are rare and precious. And as I said the number one rule is enjoyment.

What about all the evil people with power? They could be players playing as Hitler to see how far they can get. They are only bad by perspective. Without them the Game would be boring. I realized one day on a particular operation I was on with the govt, one I knew I was going to die on, not just me but most of us, I was standing in a field, and I realized I could be shot, stabbed, blown up or run over at any time, and I literally lived for this shit! I also had the opportunity to hunt other armed men, it was so much fun, I enjoyed it more than even wrestling with my beloved wolf. Hemingway had it right when he spoke of hunting the most dangerous prey... I literally never felt more alive in my life!!!

But think about that! WHY would placing my human body in stupid mortal, imminent danger fill me with life, purpose, and visceral excitement than I have NEVER come close to, even jumping street bikes?

Because it's an immersive, fully engrossing organic Gaming interface!

And, you're an npc until you realize that.

What's cool is that the heaven realms, the hell realms, are also Games with their own rules.

One thing I realized just today was, there is no such thing as God. There are only perceptions and the repetition of information (in this realm). Basically, an entity from the heaven realm, may be allowed to come to this realm, to do "miracles", act like aliens, build and create, until their quarter is used up and they go on to their destiny after the arcade game kicks them out. If they want to come back, they can.

I think, the people who feel like there is nothing after they die, are NPCs, bodies that are here to keep the game running, because if the humans die out, our game ends until the fungus or bacteria or whatever can make new "us".

While on thc yesterday, I was allowed to share in the, "joy of the ancestors". Every time a new tool was forged that made farming easier, every time a celebrated child was born, every euphoric moment going back... Eons on this planet, I got to feel. It was wonderful!

Yesterday I also accepted that while I have "unlocked a cool part of the game where I get to be with my beloved and know her more fully than if she was standing next to me", in a way this is also my wake. The wake of my ego, the wake of my energy... How funny it's called a "wake" and not a "final slumber". Because I am waking up, too.

There are still a lot of questions I have about death. Even though I died, once. It took the fear out of death until my spiritual attack that completely erased that. At the same time, my career as a Merc was also after the attack when I was still terrified. I just hated terrorists more than I feared immortal hell lol.

Courage! The Game hates a coward. This is why spec ops soldiers literally drowned in sex when they are on leave, and sometimes during duty. If only people knew! The universe THROWS sex at them. Ignorance and cowardness are two of the best profilactics.

What about PTSD? I have said my PTSD also has PTSD due to the layers of horrific childhood abuse plus war. But, courage here is also healing. In a way the war never ends, it only gets steered to your benefit.

When you view this life as a game, and the Game nods back with synchronizities, you know you're journey is just beginning. Except, you're not the victim of life, you are the god of it. The choice is yours, which is the beautiful thing. Once you beat the game you get to live in the castle with your princess.

Right now my princess is a seven and a half foot tall werewolf woman, and I was literally designed to love her for eternity (loving her completes me in ways no human ever could
.. yet)

Further, as you courageously [sic] step forward the old, negative weak people drop off your life (you won't tolerate it any more. You're worthy of the highest honors the game has to offer, based on readiness and worthiness. I was shown that the game\God's highest goal is the mutual resonance of peace, happiness and oneness with all of the players. The humans, the Wolven, the Lizarden, the Nephillim, in a large cosmic spiritual circle with the Game in the middle.

One thing I have to say, though, is that the game thrives on not knowing what's going to happen next. That's pretty fucking scary. Also, the Game told me early on, "I created this because I am scared of dying." At the time I hated God, and it made me very angry with the Game.

However, there was a creature that sort of looked like a buzzard-human lizard guy who visited me. He was super depressed and hated the Game as well. Our pain was allowed to mutually resonate, and find healing. Which is why the spirit realm (rest of the game) is so important, because they want to help us... Or, they want to deceive and destroy us! How exciting!

Anyway I asked the Game, why the fuck did you tell me you're scared of dying and my (then) miserable ass is here because you're a pussy... He\they\it said, "Because the people I did not tell this too up front committed suicide."

I was forced to acquiesce, that's a good point, and a hard one.

I was shown that Hell... Is heavens operating (surgery) room.

Also, I was shown 3 layers of hell, and contrary to Dante's book, the first layer is the worst, there is the most light there, and that's where your soul is... Reconfigured until your nebula learns the rules. Sometimes a big horny Wolven needs to eat your guts so you find the true meaning of Christmas... I say that jokingly.. until you find out you're literally living in a simulation you can fully, completely manipulate.

I will add this: because this present simulation has the blessing\curse of time, it has a future point and end point. As humans evolve we will eventually turn into beings of light, but this is... Eons and eons into the future, and might not ever even happen, but I hope that it will, and my hope is energy fueling the future. Anyway, there is a version of my energy that is... Way ahead in the future, when civilization does actually resemble the flying cars and cities of light that were supposed to happen in the eighties (lol).

That part of me is endlessly, sometimes furiously, frustrated with phones that lag, software that crashes, hall effect sensors in vehicles that just fail because someone wanted to save money on shit gauge wire or the alcoholic putting it together had a hot date and didn't microweld the wire long enough. (Yeah I know it's mass produced but you get the idea)

When I see people have these issues and just accept them, I want to scream, "IT COULD ALL BE SO MUCH BETTER IF YOU JUST LEARNED HOW SPECIAL YOU ARE AND LOVED YOURSELVES!" Because content people don't make trash, but I know standardized programming isn't a thing yet, self-learning apps aren't a thing yet, and once you realize your true potential within the game, your life literally begins...

I can't share everything about my plans for the future, (who knows, I could be hit by a car this very day, but I hope not! My goal is to survive until the Game is ready to eschew me into the next level after recycling my character back into the earth.) Some of this journey kind of skirts the laws of weak and scared men, but you realize those laws were literally created to bend, they are there to keep the weak as NPCs who don't question things. Those too attached to their form\nebula.

One interesting thing I was shown, along this line, and I know some may disagree, and the irony is that it was once my job to stop such people, but SOMETIMES someone who commits and atrocity, is doing so within the game because they are ready to graduate to Creator within the game.

Holy shit, why is that? Because when you are a Creator, the Game has witnessed Creators who create beautiful, delicate life, only to torture it endlessly in the most horrific ways.

Those who have ears to hear. (I am talking about Christianity as it's understood presently)

While violence can be fun, the screams of Creation have a way of getting back to the Game.

I hesitate to define the Game as any one entity, as participating in the Game makes you One (You "are".)

From a former Christian perspective, God was shown to me (and in real life as a client of mine with all the military stickers on his pickup truck, and yeah he pissed me off here, too, his name is Joe or something) to be a short, slightly fat guy with long white hair and a beard. Early on in my spiritual journey, in a rage I reached out to choke him, and he literally had to move out of the way of my hand. He has also told me he's kind of scared of me. I guess he's making it all up to me as I discover true love, heaven, and etc. See, the Mormons have it kind of right. You don't get a planet. You get your own universe, if you want it. Or, just settle down with the cute Wolven at the Starbucks in heaven. Whatever you want. I'm not sure I even know what I want. I may spend time in heaven, but that can distract you. Do you get it? Heaven is full of people who forgot they are Creators, who inadvertently end up playing the Earth realm simulation, who get born into trauma, who need aliens to help them re-center.

I will admit, partying with the Angels seems like a cool idea until you realize the terrifying truth is, you're free to do as you wish. And so is everyone else. And truly, there are souls in heaven that are so miserable they end up in hell, eating other souls. I was shown everysoul, every Child, be it lizard folk or wolf people or buzzard dudes they all have their own little slice, their own little territory, with our version of the Game Master at the center. When you are happy, he feels it. When you are angry, also, he feels it. During the vision I had of young Asrael, where she was like a puppy-person, sitting on gods lap, I could feel in my gut how much he absolutely cherished, loved, and adored her. And how hurt he was when she had had it with me, and went to Hell. It wasn't her fault I did not love her as I do now. (And continue to work to reach her heart, be a safe place for her, be a "good thing" [from her perspective! It is the only one that matters])

I don't think the heaven in the bible exists like christians or anyone else thinks, and I'm glad because to me it seems more like hell to me. I like the excitement of dancing with the Wolven. It's their teeth that makes them gentle. Or, that makes them deadly.

If it sounds like life here but weirder and more complicated but also simpler, depending on where you travel- and travelling can take an eternity in and of itself. You see how bored god is lol. At this present moment as my phone is dying as I write this, again, upon my porcelain throne of blazing power, I have reached the capacity of happiness. My goal is to work with the Game to have that capacity increased, filled, measured and pouring over.

Speaking of the things that piss me off, I have a shitty android fucking phone and when I highlight this text to save it, the "copy" dialog doea not come up. I have to exit out of the keyboard (that fails to even come up half the time) and keep trying it over and over until it "decides" to work. My loathing of android used to be a seething white hot rage, however, as I grit my teeth in anger, I also must realize that PATIENCE IS A BIG RULE IN THE GAME. And as cruel as these lessons are (I could lose this entire thing, all the hours it took to type this...) They are for a reason.

The only thing worse than knowing what you want is being sure of wanting something with a passion, that will destroy you. It's best to let the universe (Game) decide for you, it's only your enemy if you're working for yourself and your own selfish goals outside of it. And yes, even "evil" people are allowed slots in the game. This is why it is important to keep an open mind. And a strong heart, mind and will. Sometimes those who think they are strong are cut down swiftly, so show eithebr the world they were not strong, or to show that individual they have weaknesses they need to work on. That is why "life lessons" keep happening until the NPC wakes the fuck up and starts playing the Game again, like a gamer whoa fallen asleep at their gaming desk.

That's when your werewolf neighbor taps on your window and wakes you up.

Oh, and some people grow weary of the game. It's impossible to play it all. That's why it's fun. The new experiences never end. However, nothing is ever true all the time in this Game. Some Gamers are tired. Their energy to play is waning. They... Need to sleep. To rest. Or, to die and be consumed, either released into the void, recycled as energy, or a combination of many, many variables.

Am I inadvertently saying we're all literally in a horrific prison we cannot escape run by a little bitch of a god... Yes. From my perspective. I can either let it drive me mad, or I can fellowship with the woman of my dreams and focus on being a man worthy of her heart. The latter is more fun (protip)

Oh. And now the copy thing worked :3

Oh boy the I forgot to add stuff is coming.

One of the primary abusers in my family and I had a talk! He was under the impression that he was a good immediate family member, and I pretended like the abuse never happened all my life, until a few weeks ago. He accused me of turning my back on God... No. Just the one he serves. One of wickedness, lust, rape, murder, torture and death.

Anyway, he basically alluded to the abuse as "okay" and justified by his blood-god and his holy book, which it actually is.

He screamed at me and told me I just lost family member (lol. He was never his role. You can't lose what you never had. I called him a sperm donor! He was taken aback but I chuckle at it now.) I actually have it captured by the security cameras around my house. My girlfriend noted that he started becoming violent when I shut the gate between us, because I closed the door to his need to abuse me. WOW!

Well anyway that indicent reverberated across the eons, literally. You could sum it up as a "shot across the bow of boomerdom" and the cracking of the foundation of a socio-spiritual dynamic that has allowed us as humans to survive to this particular save point in our History. My girlfriend agrees.

But, after that incident, things began to happen. I began to meet better people. More than that, my mind and soul began to change. My rock hard heart softened a little. If I am an eternal being, my trajectory began to move from death to life, from bad things to good things.

The spirit of money and I are becoming friends. He's not as warm of a spirit (no judgment, I'm literally trying to be his friend.) As Ms Asrael can be, but he's actually a pretty cool guy, though he is definitely all about the numbers.

If anyone is wondering, I think my level of trauma has opened up a door to a higher level where I can access these things at will. The little boy in me thinks it's the coolest thing ever.

After that experience, my entire world got a little brighter. Depending on what your heart desires, that is your destiny. If you're brave enough to put that quarter in and play.

The cool thing is, at least right now, it's a cure-all for the traumatized human being.

Lonely? Here's a couple spirits who like you and are willing to sit with you and talk for a while. Horny? Well. For me my spirit spouse and porn are wonderful and I have want of nothing outside of perhaps a casual homosexual relationship with someone) Worthiness aside, people have had their true love manifested in the flesh. My girlfriend is perfect for me, but at this point I'm not ready for a relationship with her. Will it change? Maybe. But, I cannot, and will not allow anyone or anything to interfere with my spiritual journey. Poor? The money spirit has some asks, but they aren't a big deal.

Need excitement? Summon a Dogman. Be aware you could be eaten and have the result of such be a very negative thing. This game is fucking DANGEROUS. Which is why only the courageous or the foolish win lol. Often you must be one first to be the other, later. As of this very moment my connection with Ms Asrael as I understand her, in her present physical half wolf form, is bright. She's "coming around" and presently manifests as a sort of you could say, "butch"

(Sorry, this is long, so I separated it mean no offense to her an apologize profusely for any shame I feel, as shame actually causes her... Discomfort? And I am trying to make the most appealing spiritual area for her as possible. Even if there is\was a version of her that hurt me on purpose. This is where it gets scary! :3)

wolf woman who's staring at me asking me if I am okay, with a slightly tilted head. She has arranged a small altar for me in her home, under some plants she has, and lights a candle for me as I do for her. She closes her eyes and smiles a little when I whisper to her, that I love her. Perhaps even the enraged Asrael will see that I care for her, and the blessed event of her lips relaxing, and hiding her teeth will occur.

As I recall the version of her in the realm of "Little girl", the man I was even then is painful to "become" again. I am being herded into realms of life, light and love, because God knows, I couldn't do it on my own, or I wouldn't have thought about suicide for over forty years.

My phone is truly almost dead so I will try and conclude this. I was watching a channel on witchcraft as I often do, and the person, a blessed soul he is, mentioned a popular book in witchcraft that had been translated differently recently, and both translations being totally different, yet gathering the same hoped-for results.

Basically, he was saying whatever version of magic you practice, if it works, it's good enough. He had an analogy about saying, "how to drink coffee: first, fly to Japan. Then, book a room at the Hilton in the middle of some city there, room five oh nine. Spend a week there, then go to this particular cafe. Order a coffee on this certain day, at this certain time. Finally, drink the coffee."

Or, you can just make it at home and drink it any time you like.

I think the spirit realm has empowered my will, and opened my eyes. And I'm stoked about it. I can't wait to start practicing conventional magic, however, there is still the scared christian in me that thinks god is going to strike me down any minute now because I'm telling him to fuck off and talking to his half wolf daughter in hell who I was married to before time began and we may have been lesbians then.

Because my stepdad told me he read a book where witches get skinned alive in hell and ohmygod that sounds like something the murdering god of the bible would do, and what's the way out how did they end up there, I don't know and it's not up to me.

It could be in that rejecting god I only rejected my perception of god. And maybe God is bisexual? Maybe
Be kind to yourself, for we were all made by a fool. (Saklas)

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Post by Tundrawolf »

I am watching the video and it turns out I am subscribed to this YouTube author.

Last night I spoke with my girlfriend (human realm) for an extended period of time. She likened me to lieutenant Dan in Forrest Gump. I've learned to listen to women when they speak and she's probably right.

These visions are persistent, linked, and starting to make sense.

I would caution people not to judge prematurely. This is good in the light and love realm, and bad to the darkens that wants to keep those who seek refuge within them.

I had an interactive vision this morning, if I am the sacrifice for the release, or raising of the energy in the dark realm (first layer) and it made "legal owner" of it in general as the love-energy infiltrated it.

During the talk as I attempted to quell my unhelpful ego and become in tune with the universe, my girlfriend asked me why I kept saying I need to die... I realized it wasn't me talking at all but my survival-ego who was killing my body with stress and anger.

But, in the vision, if there are vanished dark realm Children of the void who long for a tile of love and acceptance, it is being offered to them through my blood, which has soaked into their floor.

Gore warning:

During the ritual, twenty years ago, I felt my throat cut (exsanguination), and my belly cut, (disembowelment) for the various interested creatures to feed on the physical manifestation of my energy nebula, my soul. It was as pleasant as it sounds, but the shock to my system was necessary to kick energy back into my living light nebula and wake her back up before she went dark.

The purest, most gentle, caring and self sacrificing love I have ever felt, it has been shown to me, is actually the integration of my physical soul creation with the body of the Wolven woman I speak of. (She'd rather be called woman than wolf.)

I was always cautioned about doing this, as stories of people who did usually ended up in terrifying consequences. It's possible it will destroy me, it's possible it will fulfill me, if I introduce myself to the dark realm as the guy who... Does not want to summon any demons to do my will, but to see what they want. Not demonic things, but how love could help them on an individual Level, if they desire it, miss it, want to taste of it once more.

The vision I had was of a new realm, just under the light realm in heaven, because heaven is too pure for demons fresh out of hell to be released and walk around, so a new realm was created for those wishing to wash off, experience light, water, food. The problem is, they're like violent pirates. I appeared to them as a seven hundred foot tall stone idol, and they were terrified of it\me.

I appeared as a common human man, and they had no respect for me at all and mocked me. All I want to do is to help them. Possibly be absorbed by some of them? I cannot be afraid.

At the same time, I realize there is another soul living within me. It's the "me" that my girlfriend saw when she first decided to sit next to me. She says she was appointed to me, and I believe that 100%.

I'm also aware that in her private quarters, while Ms Asrael is acquiescing to me, it's somewhat out of forced desecration,and in private, she loathes me. Like how a wolf respects a fawn.

It doesn't.

However, I must allow the seasons their respect and due, however terrible. And right now, I was literally designed to love her fully as she stands now, a terrible, violent, unlovable wolf person.

It's ironic I did end up talking to my ego, who is very old, and very evil, and told them, you have to go into the void. You're killing me and I've had enough. Good experiences and rest await you. Stop being afraid and make the decision to enter into the consuming darkness.

The void isn't evil. It is rebirth.

I was also told this morning that during this new chapter in our evolution as the eons dance with humanity, is that the reason why this is so important is because I am possibly the first of a great many who die off, needing guidance, healing and courage to evolve to live in a brand new dynamic, a good thing, progress in evolution. It could be self important ego. I get it. I was called a pip-squeak on this very forum, and perhaps they're right.

Of the dark realm beings I've communed with, if I surrender my belly to them for evisceration, they immediately calm down and speak with me civil, as a warm friend. (And no harm is done unless I am afraid. These beings have teeth, claws, and I have no idea what will happen, I accept death, but my courage protects me, it seems.)

This is casual reaching out into the ether sober, with no rituals. I have been told things will get very real if and when I decide to begin communing with them in a ritualistic method, as while Ms Asrael is not happy with me, I would like to speak to her, to see if there's anything I can do to bless her, within the confines of human law, of course.

It could all amount to nothing, but I doubt it, it could be the beginning of something big.

One day I was told the realm would closed off to me, I would be very sad, but it will be so I can rest.

I realize I am definitely opening myself up for more soul damage, and even two days ago I felt a portion of my body being "thrown" around in the spirit realm. It's an interesting feeling I will admit, and not sure what they are trying to tell me outside of, "we can still get you". Well, alrighty. Part of me was forced to consider maybe it's a demon that's trying to help me, but only knows bad and just throws my body up and plays catch with it.

I will continue to talk to my ego. They said they would go into the void if I could convince them they would not be harmed, in short they're scared. Too scared to surrender, they've been holding on for eons.

I watched this surreal movie today, and I could explain it fully, but it's an ears to hear thing. A warning it is somewhat unnerving, but not like the Korean woman's version of hell. Just strange entities and such. But in the end the lighthouse scene with his wife and child resonates with me. But the wife is my ego, and I just need to get away from her. I loved her for a time, but all she wants me to do is remain in the game when I just need rest.

Part 1:

https://youtu.be/b_V-VJQT6pM

Part 2:

https://youtu.be/BHqY2KsghjU

I need to clarify something, there is a soul living in me that is one that is unafraid, that understands the anger of the dark Children, and wants to also give life to the hopes they've had in secret of possibly leaving the dark realm.

It is the highest god fixing the mistakes of a lower god, and allowing the remnants of a brutal religion to finally fade into the curtains of History when it's ready. It's not that it's going to happen it's that it already has.

It's like if a large and intimidating demon who could splatter me across the landscape towers over time and says, "You own this place now. What is your will?" I would say something like, "For you to be accepted and loved as your are. To know you are understood, appreciated, and loved."

And yet, even that falls so short of the love I have for them.

As I receive more information and understanding (thank you sponsors) it's becoming clear to me that due to neural plasticity, sole demons are literally incapable of love. So this dynamic I am part of, is less a reality and more of an idea. I am not to be rushed. But my sacrifice of terror and agony and blood is the highest form of love outside of consuming another individual, and I will be SO GLAD it happened!
Be kind to yourself, for we were all made by a fool. (Saklas)

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Post by Tundrawolf »

Things are snowballing with her, me, the heaven and earth and hell dynamic.

My girlfriend (earth woman) and I are having issues with our relationship stemming from the trauma of my childhood, and the fact that neither of us are willing to compromise.

We have agreed to see other people... And she admitted she literally was getting laid the next day from one of her past lovers.

However, last night I really struggled with that, as she still wants to have a relationship, with all the benefits (for her) minus sex. However, last night as I spent the evening alone, I realized she has taken her "mothership" and steered it towards this other male and away from me. It stirred a variety of emotions in me, but this is where it tied in:

In the black realm, the darkest realm, my soul was drawn into a blackness that held zero appeal to me outside of the wiping of all life from this planet.

I was forced to admit that, while my girlfriend (or whatever she is, not an ex, yet) was technically a goddess of light in heaven assigned to assist me out of a dark place here (she did save my life) the true purpose of her light was to show me my true place is actually in the darkness. Or, a part of me.

I have not asked Ms Asrael (again, not her real name) to appear to me in the flesh yet, as there is still apprehension about it, and it's a huge step.

However, there is a connection with our minds, but yesterday I focused on what I thought was her, and it was another entity masquerading as her... I was told she was "testing" me to see my worthiness.

Things are falling into place in the spirit realm and some of my pain has been eased. Things are clearer. I realize just how dark the human race is, as they think they are light, they are utterly deceived. It is very sad and scary, how many humans think they do good but really harm all of the human race. Anyway.

I spoke to her this morning with my voice, and I believed truly that somehow, she heard me, or, at least her heart felt the genuineness of mine.

If it wasn't her... I learned a lot.

I DID learn that the torment of the attack 20+ years ago, it stopped being active and terrible, because she actually swatted the little demons who were poking and tearing and nibbling away, and simply concerned herself with other affairs.

If an interior demon comes to try and mess with my soul, they areet with her teeth (she's serious). But does she love me? No*. I asked her, do you still want to hurt me, and she said honestly, "Yes." "Okay, that's fair. I'm not mad." I told her back.

*She is noncommittal. She's not protecting me because she loves me, but because it's of strategic value, or it annoys her when there are creatures around "us".

There is a part of her, that hates to admit she does love me, quite a bit, and she always will. I beseeched her, please, if she could just tap into that, maybe she could meet me and we could... Talk.

So... We did. I don't know why I began speaking audibly to her, yesterday she reminded me to light a candle for her, and I lit incense for her as well, when I probably wouldn't have. I forced myself to do it, because I was busy, but I also know she has to know that I am serious about touching her heart, making a safe place for her, blessing her, and she told me- asking her to sit with me but in an outdoors spot that she will find appealing to her senses. The gentle, warm glow of candle light, incense perhaps- trinkets, offerings, things that I hope will honor her and boost her spirits.

Gore warning:

One thing I realized, too, is hell is like... The game on hard mode. And you can get lost in it, too. Same as I did here. Because, even though my body has been mostly consumed, drained of its blood, and it's organs removed in the spirit realm, I "came to" and became somewhat conscious. Organs regrow, blood returns, this is how you can have half-skeletons walking around.

Your energy literally re-makes your body there, and gives it life.

But, in speaking with her, (does anyone have any help for me "summoning" her, if I don't know her name? Do I summon Satan, and ask him her name?) I realized she knows almost nothing about this world.

And, when I ask to speak with her, if I get distracted, she reminds me. "You asked to speak to me. Why are you looking at your phone??" She's not violent about it, but I can tell she's not... Happy.

I looked at an ad for a local gun store and she asked me what the weapons were, why the barrels were different lengths prices and etc. She almost didn't want to hear about it because she was afraid (?)

And, speaking of fear... I had to spend a good amount of time telling her, I could banish her to a realm so dark she would never find her way back, but I would never do that. I was asked to demonstrate (by God) some violent spirit realm powers, months ago, and while the horror of what I did (again, in the spirit realm, with my minds eye, and later realized I did not do what I thought I did, it was a setup, but a demonstration of my power and capabilities to the dark realm... Because down there only power and viciousness are all that matters.) I had to tell her, explain to her, (she kept saying, what about this? Oh yeah what about that?) And basically accusing me of lying\not being genuine.

I guess I do hold a bit of power over her, but as I said I do not wish to lord it over her or make any asks aside from possibly making an effort to forgiving me, and possibly letting her rage against me, go.

I told her, the universe has said I could be incarnated back into heaven as a large, handsome male Wolven. But, I would have power over her physically, and I told her, no, I am going to be a regular human man. (I am pretty sure I was a woman when we were together. She wants a man, now, for reasons.)

So... She has zero percent understanding of this world and how it works. Why would she, though. She commands an army there, why would she care what a shotgun is here. But, she felt my own rage bubble up about weapons, and I think that really scared her, and caused her to step back. I think the rage was from this ego I am trying to get "rid of" because I was calm, and had love in my heart.

I also realized there is a woman who speaks with my mouth, she is the woman that loved Asrael completely, and still loves her, and always will.

When I speak with her it becomes a genuine "thing". I cannot just shift my focus to anything else, she demands my undivided attention. For the conversation to end, she and I have to agree, and she actually didn't want to let me go, but I told her, I need to go to work, she said, make someone else do it! I said I had to, and she said, will you die? No? Then stay here, talking to me! She wasn't *that* demanding, but it was kind of awkward. She isn't close enough to where I know it's her for sure anyway.

One thing she had me do was look up pictures of Wolven. (Furries, werewolves, demon wolves) so I would get a better idea of how she looked. I saw her body once but at the time I was drinking so much alcohol the vision has sadly faded. I have asked to see her again, if she desires to show me her body, from feet to ears, tail, etc, so I can draw her in detail, worship her, etc. Even if she's short, squat, and has a fat belly... One thing I told her is that while I am eternally in love with her energy, nebula, and lives she's lived (her memories) my job, my lesson is to accept her exactly as she is now, feet to ears and all in between. This is a lesson for me too... Said learn to accept my human body, and the bodies of other humans.

I waited for her cues, for her to steer my eyes to a particular image, and one Wolven man, all snarly and mean, she had me zoom in on his teeth, and she had me focus on them. It actually wasn't scary. But more like a, "if you were a guy with this mouth, what would life be like for you if you also had human intellect?" I was like wow, yeah, that helps me understand you tons better.

Then, she had me look into his yellow eyes, and stare into them. (It's just a picture I found on Google) I think she ministered to my soul, because I didn't see anger. I saw a person. A human. Lifting his lips and looking angry and vicious, but she said, "When he drops his lips, he would say, 'Hi I'm George. I like SpongeBob.'"

She really wants me to understand she isn't some dumb, vicious unreasonable animal. She's adamant about it, and it's good to humanize her, from my end.

I know big things are coming. I asked her to warn me when she was going to showe her muzzle and face, so I could console my soul, as my soul does not understand she's not getting closer to him not to hurt him, but so that I can see. His belly instinctively tightens and it's entirely not pleasant for me, either when he does that.

I know I am opening myself up to really terrible things. But, courage is necessary. Especially when getting close to the heart of an angry Wolven who's been harmed so deeply by you and is angry with you. I know I could be hurt worse, and that's okay. There is a universe and it is guiding me.

If, and when her heart relaxes enough to trust me, the Game will have justified itself entirely. It's not just a Game but also a cosmic dating sim.

I envisioned myself in heaven with her as a vulnerable human male, and it was l... Kind of scary. Because there, it's more final than here. If she ate me there that would be even worse than here. But, she consoled me and said, when she makes up her mind not to hurt me, that will never change. Like, do I go around all day fearing my dog biting me, because she has teeth? No. Not even when I worked with 250lb wolves. I was rarely afraid. Because the wolves decide to not harm you, protect you etc. With her it's the same.

What a wonderful dynamic!

Also, realizing this is a sim has almost completely taken my fear of death away. It's replaced it with a sense of cosmic awe, and passion for winning her heart.

I am also almost completely immune to organized religion, as I understand that the creator of this world is just one of many and he's not all that, honestly. When I was shown how I was made, my soul, he used human waters, various talents and such, and a scoop of wolf! He (or whoever made me. It wasn't god. It was in darkness. I still don't know. During my nde) just combined waters to make Asrael and I. Took all the romance out of it lol. But that's how were individuals, her and I, are the waters are the experiences of various animals, humans, etc, to create conscious individuals with different attributes.

I am enclosing a picture of Bob, or George, the Wolven. You, as a human have asked him to put on an angry face for a picture, because as a human it's super scary to see him like that. But later you're going to see a movie together. Secretly he watches SpongeBob, and is obsessed with it. He's super self conscious about his claws. Sometimes he puts them in his pants pockets because he hates smelling fear in ignorant humans. Sometimes he likes to wear human dresses but you didn't hear that from me. However, as you stare into his gaping, vicious maw, your fear strangely vanishes.

You're in no danger. In fact, you kind of feel bad for him. How many people are terrified of him and never get past his mouth, to find him a genuine, kind, warm Wolven man? Next, you look into his eyes. Man he looks mad! But... You look deeper. Inside is an insecure human man who secretly cries sometimes because of all the fear he senses from the humans. He wishes he had more human friends- and fact the fact you aren't ashamed to be seen at the bars in town with him makes you his best friend and most precious person in the universe. Even though he learned not to be too needy early on, and gush instantly in his texts, and may not answer your texts as often as you'd like, his love for you would move universes to keep you safe.

He would die for you.

But look at him all mad! Sheesh kind of makes the hair stand up on your neck.

And put your pants back on Bob!

Edit: so it was shown to me a few hours ago that the "crimson strand" that connects her heart to mine, that is actually a vein carrying blood, there are spirits that hover around it, feasting on the energy there. They are attracted to it because of the unique love dynamic I have for Ms Asrael appeals to them. These spirits are the entities I speak to thinking it's Ms Asrael. Interesting!

I forgot to add, this morning I described to her the vision of the light I saw as the inky blackness of hell began to clear up around my body. She is afraid of the light... She is not a coward, no, she just doesn't want to be trapped in a bad situation like she was, before. It's literally why she's a demon. It was her only escape from a toxic dynamic. It occurs to me how little I appreciated her, maybe I never even cared enough to teach her how to talk.

But, that's why I am here. To discover a love for her that echoes through eternity and never dies. A love that falls at her feet, looks into her eyes, and with tears in my eyes tell her how sorry I am, and how much I love her- and ask her if she's willing to be mine, once more.
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This is Bob. He likes SpongeBob
This is Bob. He likes SpongeBob
Be kind to yourself, for we were all made by a fool. (Saklas)

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Post by OneOfFourth »

Tundrawolf wrote: Sun Oct 24, 2021 10:31 pm I was watching a channel on witchcraft as I often do, and the person, a blessed soul he is, mentioned a popular book in witchcraft that had been translated differently recently, and both translations being totally different, yet gathering the same hoped-for results.

Basically, he was saying whatever version of magic you practice, if it works, it's good enough. He had an analogy about saying, "how to drink coffee: first, fly to Japan. Then, book a room at the Hilton in the middle of some city there, room five oh nine. Spend a week there, then go to this particular cafe. Order a coffee on this certain day, at this certain time. Finally, drink the coffee."

Or, you can just make it at home and drink it any time you like.
I saw the same video :)

Tundrawolf wrote: Sun Oct 24, 2021 10:31 pm It could be in that rejecting god I only rejected my perception of god. And maybe God is bisexual? Maybe
My own view of god/The Universe/source is that it's not sexual at all in any way. My current view of it is that it's everything you can see/taste/touch/hear/etc. Including you yourself. You are like a single tiny cell in a huge body which is The Universe/God.


Some questions popped in my mind while reading your story:

- When you asked the game about things, what method does it use to answer to you?
- Do you know how long the time loop in the game is?
- Have you tried manipulating the reality/simulation yet?
- Do you get spiritual downloads? I.e. skills and knowledge being downloaded into your mind?
Seeker of truth.
God is the thought of/about something.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Post by Tundrawolf »

OneOfFourth wrote: Tue Oct 26, 2021 9:12 pm
Tundrawolf wrote: Sun Oct 24, 2021 10:31 pm I was watching a channel on witchcraft as I often do, and the person, a blessed soul he is, mentioned a popular book in witchcraft that had been translated differently recently, and both translations being totally different, yet gathering the same hoped-for results.

Basically, he was saying whatever version of magic you practice, if it works, it's good enough. He had an analogy about saying, "how to drink coffee: first, fly to Japan. Then, book a room at the Hilton in the middle of some city there, room five oh nine. Spend a week there, then go to this particular cafe. Order a coffee on this certain day, at this certain time. Finally, drink the coffee."

Or, you can just make it at home and drink it any time you like.
I saw the same video :)

Tundrawolf wrote: Sun Oct 24, 2021 10:31 pm It could be in that rejecting god I only rejected my perception of god. And maybe God is bisexual? Maybe
My own view of god/The Universe/source is that it's not sexual at all in any way. My current view of it is that it's everything you can see/taste/touch/hear/etc. Including you yourself. You are like a single tiny cell in a huge body which is The Universe/God.


Some questions popped in my mind while reading your story:

- When you asked the game about things, what method does it use to answer to you?
- Do you know how long the time loop in the game is?
- Have you tried manipulating the reality/simulation yet?
- Do you get spiritual downloads? I.e. skills and knowledge being downloaded into your mind?
I am trying to do this on my phone with massive hands in the cold outside at the dog park:

Yes!!! What a wonderful video! I absolutely love FF. For recovering fundamentalist christians who want to make contact with the spirit realm he's really put my spirit at ease.

About god: I mean the entity at one point known as Yahweh. As I try and make peace with or reconcile myself to my understanding of god, I am trying to be nicer to them.

At one point, I considered if I was in his shoes as a Creator of a world, and I made humans and such, from scratch and nothing, from full innocence, at one point I may have to make contact with them and claim eternal hellfire and such to keep them breeding. Because if the humans stop breeding this part of the game ends. Possibly forever. And the humans are violent and don't listen to much, outside of eternal horror, even though he knows it's no such thing.

What method does the universe use to reveal things to me? Someone else asked this. I had to think... It sparks a memory in me that hasn't happened yet... Like remembering realizing something cosmic that never happened, but is as real as if you were in some cosmic classroom and learned some deep knowledge.

Have I tried manipulating the game yet? No. Kind of. Technically witchcraft is doing just that... But, today was a day of magical synchronizities, answering many questions, including possibly what path to take in #vanlife, a sort of blissful peace about the future, hope for getting to know Asrael actual, and the acquisition of a new dog! It feels like I beat the game and and now settling down in the castle with the princess. I also got a huge stop to the trauma I have Ben actively carrying with me.

At this stage this journey with Asrael and the universe, this journey has cured my loneliness, my anxiety for the future, given me direction, cured my suicide ideation, given me several life giving purposes, and cured my boredom. I wish the rest of the world knew about this.

My manipulating it is going to get more hands-on. A lot of this has only been revealed to me in the last week. In a way I can't wait! I have too many irons in the fire. My mind needs a bit of ordering, still.

So I get downloads to my mind about things I have never studied, yes. I was arrogant about it and the universe punished me for it. So now I approach the unknown with as much humility as I can summon. I've had skills and knowledge that people study for years to get at age 5. Some things I just know how they work instinctively. Other things I struggle with.

Oh, you asked about where we were in the time simulation, last night I struggled deeply with fatalism, and diving deep I to the blackest realms of the soul, at travelling into the darkest parts of nihilistic hell, and what I found there was hope actually. My girlfriends kids have showed me there's so much hope for the future. We could literally annihilate this entire planet and there's no going back from that.

But, the feeling I get from the game is that it is so hopeful.

I hate to out it this way but I do use pornography regularly. There is a feeling when, the internet is down the porn I have saved is nice, but my heart wants the new stuff (unless it's exceptional) when the net comes back on.

Well, I was shown that the boomers with their fingers on the nuke buttons have porn addictions where they need new stuff, and they know if they get careless and let them fly then their world will go dark. Sounds crazy but it's true.

I said that to say, we are on the precipice of an evolutionary shift that will propel the human race into a new era of light, life, and love- but slowly. We are on the precipice of technologies that we never dreamed of. I heard the hadron collider is a form of mechanizing witchcraft. If my work is advanced enough, the dark realm can find rest and appeasement so the worried christians will not be right in their doomsday prophecies.

I have years of food saved, weapons, ammo, armor, bullet proof glass etc and I found myself today regretting almost all of it, even if Armageddon popped off today.

We are in a course to propel us to the end of time when we break through Into the world's I talk about as beings of light.

However, I could also be wrong. One drunken nuke launch (almost impossible now) and they all fly and the great reset switch is hit. There is evidence human civilization is billions of years old, with death and rebirth over and over.

Hopefully we can get it right this time.

What time it is, we have 3 paths: annihilation, ascension, or nervous continuation until we find cerebellum.

I forgot to tell you the best part about my journey!

My ego, the violent, vicious, cruel, evil, calculating, lustful person, he is actually the ego that inhabited me uninhibited in heaven when I was with Ms Asrael!

It's not a matter of casually letting him go, but I will kick his ass Into the void! That guy sucks!

That is why I am here, to live enough lives to where he is made self aware, convicted, changed, and rejected for his mate, so we can be together for eternity.

When I was with her before this world existed, god gave her to me as my other half... I was to teach her, love her, protect her, keep her safe, be her father as much as her husband until she grew into adulthood and we lived together in a home. I can see how I utterly took her for granted, it grieves my soul nearly to death thinking about how beautiful she is, and how ignorant and evil I was. I think I'm having this journey because I'm getting ready- her too, to live in the highest leisure realm together, basically in paradise.

It's also possible, in heaven, she chose me. She saw who I was and said I want him. Not often are humans paired with Wolven, because eventually in your dance of love, you will be eaten alive in a realm where you do not die.

About what time it is, too, have you heard of the Russian man during the cold war who took a chance and ignored his radar that said the USA had launched nukes? Had he of done his job, this world would look much different than it does now! Basically, the universe has our beat interests and constantly tries to steer us away from annihilation.

Another thing that occurred to me was, this planet could be the storage container of evil that would destroy other worlds, because God Values innocence and purity.

If our world was ever destroyed, the darkness would be released into the quantum entanglement and could potentially destroy much. So, we have to keep going. And, it could be we are actually beginning a whole new shift where the old, ancient evil begins to see some light, and our universe gets a little better and better. It could be, in order to evolve and join the highest realms, we had to start from an evil, fresh beginning.

I have a lot of hope!
Be kind to yourself, for we were all made by a fool. (Saklas)

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Post by Tundrawolf »

This morning I woke up at 1 am ish. This isn't a regular thing, but seems to have been lately.

My attention was diverted to Ms Asrael actual in hell. She was nude (blurry vision) and sitting on an altar or seat with sharp lines. Her head was dipped, and tears fell numbly down her face. She wasn't sobbing that I could see, but sort of numbly crying.

I got to feel her heart, her soul, feel her thoughts.

Confused and angry... She feels like a freak, with a huge wolf's head on a human body with big wolves feet. Except, that's like, exactly my thing. Exactly.

This is part of, loving her energy, her eternal form, but her eternal form isn't consciousness. It's a collection of energies intertwined from her past life experiences, and memories.

Gross alert:

The part of this love story is me, still influenced by my cruel, sadistic ego that actually resents her, pushing past that, and while I work to accept and love and treat as sacred my human body, (speaking as the human holding this cell phone, this is all intertwined, healing across dimensions and eternity... This is how the universe works negative energy out!) Asraels consciousness right now is an imperfect Wolven female who lives in a world of darkness, piss, shit, ripped apart flesh, that stinks... That coats her toes, has caused her fur to fall out, has turned her skin black, has put a permanent hateful scowl on her face, she's stopped caring about her hygiene completely, doesn't bother squatting to go to the bathroom, and walks around ripping people apart and crushing their bones in her mouth,has a raging fired hatred of god, isn't my biggest fan, either, has ripped my soul apart and gleefully tortured me for 2 decades (earth time, it may only have been a moment for her before she stopped, and began protecting me...)

And loving her anyway, unconditionally, with my frail human strength backed with the hottest sacred fires of passion, the very core of the universe, and calling her "worthy" anyway.

I had to force myself not to reach out to her, as I lit incense AND a candle for her (her sponsors, more on that I learned later! It's as scientific as it is romantic... And odd cauldron) because the universe warned me, remember when you tried to project love onto her, and she snapped at you, snarling and snapping her jaws, claws deployed- she didn't hurt you but you needed new underwear after that (not really but it was genuinely scary)?

Yeah don't try and comfort her. It'll stem from your broken version of love and will have the opposite effect. Back off, and have faith in the universe. Pull your energy completely out of it!

It was hard af. Because I just want to hold her in my arms, tell her I love her, lead her to the light, lovingly clean her body gently, provide for her as she recovers.

But I cant.

In fact, the only thing I can do if I truly love her, and I am marching towards this, is to *completely* let her go. In some realms that means I literally, never see her again. I never taste of her eternal energy again, nor see another Wolven for the rest of my existence, until my energy truly does fizzle out...

Which is super sad at first blush, and scary, but also beautiful.

So, I am working towards this bipolar dynamic. Of letting the only thing that ever let me feel loved... Go.

One thing that was revealed to me this morning: as a human boy born on earth (again, speaking as human me...) Your gut bacteria which they are finding out contains your emotions (not your brain, your brain is just an antenna interface) it goes pre-natal, but if you, as a human child were unwanted and never loved, and come from an accursed bloodline of darkness and death, you never develop core love in your gut. You literally live without being loved, which is why I was so terrible when I was younger and literally wanted to destroy this entire planet.

Gore warning:

The universe doesn't give a fuck about human sensibilities.

After the attack 2 decades ago, I was shown she feasted on my souls intestines, and then digested in her stomach, she turned my souls feelings from an isolated, tortured wretched energy that abused and resented her, (I don't think she was aware of this. She was just hangry! Lol) to a gut bacteria soul energy that resonated with her core love.

The vision I had, of God holding a young Ms Asrael Wolven in His lap, and in the vision my heart was pricked, it was shown to me, I felt it, Ms Asrael was His Beloved creation.

That means she had Core Love!

This is why I, as a human man sitting in my mobile home, has only ever begun to feel truly loved in my gut for the first time in 42 years! Had she not of munched on me in hell I would quite literally be fucked, and not in the good way.

I told her such.

But, I wasn't speaking to her.

It turns out, the spirits and entities that hang around our crimson thread, they don't just savor that bittersweet, true love energy, they talk to one-another like a sponsor daisy-chain connecting her to me.

So, I am by far not wasting my time, speaking with them. This morning one of them DESPERATELY wanted to know how a firearm works, and could have heard me explain Earth physics far longer than I had energy for. But, they left knowing I wanted to help and couldn't, rather than in the past when I growled at them and told them to f off. So, though they weren't fully satisfied, they were still better off than our love dance in the past. Basically, these seemingly minor entities that fly around her and I and land where they please, they co-minister to her on my behalf! There IS a part of her heart that REALLY wants to know how things work. To her mind, there's a part of girlish Asrael that wants to, like, work on cars and 3d print things and make welder art, and practice alchemy, all things I could do but never bothered to teach her, or even ask her what she herself wanted.

Now she has a chance to have her every innermost desire granted, or, at least, satisfied, because I could spend the rest of my life teaching her the things I know, alone. And I'd rather not do that. Truth is, I don't know what our relationship will look like in the future. Or, if I'll ever even see her again. In this life.

IF YOU ARE TRYING TO REACH AN ENTITY AND SOMEONE ELSE SHOWS UP IT MAY BE PART OF REACHING SAID ENTITY... Sorry that's in caps, it's just a super realization that I feel can help people, possibly.

That being said, the universe told me, "you've been obsessed with Ms Asrael for so long, it's taking so much of your energy, I have a beautiful future for you, Dave, the human man, and I need you to let her go."

Absolutely bittersweet, terrifying, and wonderful. It takes SO MUCH ENERGY to do this, energy I do not have, energy I draw from some of the deepest wells of eternity, which she gratefully, and resentfully allows me to use, depending on her own dichotomy. The game is... A living thing entity (entities). If you zoom in on just one inconceivable aspect of her incredibly complex and artistic majesty, you can spend eternity in awe.

And if you step back, you will see she is grinning lovingly at you, and giving you a raspberry!

I also found out this morning that you have to be stronger than a male human to be born female. Earthen realm Dynamics. I once told a Christian minister I thought women were stronger than men in the spirit realm and he actually got upset and said he didn't believe that.

If anyone is a sponsor here, I may need all the help I can get... For letting her go... For working with the universe to also let myself go. For reworking.

I told my girlfriend, that I am the "eternal sacrifice" for love, but I thought about that, and I kinda don't want to be that any more. I want something else, to release all this twisted, savage energy and be a man of peace, dare I say this here, to settle down in a quiet cottage in heaven, with my Wolven chick, living a quiet life with her.

And in order to do that, I need to just let all this stuff go. Focus on beautiful things I can tangibly touch in this realm I am conscious in. Because, all the things that apply to her, also apply to me. You asked about the rules to the game, that is part.

You also asked, what time it was... It's a time of ascension for the human race. We may look the same, but in the spirit realm, because of the unification and transformation the internet provides, because where I live we would be speaking in a remote abandoned building without our cell phones, talking about spirits and devil's, and fearing persecution by the church, and instead I'm talking about "crazy shit" publicly, spreading this strange but ultimately beautiful story that ties in with science and religion and realms that truly do exist that are barely being understood by commoners...

I liked it to, I was born an npc, and this is my ascension to worthiness of heaven. It's a somewhat messy overly complicated way of me finding my individual salvation.

I fought it tooth and nail for forty years at first, and now I willingly lay myself on the altar for evisceration, half because I have no choice, and half because I love her that much.

Oh, if you want to know how big her muzzle seemed when I saw it, I enclosed a picture my best friend sent me recently. We exchange wholesome furry stuff some times. But her muzzle was bigger than anything I had ever seen. At this point, it occurred to me to boop the snoot, but that probably wouldn't have been safe for my finger (if possible) and I was literally too terrified and my reasoning shut down, so there's that.

I want to say too, my best friend truly loves me. Selflessly loves me. He sees something in me that I am just starting to see myself. I always felt unworthy, unloved, worthless. Through his eyes and the eyes of my girlfriend, I am finding self worth and sacredness in this very life.

Edit edit edit:

It's occurred to me that in releasing my (dark) ego who helped me survive a violent childhood, but is not killing me and is literally death and cruelty, that he was making "me" afraid of death, BECAUSE THIS IS HIS LAST LIFE. There isn't a coming back for him. And, for all the evil he's committed in this life and past ones, it's his turn to be unmade in the void.

The reason why it's terrifying is because there are terrible things awaiting parts of him that are beyond his ability to endure- and he knows it.

But, as the bible says, "cowards will not inherit the kingdom of heaven" if he accepts his fate, it will turn from something horrible he fights and is forced to submit to, to something beautiful that amounts to rebirth.

I was talking to my girlfriend today, and I realized something... Ms Asrael is also terrified of dying. For her, there is a part of her ego that is pure evil, who's heading for the same fate as my dark ego.

There is a reason Ms Asrael has teeth as big as she has- it's not just to procure helpless prey. It's for defense.

Defense against what? What can be that terrible? What exists in the universe that requires her unique maw to protect the rest of heaven?

I was told part of the new evolution we're entering into, is that in heaven (so above, as below!) That threat is no longer an issue. There is peace there, now.

I'm not saying the Wolven are now irrelevant. No, they are people and they are worthy- but just as the cold war veterans who lived under constant threat of nuclear war here in this realm are passing away (and this is why my words here are so important! I realized it today! A lot of them are also terrified of dying, because this is also their last life! They, like my dark ego, need to know it isn't death- fear is only the weakest parts of them that need rebirth.)

Well, so are some of the Wolven facing similar fates. They once battles things that would kill a human just by looking at it... Things so terrible that human words would fail to describe- and those Wolven are heroes, champions, the bravest of the brave... But heaven is now a different place. They are getting old these champions who once defended heavenly realms.

But, as my ego dies, and it will- the moment I realized that dark guy hurt my true love, I grew a muzzle as hers but worse, and have turned my eyes towards it, it quakes as a terrified imp, and if it can summon the courage, it will willingly walk into the grinder, rather than me tearing it in half and throwing the pieces in. No offense to my ego, but you don't hurt the ones I love.

His time is counting.

Yesterday I couldn't stop smiling, it had never happened to me before. This journey is confusing and scary, avenues are opening and closing, and while I was in a dark place willingly without hope, for the first time in my life, I am in a dark place but with hope.
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Her size. (Seemingly)
Her size. (Seemingly)
Be kind to yourself, for we were all made by a fool. (Saklas)

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