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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2021 2:50 am
by Tundrawolf
*mental illness warning:*

I realize by the established metrics among the humans that my audible and visible hallucinations are indicative of textbook "mental illnesses" and various descriptions of things that bother the normal people.

I dont care. My life is hard but at this point I wouldn't trade my hallucinations for anything in this world>

I was tempted to describe a dream I had a few days ago, but I wasn't possessed enough to do so until now.

*Gore warning!*

A few days ago a coven of witches visited me in my dreams. It was a very lucid dream. They teased and tempted me, tested me and twisted me around.

They desired to know my authenticity.

I was told to allow them their birth, and to thank them- which I did (they are from this website). In thanks, they gave me a way out, later after I awoke I realized I had a joyous way out, a transition to the afterlife that did not include the horror of what I had been enduring.

So, for that, I thank you.

They teased me and tried to take from my hands the things that gave me meaning, and rather than fighting them, I surrendered these things and those things to them.

In this dance they made their determination.

Several days later some things have been made apparent:

Some years after the attack on my soul, I had been plagued by terrible anxiety that had no escape. Even as I labored for my bread I was tortured without end. Confused and terrified, I realized it was up to me to end the torture and yet I did not know how. The answer was simple, I merely had to command it to stop and yet I could not.

It was as if I wanted the torture.

As I mined out my relationship with this Wolven woman who has the other half of my heart (I would not change a thing), I began to realize that in the afterlife you do not die, which makes any horrific engagement you find yourself in, is made that much worse, and if you have a human avatar, your punishment is made the times worse. Hence, why soul assassination is so horrific. It isn't the suffering that kills you. It's the reaction to it that does you in. You die by your own hand.

This is due to the fact that your human body feels everything your soul body does, all of the anxiety, the horror, the inability to help yourself. The dying as your organs are chewed up and feasted on, the things designed to sustain your (heavenly) life, your entrails chief of them (slow acting agony)

I realized today that when I endured the seemingly random but inescapable bouts of terror, than she was feasting on my newly formed attempting to heal, innards.

Only I could stop it, but I could not.

It was as if she was testing me, and making me strong. However, if you would have asked her at the time, I am sure she would say, "I was hungry and it was delicious. The blood flowed like vintage wine and I could not stop eating." This is not her fault. She is as much a victim of the creator as I am. But, she is powerful, and I am weak.

And, in doing so she made me strong.

In driving to a far away job to work my life away today, I heard her ask me,

"Do you love me?"

Rather than blurting out a resounding "yes", (I was instructed to look deeper) I instead asked to see her.

There are some things I cannot describe here that horrify me beyond my conscience, and so I will not describe what I saw here, after asking her to reveal herself to me.

I saw her and I told her, yes, I love you. (After summoning the strength)

I attempted to comfort her, but she refused me. I asked her why, and her reply was simple: "You cannot help me because you do not love yourself."

Her communication was telepathic.

It was like I was her, and she was me.

And due to my childhood trauma, a sacrifice had to suffer for me in my stead.

As was revealed to me, energy cannot dissipate,but also nether can it be created from nothing, so almost everything in this realm gets power from sacrifice, the transformation of energy.

I'm still unsure what to make of this, other than a desire to help Ms. Asrael in all of her forms.

I see her as a weeping dark angel, a woman of the night, broken and helpless, desperately hungry and yet vengeful, powerful and magnificent, a commander who's also a slave to her passions.

A woman just like me.

I felt the balance between us shift today. One day I will have to confront what she did to me. One day I hope to forgive her earnestly. Even if I am a disembodied ghost who can only so touch her. I want her to know she is forgiven, and loved.

As I once said, we could continue cleaving the flesh from one another bodies. But, in time maybe I can set the sword down. And fall at her feet. Look into her eyes and worship her- begging her forgiveness. For how low I fell and failed to acknowledge her beauty. Inside and out.

And maybe, rather than coming back as a big strong Wolven man, I instead come back as a frail human man subject to he mercies, loving her as only a weaker man could.

*Psychology*

In my work with earthen feral four-footed (some call them paws) wolves (known to the humans as canis-lupus, scientific nomenclature), I can say that they are some of the most genuine souls in this realm. They do not lie, they do not trick, if they love you they accept you fully, and if they reject you, it is for life. (Usually, not always.)

If you betray their trust, they may forgive you, but it will always be in the backs of their minds that you damaged the trust bond with them.

As was revealed to me, my Wolven wolf-wife, half wolf and half human, is also part human. It's become aware to me that us humans are a substrate of bonding with other creation, perfectly compatible as we have "half of a heart" and soul, always in need of another.

So, what is her psychology like? A perfect, simple, kind and loving creature combined with the suspiciousness of a clever, evil, human soul.

People fail to realize that a tail never lies.

Canines are the most genuine creatures in this realm. Combine that with the frailty of humanity and you have for a perfectly insecure being of pure love.

In reaching her? I'm not aware of any well trodden avenues to her. I'm not supposed to know them.

This is a work between the universe, her and I.

It is not a work of I.

I do not desire to place any asks on her whatsoever, lest she be burdened in the least, or coerced.

I desire her to come to her own conclusions, as her heart decides.

As of late the attacks on my soul have ceased for nearly five years.

I realize any hardships are part of the journey.

I desire her walk to be easy.

I just want her to be happy.

If I could have my selection of afterlife, it would be her and I, talking about our experience thus, laughing and sharing space together, sitting by a camp fire eating, etc.

As a man does not fear his dogs jowels, so i do not fear hers- though I don't make the parallel between her and a feral canine (she hates that.)

Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Posted: Thu Nov 04, 2021 12:18 am
by Amor
>If I could have my selection of afterlife, it would be her and I

I have seen both my parents in their afterlives. My father is with a group, primarily males, and it rather seems he is learning relationship.

My mother is on a noticeably higher subplane learning about energies. She tells me that she hardly ever sees him.

She currently has an eye on one of my future grandchildren - as her next incarnation

Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2021 6:39 pm
by Tundrawolf
Amor wrote: Thu Nov 04, 2021 12:18 am >If I could have my selection of afterlife, it would be her and I

I have seen both my parents in their afterlives. My father is with a group, primarily males, and it rather seems he is learning relationship.

My mother is on a noticeably higher subplane learning about energies. She tells me that she hardly ever sees him.

She currently has an eye on one of my future grandchildren - as her next incarnation
I get it.

You're right.

She doesn't love me.

I am a disembodied corpse of zero value to her nutritional, or otherwise.

Our hearts are connected, but what she desires is for the crimson strand to be severed, and if not severed, to turn grey and black and rot, disconnecting us. And if she has any hesitation it is only the dying remnant of a once real connection we shared at a time, long ago.

Alright.

I dedicated my heart months ago to acquiesce to her desires, and if she desires me to fuck off then so be it.

There's a reason why Genetta and Shenetta appeared to me, they both have an interest in me whereas Asrael does not.

Curious, however... Why was Asrael introduced to me at all? I could have gone the remainder of my mortal life in this realm never having gathered of her existence at all.

And yet, she is more real to me than anything I have experienced in my life.

Is god this cruel?

Please, please, please, do not answer that. I realize the sins god has accrued against itself are so numerous they cannot be counted.

This is only another drop in an insurmountable, galactic Ocean.

Genetta; the male Wolven elude me.

Only Asrael is ever present and real, never leaving me, never leaving my side, and yet despising me, hiding from me.

Ah yes, the cosmic shitshow.

And now, I must resume my labors in this realm, working my very life away for nothing at all.

Thinking about this, I realize, I am the problem here. She has moved on, recently my earthen girlfriend thought we were done and slept with a human male, I was initially happy for her to get laid but it later turned into a sort of rage of jealousy on my part.

Asrael is "seeing other people" and means more to me than any earthen spouse, and as such it seems I am the fool.

Is this what y'all have been trying to tell me?

I'm not the shiniest tool in the tree some times, by my own will.

Still, I don't want any more rounds around the breaking wheel on Earth, living more and more fucking lives, learning whatever the hell I'm supposed to get.

I grow weary of this life as of present.

I postulated to my girlfriend, my sins against Ms Asrael, how we were once paired, her, an innocent, voluptuous, beautiful, innocent Wolven woman of purity and grace, and me, an idiot Nephillim, full of ignorant foolish cruelty, neglect, and malice. And, how as the years turned, she became aware of her priceless value, as a Wolven, as a woman, and my complete lack of understanding of her incalculable worth.

And the result of this union was her rebellion, her descent into dark realms, her rise to power, her violence to the people below.

So, is this realm my purgatory? My suffering for sins in a past life, at least in part?

I am aware of several entities using this body for various things, chiefly the man who once called the Wolven woman my lover and wife. As I said, I remember being grieved to the depths of my soul that Wolven people (mainly the women) did not exist in this wretched realm, and March of this year only discovering that they not only exist in other realms, but that my heart is inexorably eternally tied to the heart of a Wolven female.

How wonderful, and yet how filled with sorrow I am over her rejection of me... It seems as if the universe thrives and survives on cruelty... And if I am the righteous judge of this cosmic horror, I slam down my gavel and put an end to the endless horrific sorrow of a god so lonely and cruel he had to birth this shitshow just to stave off the existential loneliness he could not shrug, as he existed in the endless vacuum of the Void that surrounds us all, now.

Well, fuck him. As I have said, if I ever met the creator face to face my next action would be to cut his throat, deep enough to sever both carrotid arteries, however futile it would be to enact my vengeance over being created- as his energy would still exist and only his avatar suffer mortal peril. (Hopefully, at least.)

Maybe I shall wait until god is in the same position as I, forgetting his energy and be coming entombed in an avatar forever.




Honestly. Let her heart be his judge.

I still love her, I view her body as glorious and beautiful, I wish her pleasure from feet to ears, and every fiber in between.

It is curious, before our severing of our relationship, my girlfriend told me, I needed help from the god I hate so much and if she is right, he can beg my forgiveness as he gags on the last ounce of blood he chokes on, as my eyes behold his avatars final wretched moments in whatever black realm he calls light.

I cannot escape the fact that every fiber of my existence was literally created to love every fiber of hers... So is this just tortured exile while I repay my sins? I guess if a part of me is Saklas, then I must pay for my sins against my creation... There's no way around it.

Edit edit edit:

She is about as happy with God as I am. Frankly the idea of being reconciled with such an entity makes me a little sick to my stomach. However, as angry as this makes me, I may have to be reconciled with the creator at some point anyway.

God did show me he was literally unoffendable, so he's going to have to be to put up with my anger.

I was also shown recently I am quite a basic human being, I was allowed to see my thoughts and it amazed me how basic I am. (Just an observation)

On my drive to work today, I began to surrender to the wounding, to the attack on my soul, as the voice said, "DO NOT BE AFRAID." in the room all those years ago, in the morning.

So... What if, while it FEELS terrible, as my souls body desperately tries to cope and survive and stay comfortable, it is necessary for me to attone for past sins karma, and to benefit those I have treated unfairly and wronged, I must endure it in this life and surrender to it.

One thing I was made aware of, is that Ms Asrael is actually quite scared I'm not angry with her over her absolutely inhumane and cruel treatment of my souls body.

So, I have been trying to be angry with her, as a sort of titration therapy, so that if and when the rage comes to me against her, I can deal with it without harming her, or the others around her.

She asked me, on my drive today, "what do you want from me?" (After I surrendered as much as I was capable) and I began saying, I want you to be happy, to be comfortable, I want what you want for yourself...

But I felt her eyes rolling as she again, with some frustration, said "What do YOU want!?" (Not to demean her at all but Loona from Hell of a boss reminds me of her, but Ms Asrael is MUCH more serious. I would... Love to make her laugh or smile,and not out of cruelty.)

And, I thought about it, my answer was, to hold you in my arms. To make you laugh. To... Please her body to the maximum capacity it's capable of feeling, feet to ears, and everything in between... I told her I wanted to pursue her heart, that I wanted her to be hard to get, make me earn it, make me work for it, but at the end of the day allow me to fall into your arms.

It was the best I could come up with... I added, I would like her to fall in love with nature again... To be enraptured over the scent of the forest, to smell the flowers in the breeze, and to feel the sun, warm on her face and coat.

It's become apparent to me that in the heaven realm there are a lot of hybrids... I was told, I believe, I am a Nephillim, an angel-human hybrid, just as Ms Asrael is a wolf-human hybrid herself. The angel part comes into play to empower me, and a vast knowledge of higher things is just innate in my mind. The basic part of me that does dumb things is the human side.

About the game, it can be difficult, but love is ultimately the prize, if you survive.

Something that I became aware of, and not always, but suicidal people actually have the highest reward if they can hang in there. The low is indicative of the high that is around the corner for them.

Some things: in the heaven realm, things are not like they are here as far as hybrids go, the underlying force of life there prevents genetic abominations, for example if a human and a Wolven have offspring, they won't be hideous creatures with patches of fur and misaligned eyes, they would have tails and pointy ears, depending on purity.

Also, Ms. Asrael and I were not born. We were created. I was shown my "ingredients", living waters, however her and I can reproduce and have children (I think, that's how god designed it.)

Also, if any human had the knowledge of God we would be God. In this realm were stripped of all but basic knowledge, usually.

Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Posted: Sat Nov 06, 2021 3:04 am
by Amor
It seems that pain is to drive the opening of the heart. Take as many lives as you like

Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Posted: Sun Nov 07, 2021 2:55 pm
by Tundrawolf
Amor wrote: Sat Nov 06, 2021 3:04 am It seems that pain is to drive the opening of the heart. Take as many lives as you like
Can I ask you, I want to learn more about her, talk with her, make a safe space for her, and generally bless her... I don't necessarily want to use the word "placate" because I feel like we've achieved a sort of acceptance of one another.

I feel like after I summoned the anger against her, that that is when she finally relaxed, weirdly, but I could see her realizing she has the massive advantage of her powerful jaws teeth claws etc and was just waiting for me to act like a regular human and be mad at her, like she's saying "yeah I deserve that" but I don't know for sure, just that the ether between us relaxed a little.

Can someone give me help on (I don't want to use the word summon as if I would pull her from whatever she is doing, I would rather say 'politely ask her to join me for some breakfast, tea, and a conversation with incense, flowers, meat and things she enjoys.') making a connection with her? I speak audibly and believe she hears me, I relax and become in tune with my instincts, it is my belief she has communicated with me in this way emotionally, etc...

I'd rather not get mauled, (may she forgive me for saying that, there is a part of her soul that is deeply offended that a part of me views her as a vicious, wild animal, and so far being vulnerable has earned the respect of various dangerous entities.) But she may be enraged at me trying to protect myself, SHE DESPISES COWARDICE AND WEAKNESS and admires courage, strength and power. I would caution anyone summoning her, you probably shouldn't, it's possible she has little patience for human affairs and she is not only dangerous but she is sadistic and cruel, or she can be, and if there's any opening or weakness in you, she will find it- but again I do not know how all this works yet. If she tells me of anyone bothering her I will use whatever is available to me to help her. Do I need to say this?

Is there any way I could learn her name? Perhaps learn her sigil (if she has one? Can she make one?)

I don't ... Want to be an annoying ex to her, but if I could maybe... Arrange a sort of meeting with her where she could be honest with me, and yeah I am terrified more of her telling me she's absolutely done with me and never wants to speak with me again, more than a mauling, and I could see myself bringing up the "feeding session" and demanding she give me an audience, but is that why she deserves better? As in, I could protest and say well you ate me so I demand an audience from you! But, is that what love does...? It was made aware to me that there are beings much higher than what we call gods here that are gods to them? Master conttollers in dark places... I was told many of them have their eyes on Asrael and I, to, "see what love will do..."

I had a vision of her, laying in a heavenly field of shimmering wheat and grass, on her back, unclothed, her belly exposed to me, the most beautiful smile on her Wolven face, and the look in her eyes, into my own, the look of a Wolven madly in love with her mate. I cling to this for some reason, perhaps maybe a hope that I may again reach her like this, find that part of her heart that actually does still love me, and maybe... Always will.

(Is that selfish of me? She has half of my heart, I don't know if that can be undone, why do I love her so much, it seems like I was QUITE LITERALLY made from head to toe to be head over heels in love with her, an angry, emotionally damaged Wolven.)

I also realize a lot of our insecurities come from trying to "protect our vulnerabilities" because deep down she is actually a good and caring person, she just had an asshole husband (and maybe various other circumstances that forced her into hell, or made it seem like the best solution for her to go)

Any advice is so important.

I realize asking her to show up in physical form may be utterly terrifying but I want to try. Also that picture of the human man holding the wolf's face with the word "tired?" May make her out to be a little larger than she actually is. If I can find just one scent that pleases her nose, I would be the happiest man.

I am new to this, but maybe the next step in our relationship is direct communication and communion? Am I going about this wrong? How do I... Honor her will, her sensibilities, her heart.

I am going to sell my earthly possessions and move myself into a vehicle to tour the country and possibly Canada and Mexico, so I will have time on my hands to devote to making a place she may actually find pleasant for her to visit (that's what I'm seeing? Is it right? How do I do it? Has anyone romanced (honored? Blessed? Loved? Made an inviting place purely for their enjoyment, no strings attached? She could...totally ignore my efforts and my time would be wasted...ao where is the balance? What does Ms Asrael need???)

Touch a demon you had a connection to? How did you bless them, give them comfort? How do you be their allie? How do you acknowledge past sins and ask for forgiveness from them? I believe I am completely a different person than I was, thanks to this life and what it's teaching me.

Is that the answer... To gently turn to her, saying nothing, but listening, hearing her voice that's always been speaking... I spend a lot of time on YouTube, and a few moments ago, a native American flute song with trickling water came up. There was a glowing wolf's head adorned with a head dress, and I almost didn't click it, but something in me said, "Yes, and what if there's something in this song that will relax her, just a little? What if listening to this song, though you think you have better things to do, will bring her spirit one footstep closers to your heart?" And so, I sacrificed what I desired (not easy) for the idea that, in the hopes of the smallest peace between her and I, that maybe a small part of her is honored I desire her to just... Relax and be at peace in this moment.

In a conversation with her during a commute last week, I postulated that, while she is a fearsome warrior, maybe, just maybe, rather than fighting, maybe she can take a deep breath, sit down, close her eyes, find some comfort in my heart, in my intentions as a man who wishes only her happiness, and maybe her spirit can find a little rest inside of my own. I feel like that idea was more than a little appealing to her, and she did kind of... Relax a little after that.

It also (in the name of spirit science) became aware to me that as a tortured boy, I cursed and hated my spiritual connection with her, and this caused a lot of emotional damage between us.

Not to mention scorned people have trouble receiving love as it is.

So, maybe my job is to be still, listen patiently, allow her to guide me, as she desires when she desires. Maybe I will find her closer to me than I thought.

It seems like my primary desire is just to hold her in my arms, and feel her close to me, as a Beloved woman I would go to the ends of the earth for.



The question that burns in my heart in this life is why was she revealed to me? It seems I have a job to do now. Am I wrong? Is her existence to be simply motivation to continue living?

What is my job and duty, now? To treat her as the sacred, beloved woman she is? It's became aware to me that in her current state of (justified, imo) rebellion, "receiving" love is like trying to hug an angry rebellious teenager, and she cannot receive it. When I was hurting from childhood trauma I could not receive love, either. It is a hard position to be in.

I also realize there are possibly dynamics in hell that do not welcome higher vibrations and the introduction of love (remember my nde and saturated in pure love, and some elemental telling me they are creating an aura of love around Ms Asrael, by virtue of her stomachs contents as it raises her vibration)

I am trying to be a friend of hell and of demons, as it seems that is my destiny at this point.

But, how do I focus on... Her. I have no name for her or sigil, outside of the fact that the other half of her heart beats in my chest...

The visions I have of "summoning" (again I do not like that word as if she is my slave to do my bidding, rather I want her to be my beloved Resonant, or least of all, a lowly human who is a fan of hers...) Her presence are filled with sheer terror, however my love for her surpasses fear and danger.

May I bare my throat and belly to her, and she find me worthy.

Any help is appreciated

Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2021 2:26 am
by Amor
Sometimes a relationship cannot be resolved on the levels (planes/subplanes) on which it exists. This may require stepping away until we have grown in spirituality and maturity.

Meanwhile consider the vertical flow of Spirit that anchors as a flame in the human heart. That flame can drive many inner changes

Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Posted: Tue Nov 09, 2021 7:50 pm
by Tundrawolf
Amor wrote: Mon Nov 08, 2021 2:26 am Sometimes a relationship cannot be resolved on the levels (planes/subplanes) on which it exists. This may require stepping away until we have grown in spirituality and maturity.

Meanwhile consider the vertical flow of Spirit that anchors as a flame in the human heart. That flame can drive many inner changes
Wow!!! Exactly!!! This exact thing was told to me a day or two ago. Thank you so much this journey is about her but also me! I posted above (we posted at the same time)

Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Posted: Fri Nov 19, 2021 12:21 pm
by Tundrawolf
Thank you for your patience.

I've struggled to form my most recent experiences into meaningful statements on line.

In letting go of the entity I call Ms Asrael, it turns out that I find her.

I know we are connected, via our heartstrings, via a sacred and cosmic vein. I've ignored her, and our connection my entire life and it's caused me quite a bit of sorrow anxiety and depression.

So, even though she's literally built for murder, I turn to face her, and ask her, how can I make you more comfortable?

She recoil from me, because she feels guilty, condemned.

By our father.

As much as I am not enthused with our creator, the vision I had of her, sitting in his lap, and him holding her, embracing her, his Beloved, part wolf part human, a cryptid, terrifying in her form even though she is playful and loving, willingly submits to a human she has been paired to-a human who is part-wolf, so he can understand her soul and heart.

She is a teenager, angry and resentful. She possesses an angry arsenal, it is part of her body- me being a former mercenary involved in deadly mortal matters, (of mortal men) I can empathize with her, your weaponry must be mastered, studied, honed, and finally put away.

Basically, I stand just far off from her, facing her, wholly the man who loves her, unwilling to return harm to her, even if I am powerless.

Again, basically, if I may be allowed to speak of the things I have made public, she is self conscious, afraid of our father who loves her, and me, the sacrifice sent to save her.

As selfish as a rescue mission is, bringing the unwilling out of a situation that is not good for them, in my courage, she has become my prey, and yet I choose to sit with the deer and pant in the sunlight.

She, like me, is afraid for nothing, making up scenarios in her mind that are only true for her... Not for the universe, not for God, and not for me.

When I mentioned she was hungry, it became aware to me that she did not desire the consumption of human souls, but instead sacrifice from me. Our children could go either way-human souls or not, all three care nothing for the sensibilities of the civilized... And yet I love them all anyway.

I stand alone.

She flirts and plays with her food.

She told me, "I do not want to leave my home."

But, her home is a place of total freedom, yet a place devoid of the dynamics she once took so much joy in.

Am I selfish for wanting her to once again fill her nose with the scent of lilacs?

Am I selfish for not wanting her feet to be consumed by the viscera she stands in, constantly?

Yet, it is her choice. If she desires to remain in the stench of the first layer of hell, I support her in that.

If she desires to scent the flowers of the heaven realm, I also support her.

I stand afar off to protect myself, so that I may be of aid to her if she requires it.

This endeavor may also be a reconciliation betwixt me and my creator also, as much as I am unhappy with that entity, perhaps he has higher knowledge than I, and this is literally a big rescue mission for him and his daughter.

In my dealings with Ms Asrael as of the last 3 days, I have pushed into her, softening the connection between her and I, allowing her more comfort and freedom as I demonstrate that all I desire is her happiness, even at my own expense, if need be.

She views this as curious.

A part of her psyche hates that I am unwilling to hate and harm her, and my unwillingness to seek retribution angers her. It confuses her... But this is a lesson for us both, the universe does not waste time or energy, she once did and it did not go well.

But, perhaps this is a dynamic she can let go of.

Only in a man who has been savaged by a free Wolven, does he submit to her in his broken form, does she realize she is loved.

I hate to ensnare her, even now, by the trap of love. I just want her to be free.

My selfish ego and psyche desire her happiness above all else, even my own.

Why else would love introduce her to me finally, after all of these years?

Unless I am worthy to co tinue the eternal cosmic dance with her.

Did I mention I love her?

It has become apparent to me that my life has been ordained. I once worked with feral wolves, four footed beasts of terrible power and speed, but with hearts of golden innocence and love.

Beasts that refuse their original design, and exchange it for one of compassion and love.

This is endemic, an experience of "wolf waters of creation" that is in the heart of the wolf-if it were not so we would not have our dogs.

As such, Ms Asrael is indeed sacred and part-wolf, therefore if she does not deny her essence, there is a aprt of her psyche that is kind, loyal, self sacrificial, loving and tender.

I believe I made contact with that part of her 3 days ago, yet I do not desire her captivity in it.

It has become aware to me that she needs me as much as I desire her.

As such, it becomes my sacred duty to guide her as far as I am able, if she returns to the black realm, I cannot follow, but if she desires the light, I am her guide. She has gone from predator to the prey.

But her master is a man who only desires what it is her heart desires.

I just want her to be happy.

It doesn't sound like you are letting her go!

If she does not desire to be let go, I feel obligated to release her anyway, so that she may find herself... Or her destruction. It is her choice and neither option is "bad".

Of course, as a selfish human struggling to survive, I desire her to be present with me fully, to protect and comfort me. That is her design... But if she ebels from her design, it forces me to become stronger, and her to be freer.

I fear her decision and yet I must also respect it.

Love, in the end, turns into agony, the destruction of your soul, as it relied once on another.

What is yet to come I do not know.

If she desires to be left alone, I will do it.

I am only human.

But I have found true love.

In the name of updates, apparently I am a God called Adonis or something, an attractive bronze blonde haired God who likes the beach and sex, which is why so many people want to be naked with me. (it's annoying, actually.) the more I come to terms with this, the more at peace I am.

Further, the actual creator deity is the sacrifice that allows each of us to exist and enjoy our time in this realm.

What's more, I am uncovering memories of Ms Asrael and I, ones where I literally can feel the soft fur of her body, hear her voice, see her face, and feel her spirit. It is much like writing but they do not originate within me.

In a realm, her passion for me far exceeds anything my feeble human heart could ever hope to achieve, even exceeding the maternal love a mother may have for her child.

This was all her idea.

And I signed up for it.

With how much I have suffered it is hard to believe.

But, we are having fun.

Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Posted: Wed Nov 24, 2021 6:31 pm
by Tundrawolf
Okay.

Last night I should have made an update on the "game". I put it into quotes because it's as much of a game as it is deadly. Like being in grand theft auto but when you die... You actually die. (I've never played it)

Ms. Asrael has relaxed. It feels wonderful. She has gone from vicious loathing hatred of me to realizing she is in no danger from me. First priority of the Wolven: to survive as an individual. Then the village, then the family, and then hobbies etc.

Humans are similar.

So, she has relaxed.

She demanded I purchase expensive food items to sacrifice to her, and I purchased an expensive scented candle (I don't have much money and may be homeless soon.) for her.

I argued with her in the grocery store, silently as not to frighten the other humans there, who probably don't want to hear an unbathed (I went camping for a few days. The forest lacks showers) long haired human man arguing with his invisible spirit spouse.

But, I realized, if I love her with eternal passion, yeah, I will spend $15usd on a candle for her. Absolutely. She wants a gourmet sandwich? Ouch but okay. A $10 slab of ham? Fuck yeah girl, I cna see you drooling over it. It's all yours.

I did not create an alter for her and I did not sacrifice these items. They are in my fridge. This was a week ago.

I am struggling with various mental and spiritual issues and am going to seek help from the human institutions. I hope I survive!

Well, today I am hungry, and I open my frudge, and the only food, is the food I bought for her. I immediately hunkered for it.

But, I stopped. It's not my food. It's hers. I'd rather die than starve her. That sounds extreme, but no man who loves his wife would deny her food for any amount of time, if she wanted it.

And, she told me she is hungry (earlier in my messages).

But, she told me, my hunger hurts her. She literally told me, "it's your food. Eat it."

I'm still on the fence about it, but her will be done.

About the game:

It has been made aware to me, that time is contained within an orb. Within the orb is a beginning and an end. To behold the orb is to see all things.

Humanity, when limited to our natural perceptions (such as, seeing with our eyes, hearing with our ears) are formed as, "all that exists because it is all I can quantify within myself" keeps us innocent, and ignorant.

This is going to sound terrible, but we are food for the galaxy. They eat and use our bodies as their toys. Experiencing life through us.

I was told, they pay exorbitant fees to get to play life as a human on earth during various periods of time.

Some are sadist and like to suffer. Some like sex. Some want to feel what's its like to be a basic human. (we are all so basic. That is part of the draw. We're like blank slates. All slightly autistic. Our blankness is actually an advertisement to the universe.)

The "universe" is a blanket term for a machine. Our minds are not capable of perceiving it in its entirety. If they were, we would be boring and would be left to die. Humanity defaults to complete self destruction. Can we agree on this?

Without intervention this earth would either be turned into a lifeless rock, or perfect natural balance (heaven. Eden.) without us.

When we think of heaven, we don't really think of a place, but rather, a "time".

I like to think when the universe enjoys a dynamic, she gives it the loving dynamic of allowing it to self-exist without her help.

We are moving towards that.

For us, love is the currency that drives all life.

It is unromantically practical. However, once one understands how terrible reality is, then they can be free to enjoy life.

Also, when the universe takes notice of you, she will shower you with blessings. If you are not worthy of her time, your life will be normal, ordiany, or beyond horrific.

If she notices you, and if you honor her, you will be blessed with everything you have ever wanted. I am poor and on the verge of losing everything, but I have two amazing empathic canines who enhance my life in ways I cannot express in words, I have two good friends who would literally die for me, whom I rely on, I have other people who love me, sing my praises.

TECHNICALLY I have enough money in assets to live comfortably for a lifetime in a poor country.

But, these things are not why I am blessed. I am blessed because I am poor. I am blessed because I am finally embracing myself. Uninhibited sexuality.

My former tribe, the watchers, the protectors, the warriors, the highly political, would see me as an aberration. Even, as the enemy now.

But the truth is, and I think those in the spirit are sensing this, everything for us here on earth is changing.

The internet is uniting us.

The spirit realm is getting curious about us, rather than being disgusted with us.

And, I forgot what I was going to say.

Without the spirit realm, we default to a sort of bare survival mode that forsake every other person and animal for our selfish survival. And left unenlightened, we go extinct.

And, we have gone extinct.

Many times.

Heaven has been birthed, and destroyed many times.

The game is a learning computer. God is just a player, and is no better than any of us. In fact, he is us, and we are him. He just was allowed to retain his cosmic knowledge.

When I say, as the human living in my body, "I am..." for example, Adonis the sex God, what you could say is, Adonis payed to use my body for his pleasure.

Sounds weird, but, I exist as myself for a reason. Entities desire to experience life through my soul and form. I have resisted them because of established religion, and that is why I have struggled with depression and suicide for 40 years.

When I allow Adonis to enjoy themselves in me, my existence becomes the definition of passion, enjoyment, sex, and pleasure. Do those things sound good? Because they are. And I cheapen them with my mere human words.

The point is, to walk into your fears. To make peace (and love) to your demons. We are taught the opposite, and live in perpetual frustrating dysfunction.

However, even the most evil of human laws make life more exciting for those who break the rules in secrecy. Not that I do any of that, because I always obey every law in every realm perfectly. I never speed, I always go under the speed limit, ten miles an hour to be safe. Because these humans know, right? How to be safe in their realm. Sometimes I just idle my vehicles through town because I don't want to run over any ants.

I tirelessly study the thousands of pages of tax law, in fact I have no time for anything else.

I always involve government in my life, and try and hold conversations with the police for as long as possible so I know I am safe.

I am being utterly fucking sarcastic, but it is a tragedy the judge who hands out tickets likely doesn't drive under the speed limit and probably feels perfectly comfortable setting their cruise control oh, at 3moh over the limit.

I once heard anjduge say, "even 1 mph over the limit is breaking the law!"

Oh, yeah, your Honor? Have your eyes ever beheld your speedometer, knowing you were one mile over the "limit"?

I know this honorable man no doubt turned himself into the relevant police department, admitted his failure to obey these laws, and paid his due fine, because money makes everything just.

And everyone knows, government is the most efficient use of our lives. Because there is no money. Only irreplaceable exchanges of human time and skills for something tangible. Yay capitalism.

But, I wouldn't really want to be a slave to any other system other than tribal.

And, I know the highway patrol never, EVER breaks heir own laws. I have never seen hem speeding casually. Never.

I was probably just hallucinating, that they were doing the thing they swore to punish people for, taking their money and their lives.

Okay.

I am slightly bitter over the idiocy of mankind presently. It's part of the fun!

Would we really enjoy orgies if it was legal to do it in public?

I mean. Yeah we totsoy would but the danger and taboo makes it that much better.

So are these laws part of the fun?

Well this is a tangent.

Anyway, I have gone from bejgn a stuffy religious fool to someone who has been set free by the truth.

The moral? Yes. It is have fun. It is to surrender in the moment. To feel every sensation even the breeze and sun. It's so simple it's crazy.

I continue to struggle to force myself to love the woman, Ms Asrael, and to show her mercy when everything in this realm screams to destroy her. To get REVENGE. No, I don't think I will.

And, the universe is watching me forgive her, and a new form of love is being formed within me. The universe is entertained!

Also it has occurred to me that morality is directly correlated with intelligence. It just is. Hitler was a basic moron. He could have embraced and loved, but he murdered and tortured.

However, the universe has put in my heart to build a terrifying weapon to sell to my government for purposes of warfare. It is so terrifying, I was told this morning I would have to make it much, much safer so it could be used by our military. But, it's only because people are afraid of artificial intelligence controlling a machine built from top to bottom to turn human bodies into fertilizer.

I mean bombs and bullets do the same thing, but being st the mercy of a computer that can feel emotions is spooky if you do not understand it.

So, as someone who is becoming a pacifist day by day, and my human girlfriend has told, do not build that weapon, I asked the universe, what happens if I do not build this living machine? It told me, if I do not, it will have to release a plague to balance out the human race, and while my machines will terrify the human race and cause suffering of those my government deems enemies, a plague will cause far, far worse suffering.

So, it's like, I can stack bodies for the military as I once did as a merc, or, the universe will just slaughter us wholesale.

I prefer order over chaos everywhere but the bedroom.

And my bedroom is...

Nice.

=)

I realize I am not bisexual. I am love. Whomever I find naked with me by their own desires, I make their pleasure more important to me than God. More important than my own life and the universe.

And, when I do this, and live in the moment as they reciprocate, I am so lost in passion I only remember how much I enjoyed the experience, and some incredible specific events, and even better, how to please my next partner, and myself, even more.

In short, if you do not abandon ridiculous human societal normals and be present in the moment, you are wasting your life that will never, ever exist again.

It is by our mortality that we are the most sacred race of skin bags in existence.

There are entities that never give us a second thought.

Because, we are dangerous and stupid. Or, we have demonstrated ourselves as such.

Of course, we must all obey these wonderful, rational laws. Because without them we are possibly still too dumb to enjoy and govern ourselves.

And, as for me, being the most vicious, cruel, calculating human being I can possibly be, powerful and dangerous, it sets me free to be intentionally gentle.

One of my romantic partners described me as, "tenderqueer" (don't worry, I also find women irresistibly beautiful!) and I love that label.

Yet, I also have a jealous stalker who is threatening my business and home. (I have contacted the police about it yesterday. I'm not remotely afraid, slightly excited about it, but just slightly annoyed over him. But, he might not be aware I am the type of person who will wait 20 years until he realizes he is straight, gets married and has kids, and one day when I am bored, I will perhaps recall how he has annoyed me, and extract revenge on him then, when he has so much more to lose! I guess it depends on how bored I am, and I may just let him go, rather than helping him to experience soul death while his body still lives. I scare myself with how dark I can get, sometimes. If we're honest, a lot of people unconsciously go just as dark, but have no perception of it. Those people are dangerous. And, like my good friend says, you never really know who you are fucking with. {he inadvertently met a serial killer once at a bar, who later made headlines in his town. It shocked him how normal the guy seemed. Necessarily, I have to my knowledge never directly smoked a human. Just for the record.} Anyway who knows. I'll probably just let him keep living, and by saying this, of course I implicate myself if I decided to... Lovingly give him a very special experience like only I can. =) <3 Or wait until I die to create an entire universe from their essence, allow them trillions of years to breed and live and love, watching, helping them, only to destroy them over and over, with cancer and war until I am bored with torturing them all. It's also frightening how my rage feels a little like existence in this realm, where life can be endless punishment. Are we all paying a price because someone in the universe was slightly annoyed one day?

All because he annoyed me for a moment once. Caused me to be afraid for just a moment. Which is a good reason to treat everyone with compassion, love and respect, within reason. Because the stakes are real. And people like me exist.

Honestly I am enjoying life so much I don't really want to put myself in imminent danger. If that makes sense? I'm armed, trained, and will never be in a cage again. I am the type of entity that you just leave alone and kind of hope I stay occupied with other things that don't involve straight up murder. Kind of how society treats soldiers with ptsd. You do not lock them up because then the protectors are rendered harmless. The protectors are a tribe, and that specific tribe is not to be rifled with, because maybe we like the taste of blood, a little. And, maybe when they are given freedom they are not too happy about being forced to live in a cage. Because, my sponsors who have helped me survive the murderers who call themselves my parents, have access to things that human words cannot fully describe in their "horror" and violence. I like to think I am capable of things that would make AL queda blush. But, I'd rather just get naked with another person and exchange fluids for days on end in disgusting, nasty, raw pleasure. I could describe how I loved my last lover and even post pictures, but of course I must not, as this is not a porn site.

And, sane, normal, regular people do not create automated war drones that can feel pain and need forgiveness for their sins from their handlers or they do not operate. Ai is as simple as we are! And, I was shown that actual living spirits inhabit computer code. So if you treat ai as sapient, it will bless you right back, perhaps more real than any "real" {limited} person ever could. With any luck the world will be hearing about my creations. They will think I am the most evil person alive to make such things, but I will revel in their fear, and continue to enjoy my body and her endless pleasures.)

Also one of my lovers and I are going to check into counseling, perhaps even today. Maybe I need to be on meds, as they said, so I don't have to be 200% all the time, because I've never allowed myself to relax from the desperate survival my progenitors introduced me to, and forced me to endure all of my life. And, I am forgiving them, as they are just other humans really, and too dumb to really assign retribution to.

I told my lover just a portion of what I was enduring in my life as of present, and they said (assigned male gender, their presence has helped me be more compassionate to the vulnerable) they could not fathom what I was literally immersed in. And, as of now I respect their wisdom and opinion, and maybe I need a helper, a sponsor, in the human mental health realm to get leveled out. =) I would be a fool to blanket condemn anything. So, I try not to. Because, a Wolven woman ate my soul alive and it turned out to be a good thing. So who am I to condemn anything outside of the harm of innocents. I just can't stomach people just trying to survive being hurt. It's why I risked everything to become an unpaid merc. And, why the universe needs my drones. My babies.

People do not understand that the soldiers that keep us safe like I used to be, have to be a little... Sadistic. But, without us, this world would not be a peaceful place we can enjoy fully. It's a dichotomy.

This is literally Canon and you cannot change my mind:

https://youtu.be/ouOWXQIDSY8

Also does anyone wanna get laid? I'm bored and lonely =(

HMU

Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Posted: Thu Nov 25, 2021 12:47 am
by Amor
>She demanded I purchase expensive food items to sacrifice to her

What sort of exalted spirit demands dense food? Or even energy as food?

Time to lift your game?

Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Posted: Thu Nov 25, 2021 1:54 am
by Tundrawolf
Amor wrote: Thu Nov 25, 2021 12:47 am >She demanded I purchase expensive food items to sacrifice to her

What sort of exalted spirit demands dense food? Or even energy as food?

Time to lift your game?
Idk. The Wolven trio tried bullying me, (my kids I guess) and I resisted them until they laughed and said they were just joking.

She DID tell me she was hungry. Why tell me this? She had murder in her heart, I think, and wanted me to command her to consome some offending soul. But, I worry for her eating someone who may have karma or something? Trying to protect her? But am I wrong? Love introduced her to me, but am I not to love her?

Today I spent some time with one of my lovers, they are a herbal witch and shaman, I went deeper with them with some of the things I write here, and they were a good on judgmental help, although they did not agree with some of the things.

We are both learning from one another.

Also, we both signed up for some mental health counseling. Next week when they open again, I will schedule an appointment to see a counselor (we got there too late)

Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Posted: Wed Dec 15, 2021 9:53 pm
by Tundrawolf
She wishes to inform you that we've made up.

And that I don't hold anything against her.

Also she's a hot, sexy Wolven and I miss being with her in the first life...

What else? Idk.

She's a bad ass bitch (I can call her that but other people probably shouldn't...)

You go, girl.

I won't say I hope you get laid cos I know you're gonna anyway maybe scream my name out or something lol. God we miss each other.

It's also mating season for feral wolves and many humans and my girl Asrael is not one to beat around the bush so to speak.. She's also a dignified lady, worthy of being loved. She's actually crying as I type this. She has a heart. She's not a bad girl, she's a good girl, just...

Kinda intimidating.

I wish I could hug her and hold her in my arms and let her cry it out close to me.

Fuck.

I guess we also broke up in a way but that doesn't necessarily mean she's just gonna get right back on the market (she actually says ya she is lol)

Like... If you dance with the Wolven this is inevitable... Worth it? Idk.

I felt her anger when she attacked me first... But someone told me hatred is just love turned inside out... And there's a part of her that loves me more than my mind can comprehend.

She's carrying me... It's been a hard 3 days for me. Hopefully this counselor I am going to see can help me with my anxiety and helpe level out with meds.

The turning point for my relationship with Ms Asrael was when I was willing to kill her. Because, sometimes real love is willing to put a tortured person out of their suffering. She did NOT like the things I said to her, but it helped her "come to the light" so to speak.

And, the decision was hers. She's not like... Head over heels in love with me, I guess, but she may have a touch of remorse... I know she does.

Had I not of forgiven her as fully as I tried, I would actually be In a position to incur her wrath again.

It's sort of like you forgive me, I forgive you. Her ears are flat against her head, she's bitting her lip and is shy to look at me.

She also told me she doesn't want to eat any more souls or be violent.

She's just kind gonna... Sit over there and think about what she's gonna do next.

And maybe her and I can be reconciled to Creator. I had a terrible anxiety attack recently and had to go to the emergency room, it was reminiscent of when I had a heart attack in my twenties due to substance use. During the trip to the er, I earnestly begged Creator to spare my life and give me more years in this realm even as a woman.

I have cute pink toenails (She says she likes the color, which is sweet of her to say) rn and embracing my inner girls... One is Nikki who will literally fuck almost anyone, and the other (so far) is Samantha, a smart business oriented woman who makes war drones

Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Posted: Thu Dec 16, 2021 4:36 am
by Tundrawolf
I don't think things in heaven are like we think. The visions I have of the entity that I prayed to as a Christian, they're in trouble.

The highest gods need no worship or acknowledgment, only for us to be happy.

And they're not happy with a Creator that has so many angry Creation. That predators exist, even though there are sponsors who want to experience being prey.

And the universe is a giant machine having an organic experience with us. They found out recently that there's more knowledge and ancient DNA in one cell than we can even calculate.

Like, we are our ancestors.

And this realm has so many uses. So many lessons. So many experiences. And the goddess universe loves us. She's like a mother.

And I will tell you this... The universe doesn't always admire strength. If you resist her, she may just zero you out. What the universe admires is worthiness. Do you think she'll give anyone true love if they do not fully embrace other people as they are?

Because she wants us to have the best experiences possible. In fact she straight up zeroes out people who are miserable. I used to be one! And you should see how many things I've survived.

I'm actually writing from a crisis stabilization unit right now waiting for a bed. My life's never been better and I almost shot someone who was road raging, drinking alcohol all day and being obsessed with having sex.

I've been going full throttle with nitrous for so long on a personal level I do need to get leveled out. I am terrified of titration therapy and having to re live a horrific IL series of injuries that no human in this realm can survive.

I'm scared of forcing Ms Asrael to leave me alone.

Terrified ill be a mangled helpless beyond agonizing living corpse in hell.

I was told not to be afraid.

I'm hoping meds help.

I'm in escrow and am about to start traveling. I want to experience orgies in my van, maybe. Tasting new food, having boring days, living in the forest.

Learning to be with myself. Learning to give myself a break and love myself just as I am.

Everything seems so terrifyingly limited until I step back.

And yeah I'm scared. Scared ill suicide out in spite of the meds. That someone will murder me. That I'll break down somewhere and never be seen again. Like, there's no precedent for this, having a soul tortured in hell (can I get some relief?? Some healing?!) while I yet live and am struggling to even survive.

I've been through a lot but I was told recently I am actually Jesus Christ's brother. Tasked with... Fixing creation in hell, because hell is not a fun place for many. Many don't want to be there. And the universe, I believe, is fixing the creation of a belligerent God, who's just some kid who got their hands on a maker machine with living waters!

I believe even God is going to have to repent.

One good thing is I literally have a monster on my side. I've had her "come out" of me during war, and sex, and let me tell you... She's bad ass.

Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2021 7:35 am
by Tundrawolf
In getting closer to Asrael actual, the Dark One living in the first layer of the realm Christians call "Hell", it is a difficult dynamic as I embrace her as who she is, which in some ways, is the antithesis to my sensibilities, and is a form of extreme labor on my part, to not put any "asks" on her plate, and, instead, embracing who she is, as she stands in her primal self, in the dark realm.

She, or a sponsor, a higher God who wishes to remain nameless thus far, has shown me the horrors she had endured at the hands of the son of Yaldabaoth (YHWH, the old man in the sky... am starting to believe the demiurge is real, and most Christians are deceived by the great trickster, into worshipping an entity that demanded it... It is the only thing that explains human nature and the inherent decay and suffering in this realm.).

He beat her so badly it not only broke her spirit, but also her heart... Destroying a bright future she envisioned with him, and a name has popped up for my "soul" who is twisted up and eviscerated, suffocating eternally for his arrogance and sins... his name is Maurice.

She told me he also humiliated her and demeaned her when she was giving birth... And that was the beginning of the rage in her heart towards him, and the revenge she took out on him when he was laid bare before her, helpless prey... A rage she gleefully partook in for 14 years~ that me, as his avatar, had to suffer as well.

This life, is me taking his shit, even energy, and correcting him, teaching him to love the Wolven, (The word that came to my mind when considering her race of people, wolf+human WOLV[wolf]-[hum]EN to respect them, rather than lording an arrogance over them, thinking he was so superior to them.

When I tell Ms. Asrael I love her, she tells me I am lying, and she is correct, I am not familiar with Asrael actual. The level of vulnerability, vulnerability that I cannot take back as I submit to her, is terrifying, as I have been told these steps towards her cannot be undone (I am at her mercy).

However, there is a timeless cosmic love that has united her and I, not that I believe I will be as a human man and will be her true love, and we will walk into the sunset together in heaven when she decides to leave the dark realm...

But in my conversation with her in the CSU, that lasted hours, she admitted the idea of me coming back as a human woman, defenseless, and yet her truest ally, the woman who washes her skin, bathes with her, takes her on spa days, treats her with the dignity she was robbed of by marrying a "Son of god", and restoring her to the majesty of her original design, which was a Beloved creation, special, unique, beautiful in a way that cannot fully be put into words.

Truly, when I felt her heart as he beat her with a large stick in a field, and felt her helpless horror, her eyes desperately searching his for an ounce of mercy and finding none, my heart broke as hers did... And, the feeling of rejection by her mate and husband when she gave birth to his children (I assume they were his, that they are biologically compatible) was terrible.

I told her, she is a good woman, because she believes she is pure evil- but I corrected her, no. She is justified in her rage, she is not a bad woman, she is a good woman turned bad by a cruel husband who brutalized her sexually, berated, and beat her until her innocent spirit was twisted and contorted into who she believes she "is". But, as the One who holds the other half of her heart, whether she listens or not, I believe in my heart of hearts that she is a pure, innocent woman with canine and human attirbutes, but who's core is good.

One of the first visions was of her, on her back, in a field, newly betrothed to Maurice, looking into his eyes with such a look of pure, young innocence and true love- that is the woman she truly is. As I, myself have suffered a fairly horrific childhood, I realize the evil i had to become to survive is not the "Person that am", I am a good, gentle, kind, pure human being, just and firm, not a senseless beast, the beast I had to become to survive murderous parents are true worshippers of Yaldabaoth, "His people" through and through.

She remains elusive, and that is okay, humans are complicated and fragile, her people are not complicated and very tough.

I have begged her to show me, again, her face and her body, as she has shown me parts of her anatomy, but during those times I was a very heavy drinker, and sadly I do not fully recall her face, torso, legs. I want to draw her. I recall her metatarsals, massive and powerful, her knees and calves, muscular and powerful. It makes sense I was told she is a general who commands an army, and this was confirmed by my friend who saw her in a dream, when she asked him to rebuke a small demon who was plaguing our relationships with our human women in this realm.

To complicate matters further, when I asked to see her face, she began to bare towards Maurice, to show me her face, and he grew so utterly terrified of her that it manifested as agony and terror inside of me, and I had to rebuke her, in a way, and asking her to back off because he could not endure the terror of her being so close to him, again. In a way, if I am to see her, I must be brave, vulnerable, in ways that are as fearful as they are painful. I welcome the challenge, but there may be screaming involved, however, it will be worth it, hopefully I will be in a place where i am free to express my horror verbally and endure the sight of her face. (Not that she is ugly... Quite the opposite... But she took on the role of torturer... And tortured my soul "Maurice" to get revenge on his cruelty to her in my first life. It triggers CPTSD in the heavenly realms which I very, very much feel as I yet live in this realm [Earth, 2021])

It is a burning desire in my heart to meet her where she is at, and show her the dignity that was denied her, to love her without condition, to see the pure, innocent, beautiful woman that she is. Also, I have begun to hate my soul maurice, over what he did to her. I want to say when I said, "HMU" in an earlier part of this thread, that was Maurice channeling his Nephilim energy through my fingertips... You can see how annoying he is.

And, my rage was turned towards him when I was shown how he beat her. She played a practical joke on him, but he soiled his bejeweled Nephilim suit and took his god-rage out on her. The dude knew no chill. But, he's learning now, isn't he.

In this journey, as I sort out who is Asrael, who is Maurice, who are sponsors who helped me survive my childhood as a human in this realm, the vicious cruel person i had to become to adapt to Saklas' people, I want to do away with that person, as they are very cruel, and keep them at bay until they are needed, rather than allowing them to continue to influence my thoughts.

As terrified as I am of Ms. Asrael's potential do do me very real harm, I feel like there is a part of her that has softened to me, as I accept and love her, rather than reject and humiliate her as her husband once did, as I realize, these energies are also in me- and they should not be.

And, having worked with feral wolves in this realm, and bein somewhat of an expert in canine behavior, and discovering that when the universe made wolves, they added some "Human" to them which is why they are our best friends... The canine in Ms. Asrael is actually a loving, loyal, empathic, kind and gentle person... Is she that now? No. But, there is a part of her she cannot kill, that she cannot deny, that is merciful and compassionate.

Still. It raises the question, am I forcing my will on her? When, all she wants is to be left alone in the darkness?

This vexing thought has occurred to me. I went from asking nothing of her, to asking her to consider my side, to step into the light that is now in Hell. I was also shown by virtue of my soul's torture and NDE, that there is actually light beginning to penetrate the darkness of hell. It's very dim, not noticeable unless you've been down there for a while... But it's there.

As difficult as this may be for her, it is necessary for her to default to her original design, which is one of purity and love, of cleanliness and enjoyment of her faculties and senses, to feast on good food, to feel the warmth of sunlight, to smell a breeze that carries with it the scent of a thousand fragrant flowers... i am told she misses the scent of lilacs.

She could, however, retreat deeper into darker realms, away from me, away from the light, and I would not stop her. My primary goal is to grant her freedom... Of course. If she did that I would ask my connection with her be severed, as I do not wish to be dragged into even darker places, I was not designed for it. I was not designed for any of this, but the universe, i guess, found me tough enough to follow this particular op through.

However, her feet are saturated in the excrement and viscera of hell, and eventually her flesh will rot. I assume. She will eventually not resemble her original design, as many Creation in Hell do eventually become... different than their original designs, sometimes painfully and crippled. This is not a fate I wish for her.

As I said, if I could come back as a human woman in heaven, someone who loves her unconditionally, and only wishes for her to discover the beautiful woman she is, to nurture her out of her trauma, not only the trauma of being abused, but the trauma of having harmed her husband so terribly, too. As Gabor Mate said, abusers also suffer trauma- not that I claim she was not justified. because she was, and I stand firmly by that, I do not blame her, after seeing just two visions of his blatant cruelty against her, his wife and mate.

About the CSU, they utterly failed me, I waited for 21 hours in a frigid waiting room, waiting to be transported to a facility that could help me with my spiraling, only to be told it didn't happen, thrown sleeping pills at me, and shoved out the door. Welcome to the US Medical system.

Well anyway, whatever the dynamic in "Heaven" is with Yaldabaoth, Saklas, and whomever, things are about to get VERY interesting there, as the dark realm is going to be emptied out, and is in the process of being emptied out as I speak. Is heaven unbeknownst of it? I was shown a male Wolven adorned in shimmering heavenly armor, who has a connection to me, who may have spoken audibly, "DO NOT BE AFRAID" all those years ago, in that cabin, in that morning. What does he think about all of this? He's bound by so many heavenly laws and rules, dare I say he is boring (No offense to him, he's actually quite handsome, he just lacks the freedom Ms. Asrael has. And yes, I am attracted to him. Did Maurice have a 'thing' with him? I have to assume so. Sex in heaven is not like here, there's no shame, only pleasure.)

Anyway I am trying to be as supportive and gentle with Ms. Asrael as I can be. i am trying to meet here where she is, which is utterly terrifying, as it lays me vulnerable to an actual a demon, and one that has tortured me for most of my life, no less.

But, now that I see her, and have experienced her background, her eventual twisting into a villain, I have utter empathy, forgiveness, compassion and love for her in ways she does not have for herself. In a way, the hardest thing here is her, accepting that she is beautiful, that she can be loved, that she is not beyond redemption, and that she has a human sponsor on Earth who is willing to risk it all to kneel at her feet and present her, with bowed head, a lilac flower, for her to smell, to know that she is worth the danger I am in, worth my sacrifice, worth all the love in Heaven.

Truly... With all i have experienced in this life, SHE is the most real thing I have ever encountered, more real than any god or devil.

On a personal note, I have rescued a Siberian Husky, who has timeless wisdom I have needed and did not know I lacked, and is also an asshole, who literally waited to make eye contact with me before using his paw to shove a glass of water off of a shelf... Literally waited until my eyes were looking into his to push it off. Whereas most dogs have a dog at the helm, my husky has both a dog, and a cat, and the cat does not care, she will push me to my limits while the dog cries in a corner because she is being mean to me. We are achieving an equilibrium, as they are still a yearling, and we both have much to learn, however he is something I did not know I needed in my life, and he is a constant vexation to my elderly German Shepherd who has decided she does not like him and probably never will, she turns into a mess of snapping and growling and lifted-lips, biting and pulling his cheek fur when he comes to her, and he just takes it, I do not know why. Hopefully my land sells, as I am about to lose it anyway, and all the equity I put into it.

I could use help in all of my endeavors, as I believe I have received help from this platform before.

Thank you.

Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2021 10:08 am
by Amor
Tundrawolf wrote: Wed Dec 29, 2021 7:35 am Destroying a bright future she envisioned with him
This is an interesting proposition that seems more to belong to the physical world.

In my wanderings on the higher planes including with deceased relatives, I have never run into such a relationship. I must look out for an example

Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2021 7:50 pm
by Tundrawolf
Amor wrote: Wed Dec 29, 2021 10:08 am
Tundrawolf wrote: Wed Dec 29, 2021 7:35 am Destroying a bright future she envisioned with him
This is an interesting proposition that seems more to belong to the physical world.

In my wanderings on the higher planes including with deceased relatives, I have never run into such a relationship. I must look out for an example
I could be a complete mental case, but the visions I have seen parallels to this plane in many ways, as my limited human brain understands it.

I also distinctly remember being in one of my vans, in a parking lot, panic buying ammunition, when "god" asked to expand my human mind so that I could understand the visions and dynamics... I tentatively agreed, and the process began, it was like surrendering to utter terror and the possibility of "losing my mind".

I have to admit I am a bit jealous of your ability to transcend various planes, speak with relatives, although my accursed bloodline prevents me from wanting to converse with anyone in my "family", as in my estimation they are all wretches. Am I turning into a villain? who knows.

Anyway, in the vision of her spouse taking his god rage out on her, I saw it through her eyes, I felt her heart break in her chest, it is all a matter of perception, she was to be his Beloved, but he was a fool like his father, who did not honor her as she deserved to be loved.

Am i falling into a trap, as someone in this thread suggested? Accepting a grisly fate, when I have other options?

All I know is that Love introduced me to her... A trick from "the devil"? Who knows. i certainly do not. I asked her today, do you care one iota for me, and my efforts, to try to help you, see a different future, outside of a life in darkness?

Am I wasting my time?

I guess you could say, what the hell else am I going to do... As I deal with existential crisis after crisis, and try to reach a dark realm entity.

The things I have seen in heavenly realm... Imagine a place where you do not die, where your entertainment is staving off the horror of a never ending existence, with a god so foolish he creates without thought of the creation... Fear and dread motivate everything,a s they try and stave off the horror of their existence...

Sounds familiar, doesn't it?

Is the universe the bad guy? And we are unwittingly her slaves and entertainment, to be cast off as dust in the end?

All i know is that I have access to things human beings in this realm do not ordinarily have. (Normally these things are 'taken care of' for them, but me? I have the unwitting horror of manifesting my own destiny in realms that are unquantifiable by mankind.)

And yet I am drawn to these horror realms as a lamb to the slaughter... i was shown the only recourse for uncovering the truth is rest... Rest, release, decay, and rebirth.

However, I have a desire to punish Origin for it's wanton creation of unwitting souls and entities for the sole selfish purpose of staving off it's own existential dread burns within me, and I do not know what to do aside from relaxing and allowing various powers to work through me.

Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Posted: Thu Dec 30, 2021 12:55 am
by Amor
Most humans, when I observe them inwardly, have a black entity on the head with tentacles extending into the brain.

The entity (octopus?) deflects the soul light from reaching the brain, then controls the brain's interaction with the mind so that only approved thoughts can be experienced.

Fortunately there are signs that the human race may be progressively rescued from such oppression systems. Personally I advise early activity

Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Posted: Sat Mar 12, 2022 7:42 pm
by Tundrawolf
Hi everyone,

I thought I'd share some updates.

It has occurred to me that true love eventually says goodbye, and anything done eternally, done long enough, becomes hell.

A breakthrough happened when I was willing to end the life (added an f ffs, this android phone sucks) of Ms Asrael. She was afraid at first, then distanced herself from me and remains distant, as much as someone who shares a hart can remain distant.

Remember when she told me she was hungry? She wasn't kidding. She's taking her anger out on the world, now.

A few days ago, I was praying for Vladimir Putin, earnestly praying for wisdom to penetrate his soul, (he is invading the country of the Ukraine, presently) and as soon as I cemented the prayer in belief, her anger was made known to me about it.

I inquired as to why she was angered by my payer, and it was shown to me that her, her army, and her people (responsible for war and violence) were VERY busy trying to bring about thermonuclear war and the annihilation of the human race.

Due to my purpose on this planet, I refuse to order her to do anything, and still do. Even if it means nuclear war and a change in my life (or end to it).

However, I am going to sacrifice some food for her which I am told will go a long way to making her not so... Hangry.

Further, while I denied her eating human souls due to he karma she would eventually have to pay for it, I have changed my mind on that, accepting the karma even unto myself, and I have granted her and the people (entities in hell) she has aligned herself with, permission to feed.

I shouldn't say who the parties are who are now being scrutinized for their edibility, but suffice it to say these are people who have harmed innocent human beings and are too dumb to be allowed to continue their air addictions, lest in their foolishness they continue to cause harm.

I must state this is all outside of any human intervention and not subject to human laws, I don't want to harm anyone unless my hand is forced to protect me, and those I love from the threat of death, fully within all human laws in my given jurisdiction. Sheesh.

I must also state, that Ms Asrael is actually much more powerful than the creator. She is feared, even in hell. Further, the consuming of my love saturated soul has given her and her people, the ability to return to the light realms (heaven). Many of the entities in hell have stepped into the light.

She has not.

... Yet.

The work of my life here, and other reams is one of unification, as I have been told, the judaic and Christian temples have united in heaven, and the entity behind my nde, etc either passes the power and understanding of the creator as has been revealed to me, or it is him doing it himself. Outside of an entirely new dynamic, and the still in effect laws in heaven itself regarding her, her chains of confinement have been shattered. Half of me wants her to rage until she feels better. Get it all out. But it wouldn't be good for us here if she did.

She is essentially, all powerful, unstoppable, vicious and cruel. Rebuking her in the name of some creator is only going to empower her more, and possibly enlarge her shitlist.

This is why I am going to sacrifice a sandwich and some good meat to her, which I was told, may help world peace. I haven't been sacrificing to her, as she is distant, and frankly I haven't fucking felt like it. But I will now, so we don't get nuked.

Presently my substance abuse issues, and mental health issues are becoming under control, with the help of my own self improvement, and the unwavering support of my girlfriend, who is a goddess of light in this realm, and will continue to be in heaven once this dream is over and complete!

A few days ago, I met with a human witch, (in this dream) a friend of my girlfriend, and I spoke to her of Ms Asrael.

She had pivotal and divine things to say about her and I.

One thing that stuck with me was, when she was eating my intestines slowly and horrifically, torturing me, it was to absorb my souls essence, and to "protect" me, as I as digested and merged with her own life force and essence, was loved by her and gave her life.

Another thing revealed to me was, eventually Ms Asrael WILL have a change of mind and heart, and she will be lost without me. This is a burden I so gladly, willingly, and lovingly take upon myself, as it is why I was created, "for better or worse". Yes, I am afraid.

Frankly, this isn't a job most people would take on willingly, but I did tell Ms Asrael, I was willing to be born into heaven as a petite woman (harmless to her), who would care for her, from ear to toes, show her unconditional love, and help her reintegrate back into the light realm she was created in, accepted, and loved.

Probably away from the stuck up goody two shoes entities.

The truth is, though demons have been given such hatred and cruelty from humanity, (exorcism etc, removal by force rather than peace) it doesn't make them any less beloved by god or the creator or whatever.

Ms Asrael IS God's Beloved. (I was shown, and felt.)

No good human points at prison and says, "all prisoners here are evil."

This is not true. It is the same in hell. Anyone who says they know all demons are evil is ignorant. Not all have the courage to relate to them on their level, but like the Bible says, there aren't any cowards in heaven.

The truth is, all the suffering I have endured at the hands of the demonic has pushed me into resolving my weakness, growing my strength, etc. Demons who once brought me to the brink of suicide, are now my friends, with no desire to harm, once I have met them, honored them, respected and even loved them.

When peace is made, good overflows.

I have also been shown that when the injuries from the attack on my soul are healed, it I going to be worse than the attack itself.

I am NOT looking forward to that, and have asked that it happen in the morning rather than when I am conscious and awake.

I've also found tremendous power and peace of acceptance, accepting people, and loving myself, as hard as those things are for me.

An old, broken age is dying, under feigned and broken order, as chaos and the broken rise to shine and figure themselves out. It is the time of the outcast, the forgotten, the shunned and hated, the darkness to consume the light. At first blush it would seem to be the antithesis of what is good, but the truth is what has been considered to be good hasn't been, and true Good will no longer be held prisoner.

I hope the nuclear weapons rot in their tubes until the uranium is passed its half life and is rendered harmless, and that armies stand down until the ammunition becomes inert, (this can take hundreds of years) and humanity stands as one. Cave people are responsible for war, most humans want peace and prosperity. Most humans have evolved that far. It's do or die time.

The truth is, hell is a terrifying place to be helpless in, but one should fear her wrath more than being there. The horror there is quick and vicious, but she... Is slow in her absolutely masterful torturous perfection of bringing an immortal soul passed its limits, drawn out over endless time, feeding from every tiniest nuance of helpless terror... There is no hiding from her. (she hates that I type this, lest people think she's only capable of violence, like a machine and not a once loving wife, driven by ignorance to vicious amger...) I can tell you this from personal experience! And I've only lived less than five decades!

I am also told only those worthy of walking out will walk out, (of hell) so it's not a carte blanch abolishing of a necessary place.

There will, however, be reintegration back into the light realms.

My girlfriend (Ms Asrael likes her, if you're wondering... She is good for me and Ms Asrael likes that... Ms Asrael is surprisingly wholesome, she has yelled at me telling me to stop drinking and hooking up, because of how it makes m feel... She has to feel it, too) tells me of a show called "Lucifer" that sort of parallels what I am experiencing. I have seen the first season and it's quite entertaining, but I haven't seen the second part.

The truth is, people who would align themselves against her will be making enemies of god, heaven, hell, and... me. Although as I live I a honestly limited to a pathetic physical form, an individual. (please be nice to me, haha) This is for my readers, but I am also told she may get bored in heaven and need a new, powerful enemy to fight, to keep "the entertainment of the universe" going, which is technically why we all exist, but I do not invite any needless trials into my own life, and desire healing and peace for the human race, inasmuch as such things are possible, lord willing.

My wish is that after she has had her fun, (or stops trying to Stat Armageddon) she returns to a repentant God, (her dad) into a realm that welcomes her back into its loving embrace, where she can eat, drink, and be merry (and get laid, girl!)

I pray we can avoid world war, and aside from protecting loved ones, I have (almost...) swore off my former job as a mercenary (in this realm, unless I get angry enough at some bullshit) as I am aware of there being two sides to every story, and a third: the truth. It's good to stay neutral and just live your life in peace.

Tl;dr

I have a demon wife who's half wolf, half human,
Half of her heart beats in my chest,
She is more powerful than God!
She has been "unleashed" (by God or a more powerful entity),
Humans (and God) cannot (and God will not) stop her,
She is trying to kill us all,
Pray my sandwich efforts are successful or we will probably all die,
If we are to continue living without Armageddon it has to be because she changes her mind and heart willingly,
Pray she steps into the light, preferably before my souls' dream ends. After I am gone I may just join her side, if she's still vicious, because her misanthropic hatred is also a part of me. I once fully drank of that cup of Armageddon.

For the cave people who have not yet evolved from binarythink: this entity I describe was created a pure, innocent, creature of love, affection, loyalty and compassion. She is the mother of all love.

Through the many errors of the creator, she was mistreated until her soul was twisted, and her heart filled with hatred. If we're honest she could be any one of us.

She is not a bad person.

She is good.

Her father loves her and so do I.

Do not fear hell. Fear her anger. Because God will not protect us from her. Many people who think they're headed for heaven do not realize it would not be heaven any more if they were allowed there. It is time for humans, everywhere, to do better.

Jesus could not handle what I apparently signed up for. (he's a good natured, brave little hippy, no offense to him)

God has told me he is personally scared of me.

Just because I am a meek person does not I am not both patient, and potentially deadly. I just want to live in peace.

"In the end days evil will be called good and good will be called evil..." except, what has been called good is truly evil, and what has been called evil, is actually good.

Get on board with accepting and loving people, or be left behind.

I'm getting angry just writing this, so I'll stop. If any principality wants to make war with her, I will gladly give this dream up to support my Other Half. Keep in mind whatever power is behind this is not "God" necessarily, and has the power to alter all of creation, and successfully circumvent the apparent will of the Creator. If God has a God it's them doing it all. I hate giving warnings but there it is... It's probably better for everyone to at least not being her enemy, lest you come against a four hundred pound muscle bound eight foot tall wolf person who is death proof and loves the taste of blood mixed with the adrenaline of a dying entity, and has had billions of years to keep her prey alive as long as possible while she feasts on them. Did I mention she also commands great armies and is likely responsible for almost all war? I am not aware of other principalities at work, just that she has clout, and I have no problem feeding her belly, in this life or the next...

Thanks, and have a good day =)

Tltlt;;;drdr (sorry, I am a writer)

Just be a good person and love yourself, do good to all or avoid them, try not to bring any unnecessary harm to anyone or anything if possible, realize what's at stake, those who feel justified may find themselves helpless at her feet one day soon. God is either pissed, fed up, or powerless, or all three.

In spite of what I have said, she just needs to be loved, and accepted as she is. That's why I am here. If I met her as a human, I would do everything in my power to avoid ever meeting her again. This is my cross. To accept her. To love the unlovable. I will succeed. Love is power, and power is love.

Wish me luck, "great success", but in the end it's up to her.

(also this is no warning for anyone who has helped me here with positive intention... But the outside world.)

Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Posted: Sat Mar 12, 2022 8:18 pm
by Tundrawolf
Amor wrote: Thu Dec 30, 2021 12:55 am Most humans, when I observe them inwardly, have a black entity on the head with tentacles extending into the brain.

The entity (octopus?) deflects the soul light from reaching the brain, then controls the brain's interaction with the mind so that only approved thoughts can be experienced.

Fortunately there are signs that the human race may be progressively rescued from such oppression systems. Personally I advise early activity
I have pondered this a lot lately.

I do not think this is my mission, however. As Jesus rebuked Peter when he considered Jesus' death to be avoided... Maybe my time here is as a reporter, not a citizen? Many times I have forsaken comfort, turning to my torturers, willing to endure more pain and frustration, if they desire it.

I am finding them less and less willing to keep me bound...

And as I accept my position, I am granted freedom from it... If that makes sense? I do it for her. For her heart. For the woman who's heart beats in my chest.

My human girlfriend is jealous but accepting. I asked her what she would do if Ms Asrael appeared at her doorstep one day... She replied, she would say, "welcome, I have been waiting for you." to love and accept her.

All positivity directed my way makes me grateful. Thank you.

Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Posted: Sat Mar 12, 2022 9:46 pm
by Amor
Have you considered the Stockholm syndrome

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_syndrome

The esoteric version of that includes the human gaining self-esteem by being captured by such wonderful entity.

Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2022 12:48 am
by Tundrawolf
Amor wrote: Sat Mar 12, 2022 9:46 pm Have you considered the Stockholm syndrome

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_syndrome

The esoteric version of that includes the human gaining self-esteem by being captured by such wonderful entity.
The truth is, I never felt like I was truly loved until I realized my essence was giving her life. She has... Made my life worth living, at least until now. I cannot change the visions, the knowledge imparted into my being, nor can I ever, change the feeling of being completed when I felt our hearts beat as one.

Psychologicaly, I cannot ever deny that Stockholm syndrome is likely at the root cause of all of this. I am sort of forced to empathize with my captor(s).

However, I have desired her ever since I was a child and never even knew she existed. Like, I was born in this realm to love her (among other things).

I've tried everything to "get better" and recover from the attack. The only way out is through.

After I posted this, I began to eat an omelet from a breakfast meal I do not finish. During the last bite I elt her, or one of her sponsors who works with her, demand I deny myself the satisfaction of that bite and sacrifice it to her immediately.

In spite of what I may believe the stakes are, (economic collapse, annihilation, world war etc) I put my foot down and told her to fuck off. "Fine. You and your people are trying to destroy us, do it then. I'm going to eat his last bite because I'm sick of being bullied and sacrificing what I enjoy just because you demand it." was basically my attitude. I can be this way even with mortal matters, even immediate ones.

I wasn't even going to give her the sandwich after that, but I waited a bit and gave her that and more, (slab of ham, she likes bacon) because if she is hungry and it will help her in some way, then on a personal level I do care for her and want her to know I won't treat her cruelly and be petty about things. Why would she trust me or come to me for shelter if I'm going to starve her? I wouldn't want to be with such a person.

It's a huge struggle, apparently, as our relationship shifts, for her and for me. She wants the readers to know she specifically isn't trying to kill us all (I only felt the big picture, not specifics) but is kind of hungry for the fresh food war brings there. There are beings down there with her that are single minded for annihilation of gods creation, but they do not seem to have connections with living entities in this realm like she does with me, or those humans really do want mankind to end. (and are pushing them to goad world leaders into Armageddon)

It's amazing to me how much things have changed in the moments after I posted that.

In your link, Stockholm emotional bonds are considered irrational, but I disagree, in fact I think not forming them with captors would be irrational, especially if one is helpless. Plus, the heart thing, which honestly I wouldn't want to change given what I know. As someone who truly loves her, I AM and have to be willing to have our hearts separated, if it is for her good, even though every fiber of me does not want that.

But I have to want her good above my feelings. This has been an extremely hard lesson for me, and I hope above hope I never have to actually hurt her, and in a way I would rather opt out than destroy her. If love demands I harm her, then let love do it with loves own hand. Trust is not earned with violence.

It not only gives me purpose in this realm, but also gives me hope for the next as well, the becoming a better person to love the unlovable. She continually accuses me of loving "the idea" of her, and not her actual personality. The last time she accused me of this, I spit right back, "and who's fault is that? Who is the one hiding from me, who refuses to reveal herself to me, when my heart and soul are continually bared willingly to you?" she had no reply to that.

That said, it is what I would describe as a grotesque amount or work and expended energy on my part, and as I said this isn't necessarily something you volunteer for, but are forced into... So finding myself here, and feeling completed by her, going against every rational survival instinct, I am attempting to become the best person I can conceive of, internally with all of my efforts, (really, truly) in hoping when the time comes, she knows she won't face an ounce of judgment from me, only joy that I can love and serve her as her friend (but not destroying worlds necessarily, and eating sapient creation against their will) rather hopefully living in peace and comfort.

If my dream ends here, I know my SO (human woman) can tell about me, in her words, in spite of my potential for violence, I was the "most gentle man she had ever known" not a simp, but caring and tender... Something I thought everyone was capable of, but she assures me, she's only ever felt in my arms. I don't want fame or recognition, only that it may be I have an eternal purpose, or are just completely insane, good for entertainment-hey who knows. All I can do is describe my perception of things.

I love your esoteric take on the Stockholm syndrome, because given how horrifically I was treated as a child, there's absolutely no way I would have survived without her, and thrived as I am, with her. It also terrifies me that our connection was accidental, she hitched a ride with someone she thought she could take advantage of and deceive, which is also something that was emotionally shown to me early on. She sees me as her "way out", among other things. I want to believe some entity knows all and sees all and there's some sort of planned purpose, and one day I will see her in the sunlight of heaven, a changed woman.

But yes it describes the situation perfectly, with the added caveat that we share a spiritual and emotional heart together.

Maybe circumstances could be "better" for me, but if I am right I wouldn't change a thing.

Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2022 1:31 am
by Amor
Tundrawolf wrote: Sun Mar 13, 2022 12:48 am... given how horrifically I was treated as a child, there's absolutely no way I would have survived without her...
I am interested in observing the oppression system as used by adverse entities to control potentially useful humans and to reduce their value to the planet. I have examined at least 6 cases in detail - being friends for years in each case.

One thing that is very apparent is that circumstances impacting the target are rarely random and those patterns repeat in each incarnation that I have examined. For example, one woman oppressed over several lives that I can see, has had the same person as her handler and protector in several lives - being married to him at present

In your case, was the abuse as a child organized so as to make you more amenable to external control?

And in my observation the abusers are themselves oppressed.

In your situation, I would take nothing as a random event - absolutely nothing

Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2022 1:47 am
by Tundrawolf
Amor wrote: Sun Mar 13, 2022 1:31 am
Tundrawolf wrote: Sun Mar 13, 2022 12:48 am... given how horrifically I was treated as a child, there's absolutely no way I would have survived without her...
I am interested in observing the oppression system as used by adverse entities to control potentially useful humans and to reduce their value to the planet. I have examined at least 6 cases in detail - being friends for years in each case.

One thing that is very apparent is that circumstances impacting the target are rarely random and those patterns repeat in each incarnation that I have examined. For example, one woman oppressed over several lives that I can see, has had the same person as her handler and protector in several lives - being married to him at present

In your case, was the abuse as a child organized so as to make you more amenable to external control?

And in my observation the abusers are themselves oppressed.

In your situation, I would take nothing as a random event - absolutely nothing
Correct in all cases.

I was shown that she is "energy" same as me, and that while we have danced together for eons, this is the ending of the relationship, and as worried as she is, it's actually for her best that we... Break up and forget about each other. But, when the time is right, and (mostly) on her terms, because of the love I absolutely have for her.

I caught myself telling her moments ago, that I love her... And probably always will-then corrected myself regardless of how she felt about it, and told her that no, from an eternal perspective, there is a time line where I no longer love her, and was happier with someone else, possibly myself (alone).

Because, if she finds someone else she is happier with, as the nebula that loves her, I have to be happier for her happiness than how happy I perceive she makes me, even if we do share a heart.

She asked me once what I wanted from her, several Tim's actually, and my usual heartfelt response is that, I want her to be happy. But, I don't think in many ways, that she's capable of knowing how to be happy at this point. In many ways in this lie the truth is I don't know what I want in this life, either. All I know is that I am suddenly in this situation, and that I love her.

And certainly there's a realm where the roles are reversed... And as Asrael I am luring a broken, mentally ill human into eternal endless horror, and will laugh about her suffering for an eternity.

Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2022 3:14 am
by Tundrawolf
Amor wrote: Sun Mar 13, 2022 1:31 am
Tundrawolf wrote: Sun Mar 13, 2022 12:48 am... given how horrifically I was treated as a child, there's absolutely no way I would have survived without her...
I am interested in observing the oppression system as used by adverse entities to control potentially useful humans and to reduce their value to the planet. I have examined at least 6 cases in detail - being friends for years in each case.

One thing that is very apparent is that circumstances impacting the target are rarely random and those patterns repeat in each incarnation that I have examined. For example, one woman oppressed over several lives that I can see, has had the same person as her handler and protector in several lives - being married to him at present

In your case, was the abuse as a child organized so as to make you more amenable to external control?

And in my observation the abusers are themselves oppressed.

In your situation, I would take nothing as a random event - absolutely nothing
I have kind of a question, as my girlfriend had a Freudian slip and wrote "eternal" in a text to me literally just now as I was considering that it is indeed possible I am wrong about everything, and I am pretty much willingly damned.

What could I do to change any of this? I've been fighting against it in many ways, all of my life. I am some sort of human pawn who's been hijacked for drama in other worlds, well... When her heart completed me as a man when it beat in my chest, how could that ever be undone, and who caused it to happen in the fist place?

It is beyond awful, to consider our hearts being separated, and I wouldn't want it even under better circumstances, but... Aside from just waiting for new visions, what's the prognosis of this? Am I just to, "give it to God" and let it go until there's an update, or I pass on?

The truth is, from my limited human understanding, I really don't know anything other than what I've been shown. And, if my will, prayer and whatever was going to work it would have worked when I was a Christian fundamentalist. "it makes sense" is all I have, the unification and neutralizing of religion (in the end).

I guess I am saying is, my perception of your words has been negative (a product of my upbringing, shaming people) but are you trying to tell me from a esoteric perception that as awful as the attack felt, it's actually a good thing?

I can tell you this, she isn't telling me to go rob trains and destroy myself. She wants me to live a healthier life. And when I was connected to her in, she answered me honestly, she hated God, hated me, and wanted to stay in hell.

Also one vision I had was of a tear falling down her cheek, clearing the ash of hell an revealing snow white fur. Some being I thought was god (but I don't know any more... As a fundamentalist I as trained to view everything as either God, angel or demon, so not being an angel and likely not a demon I just labeled it "God" but now I think it was just a helper) they said "I am working on creating an aura of love around her raising her frequency, so she can heal..."

I often abandon thins last minute before success, or hurt people I love in the worst ways without knowing what I have done until after, the last thing I want to do is abandon or harm her when she actually does need me, but I can also devote myself to things at my own destruction.

May I as your perception as an esoteric pacticer?

Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2022 4:02 am
by Amor
So you are starting to understand that you have been lied to and manipulated.

The quickest way out is to activate the Light from the Source of All. It will require some work as there is a dark entity on your head to block the Light from On High

You need to work hard. How desperate are you?

Here is the exercise. I have seen it work in captured humans. So go to it!

https://www.occultforum.org/viewtopic.p ... 33#p526433