Need help with my mental and emotional self

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drakon
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Need help with my mental and emotional self

Post by drakon »

For a long time I have been feeling almost nothing emotionally - nothing gives me pleasure and I have no motivation to do anything even though by nature I have always been highly ambitious. I'm still ambitious 'in my mind', I have very lofty goals I want to achieve, but emotionally, the fiery energy and determination is just not there at all. Nothing interests me at all and I am usually just sleeping all the time, getting up just to eat as that's the only thing that seems to give me at least some little feeling of enjoyment.

I'm 25, studying at university (second year of bachelors, I started university late and that's another thing that bothers me). I have no motivation to study as I'm just thinking what's the point - if I don't get any enjoyment from anything, then there's no point in studying and then getting a career, as I'll just be working while getting no reward, that's slavery to me.

I'm fully aware that this is probably mostly a psychological issue (before someone tells me to seek medical help, hah), however I've already been extensively down that route as I have had severe OCD, social anxiety and depression issues when I was younger, and psychologists have not helped much if at all.

To make it worse, every time I try to start thinking positively and in my natural ambitious way, I get this strange feeling that I'm not allowed to succeed and not allowed to realize my ambitions. I then try to analyse this feeling and convince myself that its irrational and stupid, but it usually doesn't work and my efforts to think and feel positively and in an ambitious way are ruined. I got so worked up about this strange feeling that I even began to think that it could be a negative entity of some sort and not actually me. I had a reading done by someone I know with 30+ years of occult practice who I've gone to before and she told me that there is no negative entity affecting me, however that I am a 'prisoner of my own mind' and that my obstacle will be my fear and self doubt.

So to sum it up, at the moment I basically feel like I'm dead emotionally as I get no pleasure from any aspect of life and I have no drive to do anything, to achieve my ambitions. I don't like this physical 'plane of existence' that we live on and sometimes think that I should just leave and go to a different plane where I'll be better.

I would like your advice if I can do anything magickally that could help with healing the condition I'm in. I am a beginner (I have mostly been researching magick and the occult over the past two years instead of actually practicing it) and haven't even properly done any rituals yet, but I know there are some like the LBRP that are supposed to clear away negative energy.

Thanks.

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Dr Strange Stuff
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Re: Need help with my mental and emotional self

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Okay, so a huge argument about magic is how much of it is inside of ourselves and how much is outside of ourselves. Obviously if it is inside ourselves then the understanding of psychology can be a huge boon to helping you in magic. As a beginner delving into the occult, one phrase you will hear often is "Know Thyself and Thou Shalt Know The Universe". This is similar to the "As Above, So Below" Hermes Trismegistus is accounted for. As far as my magical path, I started out on psychology so I tend to side with the fact that magic is within us.
That being said, I would recommend reading a section of the Kybalion, if not the whole thing. This single piece of work has helped me shape my perceptions of the world to better allow for magic. This helped be feel less like a sheep that the world seems to raise us and keep us in that mindset and be more of a neophyte of magic, allowing for more to appear in my life than the "daily grind going nowhere". The Kybalion speaks of the principle of Rhythm.
This is a quote from the Kybalion:
"The Hermetic Masters long since discovered that while the Principle of Rhythm was invariable, and ever in evidence in mental phenomena, still there were two planes of its manifestation so far as mental phenomena are concerned. They discovered that there were two general planes of Consciousness, the Lower and the Higher, the understanding of which fact enabled them to rise to the higher plane and thus escape the swing of the Rhythmic pendulum which manifested on the lower plane. In other words, the swing of the pendulum occurred on the Unconscious Plane, and the Consciousness was not affected. This they call the Law of Neutralization. Its operations consist in the raising of the Ego above the vibrations of the Unconscious Plane of mental activity, so that the negative-swing of the pendulum is not manifested in consciousness, and therefore they are not affected. It is akin to rising above a thing and letting it pass beneath you. The Hermetic Master, or advanced student, polarizes himself at the desired pole, and by a process akin to “refusing” to participate in the backward swing, or, if you prefer, a “denial” of its influence over him, he stands firm in his polarized position, and allows the mental pendulum to swing back along the unconscious plane. All individuals who have attained any degree of self-mastery, accomplish this, more or less unknowingly, and by refusing to allow their moods and negative mental states to affect them, they apply the Law of Neutralization. "
I recommend you read this daily until you absorb what it is saying. This is a type of mental alchemy, the transmuting of the emotions you are feeling now (boredom, inaction, lethargy, apathy) into emotions and feelings that will serve you and push you. While I am not an advanced practitioner, nor even that knowledgeable about hermetics, this has helped me change my perspective by my own will, instead of reacting to what is happening to me in my life.

Also, you can do a couple rituals if you want. Since the moon is waxing now, you could do a daily ritual to increase your perceptions of positive things in your life. An effective way to word this is "Allow me to be more thankful for what I have". This can shift your perspective to the more positive things in your life. You could do this ritual until the Full moon, then when the moon is waning do a daily ritual to decrease your perceptions of the negative influences in your life. These combined efforts will without a doubt change your perspective becaues of the energy and effort you put into them. The more time and energy we sacrifice with the daily rituals, the more powerful the effect. But you have to be willing to change; be willing to let the magic happen. If you do the ritual with the thought "What and I doing? This isn't going to work", then it won't. It is that simple. but if you keep the attitude "Since I am doing this, I believe I will change for the better, and I am ready for that", then expecting and realizing the changes are a side effect of that.
If anyone has anything to say to make this post more accurate, I am more than open to suggestions. And I am not saying this is the only way to improve the situation, just what I would do.
Thanks

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Desecrated
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Re: Need help with my mental and emotional self

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drakon wrote:For a long time I have been feeling almost nothing emotionally - nothing gives me pleasure and I have no motivation to do anything even though by nature I have always been highly ambitious. I'm still ambitious 'in my mind', I have very lofty goals I want to achieve, but emotionally, the fiery energy and determination is just not there at all. Nothing interests me at all and I am usually just sleeping all the time, getting up just to eat as that's the only thing that seems to give me at least some little feeling of enjoyment.

I'm 25, studying at university (second year of bachelors, I started university late and that's another thing that bothers me). I have no motivation to study as I'm just thinking what's the point - if I don't get any enjoyment from anything, then there's no point in studying and then getting a career, as I'll just be working while getting no reward, that's slavery to me.
What you are describing is a combination of existential dredge and actual depression.
Realizing that life has no meaning, everything is pointless and there is no point to it all is part of growing old. Your about the correct age to start looking for outside answers to an inside question. It takes about 10-15 years before it passes.


I'm fully aware that this is probably mostly a psychological issue (before someone tells me to seek medical help, hah), however I've already been extensively down that route as I have had severe OCD, social anxiety and depression issues when I was younger, and psychologists have not helped much if at all.
They don't really help you, they help you to help themselves. Modern psychology is based on hermeticism so the methods they use is the same as any magical system would recommend to you.
Meditation, visualization exercises, energy work and relaxation exercises.
To make it worse, every time I try to start thinking positively and in my natural ambitious way, I get this strange feeling that I'm not allowed to succeed and not allowed to realize my ambitions. I then try to analyse this feeling and convince myself that its irrational and stupid, but it usually doesn't work and my efforts to think and feel positively and in an ambitious way are ruined. I got so worked up about this strange feeling that I even began to think that it could be a negative entity of some sort and not actually me. I had a reading done by someone I know with 30+ years of occult practice who I've gone to before and she told me that there is no negative entity affecting me, however that I am a 'prisoner of my own mind' and that my obstacle will be my fear and self doubt.
Basically she was trying to tell you very gently that there is no occult or esoteric problem or solution to your problem. You are barking up the wrong tree.
So to sum it up, at the moment I basically feel like I'm dead emotionally as I get no pleasure from any aspect of life and I have no drive to do anything, to achieve my ambitions.
Feeling dead inside and emotionless is clear signs of a depression. And it should be taken seriously and treated as such.
I don't like this physical 'plane of existence' that we live on and sometimes think that I should just leave and go to a different plane where I'll be better.
You are basically talking about suicide.
I understand that it hasn't work for you in the past, but it is my legal obligation to tell you to seek help. You need medication. And the new medication that is on the market now is better then what we had 10-15 years ago.
Even if you want to pursue occult training, you can do so after you have gotten medical help, but you can not and should not go down this road before you have sorted this out.
I would like your advice if I can do anything magickally that could help with healing the condition I'm in. I am a beginner (I have mostly been researching magick and the occult over the past two years instead of actually practicing it) and haven't even properly done any rituals yet, but I know there are some like the LBRP that are supposed to clear away negative energy.
Nothing. Absolutely fucking nothing. If you have psychological problems you are not fit to train using the methods that the occult/esoteric literature describe.
A person in a wheelchair is not fit to run a marathon. There are however ways for a person in a wheelchair to stay physically active, but they cannot do so without a proper wheelchair.
A person who is having problem walking needs the medical help before they can start to do heavy physical work.
A person who are fighting a depression needs medical help before they can start to do heavy work.

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LoneWolf
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Re: Need help with my mental and emotional self

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You asked a while ago and were given some basic energy work such as LBRP and MP which you haven't tried. Yet you are here again.

I hope it's as easy to see from the inside as it is from the outside that, for some reason, you don't want to change. I don't know what exactly you want or expect by posting here but I'll tell you that you may change the situation at will and that only you can.

You are posting in an "occult" forum so I won't even ask whether you believe in a correlation and direct relationship between your thoughts and the reality you experience.

It seems that the feedback or emotional response you get from your experience isn't quite to your liking. That's fine. Do something else, ie. keep changing your life until you feel good. Duh.

You know when an aeroplane points its nose down to the ground and the thing starts beeping because it isn't flying how it's supposed to? Yeah.

Regards

PS: The fact that you want to escape this plane is evidence enough that you are not done here.

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Re: Need help with my mental and emotional self

Post by drakon »

Thanks for the advice everyone - that Kybalion quote is very interesting Dr Strange Stuff.
Desecrated wrote:
I understand that it hasn't work for you in the past, but it is my legal obligation to tell you to seek help. You need medication. And the new medication that is on the market now is better then what we had 10-15 years ago.
Even if you want to pursue occult training, you can do so after you have gotten medical help, but you can not and should not go down this road before you have sorted this out.


I've been on medication for years, it just blunts my emotions.. and other things too.

So you're advising I should not get into the occult (not even the basic things?) until I am in better health mentally, or I could have some unpleasant side effects? The thing is, I think the occult has found me, whether I want to practice it or not. I have been seeing strange things lately, and I have never had hallucinations before, so I don't think that is what it is. It started with seeing the dark silhouette of a woman besides my bed (I posted about that in a separate thread), and now it's progressed to seeing things even in the light. It always happens in the minute or two immediately after I wake up. For instance, a few nights ago I saw something in my living room (where the lights were on). It looked like a translucent child kneeling on the floor. Today, I woke up and saw a large spider on my curtain. I thought it was real - so I got up and went closer to inspect it. I watched it for around 10 seconds after which it disappeared right in front of me.
LoneWolf wrote:You asked a while ago and were given some basic energy work such as LBRP and MP which you haven't tried. Yet you are here again.
I don't recall asking here about this particular issue (the lack of emotions and pleasure) - I did post about another of my issues, extreme restlessness. I was given a simple grounding technique which I have practiced actually. But I don't remember anyone giving me the LBRP or MP (middle pillar?).
LoneWolf wrote: I hope it's as easy to see from the inside as it is from the outside that, for some reason, you don't want to change. I don't know what exactly you want or expect by posting here but I'll tell you that you may change the situation at will and that only you can.
I think you're on to something. And I think that "not wanting to change" part may be somewhere deep inside of me, as consciously I do want to change and have tried, but I always revert to my old habits.

BTW, did you happen to be a member of enki ea? I knew someone by the name of Lonewolf over there. I no longer post there, just curious.

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Re: Need help with my mental and emotional self

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drakon wrote:
I don't recall asking here about this particular issue (the lack of emotions and pleasure) - I did post about another of my issues, extreme restlessness. I was given a simple grounding technique which I have practiced actually. But I don't remember anyone giving me the LBRP or MP (middle pillar?).
Oops I might have confused you with somebody else. My apologies. Hope my comment was anyways useful in some way.
drakon wrote: BTW, did you happen to be a member of enki ea? I knew someone by the name of Lonewolf over there. I no longer post there, just curious.
No.

Wish you well

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Desecrated
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Re: Need help with my mental and emotional self

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drakon wrote:
I've been on medication for years, it just blunts my emotions.. and other things too.
That is a good thing. I know it's not pleasant, but it's good.
The other things you speak of... Yeah, that sucks to, but it usually has a correlation to when you take the medicine. if you try to do "other" things right after you have taken them it can drag out or not work properly, but if you take the medication in the mornings and save the fun things for the evenings it usually goes pretty well.
With some of the older anti-anxiety medication that was really a problem, but the newer SSRI are better, and there are more options of combining different medications to get a smoother ride nowadays. But, It takes some time to get a "normal" life on medication.
So you're advising I should not get into the occult (not even the basic things?) until I am in better health mentally, or I could have some unpleasant side effects? The thing is, I think the occult has found me, whether I want to practice it or not. I have been seeing strange things lately, and I have never had hallucinations before, so I don't think that is what it is. It started with seeing the dark silhouette of a woman besides my bed (I posted about that in a separate thread), and now it's progressed to seeing things even in the light. It always happens in the minute or two immediately after I wake up. For instance, a few nights ago I saw something in my living room (where the lights were on). It looked like a translucent child kneeling on the floor. Today, I woke up and saw a large spider on my curtain. I thought it was real - so I got up and went closer to inspect it. I watched it for around 10 seconds after which it disappeared right in front of me.
That can be sleep apnea. If you've recently gained weight; it can mess with your breathing, causing lower oxygen in your brain and causing hallucinations.
So I would advice to go and see a doctor.
But as we grow older mental problems can become worsen so just because you didn't have a symptom before doesn't mean that you won't develop new ones in the future.

Obviously it's stupid and dangerous to try and diagnose anybody over the internet so the only thing we can really do is urge you to seek medical help.

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Re: Need help with my mental and emotional self

Post by Desecrated »

Just to be safe. Here is a weekend ritual to get rid of negative energies, haunting and other weird things.

"AND NOW.
How to deal with a haunting.

Day 1:

A. Clean your house.
Clean it like your mother-in-law would come for a weekend visits. Make sure you scrub every area even behind and under cupboards, door-openings and such.

Make sure you open up your rooms to sunlight and fresh air.

B. Clean yourself.
I don't care if you are male or female, but it's time to get some spa-time.
Do a hair treatment, do a facial mask, get some ruff body scrub, shave all over, make yourself feel new and fresh.

C. Stop with the fucking apologies.
If you keep telling yourself that you don't know anything and you can't do anything. Nothing good will happen. You are more then capable enough to handle this situation.

D. Stop worrying.
Even if you have a whole baseball team of ghosts it's not really a big deal or a bad thing.
Right now, you are not doing anything good by getting yourself worked up.
Breathe in, Breathe out



Day 2:

Time to clean again.
This time it will be a little bit different.

Salt is a great way to absorb energy. Put down a line of salt in every window and door opening. Leave one window open without salt so that "it" can get out.
Take a bath.
If you don't have a bathtub, bring a bucket with you into the shower.
Poor cold water into the bucket.
Usually I recommend lavender oil and rosemary, if you are allergic you can try just lavender oil, or If you are really really allergic. Just use clean water.
Dunk it over you, or if you have a bathtub, emerge your head.
Do this 3 times.
Air dry. Don't use a towel or anything like that, just stand there and calm down.
Put on some fresh clothes.

Time to bring out the broom.
Sweep all the floors, start at the area furthers away from the door-opening and sweep towards the door- Imagine sweeping everything bad away. Once you finally come to the door, sweep everything out the door.

Vacuum the place and suck up the salt also. Take out the bag from the vacuum and bring it outside directly. You don't want it left in the house for very long.

Time to wash the floors.
Water + black pepper makes for a really good floorwash. Nothing likes getting their face stuffed with peppers so it keeps away both negative energy and animals.
Do the same as the sweeping. Start furthest away and move to the front door.
If you can, poor out the water outside your property, if not, poor it into the toilet and flush.

Light some white candles. Just normal white candles will do.

Take a shower.


Done. "

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Re: Need help with my mental and emotional self

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drakon wrote: So you're advising I should not get into the occult (not even the basic things?) until I am in better health mentally, or I could have some unpleasant side effects?
Sorry for spaming this thread but I just wanted to answer this in particular a little bit longer just to clarify my point.

I'm not saying that you have a negative entity around you, but I want to clarify something about them. They are not divorced from reality. Sometimes atheists and skeptics think of ghost and spirits as something that would be 100% unscientific, and from what I've seen: it never is. It always seems to be a natural and a unnatural side to things. So for example: some astral parasites attach themselves to sick people, feeding of their sickness and causing them to get even more sick.

They also seem really good at isolating people, draining away their energy and cutting of their social ties. Getting out of the house almost always seem to make the person better for the moment, and then they fall back into the darkness once they get home again. This is very typical with hauntings.

So a very good countermeasure to negative entities is to eliminate these natural causes to the supernatural phenomenon. If you take your medicine, go outside more often, hang out with friends, eat healthy and sleep better it makes it sooooo much harder for these things to attach to you, and if you are filled with positive energy, they might not even want anything to do with you.

So by going to a doctor to make sure that you don't have any mineral efficiencies, any internal infections or allergies; you eliminate both the natural causes that it might be, and weaken the supernatural causes.
I go once every year for a check up, just to see if there is something I've missed.

And yes, when you do start practicing meditation, you can run into some nasty side-effects. Every buddhist monk and even psychologists talks about the minds unwantingness to change. Once you try to get better and try to get stronger it is almost like your very own being is persisting it, and it can cause side effects like nightmares, anxiety attacks or just very very deep negative thoughts.
So if you are already experiencing sleep related problems and then start prying around in your head you might really open up the floodgates.

And if you do that, you will need to be physically and mentally fit to be able to handle it. Even for us that train everyday, it is recommended to lay of a couple of days if one gets a cold or the flu. I've always said that sickness is the universe telling us it's time to take a break.
You wouldn't go running a marathon if you had fever, and one should not do energy work or mental work in the same condition either.

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Re: Need help with my mental and emotional self

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Desecrated - a big thanks for taking the time to post all that. I hadn't really thought that seemingly little things like that can make a difference. I'm going to do all of it.
Desecrated wrote:Make sure you open up your rooms to sunlight and fresh air.
I just realized that my house has constantly had the blinds and curtains closed for about a year, since I moved in. A lot of my light bulbs have run out including the main lights in the living room and kitchen and I haven't bothered replacing them. Wow, I've been living in darkness. Time to rectify that.
Desecrated wrote:Time to wash the floors.
Water + black pepper makes for a really good floorwash. Nothing likes getting their face stuffed with peppers so it keeps away both negative energy and animals.
Do I just put pour the black pepper in my water bucket where I dip the mop in? Can I use a cleaning product along with the black pepper?

I'm going to set an appointment with a GP for a check-up for any deficiencies, open all curtains and blinds, replace all the lightbulbs and then do both parts of the cleaning over the weekend.

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Re: Need help with my mental and emotional self

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drakon wrote:
Do I just put pour the black pepper in my water bucket where I dip the mop in? Can I use a cleaning product along with the black pepper?

I'm going to set an appointment with a GP for a check-up for any deficiencies, open all curtains and blinds, replace all the lightbulbs and then do both parts of the cleaning over the weekend.
On day 1 you use normal cleaning products, on day 2 you use "magic" cleaning product. a splash of black pepper is symbolic for what you want to achieve.
You are using symbols to communicate consciously with you unconscious. Black pepper in the floor wash is a sign to everything to "get the fuck out of my house or I will pepper-spray you, you little bitches".
My space, my rules.

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Re: Need help with my mental and emotional self

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very strange life everything in my home is condemned complete but even void is a force of mine 10 years i live as such never have i denied a spiritual force upon entering it may have war and flecks his mustles.... im not sure if i could tell them to leave once i did but only for a short while i except all spirituality off earth even earth outlawed....
Late legal legit landlord papeers.... Signed mianatlantian4-7-11-13-16-28-43-48-53-78-400-480-666-780-999-(1004.1017.4,000.17,000.40,000.48,000) - 4 univ (from below-shades of grey) buy out everything milk even gravity.... so far 4 univ, 4 galaxies, 4 solor systems, 4 respect galaxy, 4 irobot galaxy, 4 vurtual reality galaxy, 4 (i lack in most) galaxy, 4 black hole galaxy, eeven relating creates awareness mission exceptence too earn keep.... recognised people may have extra for....

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Re: Need help with my mental and emotional self

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cactusjack543 wrote:very strange life everything in my home is condemned complete but even void is a force of mine 10 years i live as such never have i denied a spiritual force upon entering it may have war and flecks his mustles.... im not sure if i could tell them to leave once i did but only for a short while i except all spirituality off earth even earth outlawed....
People are different. Some like talking to their neighbors and some don't.

I've lived in the same house for 7 years and I don't even know their names or know how they look. I don't like people. And I don't like spirits.
As long as they leave me alone, I leave them alone, but if they try to come into my house; I throw them out. That goes for humans, hedgehogs, spirits and astral travelers.

I do know some people who allow spirits in and have good relationships with them. And there is nothing wrong with that, if that is how you choose to life your life.
But if a neighbor keeps showing up (uninvited) at the side of your bed every morning. I would recommend getting a deadbolt lock and a burglar alarm.

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Re: Need help with my mental and emotional self

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Desecrated wrote: But if a neighbor keeps showing up (uninvited) at the side of your bed every morning. I would recommend getting a deadbolt lock and a burglar alarm.
I LOL'ed at this. The mental image was perfect.

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Re: Need help with my mental and emotional self

Post by Next »

I had a similar problem when I was younger. It turned out my ambitions were incompatible with my personality type. From an MBTI perspective, I was identifying too much with my inferior function. Once I put my focus back on my dominant function, my life started getting better, like a dying plant that's getting sun and water again. I've been moving in a positive direction ever since then.

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