Finally taking the plunge: An introduction and questions

[Trystero]

Hello everyone

Let me introduce myself before asking anything. I am a musician and designer from Brazil, and have always had a keen interest in spirtuality and the occult. My family has always been connected to Umbanda (a brazilian religion uniting christianity and african magic and mithology) and I have been involved with Zen and zazen before, with good results.

I guess what introduced me to Chaos Magick was reading Grant Morrison's The Invisibles series. After that I tried to start practicing many times but have always failed to take it beyond the first basic steps of Liber MMM meditations. That's for a number of reasons, I guess, but mostly good old procrastination. I wanted to get to the good parts, the fun parts, and life and its obligations, well, got in the way.

But now things have moved BEYOND curiosity and I feel a real need to start practicing, and lemme tell you why: Life has been rough for me in the last couple of years, but it also has been nudging me towards what I have been avoiding for years, and that is becoming a full-time musician. After losing important family members, battling depression a couple times, discovering I am an alcoholic, quitting a couple times and relapsing and quitting (right now its a relapse moment), I have started getting some attention as an electronic music producer in the last couple years. That was enough to instill a fighting spirit I have not had in the last 5 years of my life. It has made me feel that I'm good at this shit and I can kick ass, and that has been a first in my life. So, here's how magick ties in.

1) there are conflicting parts of my personality that end up neutralizing me. I am very shy yet very resolute once I know people. Very insecure yet very sure of the qualities I possess. Every attempt of self-knowledge I made in my life has been an attempt to tap into what I feel is a truer self just beneath the surface that is surer of himself, stronger, more intelligent and sexier, haha. 2) Bad luck. Holy shit, Murphy's law is a constant in my life, I have lost count of the number of times I failed when everything indicated I would succeed. It's almost if there's a hidden hand tipping the scales against me. So magick would be a way to tip the scales in my favor for a change.

So we go back to the original problem. I have never been busier in my life, never worked so much in my life, and never been more broke. I need a job, I have a music career, a girlfriend and family. I would like to know what you guys feel about taking up the first basic steps of Liber MMM initiation, but at the same time, trying my hand at some basic rituals, sigils, simple stuff to begin with. Because I'm sure that once I see that there's a reason to do this (say, charging a sigil that gets a contact to reply an email positively or that makes me see a green cat in a dream), the initial legwork will seem much easier. As it is, I feel that I would drop my efforts again if I had to wait months and months and months before seeing that this does work.

That's about it!

[manonthepath]

I counsel patience and slow progression one theme at a time. This can allow you to understand what works for you at the present moment and what does not. Allow things time to develop. Have clear goals for yourself and your practice.