Being ignored

[Calicifer]

There was a question which pestered me for a long time. Please, first of all, show me some respect and do not start saying "you are shy" or "you need better social skills". I actually undertook all that through many years, I improved myself socially immensely and I know what I'm talking about.

Here is an issue, people always tend to ignore me. I always feel that I'm not there. That I could be cut from the group, from the situation completely and nobody will even miss me. This is even more ironic then I'm a center piece of something. For example, I participated in debate activities for two years, third year I was elected as a president. There was a lot of political games, betrayals and etc. etc. It was as much about debating as it was about practicing real politik and watching soap dramas. The amazing thing happened then I was actually elected (being betrayed during election, because everything must feature at least one betrayal. It was part of treaty of Versalies). Everything died down. People became calm and content. Their motivation had dissappeared. I imagined that I will be a center point of all that drama which I had been part of for two years, but no, I showed that I wont take this shit by not taking part in any of that. Entire year, I was a centerpiece of the club, but people had lost all motivation in the club. No, I did not did anything in that regard and they had same motivation returned the very next year then I had left. Through entire year I felt that I was isolated, that I hold post and instead of being someone of interest, I was even greater nobody. Which was extremely strange since I held all the power and became a tyrant (made all the choices solely myself) on the virtue that people just ignored me and never talked about anything important to me. Which was a complete and sudden shift of what kind of rule we wanted last year. From fighting for democracy, it became a dictoraship just because I was elected and nobody talked to me.

It is not just isolated accident. I made many speeches in the events as a guest, nobody is interested in me despite "proving" most provoking things to them. No, I'm not just being some dick, it is an academic event with multiple speakers and I hold highest of standards of presenting something interesting and doing that in interesting fashion. Same happens if I moderate event. It is me who leads entire discussion, organizes whole event and yet, I feel like I'm invisible to people. Given a chance to speak to event organizer, a moderator, professional debator, people will always choose someone which they do not know at all. And no, I did not had a chance to be hostile or anything, even being complete strangers this happens way too often. Humans have this tendency to ignore me, I feel invisible to them and they only notices me if I'm completely out of place, like coming to their offices or start talking to them. Other than that I have a feeling that I always just fly under their radar. This is fascinating since everyone teaches social responsibility on their own part, but I witnessed that humans have no social responsibility then it comes to me. I'm in complete control of social interactions, because no matter if we are best friends, other person will never take responsibility to initiate conversation or to save friendship then I suddenly decide to burn the bridge.

I know what you will have strong desire to write this down to social skills or body language. The point is, I'm huge guy. I have a lot of muscles and bulk. I thought in my teenager years that being one of those guys will make me far more noticable. My fears were not met. Despite having body mass and body language to literally alone scare armed muggers in the dark alleys, I simply do not impress the image to other people. I have confident body language, I have bulk and then I speak, I speak confidently. Well, I try to be more contained, but even small outbursts are being remarked by humans as something out of the ordinary. They remark my gaze, for example, a person cuts me in line and then apologizes then it sees me. Then I'm angry, I just need to look at the other person and he tries to put down my gaze with humor. Telling me how angry I look. It is not just negative. If I express myself, I often get comments like these: "Interesting position. (something which they find interesting, cannot point out any logical flaws, but is somehow a position which does not need mentioning or talking about despite their whole purpose there is talking about such things)", "very strong" or "something which is expressed too strongly or relates to very strong personal beliefs" despite if it is just an ordinary thing.

I thought it was my social skills, after all, I prefer solitude. Yet, despite learning a lot about it. Despite going to talk with people in confidence, despite leading conversations every time, I had learned the one thing: it is all the same. It does not matter if "Go and talk with people" or "Let people talk with you". It all results in very same thing. Feeling that I'm not there. Please, do not relate this in overestimating myself, I can talk with any person and make him smile. I can easily small talk with my roomate and make him laugh then I wish despite barely talking with each other. It is same issue with all the others, I feel that no matter how adept I'm in social interaction, no matter what image I cast of me, I will always end up in the same situation, being ignored while being included. Heck, even then people enter our room, offering something, I had noticed that they always focus their full attention on my roomate. It might be from my desire of not giving any shit and being focused on my computer and my back to them, but it is damn strange then people do not even try to get my attention then their job is specifically to sell or promote something to as many people as they can.

The most ridiculous example of this was then were was an issue with university's finances. Despite my name, address and contacts being presented all over the document, a person went out of this way in contacting the different person and through that person it interacted with me. Then I cut that person out, all the questions also disappeared. A new manager did not even tried to contact me directly even once despite being more than eager to make books straight. This is that fascinates me and events like these are very common as much as they can be. It is similar case everywhere, I feel that my material presence is registered as lightly as it can realistically be.

Another thing, certain people instantly attach to me. I mean, people often see me in positive light, but some see me in extraordinary good terms. I have a tendency to get strange affections (not love, friendships).

So, I want to know, if you have similar experiences? Is there something in my aura to which people instinctavely react? I was doing random research and I found out primal animals, was interesting in animal spirit guides. I do corelate with raven immensely and one thing stood out to me. People tend to view such people with fear and respect and hold their distance. I'm not sure how much of this is true, but I certainly was fighting with this for many years and now I decided to embrace it. As a true raven, I will use my disadvantages to my advantages. I know that I can create immense impressions upon people then I want it and dissappear from their sight in day to day matters. Unusual combination which I have, but constant underestimation of my abilities while having the capacity to be overestimated then I put conscious effort into expressing myself and putting myself into center of attention of everybody will serve me greatly. But I'm afraid this question will puzzle me for many more years. Why, despite being able to easily impress everybody around me, I'm overwhelmed as being something insignificant and invisible to others?

[Calicifer]

Well, I asked my old friend which is in spirituality himself even if one which I do not approve of. He had mentioned that there is something about me which creates a distance between me and other people. He could not explain at the time, he said it is difficult to put finger on. Ironically, I had burned the bridge with him too.

I'm seeking here more of clues than some definite answer. You of course do not know me nor are interested in knowing. I'm more concerned in knowing from where such things can stem. There is something around me that I cannot put finger on, but I really cannot tell that it is.

[Napoli]

There will always be some people in the world who will always be ignored. I am one of them . When I say something, people usually don't listen to me fully. Sometimes they cut me off in the middle. Later, they end up asking me what they did not or avoided hearing. There are times when people does not accept my opinion even though they claim that I am a good source to ask about the matter. It happens with everyone, close people or mere acquaintances. I also draw the attention of men who wants a very shallow and fleeting relationship with me. I guess the way I dress up (I dress up in Western clothes) gives them the impression that I am a promiscuous woman. This is one reason I have been single for the last 4 years. Men never approach me with serious intention. Even if they do, they want me to change.

The only time I get attention is for my fair complexion, dyed hair and my outfits. For these I get both positive and negative attention, so much to the point that now I hate to be the centre of attention for ANY reason. I prefer to remain inconspicuous wherever I go.

Being ignored used to irritate me a lot. Unlike you I was never advised to improve my social skills. I am totally an extroverted person. My classmates admire me for academical skills, friends for my thinking and commend my vivacious personality. I have nothing to improve on. It took me a while to detach myself from the desire to not be ignored. It is not my responsibility to make them notice me when I am acting like a normal person. I still hate to be ignored though .

[Desecrated]

[quote="Calicifer"][/quote]

You sound boring, constructed and fake. You don't do things because they are fun or because you enjoy them, you do it because you think they will get you results.

That is the energy you are giving out to people.

I'm not saying it's true, but that is what you are sending out right now.

[Desecrated]

[quote="Napoli"][/quote]

Your energy is 100% all the time. Some people just can't handle that.
You can look into things like aura-shielding or sphere protection shields to hold it in, so that others wont feel it so much.

[Calicifer]

Well, my intellect and knowledge was always a barrier between me and humans. I'm simply an ocean who is waiting to spill out. I find everybody around me to be mundane, primitive and weak. But the real issue here is this, you cannot know who I'm just by reading what I write. What person thinks can be very different of how he behaves and especially that kind of energy he radiates. Furthermore, I do not see that as an issue at all. As I said, I was in the relatively important positions and yet, this aura only twisted my social standing further. I seemed only to grow more distant as I should had attracted more attention. Nowadays I'm content with who I'm. I do attract certain people a lot to myself, meaning that they are very friendly to me, but it is a rarity.

Being a fake person, a boring one should not create this rift between me and others. A lot of people are boring, a lot of them are fake. I on the other hand do have a lot of advantages for myself which seem not to matter.

Anyways, in a month or two there will be presentation of my works once again. I will try to make two of them. One normal and another for the experiment. I will put more outrageous and unheard things into there. I will entertain them. I will fire their imaginations. I will place myself into position of controversy and after my speeches will be done, I will just try to meld into the crowd and see how many of those philosophers will get interested in seeking me out. Despite the outcome, it does not explain this rift of being evaluated differently than the rest.

[Desecrated]

Well, my intellect and knowledge was always a barrier between me and humans. I'm simply an ocean who is waiting to spill out. I find everybody around me to be mundane, primitive and weak.

So you are arrogant, narcissistic and boring.

If you think about people that way, the energy you send out is going to chase them away.

[Calicifer]

Aren't you quick to make assumptions.

The only negativity here I feel is coming from you. So you should perhaps stop projecting your own personal failures to other people. I had seen this done not even once before, people for some reason are completely unable to judge me. All their statements about me are so wildly inaccurate that it is hard to believe.

At this moment though, I have different issue. I cannot call upon my negative energies. Curse went wrong or I'm drained by someone, but I feel like all my hatred is just being sapped away. That it just dissappears as quickly as it is generated. It is probably a stage. Give me few more days and it will pass.

[Desecrated]

Aren't you quick to make assumptions.

The only negativity here I feel is coming from you. So you should perhaps stop projecting your own personal failures to other people. I had seen this done not even once before, people for some reason are completely unable to judge me. All their statements about me are so wildly inaccurate that it is hard to believe.

"Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a long-term pattern of abnormal behavior characterized by exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, and a lack of understanding of others' feelings. People affected by it often spend a lot of time thinking about achieving power or success, or about their appearance. They often take advantage of the people around them. The behavior typically begins by early adulthood, and occurs across a variety of situations."

"people with NPD typically value themselves over others to the extent that they disregard the feelings and wishes of others and expect to be treated as superior regardless of their actual status or achievements. In addition, people with NPD may exhibit fragile egos, an inability to tolerate criticism, and a tendency to belittle others in an attempt to validate their own superiority."



1. Grandiosity with expectations of superior treatment from others
2. Fixated on fantasies of power, success, intelligence, attractiveness, etc.
3. Self-perception of being unique, superior and associated with high-status people and institutions
4. Needing constant admiration from others
5. Sense of entitlement to special treatment and to obedience from others
6. Exploitative of others to achieve personal gain
7. Unwilling to empathize with others' feelings, wishes, or needs
8. Intensely envious of others and the belief that others are equally envious of them
9. Pompous and arrogant demeanor

[Calicifer]

It is hard to reflect something which is not true. People do not see me how you had described and I know it from my experience (like, asking them or seeing that I can bring smiles to their faces or generally being respected). Furthermore, you are just projecting what you want. I do understand how you can see that I'm arrogant, but boring? Really? You are not interested in helping me. You just accused me of being a bad person and that is it. This is not how a constructive dialogue starts you know.

Furthermore, you should not start describing a person without knowing him well. Arrogance for example is easily confused by many other character traits. Please tell me how being confident and experienced is different from being arrogant? For example, if I would tell you before competition that vast majority of competitors are trash and are of no challenge to me, what you would make of me? What I'm arrogant? Now, I orginised that very tournament which I had that thought myself which I just told you. There were people missing, so instead of two people team, I was soloing. Despite my speech impairment and despite that my thinking often is misunderstood and that I'm on wrong political scale then it comes to debating, I still not only managed to beat my teamate with whom I'm fighting for points, but also come out in the second place in the tournament on my own, being low on tie just by 1 point which I felt was cheated from me. I do consider that I had won that tournament, but that is not an objective view. Furthermore, in the finals I and my teammate kicked so much ass that people came out congratulating us with victory before it was even announced.

You see, you cannot tell traits so easily. It is not arrogance. It is audacity, confidence and knowledge. My brash statements often come out because I really do know better than others. I deserve to make statements like that, because they are true and because I had earned it. I became better than vast majority of contenders and I know that I'm going straight to the finals.

[CCoburn]

Short and sweet:

All that whining just makes you look bad/worse. Just suck it up and move on!

Short and sweet, that vast amount of text you entered makes you look lonely,
desperate, and mentally ill.

You just wasted your time and made yourself look bad,
I can see why people would ignore you.

It is true however that it takes all kinds; maybe it's your path. Better you than me!

Adios

[Calicifer]

I'm surprised by the amount of dicks in this forum. I would imagine that spiritual journey helps you control your character, but apparently, there are still tons of self entitled pricks who thinks that their opinion matters.

Pro tip: if you have nothing to add, do not add. You start exchange from which you will come out crying.

[CCoburn]

Pro tip: if you have nothing to add, do not add. You start exchange from which you will come out crying.

Generally speaking,

The fact that you think someone will cry because of something that happens on an internet forum,
is a further indication of mental illness, e.g. Dementia.

You're taking this shit way too seriously!
Granted, it is important, but not worthy of that caliber of emotion.

Adios

[Calicifer]

It is an exaggeration, it was not meant to be taken at the face value.

http://figurativelanguage.net/Hyperbole.html


So tell me, how seriously I take it? Tell me, how seriously you think I'm taking this whole matter? I do admit that this is my character fault, compared to other people, I take everything too seriously. Well, according to what others remark about myself, to me it feels very natural and logical. I do want to know how seriously you think I take this whole matter. I want to know if it is the same according to what I feel inside it.



This is a little off topic thing about me. It has no relevance in this, but read it if you wish.

Ironically, I always complained and I'm still pissed that emotions, human emotions are so shallow and weak. I want to be overwhelmed by them. Yet, even the strongest ones as love are pitiful. I can sense how it starts in my brains, how I develop affections. Love is a choice, I choose to develop affections and I choose to keep it, not to untie it from my brains. This is one of my great dissapointments in life. I never had experienced something truly overwhelming. Something which would make loose control of my brains, of my emotions and control of myself like others do. I wanted to feel far more deeply than we were ought to do and yet, the only such emotions are the ones which I have to develop myself by feeding it, by giving them a free reign. Where is the passion in which worlds could burn?

[Calicifer]

I asked my friends about it. They were more helpful. They spoke about auras, implementation of thoughts into other people. I finally see that my own behavior and looks had the least effect, I was deceived. How I talk, how I look, how much I try has least importance. It is spiritual matter.

I naturally project aura which puts me into respected position, but one who is naturally alienated from others. The very same aura also tries to hide me in the plain sight as much as possible. I'm often could be taken out of conversation despite that conversation is revolving around me, like moderation, organizing issues which completely revolves around my actions and etc. My friend has similar issue, but he is visible and actually is received on quite friendly terms by other people. The "issue" that he has is that his aura causes terror in the hearts of men. People often are somewhat frightened by him.


Btw: your thoughts do not have influence on your aura. Your emotions do. Thoughts are too light to affect it and often it is not active matter. For example, if I look to all other humans as inferior to me, that won't reflect on my aura, because I do not reflect it by my actions nor attitudes towards them. I feel compassion and care towards them thus such things will reflect towards them and my thoughts about them will not even be touched. I won't think about it nor they will carry this information through aura. This is the basis of manipulating your presence and how you are perceived. I expected that you would grant more insight in this area instead of having to answer my own questions myself. [bored]

[RockDemon]

Hello dear forum members. I'd like to remind you to keep calm and be friendly to each other. At least those are the forum rules.
Calcifer If you do not like someone's opinion I think it would be much better to just tell them to not reply anymore instead of arguing and insulting.

[Calicifer]

I will from now on, but one should remember that you reap what you sow. Meaning that the nature of feedback will be reflected in the upcoming replies either.