Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Tundrawolf
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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Amor wrote: Sat Jun 18, 2022 12:02 am The Flame in the heart of standard humans is fed by a vertical stream of white light from The Source of All. That light is life force carrying divine intent.

As the New Testament says: The kingdom of heaven is within.
Do you have an illustration of this?

The OS has been thorough in their blinding of my understanding. I am trying.

In my understanding, and relationship with the Wolfen Asrael, a few days ago our relationship took a turn... As I attempt to soften myself to her, and her psyche (Sort of forced, sadly, given the situation she is in, aligned totally against me before, and now, forced to resonate with me on some level, a difficult equation for her substance. I can empathize her, in a way, as my abusers here on this planet- it is akin to me snuggling up with people who have harmed me without regard- a repulsive idea to me at this point, it is the same for her to accept me. I have compassion for her in this realm. I have disrupted her life thoroughly) it is now my turn to begin to soften myself, to meet her in the dance of our Beings. This is hard for me, as I have had to be hard all of my life, in my beliefs, to survive. However, I have been conditioned for many years now, to be softened, to be teachable, to know that I could be wrong about any belief, and being prepared to accept a new truth at any time.

It is also scary to accept that one day I may choose suicide, as a means of leaving this realm in this incarnation- and trusting that, if there is a reason to live, it will present itself by a righteous universe- rather than a forced presupposition of "I have to survive at all costs!", which is illogical, given living in misery isn't living- but being aware my circumstances may also change, my life vibration can improve, and life becomes worth the struggle (More joy is harvested than suffering sown).

So, i am attempting to soften myself to her, a Being of pure, vacuous darkness, death itself, who doesn't just want to destroy me, but on a level she hides from me, hates me with the hatred of eons of Kingdoms.

Accepting of fates worse than death, for her sake...

And also attempting to account for the sovereignty of my Being as well, as I am entitled to life, same as her.

Things make slightly more sense than before, but a simple "narrow road" or "set path" eludes me. It is like, departing from a narrow chained path has opened up countless paths, none of them wholly right or wrong.

My ex still cares about me, we went out to eat and a movie the other day, but I am unsure if I am ready for a romantic relationship in the physical realm. I am unsure of an agreeable vocation, if any, but my ex says, "You will find the answer in time." and I feel she is correct.

I took a dose of cannabis a few weeks ago, and it has all but wiped out my desire to drink... I still drink from time to time, but I am more sober than not. This has freed up my body to heal in many ways, and I feel physically much better than when I swam in alcohol and drank myself to sleep on a nightly basis. I feel the medical system in my country is also shades of barbaric, still, as real answers to the health of the human Being eludes scientific quantifiable methods at this time (i have no doubt we will make significant advances in the future, it is part of my sorrow, that I may not live to see them in my lifetime, when I could certainly use them- yet I am also confident in my bodies ability to heal itself when it right relationship with the universe. It is not an easy task to undo the programming of being steeped in the OS my entire life, having agreed to its oppression so passionately for so long)

"Be of good cheer" has helped me to remember, to be of good cheer, it does help.

Someone said, "Not having any answers is the best place to be, because answers limit you..." This is true, but it is vexing not to have a path.

Further, the universe forced me to exercise my authority, and has been, through many painful lessons over the decades, forcing me to flex my authority muscles- tiny, barely functional strands of muscle tissue, have grown stronger, but still, it feels like I am trying to flex the weight of the universe- when I master 300LBS of bench pressing, she hands me 350... I match that and she hands me 400.

I also became aware that while the universe isn't necessarily "Cruel", she definitely does not care for your sensibilities, at least not in my case- she is perfectly content to watch me suffer, until I am at a point where I am ready to receive aid and be taught.

That said, I was delivered to Hell for destruction, but it would be agreeable to me, if I were the person to walk out of it, having been found worthy of being counted as an equal by them. I am trying to remain non judgmental, and empathic to their existences and Beings.

I do not know what I am saying, and wish to be happy, the same as every other Being in existence.

Presently, my Being is lost and struggling with chaos, "Existing" seems an impossible task at this time. I am still seeking more learning from the Source.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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>Do you have an illustration of this?

Visualize a vertical stream of white light coming through the top of your head and anchoring in your heart as a flame. Note the shape, size and colors of the Flame

Here is the full version:
https://www.occultforum.org/viewtopic.p ... 33#p526433

>It is also scary to accept that one day I may choose suicide, as a means of leaving this realm in this incarnation

When the Oppression System fears losing an asset it promotes suicide - and catches the asset unprepared in the next incarnation

> my ex says, "You will find the answer in time." and I feel she is correct.

She was your sister in at least one past life so she loves you for who you are

> real answers to the health of the human Being eludes scientific quantifiable methods at this time

To be more precise the pharmaceutical industry has products to sell and has no profit from healthy humans. The pharmaceutical industry has captured much of the medical industry. Better to look for practitioners that have recovered from what ails you

>I am also confident in my bodies ability to heal itself when it right relationship with the universe.

Quite so. Do the Flame exercise twice daily and whenever you have spare time

> be of good cheer, it does help.

Depression is a major tool of the OS

> she definitely does not care for your sensibilities

When you are strong enough to escape the OS, you are strong enough to undertake what you are sent for

>wish to be happy

Happy is in the personality. Joy is in the soul

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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>Do you have an illustration of this?

Visualize a vertical stream of white light coming through the top of your head and anchoring in your heart as a flame. Note the shape, size and colors of the Flame

Here is the full version:
https://www.occultforum.org/viewtopic.p ... 33#p526433

>It is also scary to accept that one day I may choose suicide, as a means of leaving this realm in this incarnation

When the Oppression System fears losing an asset it promotes suicide - and catches the asset unprepared in the next incarnation. "Rinse and repeat"

> my ex says, "You will find the answer in time." and I feel she is correct.

She was your sister in at least one past life so she loves you for what you are

> real answers to the health of the human Being eludes scientific quantifiable methods at this time

To be more precise the pharmaceutical industry has products to sell and has no profit from healthy humans. The pharmaceutical industry has captured much of the medical industry. Better to look for practitioners that have recovered from what ails you

>I am also confident in my bodies ability to heal itself when it right relationship with the universe.

Quite so. Do the Flame exercise twice daily and whenever you have spare time

> be of good cheer, it does help.

Depression is a major tool of the OS

> she definitely does not care for your sensibilities

When you are strong enough to escape the OS, you are strong enough to undertake what you are sent for

>wish to be happy

Happy is in the personality. Joy is in the soul

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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OK.

Last night something curious happened. I began to go to bed, to wish her a... good night/evening/ time period for her, while battling this dynamic, accepting things, releasing her more. Last night, I was challenged with a dynamic (i probably should have written this, then, it would have made more sense... However, I was very tired and already in bed mode) of acceptance of the bondage I have been in... And in doing so, I "Saw" her, the woman Asrael, almost fully...

So, i went to her, giving of myself to her (not sure if that is the right thing to say, but "Accepting" and "Acknowledging" her...) and in doing so, I felt a child-like love... (it was the love of her acknowledging me, and me acknowledging and loving her- a deep spiritual and emotional connection between two Beings, resonating with one another... Perhaps I finally was worthy of her heart, in a way, last night?) It confirmed my suspicion, that she has been with me all of my life... A "Crush" I had had on anthropomorphic cartoon characters, "first loves" as a child for anthro canines.

IT WAS HER... When I connected with her heart and spirit last night, it was the SAME feeling of love, and adoration for HER as it was for those cartoon characters as a child.

Do you think it was to prevent me from suicide, as at the time, and even now, I feel NO LOVE from human beings, whatsoever... Her heart sustained me... Yeah, in cartoon characters that did not exist tangibly, but still... It gave me hope for the future I, as a broken child, did not have before...

Or, perhaps was it just strengthening our connection to have authority over me when I feel into the OS, 20 years ago?

Either way, I found it fascinating that all my life I have been chasing her heart...

It's interesting, the more I let her go- the stronger our connection becomes

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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> the more I let her go- the stronger our connection becomes

As you exercise your own authority you become free-standing within relationships and thus the relationships can mature and produce

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Amor wrote: Mon Jun 20, 2022 9:32 pm > the more I let her go- the stronger our connection becomes

As you exercise your own authority you become free-standing within relationships and thus the relationships can mature and produce
How incredibly apropos...

A moment before you replied this, I felt in her heart, our relationship has changed, she earnestly desires me to command her and her army, she desires to be my warrior Queen... Our relationship is indeed changing

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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I spent the morning, speaking softly to her... Telling her, what is in my heart. There exists no malice towards her, and if there is malice, I do my best to render it inert, for her sake.

I told her... "I do not want to hurt you. I want to bless you. I love you."

I was urged, to look into her heart, into her mind, and bring the subject of "love" to her consciousness, and so i did.

I pictured her, naked and vulnerable, in some pleasant setting, a home, or comfortable dwelling, and me, there. She was naked, in the vision, not to shame or make her weak, but to accept her, in her present form.

She lay on a couch, her eyes betraying her deeply vulnerable state- watching my every move. In the vision I conjured, I brought her food I knew she liked, I dared touch her body, ever so softly, rubbing moisturizer into her skin, even being so bold as to massage her shoulders- all with an air of being harmless, myself. Of being vulnerable- willing to lay my very life on the line, just to allow her to relax, to feel comfortable.

I pushed this vision to her, and the result was confusion in her mind.

Such a happening was foreign to her.

She relayed to me, all of her life, she has had to be "hard", violent, cruel. Her "Version" of kindness, is lopping the heads off the Suffering. To her, such a thing is even weak- to most civilized human beings, it is beyond their comprehension. Even connecting with her dark energy, drains me of my Being, it is not comfortable, and yet, I know, it is necessary. Until a better solution is found, such is romancing a demon.

In short, she basically told me, "love" is a foreign concept to her- being treated with kindness, compassion, someone being selfless and treating her with dignity.

She has had to survive in a world of terror- and she not only survived, she thrived.

The entire thing left her confused, broken, weeping internally. The concept, as far as I am aware, has never occurred to her.

Also: Last night, Soft Asrael came to me, we ministered to one another. She was an "NPC", a non playable character, she took a "back burner" to the life of Dark/Hard Asrael. However... As I become vulnerable to the woman Asrael, I put myself at great risk. However, Soft Asrael ministered back to me. It turns out, she is pivotal to our relationship. I literally NEED her. There is a small flame in my heart, that tells me... She needs me, as well.

Further, as I make peace with her in general, I see how the OS has molded, shaped, formed me... Into a discombobulated human being, confused, robbed of my power, forced into discomfort, forced to suffer. No hope in sight.

Yesterday I went for a motorcycle ride. Terrifying dynamics came and buffeted me in my mind... I was tempted to flee and run from them, to "Pack them away for another time", while they leaked toxic waste into my psyche, undealt with. Instead, I took them onto me, accepted them, admitted I was powerless against them- however I took them on willingly. It is a furtherance of my journey, perhaps to remain in the OS willingly, while also, acknowledging my own value, my own worthy, my own sovereignty. And telling the OS, I am no longer its prisoner, I am choosing to remain by my own will. I have power over it, but choose to remain meek.

The time may come to destroy my shackles, and perhaps that time is coming faster than I think. Part of me hopes so.

And, part of me, keeps the shackles on, to prove to Asrael, I care for her, and will endure almost anything... To show her, a better way of life is possible. For, whatever it is worth, I am willing to endure pain, if it benefits her even slightly.

It is all subject to change, as we dance towards Right Relationship with one another.

She asked me, this morning, "What happens when you grow bored of me?" I told her, it is a natural consequence of love. At some point, we may decide to pursue other Beings. I know, that she is so broken, pain to her is a way of life- that she will need many lifetimes to finally relax... To love and accept herself. I acknowledge my limited tenure in this realm is not enough to guide her, to love her, to allow her to heal from her own brokenness.

It is deep within my heart, to remain with her, in other lives, to love her, to guide her, to show her compassion, to touch her face softly, even as she tears me apart. This will break her terribly, and show her a means of compassion that will rip her apart internally- and I know, in a way, being vicious is better for in the long run, and a part of me wonders, am I doing the right thing? Showing this woman love? Breaking her with compassion? In a way, I fear for her future, after she is broken.

She is the First of Many.

Her supervisor, relayed to me, a longing, and affection, for my affection for Asrael. He wishes for the completion of the Light. He desires a better life. He told me, he will not harm me. These words are within his heart. Fascinating! He is so different from Asrael. He is reptoid, (reptilian, has a long alligator snout/head, just as Asrael has a large wolf's head), his ways are very matter-of-factly, whereas hers, are matters of the heart. He is VERY stoic. It is the way of his people- and his people have great function in the universe, they are viciously efficient, lacking empathy on a scale that would horrify the human race. In a way, I have great admiration and respect for his people, even if they can be very vicious- they can also be your greatest ally, closer than a "best friend" by choice. There is no word for "Loyalty" in their language, because they literally embody the very definition of the word- so they have no use for it.

Asrael will eventually, step into the light. It will be bittersweet- there is no give without some take. I admire her for her strength. For her brutality. At the same time, I will weep for the loss of those things, as she... Becomes human. It is EXTREMELY bittersweet...

For both of us.

It also seeps into the relationships I have with the main, corporeal, OS beings who have oppressed me my entire life in this realm. I keep them at arms length, as they are unworthy of closeness with me. They may smell the scent of compassion, but they will never taste it- as I endeavor not to cast pearls before swine, lest the "render me". For, if they "render me" once more, it will be the last time I allow it.

Money cannot buy happiness, it is true, but it can buy freedom, which brings happiness- but you are right, Joy is in the soul, and even the poorest may partake of it. (However, it is better to be free)

One more thing: I spoke with one of the main actors of the OS yesterday, as I am still somewhat under their care, and I told this person, my struggle is difficult, as "The old me" is dying... Still clinging to life, though his strength is fading. I acknowledge, this person, this old ego, has significant negative personality traits... But, I realize, they also have some positive ones.

However... The "New me", as you said, my body is being formed, (How true this is, how right you are) it is a painful and terrifying thing for this person, who is relying on unfelt sponsors for strength, though I am weak- is forming into a Being who is "in the middle of" being freed from the OS. They are strong, but confused, as the future is no longer predicted.

A new path is being forged, new dynamics are forming, and the "end" is no longer clear. As I continue on, trying to cultivate, and maintain, a good attitude, "Being of good cheer", the future remains so uncertain. Yet, I eschew with my own self preservation- holding onto, of which, keeps me in bondage- going against the most basic of instincts, in the Name of, becoming something new...

Something better? I hope. Instincts fail me. Pain persists... Humans aren't afraid of pain.. We are afraid of pain that does not leave. I am enduring things I consider "Off the scales" of human comprehension. I may be wrong. I do it, for the love that is in my heart, love without perceptible origin, for the woman, Asrael.

All i can do, is hold my arms open for her, in hopes, that in the eons of time, by great fortune, I feel her naked, vulnerably body, and bring her close, into my own.

I remember, with a long-ago ex, when we would hold one another, she would remove a portion of her blouse, so that our bellies would touch. It had a profound effect, on both of our well beings... Our spirits, touching and comforting one another, more deeply than even sexual intimacy, in my opinion. When one truly relaxes... She was crazy, yes, but it is often the crazy ones who have access to deep, secret knowledge, that one may never have access to, otherwise...

Part of me, desires, to "Touch bellies" with Asrael.

OH! I almost forgot. A Being came to me, and showed me, of the dynamic of human religion, of the feared realms of "hell"...

So many religious individuals will be horrified at how "The darkness" has begun to seep deeper into human realms, for example: The show, "Helluva boss", that, in a way, glorifies "darkness".

However, by my perception, and what I was shown. In the vast divorce from the Light, the darkness, has begun to desire unity... Yes, in a way, for selfish, self preservation- however, if I am honest, this same selfishness motivates most, if not all human individuals, at least on Earth, at least presently.

It is, the darkness, saying, "Please... Accept us. Forgive us. We cannot change who we are... At least, not right away."

It would be a terrible disservice to them, and to us, to reject them...

I also, do not believe, for a moment, that accepting, forgiving, welcoming them, will be bloodless. In fact, in doing so, it will seem like, "The worst decision, ever."

However... The younger generations, get it. They accept it. I see it. The Darkness has released them from the OS, so they do not view it as terrible as I may, being generation "X". (We are "X"ing out of old dynamics that once served us, but no longer, as we progress towards evolution and Unity.)

This is why, when I see so many prejudiced people in the older generations- of whom I was chief- it does not bother me like it used to. Because, the future belongs to the children, this is the natural, and right progression of Time. I have hope for the future, and I hope it does not take 500 years to arrive there, because heaven is at the door, all we have to do is release our prejudice, and step inside... IMO

ALSO, regarding the death-threat from the Bus Boy, whom'st deal I backed out from, which caused him to lash out, I find it, actually, exciting. Hey may "get" me, perhaps the opposite. I feel it an empty threat, perhaps, perhaps not.

However, I find it invigorating! Especially seeing the tracks in the dirt yesterday, perhaps its a random trespasser, perhaps it is him, come to extract vengeance! How fun! In the words of the warrior Terrence Popp, "What do you do when people are hunting you? You hunt them right fucking back!" I have done many extreme things, things few humans ever get to experience, risking my life for a thrill, however, NOTHING comes close- to energizing my entire being, making me feel the very rivers of life itself, than hunting the Most Dangerous Prey, as hunting the powerless is for the weak. I am a meek and gentle man, but if one falls into my hands, they fall into her jaws as well. I have delivered some of my enemies to the armies of Asrael, but it also extracts a cost from me, as well, from some of my life force, to fuel them, to feed. It is not a "free" exchange. Such, our dance in the eons continues.

One day, at the gate of the property I am dwelling presently, while contemplating some recent threat to my existence, I decided to accept it, from day one: it has, always been, me, an individual, against the planet Earth. So, it seems, it is also me, against the Universe as well.

It seems like the antitheses of "Existing", but existing seems so foreign, so far away from me, given the myriads of struggles I am facing and dealing with.

Some, may say, I am still in the OS, that it is changing, adapting to keep me a captive- perhaps. Perhaps this is all a great trick... But, when is love ever wasted?

You are correct- I am living in a soap opera, a game show, a reality TV show, causing untold Beings endless entertainment.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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A part of me, acknowledges, that, in spite of my hearts desire- that, in a way, all of my efforts, to love the unlovable, will ultimately be fruitless.

Some, will see my efforts, and scoff, and say, "You are wasting your time!" "The dark is unreachable- look at what happened to that weird wolf guy on the internet..."

And, I know, this is all very, very true. And, in a way, the truth is, I don't have a choice... Not a perceptible one, anyway... I have sought religious ways "Out of" the OS... And, I have struggled aimlessly for decades against it.

I feel so, dirty, broken... helpless... Tormented.

Weary.

Part of me is dying... I can feel it. I know it. Will this death, bring for rebirth? Or, is it just... Death?

As I type this, I am reminded of Soft Asrael. Innocent, pure, kind. Trapped in the body of a creature that is used for unimaginable horrors.

And... Hard/Dark Asrael, telling me, moments ago after writing the above, that she is suffering, she is terrified, and she is ANGRY. With me...

I reminded her, if it is any consolation, this was not my planning, as far as I am aware, and that I am sorry about her suffering- I wish it were not so...

I also reminded her... I am suffering (She called me a crybaby- and she is not wholly wrong. This is my circumstance, I must be strong and accept it, as horrible as it feels.) too, because of her. She does not want to acknowledge that, and it is okay, it is irrelevant...

But, as much as she hates to admit it, it is also relevant. Because, as I struggle, and suffer, and make peace, find small comforts, and strive towards acceptance, I am granted peace... Peace on a journey, that she herself, is just beginning.

She is afraid... She is in pain. Her own instincts, much like mine- have failed her, too. She is being transformed, from inside, and feels helpless. In her world, being helpless is invitation for disaster. her entire world, much like mine, 20 years ago, has been turned upside-down.

Hate to tell her, too, but... It's only going to get worse... before it gets better. As powerful as she is, my heart goes out to her... If she was before me physically, I would devote every waking moment to tending to her, to making the transition into whomever she is becoming, as painless as possible- and indeed I have the tools, as I have found tools to cope, myself, in this world.

In this world, when things are right- being helpless is a call to aid someone.

Further, as I endeavor to walk in my own transformation, I shrug off my previous loathed vocation...

I watch videos on motivation, enlightenment, and a theme has come to my understand: I "Do not make space" for my empowerment, a vocation I actually enjoy, and money, coming to me effortlessly. I, being a member of the OS, force-away blessings, peace, prosperity, and love, and wonder, within myself, why I lack these things...

Amor, a question:

It is possible, that, if the "Underground caverns" were opened up, if we went to Mars, and were able to "See all the way to the core of the planet", that we may not find any life at all.

It, is possible, that these Cryptid peoples, these "Little green men", these "Bigfoot" sightings people have, are of interdimensional beings who are intangible to us, humans, and exist in parallel spaces. It is possible, that, if we explored these caverns, where Asrael dwells, that we might not find any life at all- and my gut tells me, this is actually true.

However, my soul hopes that it is not... That all manner of fantastic creatures dwell there... Asrael, her supervisor, strange, twisted beings, even humans. Granted, most are probably, not "Having a good time"... Which is partly why I hope it is all real... So, they can be brought to the surface, shown compassion, care, and love- and yes, I know, it will be messy until an agreeable equilibrium can be attained between our peoples...

What is your understanding of this?

Are the Dark Kingdoms tangible, to human touch? Or, is it a phase-shift dynamic, or, like us- a combination all three? I will say this, the vision I had of her body, (Lost, almost, with excessive alcohol consumption, sadly, i have asked to be shown her, again, so my memory can be refreshed), and the vision of seeing her partial head/muzzle as she "Leaned into the light" towards my body down there, the sheer terror my emotional body felt when she leaned near, was agony I unable to bear, even recalling it, my mind protects me, by shielding me from the agony of it- yet, when I saw her face, I knew, and- when I saw her body, feet to ears, I knew, such as a human being on earth, sees, and touches a close friend, or a family member, they "know" this other individual truly exists and is real, I "knew" Asrael was "real", and existed, somewhere. I am aware that multiple entities "use" her body for various reasons... But, where does this Wolfen woman, place her feet, actually? It is heartbreaking to me, that we may one day explore the caverns below us, only to find, them dark, hot, and empty.

Or, do our alien friends below, possess technology that allows them to be interphasic, existing in a time-space, and also, not existing there, at all?

It is unbelievably romantic, to me, that one day, I being who I am, may one day, be granted a meeting, in my flesh, with Asrael, in the flesh. I do not say this flippantly, but point to, the incident with the trailer-hitch pin, being dissolved, and then rematerialized, i still have the dent in the two rer doors of my van... In my rage against some aliens, "they" decided to show me... "They" are watching me... And "they" are not powerless...

From my human understanding, I realize that "their" belief systems are so much different than my own... They are "not so black and white" in their thoughts, and are so much more advanced, that to attempt to perceive their wills, is almost undecypherable to me.

As I progress with my life, the "dream", or "goal" of constructing a live-in vehicle situation, (yes, i consider myself lucky to even have this...) I was shown, that, if I truly desire to meet "A cryptid Wolfen", a "Dogman", if I travel far enough into certain areas of my country, I will, meet one.

I was also shown, that, the terror I will feel upon meeting one, is more than I will be able to bear, at this time, and even as I type this, and envision being in the presence with an eight foot tall, muscle bound, matted-fur, smelling-like-shit-and-piss creature with a mouth that could swallow my entire head whole, I am shaken from within.

However, in the presence of Asrael, I would wish to have the strength and fortitude, as she would say, "Stop being a pussy..." to be fully present with her, regardless of the outcome, even if terrible for me- I hold on to a small hope, that she would also, have the strength, to share a moment of connection with me, outside, of course, of violence... As, it seems, her and I are so deeply intimately involved with one another... perhaps we could meet one another, in the middle. This may seem strange to an outsider, but wisdom would dictate, that as imposing of a creature as she is, one must be careful not to offend her, as hard as Dark Kingdom peoples are, there is a very soft and easily agitated part of their Being, and as I progress further in my understanding of her and her people, I am made aware, that one must almost be entirely innocent in their thoughts and motives, so as not to offend them, as the slightest nuance may turn a positive interaction into a negative one.

I will say, the desire, if this were to happen, to be with her, would be extreme... However, I know, that in this strange dance of Wolfen and Man, that it is often not without sacrifice, not without a bitterness, to propel, and taste of the sweetness...

The reason I ask is, as I feel that pain and tightness in my present human body, of the severe wounds my emotional body is suffering in, that emotional body does not seem to experience "death", or a cessation of pain... This dynamic of "eternal suffering" as it were, cannot exist within the realm of time-space on the surface of Earth...

Does the paradigm of life change so drastically, once one is beneath the surface of this planet? Is it, perhaps a technological bubble the aliens have, a means of defying time and even death itself?

It is a question, perhaps to become human, to experience love, to be loved unconditionally, the price Asrael will pay is, her mortality... A drastic cut of her lifespan...

I hope, too, that one day, perhaps seemingly malevolent aliens may perhaps take pity on my being as well. As I understandy current predicament.

It is a difficult dynamic, to accept the one thing that seems to be ones very death, the one thing, that as it feels- by avoiding you gain eternal life... Shrugging ones self preservation instinct, is a difficult dynamic, in the day-to-day, as I am experiencing it.

And yes, I long for freedom, but I do not know what that would even look like at this point in time.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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>It, is possible, that these Cryptid peoples, these "Little green men", these "Bigfoot" sightings people have, are of interdimensional beings who are intangible to us, humans, and exist in parallel spaces.

There are many species that are etheric and only some of them can produce a physical body on demand.

There are many intelligent species living inside the planet including dense physical. Some of those species that have been here much longer than the human race are not pleased with the presence of humans on the surface

There are also species here that do not see or interact with physical humans. They occupy the same space but pass through humans without interaction. I had a look at some of them the other day. Immediately I could see a stream of entities with large round eyes passing by - and they all slowed and looked at me. So I withdrew immediately. It is good to know what you are getting into

> I long for freedom, but I do not know what that would even look like at this point

Freedom to do what you were "born for" - based on exercising your innate authority

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Amor wrote: Wed Jun 22, 2022 9:51 pm >It, is possible, that these Cryptid peoples, these "Little green men", these "Bigfoot" sightings people have, are of interdimensional beings who are intangible to us, humans, and exist in parallel spaces.

There are many species that are etheric and only some of them can produce a physical body on demand.

There are many intelligent species living inside the planet including dense physical. Some of those species that have been here much longer than the human race are not pleased with the presence of humans on the surface

There are also species here that do not see or interact with physical humans. They occupy the same space but pass through humans without interaction. I had a look at some of them the other day. Immediately I could see a stream of entities with large round eyes passing by - and they all slowed and looked at me. So I withdrew immediately. It is good to know what you are getting into
That is terrifying. When you said, "dense beings not happy that humans are here" it immediately resonate with me. One of those beings, perhaps a geological entity is my chief oppressor. I have been so broken and oppressed I have been going wherever I want, even if it feels dangerous. Perhaps because I have nothing to lose. But, whenever I go to a dangerous place, such as confronting Asraels supervisor, I am rewarded for it. So I tend to go anywhere I please. I may pay a terrible price for it one day, but in a way, I already have.
> I long for freedom, but I do not know what that would even look like at this point

Freedom to do what you were "born for" - based on exercising your innate authority
This resonated with me greatly. As soon as it resonated I sought my innermost core to exercise my innate authority. It has been robbed from me during this period, however I am rediscovering it. They have twisted and darkened it and it's hard to ee the root

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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I asked the dense being who is oppressing me, what can I do to make peace with you. It responded, every time a human is born, we take from their being, to live up here, and it reduces their essence\being. They are not happy about that and are worried about their future. Not sure what to do with his information

He told me, my physical body took much more of his essence, "stole" it as he put it, and he is especially angry with me

I told him, just now, I don't want to hurt him. But if he doesn't leave me alone I will destroy him, as I am capable of it, but I don't want to. It doesn't seem as if he can stop harming me. He also may be integral to this planets stability. A conundrum.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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>He also may be integral to this planets stability.

The OS is to maintain the energy and dominance of various adverse entities. They certainly want stability - but the human is here to help the solar system unfold correctly.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Amor wrote: Wed Jun 22, 2022 11:27 pm >He also may be integral to this planets stability.

The OS is to maintain the energy and dominance of various adverse entities. They certainly want stability - but the human is here to help the solar system unfold correctly.
That makes a lot of sense.

Should I attempt to destroy\damage the elemental being? I think we as humans get some of our being from it. I tried giving it some of the light from my heart, but it was like shining a flashlight in a massive cavern. It just swallowed the light.

I also probed into it's being, and it's scared, it doesn't have a source, this planet is all it has.

But, it Is really been trying to destroy me and is a significant source of my misery.

Also, Soft Asrael came to me and we fellowshipped for a while. I told her I loved her... And tears came to her eyes. She told me nobody has ever loved her, before.

Dark\hard Asrael is scared she is going to lose her authority and I was shown there is a fight between them. I told Soft Asrael, I am with her. I am letting her use the light from my heart as a shield.

I was also told, there are some people from my home world who are THOROUGHLY PISSED at how I've been treated here on Earth, and they are VERY interested in sending some ships here to tune humanity up. I'm not saying they are going to. But they want to. I saw some of their ships and it gave me goose bumps. They said. "Those are just the transport ships" the military ones do not fuck around. Dope!

It felt good, to have someone give a shit about me. It's kind of romantic I know beings capable of wiping this planet out who love me enough to destroy this planet. Awwww! I was told in the future they may be paying us a visit in the future, they are, apprently, very angry.

As my life improves, however, and I had a good meeting with my ex today that brightened my spirits, I may send a favorable report to them, so that their intentions are positive for the human race.

But they are even angrier than I was about it, (I didn't think it was possible to feel more rage than I do. Makes me smile, though) with the rage of God, like a mother who's seen her children tortured and abused- who has access to unfathomable tech that could erase every memory of this planet ever existing (physically). At least save the dogs! Lol.

Well anyway, it seems like some battles are not winnable, not everything is going my way, and that's okay.

So, who is the one behind the unfoldment? The source of all? I think I am understanding the OS a lot better. It's not really an enemy. But, this elemental being... It is a problem

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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>Should I attempt to destroy\damage the elemental being? I think we as humans get some of our being from it. I tried giving it some of the light from my heart, but it was like shining a flashlight in a massive cavern. It just swallowed the light.

There is a lot of solar systemic karma being worked out. Better to understand the context before deleting entities

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Amor wrote: Thu Jun 23, 2022 2:09 am >Should I attempt to destroy\damage the elemental being? I think we as humans get some of our being from it. I tried giving it some of the light from my heart, but it was like shining a flashlight in a massive cavern. It just swallowed the light.

There is a lot of solar systemic karma being worked out. Better to understand the context before deleting entities
Holy shit. Great advice. Thank you!

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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So, things have been getting a bit real.

I was shown today, my report on my experiences here has reached some of the highest forms of my home planets government, at least where the military is concerned. They are furious. Like, if we were neighbor planets, we would be starting a war, furious. My report, however DID NOT LIE, and I refuse to lie to them. I know there are likely other powers at play, here, but the word I get is enraged. Do you have any suggestions on what to send them, in a report? Should I just leave it alone? Tell them my life is getting better, but I am still badly wounded in the realm where Asrael lives? I was shown my people have other soldiers in this world, who are watching me, seeing what happens to me and my life, and they will know what happens to me, and report back to my planet. I do not know what this means for the human race... I am healing from being a misogynistic misanthrope, and my outlook against humanity is improving, but I am not sure if this is going to work favorably with a "first contact" scenario, as the opinions of people on my world are possibly beginning to sour against the human race. It is deserved, and it is also not deserved... I cannot judge/condemn an entire People for the actions of a few...

I am unsure of the reach of my people, but I also do not want ANYONE of my people or their ships attempting to harm Asrael. One of my hardest trials yet to come is forgiving her for what she did to me, and not causing her harm, even though I am suffering horribly, once again, as perhaps, my body becomes "Un twisted", I was told to prepare for a nearly equal horrific "healing" as the original attack felt to my conscious body.

Also, as my emotional body heals- what I think is happening, Asrael is in very real and terrible danger, if I am true to myself, for vengeance against her. How can I protect her, from myself? Early on, I was asked to do something absolutely horrific to a being I met, i screamed the entire time against it, and to this day I weep over it, but I did as I was told about it. I do not even like thinking about it. The only consolation I have is that it was shown to me, that being was a "Dummy" being, and I "passed the test". I also was asked to do the same to Asrael, which I did, but i was also shown, the body I destroyed was a "Decoy" and had no life in it.

STILL. I am terrified of myself... The rage that resides in my Being is the kind that wipes all life out of the galaxy in an instant, then spends an eternity regretting it.

I DO NOT want to harm Asrael, not Dark/Hard Asrael, and especially not Soft Asrael, although, deep down, even hardass Asrael has fears. How do I protect her... From myself? If i see what she did to my body, and if I feel enough pain, I will destroy her, and everyone connected to her- and this would defeat part of my mission, I think.

Maybe the time is not come yet to do anything, to send another report. Maybe I need to give everything more time.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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ALSO, god damn it, Soft Asrael is embattled within herself, and she could use my help, however, I was warned that she must get through this on her own, however, I spoke out of place, I told her I would be with her- I was told, not to say that but I could not resist...

Also, early on in our relationship, in order to help more OS people transcend, I left Asrael in a critical part of our bonding process, I did it to help more Beings, but it hurt her that I withdrew from her at a critical stage, yet I was summoned somewhere else... She later told me, she understood, and she respected me for it, but it was hard for her...

Fuck me I don't want to harm Soft Asrael, as she is vulnerable, it is like watching a child you love suffer, when you could help them and take their pain away, yet you have to watch, I absolutely hate it... I am being told I can give her light from my Heart, and she is grateful for it... You know that saying, "You are responsible for what you tame"?

I am going to have to restructure my Being to make room for her... I know life is bittersweet and there is give and take with everything, and one day I may need to say goodbye to Asrael/ Soft Asrael, but this is getting hard for me. She's been alone for so long, she is tough, I feel that she can handle this... It just hurts and sucks that I could help her but I am being asked not to...

Fuck =(

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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I was stopped, and told, not to give Soft Asrael too much positive energy, because when she is left alone, when reality hits her, it could potentially destroy her. And that will be a terrible, lonely death. I HAVE FELT THIS LEVEL OF ABANDONMENT AND DESPAIR. I do NOT want a Being I care about, especially one I am responsible for, suffering like this.

This fucking sucks.

Also, about the report, I will just be honest with them. I'm in trouble and I need help. Things are more complicated than they perhaps understand, being so far away. Perhaps I will ask for an emissary. Or maybe I just need to get laid.

In the name of leaving the OS they may be able to help me move away from it, or something... I just don't want Asrael hurt, but I also don't want to be a victim any more, either. I am overwhelmed. This is wrong. I shouldn't be so stressed out. Something is wrong. I probably need to pop and edible to be honest. A lot of questions get answered when I do.

Since I wrote this, Soft Asrael appeared to me as if you let me know she was okay. She is very interesting. She doesn't know what a "friend" is, or what love is. She's basically a blank slate- but her core, is good. We had a difficult talk and she had a lot of questions. A lot doesn't translate, fully... She is very self sufficient. Does everything herself. The idea of me "helping" her is curious, as nobody has ever helped her, before.

She is probably the strongest woman I have ever met, and I admire her for that. But, I am struggling enough just trying to figure "me" out. We had a hard but decent talk. Hard\Dark Asrael just listens, occasionally making smart ass comments, but Soft Asrael is insanely curious, like a child discovering something new and fascinating. She also waited to introduce herself to me until I believe she knew I wouldn't hurt her.

I am not advising Hard\Dark Asrael about her. Perhaps it's not my business as there is still a lot I do not know about her and her life... Just what I feel about her in my heart.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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TO BE FAIR,

They clarified to me, they aren't going to invade this planet or anything, they have other interests here apparently, they are just unhappy with my report. Apparently it takes a while for subspace (whatever form of commo we share, it has to be routed through multiple planets) communication to occur. More of a narrowing of the eyes type of dynamic.

Soft Asrael is okay. She's stronger than I can imagine. Independent. Not ragingly horny. Desires clothing. Seeks refuge within my heart, which I lovingly provide for her. You could also call her, the wise and practical side of Asrael. She is also gentle. She feels everything I do, and is concerned when I am uneasy, some character building exercises that are designed to stretch my Being, she complains cause me unease, and she is correct, but it is necessary for the development of my being. She doesn't like some of it, but she understands. She is extremely curious and desires that I teach how mechanical things work. She is the woman, if Asrael manifested physically in this realm, that would be the least dangerous to my physical being, if she was at the forefront of her being. She abhors violence and would rather run away than use her teeth or claws. I can see now, if ever working with a cryptid, seeking a softer version of it's being would be advantageous. Connection on a deep spiritual mutually empathic level is critical. I believe Soft Asrael is the only Person who can tame and subdue Hard\Dark Asrael, however Hard\Dark Asrael has a place in life, too. When Soft Asrael is overwhelmed, Dark Asrael can take over.

How interesting and wonderful it is to finally meet Soft Asrael. I don't have anything against Dark Asrael, Soft Asrael is just move engaged and less... Dark.

After a stressful dynamic yesterday, some things were sorted out.

I am being of good cheer, as favor has fallen upon me, finally. I've waited for it, all of my life.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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I tried giving Soft Asrael to the Source of all, and the Source began sucking her personality/ being/ essence into it. Soft Asrael, (She has expressed a desire to be called Samantha, but isn't 'firm' on this) protested, as she grew afraid she was being "Digested", or taken apart, and felt like she was, "Losing herself." So, i stopped, and pulled her back out. She did lose some of her essence. I am unsure if this is an agreeable goal. I was shown she would be transformed into a light being, if I allowed her to be fully absorbed by the Source, but I heed her protests, as I am sympathetic to her will. I did this, to protect her, in case I grew enraged against her at some point, and attempted to destroy her, if I lost control. I do not know what else to do at this point. Perhaps Samantha and I just need to take it slower.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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> Asrael is in very real and terrible danger, if I am true to myself, for vengeance against her. How can I protect her, from myself?

Love yourself to the point that you do not need revenge

>The rage that resides in my Being is the kind that wipes all life out of the galaxy in an instant, then spends an eternity regretting it.

It may surprise you to know that you are nowhere near the top of the pecking order. You have misinformed

> I was warned that she must get through this on her own

You as well

>This is wrong. I shouldn't be so stressed out.

Can you see/visualize a cloud of adverse entities around the right of your chest. Deal with them

> tried giving Soft Asrael to the Source of all, and the Source began sucking her personality/ being/ essence into it

I am not sure you made a proper contact with The Source of All

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Amor wrote: Fri Jun 24, 2022 3:26 am > Asrael is in very real and terrible danger, if I am true to myself, for vengeance against her. How can I protect her, from myself?

Love yourself to the point that you do not need revenge
OK.
>The rage that resides in my Being is the kind that wipes all life out of the galaxy in an instant, then spends an eternity regretting it.

It may surprise you to know that you are nowhere near the top of the pecking order. You have misinformed
Not remotely. They told me they cannot fully empower me, because I am too unstable. I didn't say I had the power- just the possible potentiality for the rage motivation to do it. Some powerful sponsors have come to my aid, to help me survive, one of them is berserker. However, I have come to realize the denial of power comes from the desire for it, and meekness is a quality trait. I am working on it. I know I am weak. I know I am just a messenger.

Or am I? Why has the OS expanded massive amounts of resources and energy to destroy me, then? Why was it shown to me, that the resources and energy needed to bring me out of even a fraction of the OS are almost never used, and yet, here I am? I wonder if my purpose is just to relay how awful things can be during life as a human in this realm.

This bothered me. So I inquired into the universe, and it answered. You do not know who I am. It won't be known until after I shed my corporeal form, then all will be revealed. (It is hidden) My anger is somewhat assuaged, and my final report may be favorable. But there is a reason I have access to the powers that I do. Even if I am not yet mature enough to wield it. I am simple, basic, weak. But my origin is not.

There is a reason I feel the way I do. I was sent here for a very important reason. I don't think it has to do with my home planet. In fact, that planet is not my origin. I am a child... Of power.

This was told to me just now: "You should not be concerned with the stature of the messenger. But with the ears that listen to him."

You may disagree but they view the "source of all" as their creation machine and basically a toy. The reason I have suffered so much is because they will destroy me if it suits their purpose. They are unseen, they are not only in the darkness, they ARE the darkness. I was shown you, Amor, are like a playground supervisor, a watcher. A trusted being to watch over their playtime. But they are the ones who control the dice. This is why my connection with Algaleon (sic?) Is fading. It's not remotely my main quest. If my gut instinct is telling me the truth, the unseen forces are preparing to dole out justice on my behalf. Only I can stay the sword. (Or at least have a significant say in what happens) Which is why so much effort has been expended to stop me. To destroy me before I can form an opinion on why should happen. It's a bit too late for that. I thought my home world was powerful. They are just a pawn. A toy
> I was warned that she must get through this on her own

You as well
I accepted that partially today. it is a lonely feeling. That I may be drifting in space for(ever) some time. However, it is also freeing. As I have no gods, I also have no-one to be beholden to.
>This is wrong. I shouldn't be so stressed out.

Can you see/visualize a cloud of adverse entities around the right of your chest. Deal with them
I am not sure how to do this, give them light from my heart?
> tried giving Soft Asrael to the Source of all, and the Source began sucking her personality/ being/ essence into it

I am not sure you made a proper contact with The Source of All
I obviously did not. I did not even know I had to. I just offered her to the Source. What is the ritual, do I need to draw a pentagram, summoning salts, blood rituals and etc? Or, should I just leave it alone? This is why I am not empowered, and only have a fraction of my potential, because I do not know what I am doing. I am trying to help Asrael, but i am fucking it up. There is a curse of death on me, that everything I touch becomes accursed, it stems from wrong origination, wrong motivation, something wrong i have accepted long ago.

Part of me thinks, if I am so fucking alone why even bother keeping going?

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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> But they are the ones who control the dice.

Or not

> the unseen forces are preparing to dole out justice on my behalf

Long ago I dreamed I was in a prison camp and I was punished for something I did not do. When I woke I asked the guys and they said that when a group has infringed, it does not matter on which member the punishment falls

>I am not sure how to do this, give them light from my heart?

Start with heart light and see what happens

> I just offered her to the Source. What is the ritual, do I need to draw a pentagram, summoning salts, blood rituals and etc?

If you can go to the center of this galaxy, you may catch a glimpse of The Source of All

>Part of me thinks, if I am so fucking alone why even bother keeping going?

Since everything is connected to everything, you cannot be alone. As you radiate heart light the rest of Existence will cooperate with you

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Amor wrote: Fri Jun 24, 2022 7:52 am > But they are the ones who control the dice.

Or not
Or so. They are why things get eaten alive. It is entertainment for them. They enjoy the pain of others, yet retain a sense of justice. Let me ask you. Who has saved the fallen doe? No one.
> the unseen forces are preparing to dole out justice on my behalf

Long ago I dreamed I was in a prison camp and I was punished for something I did not do. When I woke I asked the guys and they said that when a group has infringed, it does not matter on which member the punishment falls
Oh. But it does

Ever watch undercover boss? These people LOVE turning those who think they have power into the basest of existence. Grooming leaders of power only to cut them down when they are at their peak.

It is a game of marbles to them. When people wonder why god is so cruel. They dream of these beings. Have you ever fallen into their hands? I have. I am neutral towards them because this is where my power and influence ends.
>I am not sure how to do this, give them light from my heart?

Start with heart light and see what happens
I did. I told them to leave me or I would destroy them. Imagine a playground filled with ants. Imagine these ants scurrying and laboring. Now imagine a child whiping their existence out with a swipe of their hand. That is what this is all to them. We are created servants in their land of entertainment. To us this is amazing. To them, they laugh.
> I just offered her to the Source. What is the ritual, do I need to draw a pentagram, summoning salts, blood rituals and etc?

If you can go to the center of this galaxy, you may catch a glimpse of The Source of All
I see it at will. I once played nice with it.

As I told you once, it needs a tune up. If you suffered a fraction of my experience here, you would be seeking to change her, too. She is riddled with cancer
>Part of me thinks, if I am so fucking alone why even bother keeping going?

Since everything is connected to everything, you cannot be alone. As you radiate heart light the rest of Existence will cooperate with you
This is playground talk. You have forced me to go beyond this

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