What could be happening here? Strange things.

[HotShotLin]

Hi there.

I would really appreciate some advice from you guys.

Ok, so I am trying to think how I can start this.

Ever since I was very young in childhood I felt there was something different about me. I do not think that I was a typical child and was ahead of my time in regards to how I thought, acted and rationalised situations. Growing up this did not change.

From the age of 16 and 10 years onward (I am 27 now) I was a nasty, manipulative, aggressive, vindictive person. I wanted to fight the world and would rant to anyone and everyone who would listen. I remember thinking when I was 18 and worked in a clerical vacancy (as a receptionist), how much I despised painting on a smile and found it genuinely difficult to be nice and even feign it (although I had to, to retain my job.) My malicious behaviour and thought pattern, carried through with me as I went to college, and had other jobs. I would purposely look to argue when there was not a need to do so. I would spend recklessly and trample on others for my own gain regardless of the consequences. I'd steal, cheat and lie and was sometimes proud of this.

Then, in a very short space of time, my whole attitude changed. I developed morals and began to care. I started to think back to how I was and felt sick to the core. I felt things that were alien to me. Guilt, rue and sorrow. And like that. I was a different person. I stopped thinking that the world owed me a living and started to appreciate what I had and not dwell on what I didn't have. I empathised with others.

But what I did dwell on with the horrible things I had done and some of the concequences I had to accept. Like because of the debt I had racked up, I had to declare myself as bankrupt in 2011. But I wasn't ashamed of this, in-fact I felt relieved and lucky. In the space of 10 minutes, walking into a court room with my Dad, I had £22,000 worth of debt wiped and walked out with a piece of paper saying I owed nothing. All it had cost me was £400. I had nothing taken from me because I had no assets or savings. I lived in a rented property and it didn't matter that my credit was shot because I no longer needed it. The bankruptcy is to stay on my record for 6 years, from then it is removed and I can begin to build it up again if I wanted for say purposes of a future mortgage. I was discharged 1 year later. I felt I had been given this 2nd chance. [razz]

My Auntie sadly passed away in 2012 from cancer and since then I started looking at things in more detail. And although I have always been quite dependent on my Mother, despite my outspoken nature, I grew even more dependent on her. I was terrified she was going to die and started to question everything, more so than I did before.

And I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia in 2010. I do not think I am Schizophrenic (even though that is what many Schizophrenics would say as being unsound of mind and no insight into their illness.) I have been on many different Anti-Psychotics which I do not respond to. Any mention of what I see or what I think I see is immediately passed off as a symptom of the Schizophrenia so it is like urinating into the wind. I did hold onto some of my less favourable traits but they became very much diluted in comparison. [neutral3]

Anyway, so below is a list of things which happen and describe myself. I am really sorry about the length of this post and am grateful to those who will read it and maybe have some advice for me as to where I can go from here..

Live in England, UK.
Aquarius, born on 16th Feb, 1986.
Interested in History, English Language, Literature and Grammar, Poetry
I love Art and write my own Poetry.
Opinionated but able to see things from others perspective, whether I agree or not.
I like to be right but will stand corrected if proven wrong.
Stubborn.
Creative thinker.
Rational but can be erratic.
Immature at times - Like if somebody farts, I find this highly funny for some reason.
Hates Mathematics and totally crap at it.
Dislikes change.
Very few close friends.
Can be self-destructive.
Highly suspicious.
Inpatient.
Caring.
Empathetic.
Perceptive.
Loud.
Terrible short-term memory but good long-term memory.
Appreciates intelligence.
Hates idiocy.
Sometimes secretive.
Idle.
Loves to help others now for no gain.
Not overly fond of sunshine.

A lot of the time I see strange manifestations, which the closest I can describe is the Predator movies. You know where the Predator switches on his stealth mode? Where he becomes semi-transparent but you can still make out his outline? Kind of like that. I have been able to see "something" since childhood and only in the last maybe year and a few months (maybe longer) has it become more prominent. I used to think that I could see Atoms or something everywhere I looked. I no longer think this. I also see strange lights and black blobs or dots - both of which can either be a quick flash or for a few seconds. Twice I have seen (on different occasions) a dark coloured (for want of a better word) thingy travelling in the air, in my Mother's lounge room, in a zig-zag pattern of maybe 3 feet before changing course (a zig, then a zag, followed by a zig.) I have a constant fear of death and if I will see my family again. I have a hard time thinking of the now and more of the when. For example, I might think... "What if my Mum/Dad only has 25 years left to live.. what will I do?" Instead of trying to focus on the 25 years I may have to enjoy with them. [sad2]

I feel compelled to help people. Animals seem to be overly trusting toward me. Lights flicker a lot when I turn them on by the wall switch. Sometimes I just feel totally drained for no apparent reason. All I can do is lay down, wait for up to 20 mins and then I am ok again. When this happens I barely have the energy to walk and have to rest where I am. It only seems to happen when I am in-doors. I notice things like numbers can have meaning in certain sequences or from my past. Things happen that many would pass off as only coincidence like I might be thinking of a person who I haven't talked to in ages or somebody might randomly pop into my head and then I will see them on MSN, notice an E-Mail from them, receive a phone call or text from them. I might be thinking of a product, name or word and then there will be a TV commercial or something and the very same thing will be mentioned.

I question life. I question death. I question if I have a purpose or am just a number. I sometimes question my own sanity. Loads of weird things have happened. My dog sometimes growls at "nothing". Sometimes he will stare at me for a long time and it is really unnerving. Strange markings have appeared on my mirrors and once a very large and oddly shaped hand print in the dust on the mirror (yeah I know I need to clean more.) [lol] Lights have been turned off (even though I know I left them on - they never go out in front of me.) Items and objects have moved or disappear (but this could be down to me forgetting I have moved them - I don't know.) I've seen strange shadows moving. I feel cold spots and electrical/tingling sensations go through my body.

Can anybody tell me or give me an indication of what might be happening? What can I do to find out more? I am very open minded and am no so ignorant as to think that there are no other beings than humans, that exist. I also believe that I can Astral Project. I have a lot to learn about a lot of things and would love and be very, very grateful for some help.

Thank you for reading this and I am sorry about it being so long.

Linzi (Lin for short) x

[shazwie]

wow....this is almost like me...and a few other people which they had said to be almost like this...of course the experience of sadness/anger is different but what you have been experiencing is like me >..> things keeps following you and disturbing you is ussually.....what one person i know would say...astral trash <..<

[Azkhet]

Most likely. It doesn't help when the person experiencing it (the OP) is a known psychiatric patient. She claims that the shrinks saw her and she feels that she is not crazy, but there must have been a preemptive event. You don't randomly wind up talking to shrinks, do you (and I doubt it suddenly came out during the deaths in her family... Think about the etiology of schizophrenia. There's a lot more going on here than what's in that post.)

She needs local help, psychiatric and otherwise, poor girl.

[shazwie]

. There's a lot more going on here than what's in that post.)

She needs local help, psychiatric and otherwise, poor girl.

for one...yes there does seem to be more then what meets the eye...but of course no one would want to tell ALL of their personal experiences...and the line between craziness and the occult is really thin and from there she should try to find whats wrong first...

[Azkhet]

Of course - and how do you expect to get a handle on occult experiences if you can't manage ordinary reality first? How do you distinguish synchronicity from paranoid delusion? Astral projection versus hallucinations? Did you know that schizophrenics often source their hallucinations to electronic objects or anything with a power source (TVs, lights, etc), and the hallucinations this person is describing match the descriptions given by other schizophrenics? Are the voices spirits, or are they just voices? The OP says "I'm not schizophrenic but I see all this weird shit and they give me drugs and it's not helping" -- think about it, Shawzie. I realize from an outsider's perspective my saying I deal with spirits may sound like this person, but the two are truly not the same.

[shazwie]

of course i know about that....im just saying she should find out the source and then figure it out >..>

[Nahemah]

Hi Linzi and welcome.

Your symptoms as described,remind me much more of Bipolar than Schizophrenia,especially the finance issues and the obsessive fears.

I am no kind of expert though,but I have a schizophrenic sister and also several friends with schizophrenia/ schizoaffective disorders.

Is your diagnosis in the schizoaffective range,or is it full on schizophrenic disorder?

You are entitled to a second opinion,re your diagnosis and if you insist on it,you should be allowed to be reassessed. Keep plugging for it,I think you should,as whether it's in agreement with the first diagnosis or not,it can't hurt to check and your descriptions do sound like there may be some justification for reassessing you.

Have you had any investigations done for brain function? Scans/MRI or anything like that?

Sometimes there can be a medical/anatomical cause for that 'auric fuzz/predator shift' you have seen.This may not be connected to your illness or any latent psychic ability.It could be an independant eyesight/optic problem.It could be migraine related also.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Scint ... cotoma.gif

Look at this please,the predator efect?

Or not,indeed,but how is your eyesight,generally?

The black dots and streaks sound like floaters,which are normal for the most part,but getting your blood pressure checked might be good idea anyway,do you have regular health checks/monitoring?

[if not you should,any long term med patient should be monitored for blood and liver functions etc.some meds are pretty heavy on the body,over time and adjustments might be necessary in dose or type and so on....]

Yeh,make a post get twenty Qs back at you,I'm sorry about that,but I don't want to speculate too much without further information.

Side note;

I experience auditory and other sensory hallucinations,at times.When I'm falling asleep,or when I'm very bored or tired and so on and my son,who is epileptic with complications from encephalitis does so as auras.Hey,sanity,so called is rarer than you or me might otherwise think [grin] :

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hallucinations_in_the_sane