Seeking serious advice about dark situation

[Mfellows1988]

I have been experiencing, for as long as I can remember, a darkness that follows me where ever I go, and seems to effect everyone around me. I am at a loss for what to do, who to contact, or how to banish what ever is attached to me. There is some backstory that needs explaining before I can expect anyone to give me any answers as to what they think is going on, or suggestions on how to handle it. I will condense it as much as I can. I am not embellishing any of these stories, or creating stories and lies. Everything I write is as much the truth as I saw with my own eyes or felt.

My childhood was very dark and I was alone most of the time. My mother decided it was a good idea to home-school me, so 95% of my time was spent in my home. I did not have any friends, and the ones I did meet, did not stay around for long. The thing was, the house was haunted, and something malevolent lived there. I recall- only recently, that I would sit with a man, dressed in white, with red eyes, on my bed and talk to him when I was very young. I do not remember what was said, or much else about the situation. Maybe that he tried to influence me in some way? There was a constant feeling of dread at night in the house, and I would always see things out of the corner of my eyes, hear knocking, foot-steps, etc. When I was very young, I woke up one night and saw shadow-figures (cloaked and chained) walk across my wall, and off the wall- becoming almost three dimensional. I ran out of my room screaming, and never slept in it again. After that, I would be terrified to even go near it at night. A woman was seen walking out of the room (full body apparition) at one point. I found out recently that there were several occasions where my mother would walk into my room when I was a baby, and I would be standing in my crib staring at something, and my eyes were red- like red-eye in a photograph.

Not long after this point, my mother was diagnosed with cancer, and for two years I was dragged into the world of hospitals, doctor offices, and practically left to fend for myself as my brother left for a different state, and my father had a break-down. Many things happened during this time, and obviously, much negativity followed. I will also add that I had several vivid, and terrifying demon dreams throughout this period.

Fast forward to when I was older, the house was foreclosed on and we were forced to move, to which I had never been more thankful. I hated it there. Every night was a dark fog that shrouded me. After moving to the new house, I began having vivid nightmares- which would turn into years of reoccurring nightmares about the old house. Demon dreams, dark dreams, and night-terrors still follow me to this day. Things kept getting worse and worse with my family, and my life in general. At home, there were constant fights between my parents and myself. My personal life was a mess as well, as relationships never lasted, and friends always went away. At this point I did not understand what was going on. Every job I had ended badly, and my resume began to look like swiss cheese. Then my father was diagnosed with diabetes, and shortly after that, Parkinson's. When I was about 20, still living at the new house with my parents, my father died suddenly. This is where things, for me lately after much dwelling, have gotten very dark. Let me focus on that for a moment.

I am in a relationship, and have been for over three years. It is the longest running relationship I have held down. We have gone through a lot of troubles though. And this is where I need advice or direction. When we met, I was very closed off and she opened me up, and got in- and hence, usu being together for over three years. Now, she is experiencing health problems out of no where, after no sign or history of them. She is empathic and is sensitive to the other side that people do not accept at a reality. When my father died, I was not with her. But this part is relevant.

When my father died, I was at work. I rushed home to see him deal on the floor with the paramedics working on him, trying to bring him back. It was about 10 minutes after he dropped. His face was frozen with a look of almost fear- wide eyes. What followed I will not elaborate on, but your imagine about the time spent at the hospital should be able to fill in the blanks. My brother was living in California at that point, and I called him later that night- at about 11:30pm, talking to him as he prepared to drive across the country. I saw something in my backyard that night that I cannot explain, but shook me. I was on the phone, and about fifteen feet away from me stood a large, tall figure- cloaked, and his hood up, and his back towards me. The robe was blowing in the wind- but there was none out. I was frozen with fear as I stood there in silence staring at it for a moment. Then I saw its head begin to turn in my direction, almost as if to look over it's shoulder. At this point I bolted for my house, and locked myself inside.

When my brother came back, things got worse. At one point I lost my temper for no good reason and started throwing things around the kitchen and yelling at him. This, obviously, could have been from the traumatic events that unfolded. But after a while, my brother was talking, and him also being a sensitive, told me he felt something took my father's life. He said he felt like he saw something in my back yard that scared him to death. My father died at the kitchen sink, with a clear view of my back yard. It was only recently I began to really think on these events, and link his frozen post-death face of fear, to what I saw, and my past. Recently, I have had problems with substance abuse, which I am now fighting, and nightmares, bad feelings- relationship problems, health problems and strings of bad luck that seem to be never ending.

There is so much I cannot write here, because it could fill a book. But this is a short glimpse into the events that I have been experiencing through my life. I feel like I am being followed by a dark, malevolent, being that is causing problems in not only my life, but in the lives of the ones around me. I dont know if it is my imagination, but I am in need of help. There have been too many things that have happened to me that I cannot ignore anymore. I feel like I am cursed. For most of my life I feel like I am walking around in a fog, and with brief moments of clarity, I begin to delve deeper into the darkness that has surrounded me for too long. If anyone has any insight as to what is going on with me, or questions to help further unfold the events that have happened... please do not hesitate to respond.

[Hadit]

We assuming that darkness equates to negativity, when ita the light that enslaves and destroys us. Maybe you're simply reacting in the improper way.

[corvidus]

Maybe you're simply reacting in the improper way.

Along the same lines: "I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

What have you done to banish or protect yourself from these things?

[Sypheara]

Mostly been lurking here when I came aross this. I don't find the above particularly helpful for your current posting, but they do contain elements of truth.

Firstly, I will say my specialty is not in exorcism or getting rid of malefic entities. I have done this for myself, people i know, and for environments i have found myself in, but I have never dealt with an issue surrounding anyone outside my close circle.

With the above caveat, hopefully what I am about to post will be helpful from what experience I do have.

From what you have written, and with a small benefit of the doubt, it would not be a stretch to say that the house you occupied in your younger years was indeed haunted by malefic entities, larvae/shades of the dead by your description of them. These are what people usually call 'shadow people', although other entities who are not in this class can appear in the same form or guise.

I encountered these also when I was younger, but thankfully I had a much more supportive environment and these entities were focused on me, not on particular location. They went away with time, and effort as I grew and matured.

For your case it seems they were attached entirely to that environment. From what you have sent, since moving, you have encountered nothing like them nor strange behaviour in your current abode. By removing yourself from the location therefore, it would be safe to assume that you have removed the primary means of infestation and problems caused by these entities and im glad you have managed to make it out in that regard.

However it is clear that in the years you spent there, the experiences you suffered at their hands physically, and emotionally have taken both a mental and spirtual strain on you. That is what you are experiencing now - the mental flashbacks, trauma etc you are dealing with from the initial infestation.

To deal with this, the main think you should do is seek professional counselling if possible and open up about this. These symptoms to me, as an occultist and not a trained medical professional, seem to be reminiscent of post traumatic stress disorders. By talking through and addressing it as such.

It is very important you do NOT turn to subtances to deal with this, unless those have been prescribed by a medical professional. These can cause you mind to become unstable, and actually act as a pathway for these beings to follow you through the cracks in your mind and soul you open up in regards to someone in your position. This could make the situation far worse.

I would recommend that from an occult perspective you dont do any active workings, other than banishing and protective workings. What I recommend is that you perform the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram on a daily basis, for a month, finally dropping down to using it to cleanse the aura once per week. This will not only help you relax, and clean yourself mentally and spiritually, but will also remove any vectors that these spirits might have for again taking notice of you.
Everything in your life you have typed is coming from the residual terror from this causing everything to feed back into a self destructive psychological loop that you need to break. The good news is that nothing from your description indicates this is an ongoing active malefic attack.
Note I have not discussed your girlfrineds ill health nor your father. That is because I do not believe they are connected. Your girlfriend needs your love, and your support, and this can be best given by first dealing with the residual damage.

Your fathers death and associated entity are entirely separate to your childhood occurences, again from what you have provided. The entity you mention seeing is in all likelyhood a reaper entity, which came to take your fathers life. This has been recorded in many cultures and there are modern reports of these entities being seen in clinical settings such as hospitals. To look upon it is to die, you didnt see its face because it wasnt your time.

Our modern culture rejects death and the darkness. Your fathers fearful face on death is the natural death posture and state. The dead do not look like they are sleeping. The eyes can remain open, staring, and the jaw gapes naturally due to muscle relaxation. The peaceful look you see at funerals is artifical, caused by metal wires inserted in the jaw to keep it shut, glue to keep eyes closed, etc. Ie a mockery of the natural death state.

I feel for how you encountered your father, nobody should have to see that. But it is a seperate incident from your early life and is no continuation of any malefic occurence from what you have posted.

I hope the above helps to reassure you. You have a long road ahead, but if you approach it with positivity as best as possible, clean your aura as described, remain calm,and seek treatment as best as you can for the night terrors it should be surmountable.

If you need to PM me feel free to do so.