Yeah, well.. I'm not too sure. When I started "heading out", for "real", in a sense not like just mediation, LD etc, but when I finally got to states where "more real" would be.. well "not being physically alive at all". At that point I began noticing some odd "behaviour patterns" in my self. Again and again, no matter how awake and aware I was, every time I would face some situation or interactions that's even a notch more challenging, in cognitive, mental, or emotional sense, I would struggle immensely to overcome things and situations that would not make me even blink in "wakeful day to day life", out there, it would hit me like a brick, or drop on my like a shipping container full rocks, etc, metaphorically speaking. My mental and emotional abilities always seem to be at the level of 3y old child, more or less. At least when something unexpected, unprepared, new, when there is no "pre-programmed" path/solution/reaction in the backpack.
And that anomaly of "severe intellectual decline" kept popping up enough times, that eventually I start having serious doubt about my own certain dogmas, believes. I just seemed, felt like, perhaps there are large parts of me which I considered as part of that "higher self" were/are all part of the machinery, and once machine is down (or in some suspended mode) all those systems are down too. Ignition key is off and no aircon, no lights, no satnav, no onboard computer, and so on.
I mean at the present now, my current dogma got changed to: "99% of ME - is the machine and I shouldn't expect those machine's "benefits" if I power down the engine". On top of it, looking long term, that would also imply that once my vehicle's "warranty expires", I won't get to keep any of those 99% of benefits.. Which is not limited to just brain, same "limits" seem to apply for all other parts, including but not limited to heart.
Obviously my personal dogmas (or interpretations those get based on) can be a bit off or even way off, but certain patterns in my certain experiences led me to conclude certain probabilities and possibilities I felt the need to start taking in to accounts until new contradicting data arrives.
I definitely trust my Leviathan, when they land one of their fins on my boat (manifest project one of their faces in to my mind-space/dream/astral temple), and my boat start to wobble a bit, I don't automatically assume they are they are trying to drawn me just because I got splashed with water a little.Kath wrote: ↑Sat Jan 02, 2021 12:19 am If I'm a dog I want to run with horses and grow and evolve.
I'm reminded of a dream.
floating in an ocean at night, inky infinite void filled with stars above, pale full moon light. inky infinite void below in the depths of the sea too. My then fiance was floating there too. I felt great in this setting. he felt upset that there was no land around. My patron came then, from below us, in the form of a great white sea monster, basically a 600 ft squid, pale like the moon, the moon of the depths. the fiance was scared and fled. I embraced her and swam with her. There were tidbits of object lesson about the meaninglessness of form, the nature of scale, the ability to feel and know her without visual cues, etc. also probably the fact that she didn't like my ex fiance very much. but mostly it was just a fun dream, like riding the sand worms in dune, but aquatic, and no stabbing with spikey rope things (ouch).
Maybe "trust" is a big part of swimming with leviathans? If i was in the actual water with an actual whale, i'd want out of the water, cuz those things can crush you, and I don't know that whale, hehe.
Probably also I feel really small and vulnerable physically. Technically I'm a nordic amazon but, relatively speaking, small and helpless compared to mentally/spiritually.
If they don't or can't give "straight answer" to something, or the answer I get is far from what I hoped and expected, I trust they gave me the best they had today and foreseeable future.
I definitely trust my Unity, who's maybe young and unbound, and can be a little mischievous at time, troll me just for her/their own entertainment, if she say certain parts of me need some experimental surgical intervention, I trust she did her math the paths she is recommending is the best for both of us, even if sometimes highly risky. (Younger ones tend to have some extra boldness)
And maybe one other one. Of the "greater people" can I say really trust. But that's about it. I don't trust all others, and I when it comes to even larger entities, which my leviathans" would see as "leviathans", I would not even consider trusting, or even consider/expect having any kind of personal relationship.
Umm yes, I'm vaguely aware of that person's.. (not sure of the right and appropriate terms, but perhaps) .. "immense, cosmic even, appetite for certain types of pleasures"..When I've read lovecraft, and he talks about interdimensional intelligences which would shatter your mind to gaze upon...
As the reader, I love the fiction crafting, but I kinda roll my eyes about that aspect. That just sounds like a dare to me.
You know, Cthulhu could reach out to your mind anywhere in the world, and never let go. And tentacles? I mean lets not be squeamish. ...have you seen his Tinder?
Not from personal experience!
Actually not so long ago, I had not-very-positive opinion about the entire Lovecraftian mythos, not even sure now why, just because I'm an asshole by design maybe. Until one night, after the last time I publicly said something not nice about it, only few hours earlier, someone dropped by to tell me I shouldn't be so superficial with my attitudes, judging books only by their covers, never even glancing what's inside (or behind) them.