Accidentally Created Rogue Servitor?

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Onetimetraveler
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Accidentally Created Rogue Servitor?

Post by Onetimetraveler »

I will try to keep this brief. I am a skeptic and have been all of my adult life. Recent experiences are changing my mind, however.

I have come to accept the possibility that in my early 20's, I accidentally created a protective/retribution Servitor that has since gone rogue, and I desperately need advice as to how to de-power or destroy it, if that is truly what has happened or what I'm dealing with.

My early 20's were very traumatic. I drank heavily and used drugs recklessly. I experienced episodes of depersonalization/derealization disorder.

At the time I had no understanding of this disorder, and feared I was losing my mind, as during these episodes I experienced shifts in cognition and felt as though someone else was operating my body. Episodes were short, lasting between 10 minutes to an hour. (I do not suffer from this condition presently.)

I began to see the altered state as someone different from me, going so far as to name it. I attributed a great deal of rage and hatred into this concept. When the dissociative disorders ceased after a year or two, I indulged the idea less as I seemed to be relatively sane, if not severely depressed.

In the back of my mind, however, I held onto the concept, reasoning that if I ever found myself in a situation where I needed to let the monster out, it would be there.

15 years pass - depression / automatic negative thoughts rule my life and slowly destroy it. My wife and I separate as I lose my ability to function.

I come to think of the automatic thoughts as "The Voice" as it is an uncontrollable internal monologue. (Non-audible.)

The Voice is near constant. Out of desperation I accept the help of a Shaman friend, and have a cleansing and transformative medicine experience. During the experience I met a personification of The Voice, spoke with it, and told it that it was no longer welcome.

It has been three weeks. No automatic thoughts, no voice, no depression. I feel better than I have in decades. I thought it was dealt with and put to bed.

Yesterday my wife says she needs to tell me something important. (We are currently separated.) I meet with her, and she tells me she was raped by an old boyfriend she was reconnecting with. When she tells me this, the voice says to me clear as day "See, I told you you needed me."

She was raped on my birthday. This entity was formed around hate, especially towards women, and I fear this was a message.

I am hoping you can offer advice on what I am truly dealing with, and how I can cease it's functions. Or am I simply connecting dots where none exist? I don't know what to think anymore.

I found this post relevant, if it helps: http://www.occultforum.org/forum/viewto ... 55&t=36912
Thank you for your time and assistance.

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Haelos
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Re: Accidentally Created Rogue Servitor?

Post by Haelos »

Whatever worked before, do it again. Only this time, with more resolve.

Don't let it back. Don't let anything attached to it back, and re-tell it that you don't need it.
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Onetimetraveler
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Re: Accidentally Created Rogue Servitor?

Post by Onetimetraveler »

Last night I destroyed everything I could think of that might be associated with it. I'm a graphic artist and writer, so that meant deleting artwork and short stories. I had some physical artwork inspired by it which I also burned after tearing to shreds.

The only thing I have left is a coat that might carry relevant associations, which is now in a trash bag awaiting it's turn to be burned as well.

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Re: Accidentally Created Rogue Servitor?

Post by Onetimetraveler »

I am not a student of the occult and had rejected the possibility of the supernatural up to this point. I am not a troll or a nutcase. After lengthy research, I found this forum and much of its advice to others as useful and possibly applicable to my situation.

I had not even heard of a Servitor until a few weeks ago.

Any guidance on what I may be facing would be greatly appreciated.

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corvidus
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Re: Accidentally Created Rogue Servitor?

Post by corvidus »

Hi there :)

You did good to destroy any connecting links to it. I recommend you do a thorough re-checking of things to make sure you've got it all.

Also, something that might work, do a bit of meditating and go back to the memories which created the servitor. Dont let any voice persuade you out of concentrating on the memories.

When we create a memory, we create it with emotional links. The stronger the emotion the stronger the memory. Concentrate on the negative memories and dissolve the emotional link with them -- this happens by forgiving any emotional response, and by verbally say8ng "thank you for the experience, but I am letting you go". Use the breath. Inhale, connect with the memory, thank kt, exhale the emotional response. It's difficult.

Consider it like deleting an image or burning a jacket. :)
Free yourself from the seduction of words.

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WillowDarkWytch
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Re: Accidentally Created Rogue Servitor?

Post by WillowDarkWytch »

Motumbá Àse

If that works, good, excellent. But I don't think is a servitor. Have you ever been in contact with Palo or Quimbanda or any African Diaspora religion related to dead, spirits and/or ancestors? I think it might be "egun", Kiumba, YOUR egun and you need to work with him. Maybe, just maybe.

Have you read about "kakodaimonia"? When you "neglect" the "darker side" of you and it end up screwing things up? Ok, it works similar to that. Seems to be a "hot" spirit, and you need to work with him and control the "trance" so he won't "take your matter" whenever he wants. I know you said you're skeptic but I just gibing you my opinion from the afro-spiritualist point of view. For us, when you don't work with those "hot" and "spicy" spirits, the CAN'T be banished, they are part of your spiritual frame, so they start to get attention through messing things up. The ONLY way to stop it, is to accept him and working with him and developing a relationship. If you're "controlled" by him, that means that you're his "cavalo" (horse) and that he "mounts" you, and that would mean that you're a incorporation/posesion medium and you need to learn and develop your medium skills.

If it's not a "outer" entity, might be a "inner" entity. In spiritism, kardecist spiritism, "mesa branca" (white table) the concept of "animism" is the manifestation of one's Soul through mediumnic means. That means that you ARE a medium, yes, BUT it's not a spiritual entity who's manifesting, it's just your own "hurting soul" and need's to be attended too. In a "session" sense, it's not good because your Soul won't let other "needy spirit" in search of "enlightment" and help (kardecist spiritism sessions ARE for THAT, to help spirits in need or obsessed/obscured spirits to get light and release). In a"therapeutic" way is good because you can directly treat "your soul" and after that you may begin working with other spirits as a medium.

I really hope it all goes well and that it just be a construct or mind "program" and be banished soon.

Saravá
Idansinají

PS: Reading again your post, eather the case, be spirit, your soul or a servitor/construct, you need to heal. There's a wound and needs to be treated. Research for Ho'oponopono. If it's a construtc or your soul manifesting it'll help lots and heal wounds. If it's egun/kiumba, it'll help with the healing part so it'll be easier to work with the spirit.
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Re: Accidentally Created Rogue Servitor?

Post by Onetimetraveler »

I appreciate all the advice. I am following it.

I am not familiar with what Willow mentioned, but I will begin researching it.

The only connection I can think of at all to African deities is that a Reiki Master remarked that I might consider looking to Chango for answers, and that my energy was chaotic. I didn't think much of it at the time as I was more or less an atheist. Does this bit of info mean anything to you?

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Re: Accidentally Created Rogue Servitor?

Post by powessy »

Onetimetraveler wrote:I appreciate all the advice. I am following it.

I am not familiar with what Willow mentioned, but I will begin researching it.

The only connection I can think of at all to African deities is that a Reiki Master remarked that I might consider looking to Chango for answers, and that my energy was chaotic. I didn't think much of it at the time as I was more or less an atheist. Does this bit of info mean anything to you?

Hello Onetimetraveler

You are an allowed soul so it is no wonder it has found you and has marked you during different times of your life. I call these entities shadows but many find solace in calling them many things under the sun. Why did he come at this time in your life well he has been with you many times, and at any time you were having bad times in your life. When we have bad times in our lives we start to try to figure things out and the higher mind tries to step in and help but the shadows have another objective and that is to make sure this does not happen and they keep you blind and stuck in the reincarnation cycle. This shadow that is with you can cause you all the problems you are having and experiencing and no shaman is going to do anything about it. They are smart and will stay low and even leave for a time always coming back in your times of hardship when your higher mind is trying to become itself. Many times a shaman will try to remove them and they will just move into them even and will cause them problems also for a time, even if they do leave they will just come back while moving on to others a problem that will just keeps cycling through. I do a lot of work with the shadows and I can remove and tear it apart so it will not bother others again.

Powessy
Spirits of evil and good enter into my soul and body, Walk with me down the path of limbo with good on my right and evil on my left walk with me into the light.

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Re: Accidentally Created Rogue Servitor?

Post by Onetimetraveler »

I had investigated Jung's Shadow self concept. This thing has always carried an alter ego feeling with it. I can't feel it at all today, but my fear is that it's just taking a break so I will let my guard down.

What you said touched on many things I have been mulling over, lately. This year has been dedicated to overcoming the automatic thoughts and depression that has hobbled me for so long. After the medicine ceremony it occurred to me that I want off the wheel, and might finally have the window I need to make steps in that direction.

I don't know what to believe anymore, but I don't think I can continue to dismiss what I don't understand.

Let me think on your offer. I am desperate for help and I don't mean to sound ungrateful - I just don't want to find myself in deeper trouble as a result of my limited understanding of magic.

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Re: Accidentally Created Rogue Servitor?

Post by WillowDarkWytch »

Onetimetraveler wrote:I appreciate all the advice. I am following it.

I am not familiar with what Willow mentioned, but I will begin researching it.

The only connection I can think of at all to African deities is that a Reiki Master remarked that I might consider looking to Chango for answers, and that my energy was chaotic. I didn't think much of it at the time as I was more or less an atheist. Does this bit of info mean anything to you?
For me, Synchronicity. Maybe you should look into African Diaspora. Sango is a strong deity. Maybe your "ancestry" is link to that energies. Maybe you DO have an "egun" and needs to walk with you as you need to walk with him. MAYBE. In no case I'm claiming that you actually have, I'm just giving you my opinion of what I think it might be. If you need information in various african systems I may help you, if you're interested.
powessy wrote:
Hello Onetimetraveler

You are an allowed soul so it is no wonder it has found you and has marked you during different times of your life. I call these entities shadows but many find solace in calling them many things under the sun. Why did he come at this time in your life well he has been with you many times, and at any time you were having bad times in your life. When we have bad times in our lives we start to try to figure things out and the higher mind tries to step in and help but the shadows have another objective and that is to make sure this does not happen and they keep you blind and stuck in the reincarnation cycle. This shadow that is with you can cause you all the problems you are having and experiencing and no shaman is going to do anything about it. They are smart and will stay low and even leave for a time always coming back in your times of hardship when your higher mind is trying to become itself. Many times a shaman will try to remove them and they will just move into them even and will cause them problems also for a time, even if they do leave they will just come back while moving on to others a problem that will just keeps cycling through. I do a lot of work with the shadows and I can remove and tear it apart so it will not bother others again.

Powessy
Motumbá, Powessy

I've been looking this thing you say about "shadows". I haven't found ANYTHING except from you, HERE in the forum. This is something you channeled? Something that you came to through studies? Your own experiences? What does back up these theories of yours? I ask because you have a tendency to devalue others believes. I don't find "solace" calling shadows as egun. Egun are a completly different thing, according to what you say that shadows are. AND you have this "messiah-ish" tone, bringing TRUE light into these subjects that we, comon people, call another names and offcourse we don't undertsand. AND offcourse you are WAY MORE powerful than a real shaman.

PLEASE, elaborate about this, because you CLEARLY are not talking about "Junguian Shadow" and it looks like proselytism.

Saravá
Idansinají
"Kosi Ewe Kosi Orìṣà"
- Yoruba Tradition

"Water which is too pure has no fish"
- form the Ts'ai Ken T'an

"No enunciation of the Truth will ever be complete, no method of training will ever be suitable for all temperaments..."
- Dion Fortune

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Re: Accidentally Created Rogue Servitor?

Post by Onetimetraveler »

Willow, I'll start investigating your suggestions now and update after I've processed everything.

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Re: Accidentally Created Rogue Servitor?

Post by powessy »

WillowDarkWytch wrote: Motumbá, Powessy

I've been looking this thing you say about "shadows". I haven't found ANYTHING except from you, HERE in the forum. This is something you channeled? Something that you came to through studies? Your own experiences? What does back up these theories of yours? I ask because you have a tendency to devalue others believes. I don't find "solace" calling shadows as egun. Egun are a completly different thing, according to what you say that shadows are. AND you have this "messiah-ish" tone, bringing TRUE light into these subjects that we, comon people, call another names and offcourse we don't undertsand. AND offcourse you are WAY MORE powerful than a real shaman.

PLEASE, elaborate about this, because you CLEARLY are not talking about "Junguian Shadow" and it looks like proselytism.

Saravá
Idansinají
hello WillowDarkWytch

All of these things you are doing occult wise or witchcraft wise that you are dealing with or playing with are all the same thing, just some are stronger and some are weaker. I have had thousands and thousands of astral projections and obes and I know for a fact what it is you are dealing with. I started a series of videos to try to explain this you could watch all three of them to understand all of it or just the last one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDMxwqlSq_g. In my next video i will show you how all of this is done and how you feed them and mess with your own minds in the process. I am after the shadows and I will rip everyone of them out of the veil and when this happens you will not have all these little toys to play with, and then you will understand the truth. God how I love this site you all have some of the best shadows.
Powessy
Spirits of evil and good enter into my soul and body, Walk with me down the path of limbo with good on my right and evil on my left walk with me into the light.

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Re: Accidentally Created Rogue Servitor?

Post by powessy »

Onetimetraveler wrote:I had investigated Jung's Shadow self concept. This thing has always carried an alter ego feeling with it. I can't feel it at all today, but my fear is that it's just taking a break so I will let my guard down.

What you said touched on many things I have been mulling over, lately. This year has been dedicated to overcoming the automatic thoughts and depression that has hobbled me for so long. After the medicine ceremony it occurred to me that I want off the wheel, and might finally have the window I need to make steps in that direction.

I don't know what to believe anymore, but I don't think I can continue to dismiss what I don't understand.

Let me think on your offer. I am desperate for help and I don't mean to sound ungrateful - I just don't want to find myself in deeper trouble as a result of my limited understanding of magic.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDMxwqlSq_g go to youtube and type my user name

Watch for my forth video I will show all of it's parts how it connects to you and how it influences you and for what reasons it is doing this.

Powessy
Spirits of evil and good enter into my soul and body, Walk with me down the path of limbo with good on my right and evil on my left walk with me into the light.

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Re: Accidentally Created Rogue Servitor?

Post by WillowDarkWytch »

powessy wrote: hello WillowDarkWytch

All of these things you are doing occult wise or witchcraft wise that you are dealing with or playing with are all the same thing, just some are stronger and some are weaker. I have had thousands and thousands of astral projections and obes and I know for a fact what it is you are dealing with. I started a series of videos to try to explain this you could watch all three of them to understand all of it or just the last one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDMxwqlSq_g. In my next video i will show you how all of this is done and how you feed them and mess with your own minds in the process. I am after the shadows and I will rip everyone of them out of the veil and when this happens you will not have all these little toys to play with, and then you will understand the truth. God how I love this site you all have some of the best shadows.
Powessy
Soooo, you say YOU have THE TRUTH. And all you talk about it's just your own experience, very valuable, but just for you.

You ARE funny indeed
"Kosi Ewe Kosi Orìṣà"
- Yoruba Tradition

"Water which is too pure has no fish"
- form the Ts'ai Ken T'an

"No enunciation of the Truth will ever be complete, no method of training will ever be suitable for all temperaments..."
- Dion Fortune

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Re: Accidentally Created Rogue Servitor?

Post by powessy »

WillowDarkWytch wrote:
powessy wrote: hello WillowDarkWytch

All of these things you are doing occult wise or witchcraft wise that you are dealing with or playing with are all the same thing, just some are stronger and some are weaker. I have had thousands and thousands of astral projections and obes and I know for a fact what it is you are dealing with. I started a series of videos to try to explain this you could watch all three of them to understand all of it or just the last one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDMxwqlSq_g. In my next video i will show you how all of this is done and how you feed them and mess with your own minds in the process. I am after the shadows and I will rip everyone of them out of the veil and when this happens you will not have all these little toys to play with, and then you will understand the truth. God how I love this site you all have some of the best shadows.
Powessy
Soooo, you say YOU have THE TRUTH. And all you talk about it's just your own experience, very valuable, but just for you.

You ARE funny indeed
I have all the truth I need, i have way more than just my experiences to go by I am a member on over twenty forums and compare experiences with others across many different beliefs . There is also this thingy called history, you know it is about things that have already happened in the PAST things that align with the things I am and you are experiencing. Why don't you try one of those spells you have in your little black bag and see if the shadow that you have been playing with is still there to do these things for you. You my friend are the funny one I must say. You see my belief is that by talking on this post with you I become something in your treemend, Your treemend is your soul that has not become something yet meaning your higher self has not formed yet. I also believe since you play with this stuff that you are constantly invoking shadows to do your what ever it is you do. The shadows get to wipe out your higher self in return keeping you playing with this stuff, the thing is when you die you will find you become nothing inside of yourself a small cost and your treemend will just push you back into the reincarnation cycle game, you had fun at least. I don't care about you it is the shadows I care about and that is not saying a lot I talk and work with them every day as I pull them apart. Ask your self what got you into this stuff what defining experience brought you into the occult I bet you money it was a shadow and most likely after some life altering experience. Anyway who cares I got what I wanted from you.

Powessy
Spirits of evil and good enter into my soul and body, Walk with me down the path of limbo with good on my right and evil on my left walk with me into the light.

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WillowDarkWytch
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Re: Accidentally Created Rogue Servitor?

Post by WillowDarkWytch »

Ok, sure

May Orisa give you enlightment
"Kosi Ewe Kosi Orìṣà"
- Yoruba Tradition

"Water which is too pure has no fish"
- form the Ts'ai Ken T'an

"No enunciation of the Truth will ever be complete, no method of training will ever be suitable for all temperaments..."
- Dion Fortune

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