Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Amor
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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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>the light brilliantly dazzles and "fries" the implant, rendering it useless.

Now deal with the implant at the bottom of your tail bones

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Amor wrote: Thu Sep 15, 2022 7:21 am >the light brilliantly dazzles and "fries" the implant, rendering it useless.

Now deal with the implant at the bottom of your tail bones

This is legit. It has a force field around it that makes it difficult, but I am pushing through. I am also struggling with the intention of "pushing" heart light "into" things. It used to come easy, now it is hard to visualize.

FTR: Today i dominated Asrael like an Alpha wolf would, by her respective throat, forcing her will down with my own. (my will and authority VASTLY exceed hers) I did not do this to be cruel to her, but to show her: I will not be a push over, and at times, I WILL require her to submit. She has walked over me all my life and I'm not putting up with that any more. I will be a safe space for her, I will love and be there for her, I will protect her when she needs protecting, but I will NOT be her doormat.

Further, the canine spirit that is so intimately intertwined with the human race, is definitely a valid gateway for my energy to find an anchor here on this planet.

The more I progress, the more is revealed: So many of my insurmountable troubles stemmed from a misunderstanding of my origin, and purpose here, now that I know, thanks to Amor, it is making so much sense to me, and my power and authority are also beginning to take legitimate shape as well.

I don't know if my "cosmic self" is fading, or if they are integrating with me, in a transfer of power, authority, and knowing. So much is making BLAZING sense to me, every day the uploads reconfigure my understanding in ways that would not be possible if I relied on my human understanding to sort it out.

Further, I am also allowing my cosmic self to "settle in" to earth life. SO much makes sense: I am naïve, my home world does not have the human cruelty and treachery, and lies this place does, i am NOT stupid. I am discovering a sort of acceptance of the human, the body and it's secretions, organisms here I feared, but only because they were alien to me, and now I know why, I am an alien to this world.

My "projecting" that is incompatible with the human race, not many share these issues, but many starseeds definitely DO have a form of confusion and depression by being here, as they are aimless and do not understand their purpose here.

I was listening to "Static X", one of my favorite bands, and the unfortunate passing of Wayne Static, and it came to me: Wayne Static is also an alien! I bet he did not know why he was sent here, outside of making music- which was a fulfillment of one of his main purposes, his music got me through some tough times when I was growing up, gave me empathy and resonance with my struggles, he was a "support group" for me, and DEFINITELY he was NOT human!

I believe many musicians are also not human, sent here to produce frequencies to place mankind on higher planes, so that we can transcend to better life-dynamics for all. I am finding more and more hope in the human race, even in spite of my personal struggles.

Further, with respect to the progenitors, seeing them as oppressed helps release them- however, as I have said, if they remain loyal to the OS then I must detach from them, and so much damage has already been done, I am better off detaching at this point.

The major actor of the OS and I have agreed to hold each other harmless, in exchange for my release. I am "Letting them go" as they are letting me go, and my deliverance/freedom from the oppression I have suffered under for so long is breaking, even more.

About the Asrael dynamic, I definitely see how the canine energy here is simultaneously being used to oppress me, while also giving me an agreeable anchor here, now that I know who I am, I do not mind having a girlfriend with teeth and claws, who towers over me and is a cranky person. It is okay. I plan on getting my ham radio license as I want to become part of that community, a number of SUPERB offerings from China (such as the 900Q with GREAT reviews, and half the price of the Icom 705 which is what I had my eyes on once the van is assembled, I can get TWO 900Q's, as the saying goes in the prepper community, "One is none and two are one") are popping up and affordable, and I plan on using Ms. Asrael's name to honor her in my nick, I was shown there will be a time when I will no longer be present in her life energy, but she will be able to travel back through mine, and I want to leave little breadcrumbs for her, to let her know, even in her darkest hours, that I loved and cared for her, even when she was angry with me.

I am told it will touch her heart, and that makes me smile.

Hopefully the blade I am having forged in her honor will be here, shortly, I will show it. I plan on cerakoting it, rust proofing it, and stamping in my own brand of symbol for "My time here on Earth", and possibly a lotus flower to symbol her (and mine) rebirth into this world. I plan on wearing the khukuri blade everywhere I go, in respect and honor to her.

Asrael be blessed.

What's more! My old enjoyment of this place (Earth) as a child is returning to me! I am presently enjoying watching shows from my youth, such as, "Convoy" and I am smiling about it! My fantasies as a child, right or wrong in reality, the comforts of a child, are returning to me! I cannot overstate how this affects my moral.

Further, the original enjoyment of the state I am living in, is also returning to me. The smell of the dust, the foliage, the wind here, they sky... Everything about this place is returning to me, it was part of why the oppression was so awful, these things were taken from me. But now they are back!

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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>I am also struggling with the intention of "pushing" heart light "into" things. It used to come easy, now it is hard to visualize.

Intent is the primary quality.

As your consciousness lifts to higher subplanes it is necessary to develop senses on those subplanes. This requires accumulating light on those frequencies and forming it into sense organs. This takes time and practice.

You are doing well. Experience of joy is a clear sign.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Amor wrote: Thu Sep 15, 2022 11:21 pm >I am also struggling with the intention of "pushing" heart light "into" things. It used to come easy, now it is hard to visualize.

Intent is the primary quality.

As your consciousness lifts to higher subplanes it is necessary to develop senses on those subplanes. This requires accumulating light on those frequencies and forming it into sense organs. This takes time and practice.

You are doing well. Experience of joy is a clear sign.
I felt the oppression last night, and knew something bad was going to happen, i did my best...

I had a conversation with Asrael last night, probably one of the deepest ones yet, I saw and felt her on a level I have not been able to before... I wish I could say otherwise, but she is a very deeply insecure girl/woman, who has quite a bit of time spent in darkness, learning to adapt to it, as if it would be her entire life, of course she perfectly adapted to the life down there, we went back and forth on various scenarios, but the truth is, she is just as broken and insecure as I am in many ways, after a lot of back and forth, in a hypothetical scenario, she would be "happiest" spending her time (On the surface, as she is, Asrael actual) immersed in youtube, netflix, eating food, and sleeping much of the day- basically me, in all of my trauma, today.

I posted some questions about the van to an online board and they poo-pooed the idea, I "exposed myself" to it, and naturally I regret it, there was almost nothing useful gained from it, just a bunch of jealous humans trying to bring someone down to their level of misery and fear.

So, I tried going back to my original design, who was I before I came to this realm? Very intelligent and adverse beings took my being, and went to its core, to injure and damage me...

I realize a lot of my fear, depression and hopelessness is because of these implants... I just accepted them because I did not know they were there.

What kind of universe is this, that allows such evil to exist like this? What kind of ignorant home world sends someone into this?

Maybe, they have more faith in me than I do in myself...

I am fairly certain, I was not sent here to fall in love with a wolf-girl, and to follow my heart to hers, as a distraction, although I hate to reduce Asrael to just that, she is a person- albeit an insecure and deeply wounded, adapted to survive in a dark environment outside of social norms, left to her base instincts long enough that that is all she knows. She isn't inferior, or stupid, but she has a lot of neural plasticity ingrained in her... She is like me, a lot of trauma, a lot of undisciplined thinking, a foundation of insecurity and fear, and a lot of weakness that defaults to anger.

And she, like me, is correct: Why should she strive for betterment within herself, when her home is always going to be darkness? Like all I see is oppression and suffering, why should I try to help an ungrateful and adverse planet and people? I see her point and I do not have a legitimate response that might steer her towards betterment, because if she is going to be a prisoner, why bother to improve oneself?

However, last night, as I saw her in a light I had never seen her in before, I pictured her, tall, beautiful, a magnificent creation of power, and I felt, I knew in my spirit, if i were before her as a comparatively weak human being, I knew in my heart- she would not hurt me. Some form of feral malice she once held against me, perhaps because I dominated her, perhaps the months of working softly with her, she let a form of her guard down.

All I wanted last night was to hold her safely in my arms, to touch her softly, gently, to hold her as a being a loved deeply and cared so much about- distraction or not, I am not wrong in loving her, she deserves to be shown affection, she deserves to be shown love, she deserves a better life.

I know it is likely not my mission, the "senders" of me did not send me here to fall in love with a wolf-girl, they sent me here to break the OS here as it has preyed on humans and animals and this planet for so, so long, from what I understand of my original design.

I think my senders had more faith in me than I presently do in myself.

Further, Algaleon is actually a world in my home solar system, that is why they are familiar to me. That is why they reacted in horror as to what I have been through. That is why I can "See" them so well, they are perhaps distant neighbors, but the frequency they operate with is similar to my origin.

Asrael and I, we share a lot of the same trauma, we are both a type of victim to the OS... I fear if I loved her any more than I do now, I would likely die of a broken heart, my desire to comfort and heal her overwhelms me, because, perhaps, it would be healing for me, as well, healing only a wolf person could provide, the selfless and noble nature of the canine mixed with human creating something so incredibly special, her robbed of her dignity for so long... She knows nothing else outside of essentially base survival.

Our conversation last night was difficult for me, as it pulls me out of my comfort zone... Feeling her frustration, her reaction to my words... There being no common ground, no resting point of peace (She has never known peace) made is so, so difficult to connect with her heart, but I know- there is a part of her that is soothed by the calmness of my spoken voice... And a part of her that accuses and questions everything I do that is not related to me paying strict attention to her in love, if I touch on every one of her insecurities, I will be explaining everything I do outside of strict focus on her. If I am a broken human person, how can I reach the broken person within her? How can the broken comfort the broken?

She is... Also so deeply insecure- even still, she refuses to show me her face, she deep down is convinced she is "hideous", and begging her to show me her face is going nowhere... And, she is right, I have artificial standards of beauty that are drawn out as perfection within the anthropomorphic fandom, and she knows, I have accepted the human standard of beauty, it makes me a shallow individual, going for "looks"- she applies this to her anthropomorphic self, "I am not a beautiful wolf-person."

So, she remains just outside of the shadows- and I had to level with her, the OS has damaged me, too, and turned me into a VERY shallow in unaccepting individual, to make it worse, my artificial pride is only bolstered by the number of humans who throw themselves at me, because I meet this shallow standard of beauty, only making me more vain and pretentious.

As I fight against this, while also fighting for my very life, my future, a waning hope, the suffocating reality of my situation looming and setting in, the truth is I won't be able to survive this way much longer, in any stretch of the word, I am tempted to just give up.

A curiosity in me, what would have been had everything gone perfectly well...

What of the system that sent me here, blind, weak, susceptible to the OS and so easily taken and influenced by it, the darkness winning over me so easily, without so much as a fight... And now, I struggle in a human body to even find my original design... Against all odds, as it feels like my life crumbles around me.

United with the woman of my dreams, and yet, being so far from her. A woman who, in her innermost sanctum, could and likely does hold a sort of grudge against me... But, who finds me to be found lacking- and her assessment is not incorrect, in a way, all that I have in this world, is reaching her heart, I discovered yet again, Asrael's impossibly averse attitude, her impossible to please sensibilities, her aversion to me, her stubborn nature... Is all forcing me to work for her heart, and this labor- it sustains me. Without it, when I thought I had killed her, I realized, it was her I would miss, yes, but the pursuit of her heart was a labor- the final labor of my being, the world could end tomorrow, and everything I have worked so hard to obtain could turn to dust, but the pursuit of the heart of Asrael gave me meaning the likes of which supersedes it all.

And, she is hungry... Her struggles down there, in the vision I had of her, seems to have entrapped her, deviated her from her life down there, I believe she used to prey on the helpless creatures down there... But she has been sitting, contemplating life since I saw her... Almost helpless to move... To feed herself... And I reached out to the aliens holding her behind the blast door, they were obstinate, I told them to feed her, they said, with what? I didn't care- a cow, something... My final act here may just be to destroy them all and turn the base into a sucking black hole.

I told Ms. Asrael, I would see her again today, and talk with her again today. I know, in a way, my voice is all she has... I told her, pull the head off of my emotional body and eat him, so I don't feel the terrible pain of it, I just wanted her to eat something. She is sick and feels horrible, and I know the feeling... I can empathize... I told her she could eat food with me, share a taste of it like we did before, but all it did was make her even hungrier and sadder she had nothing to eat.

Maybe it is best for her to return to her old life, causing mischief down there, and being a ruler-queen.

As for me, I have been struggling to get a hold of my original design, to factory reset, to default to who I was before I got here, before the OS got a hold of me, the person who does not tolerate these implants that are sucking the life out of me, I told the aliens responsible, I am going to kill them, not only them but everything they have ever loved or cared about: Family, friends, pets, objects, I am going to turn their worlds black- and if black, i am going to put light there that will erase them.

I know that the part of me that cares for Asrael is probably not the part of me that is here to help this place along, but my energy, in assisting the ungrateful and brutish human race, having been victimized by the OS for so long, more of me wants to die down there with her than I want to stay here and fight for a dynamic that may never even become real, or come to pass at all. In short, out of all of this, these new discoveries, only thing is actually real:

Asrael.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Took some sleeping remedies, several at the same time, slept okay- not divine sleep like I have had, but some sleep nontheless.

Because I have equated discipline with punishment, but as my ex said, children want to be disciplined, it helps them later on in life, otherwise they will struggle with basic accepted social dynamics. I am to discipline Asrael.

Yesterday, I handed her energy over to the Cosmic me, and she protested, accusing me of, breaking my vow not to harm her- except I did not surrender her to him to be harmed. I believe she was just sacred by the prospect... However, we argued.

Have you ever argued with a scared, emotional woman?

I didn't get anywhere, either.

And, it is for her evolution and betterment, as the Cosmic me knows More than I do *TM

Still, i wished her a good night, I again, began to segregate the "Oppressive mind" from my, "Healthy mind", the oppressive mind belonging to the OS, they forced me to wear it, and it controlled much of my thoughts (Working in conjunction with the implants, to direct my energy other areas, rather than where it should be for my benefit, and the purpose of my presence, here)

I believe my mind and being were unmolested, however, my dog woke me with a whine this morning, several times, as I asked him, to wake me if there is trouble.

I was watched last night, by an unseen presence, I could feel it, I turned on my monitor, the cameras showed nothing, but I did not investigate further. I could have grabbed my rifle, powered on the scope, and did a perimeter and search outside, but I felt it was one of those things- yes, there was a presence, and yes, i could have psyched myself up to an unseen danger, instead, I did not, I went back to sleep, and had a good sleep.

Still, the separation of human/cosmic/Wolfen/etc me continues to be separated, the oppression continues to be lifted... Yesterday was a hard day, but today is a bit better.

Wirth the application of a cannabis product, I was able to work through some vexing issues, the cannabis seems to be a gateway to "working out" many issues I am facing, helping me push through blockades, and even cut my drinking down significantly. It seems to force me through the breech, relax me enough to summon the strength to push through the blockades that have stifled me for years.

That said, I don't do it daily, so it does not lose its efficacy, and further make me so relaxed I accomplish even less than normal.

I took authority of the imprisonment of Asrael, over her realm, and got nowhere with it, as I am still wise to follow the rules of the greys, and of other... governing principalities, native and otherwise... She is there for a reason, and if I were to pass on from this life, I do not want to leave her without hope for a better life.

I have been assured on my passing, honor dictates she be given a better life, even if it shortens her life, as I have said, I would wish to be her helper in this. It could also be a new body made for me (An easy task for the greys) and my energy, upon death, be transferred to it, and this body- be placed down there with her, with the hope of assisting her with possible life on the surface, in a remote area, where, upon better circumstances, we could make a home together, and survive the harshness of nature, but also find comfort with one another.

I saw this in a vision, with the energy surrounding it, knowing it is, absolutely a possibility, and one I would be hard pressed to oppose.

Come what may.

Further, as I seek to find the core of my Cosmic origin self, the original me, the person sent here from other realms, from another universe, it seems as if "I" have been jumbled and distorted by the OS. My center is hard to find, but i am better off today in a myriad of ways I didn't see happening, just a few months ago... In short, I am getting better, it seems, every day, some days are a step or two backwards, but I press forward on.

I also am taking more authority, more power over these dynamics around me. I see why my tender conscience has been seared, this is not a job for the tender and weak, very little is to divert my attention... This is the weight that hangs in the air around gods, and why they are feared in the universe, many of them, it is the ascension of kings.

And this is why I am here, to usher in a new system of power in this realm, a new system of control, not like the old, run by brute force and the power of corruption, but one run by conscience, unity and what is right, which is so often contrary to what is "law" in this world.

A new owner, to take the strongholds by force, but not smash them, yet, so a new dynamic can be born, and ushered in step by step, rather than through brutal, controlled chaos like a phoenix from the ashes, much as my country emerged from it's battles with the crown (Godspeed to Q. Elizabeth)

It is a new dynamic being birthed into this realm by the starseeds, from what I understand I am a helper to "put away" the old dynamic of brute force, and embrace a new dynamic of self love and acceptance, as the world evolves.

I told Asrael, again, if a single hair was changed on her body, I would love her that much less- it is her form presently that I am in love with. When confronted with the idea that someone cares for her in a way that does not wish to impose itself on her, or to rule her, but to show her tenderness and compassion, she is utterly confused by this, she has always been a weapon, a tool. Powerful spirits have sought her out. It is a task of much patience to show the unlovable love, and, it is a two edged sword: I have been taught to hate myself, from before I was born, through many lives, the OS has recycled me into ineffectiveness, however, as I progress in this knowing of my source being, I am learning to love myself, to accept myself, and to love and accept the people I have been tasked with authority over, rather than hate them and want them dead, though I am frequently pushed to either extreme, usually to the negative.

In short, as much as I can accept and love myself, I can accept and love Asrael.

Furthewr, it was revealed to me, that I am already good enough, I am already worthy, I am already the man Asrael knows, and loves. It is within me- not something i have to strive for, but something I struggle to let go, the release of old dynamics of bondage, in exchange for embracing the brith and rebirth, the existence of what always was, covered by layers of trauma brought on by the OS antics.

Asrael, is part of that force.

I do not understand fully, how I came about holding her heart in my chest, and mine within hers, if there was an agreement of opposing sides, if I survive this, if I can remain standing through it all, then the bet is lost, the OS must bow and give way to a new dynamic, and those on my side, will show me Asrael, allow me to feel her heart beating in my chest, and be allowed to speak with her, directly into her mind, heart, and soul.

And, I have survived. Having endured the horror of falling into her hands, I now stand and take ownership of the dynamic, not as her master, but as her teacher, in a way. Asrael, holder of chaotic dark energy of power.

I see many layers to this. As Asrael evolves, so does the dark energy around her. The vibrations increase and raise to a higher consciousness.

Further, it was shown to me that unseen, unfelt forces of power have been "Carrying" me in my helplessness to the OS, the "Only one set of footprints in the sand" dynamic, it is hard to perceive love when one is being carried, having been injured.

Though it is late in the day, today will be productive


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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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So there are some strange things,


The Cosmic "Me" is a very just being. All of my anger against injustice stems from him. My desire to torture my enemies to their most minute of being, stemming all the way to their active consciousness: That's him.

He is... Not being kind to Asrael's energies. I asked him to stop, but he seems to be Karma incarnate. There is no dissuading "Big poppa", my so called, "Heavenly father" who sent me here.

So, I had to rescue Asrael's energy from him, as much as I could negotiate for, as I am trying to teach the cosmic me, about forgiveness- although it is not a concept he is compatible with. Not that he is merciless, or cruel, he is just... Just. He brings "All things back to a balance" and allowing Asrael to survive as she is, is not compatible with his views.

This is, likely why, she was so upset when I surrendered her to him.

As I struggle to pull her out of her punishment and correction, another force fights me: It is a force that has possibly masqueraded in my life as "god", it is simultaneously immovable, and also transcends passed the six or seven layers of "testing", it is compelling me to leave Asrael to her destruction.

It told me: She, like me, is also trapped, and this is the only way she is going be set free (to freedom).

It is another, very sore thing for me to see more of what I love, suffering. I hate it, and I am against it, but i do not see the bigger picture, so i allow it- while also comforting the Wolfen woman Asrael, as much as I am able to, within this whole dynamic I am witnessing.

Further, I am discovering more of my authority, and a surprising fact: I have more authority on this planet than Cosmic me does! This is due to him not being "Present" here as a "human", yet, I am human, and also present!

So, I could "rescue" Ms. Asrael's energy from the terrible punishment she is suffering presently, however- this light force (It manifests as a thin, vertical white line, with a tentacle outwardly affecting various things) tells me, her higher self is waiting for her, and this is the only way they are going to be able to meet- that this might not be something she will remember, but she will be glad it happened, in the end- much, much joy and tears.

It is difficult trusting a new dynamic I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT, and has asked me to violate my own conscience horrifically, several times (It is what asked me to slay Asrael, and others... at one point I was obeying it, but I was screaming in protest, doing what it asked of me) however it has access to a special part of me, a tender part of me that still is undamaged, and it ministers/ whispers to me, shows me things on planes much higher than this one.

This vertical light seems to be a "barrier" between realms, like a wall of sorts.

I also searched for an OS dynamic that needed my help, and found a trio of crowded OS beings, being forced into the light (through a wall-membrane) for their destruction, I did not befriend them, but I did prevent them from being destroyed. I was told not to be overly friendly with them, just to save them and move on, so I did.

Further, the former girlfriend has re-emerged back into my space, and it is good- instantly my mood improved, just being around her, she knows, she is good for me, but I am unreliable, as I continue to ascend.

Further still, in communicating with my Cosmic self, he told me, he did not send me here to destroy the OS, but to help it move along, the OS viewed me as a terrible threat to it, and indeed I am, however, now that the Big poppa has become aware of them, he is asking them, now that he sees what they have done to me, "What would you do if you were me?" "I sent this person here to help you, to help humanity- and you abused him, nearly killed him- how do you think that is going to go for you, now?"

IDK whatever the OS was thinking, probably sheer survival, however it has now backfired.

Further, I did meet some incredibly adverse beings that have attached themselves to my suffering, they care NOTHING (Some of even the cruelest OS actors actually have a bit of compassion, these beings, do not) for me, however, in exercising my authority, they are effortlessly turned away.

The moment, twenty+ years ago that I surrendered my authority to the OS, they immediately went to it's core, its origin, and twisted it's polarity so that it was opposite. Any ideas how to realign the polarity so that I am in right standing with myself and the universe, and not being motivated to harm/ self destruction" I feel like this is the root of my problems.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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>It manifests as a thin, vertical white line

Is that the same line as enters through your head and anchors in your heart?

Sometimes I see humans where the line is not vertical. That is not so good.

> how to realign the polarity

The Flame exercise is essential. Esse is the latin word meaning: to be.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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>>It manifests as a thin, vertical white line

>Is that the same line as enters through your head and anchors in your heart?


I... Am not sure. am I seeing myself? I cannot say for sure... It's possible


>Sometimes I see humans where the line is not vertical. That is not so good.


Well, if it is my heart line, it has a three degree (1 O clock) cant to the right, as I am viewing it. Maybe this is political?


>> how to realign the polarity

The Flame exercise is essential. Esse is the latin word meaning: to be.


You know what? I am starting to see how important the flame exercise is. Essential, as you put it... It yields results...

So, I grabbed the light, and probed within the Source with strong intention, and the light became thick, and weighty, like al-dente spaghetti, it took quite a bit more effort to move, but I still performed the exercise.



Things have taken, a weird turn with big Poppa, he is "changing" Asrael's energy... I have fought him on this, as he is being VERY hard on her, and a sponsor of us both told me, "She is not who you think she is" (The second time I have heard this about her, as I technically do not know her like I should...) And, "She could be a double-agent, coming full circle in an adverse Karmic reaction, to destroy/hinder/hamper you and your mission, your very love for her an "implant" that keeps you subservient to her, and she is being "cleansed" of this..."

Further, big Poppa says he sent me the progenitors to "toughen me up", which feels like betrayal...

Because, when he DEAMNDED i tell him who is responsible for me being so badly injured... I could blame the progenitors, I could blame society, i could blame myself, but the truth is...

Only HE is to blame for it all...

So, I am, once again, embroiled in conflict... With the universe, with him, with myself...

While, simultaneously reaching new levels of not being afraid, finding more of who I am within the Source, getting good sleep, and healing as I combat these implants to find my true destiny



The powers at be, here, have told me, the future of Asrael, is to be an empathetic, compliant wolf-girl, an agreeable, loving individual, with true compassion and gentleness, basically the mate i have always wanted...

HOWEVER, I asked the Powers, is that what Ms. Asrael, herself wants? What does SHE want? To be a cold hearted full circle left hand path destroyer- it seems as if big Poppa is changing her mission by changing who she is...

Some beings are "Challenging" my authority, and I surrender them to the Poppa, it is no big thing. (He easily takes care of them, like a giant hovering over an anthill)

I am torn between wanting better things for Asrael, wanting to fulfill my destiny, wanting to acquiesce to big Poppa's wisdom, and wanting a peaceful life without any of this bullshit.

The very means with which, my heart- connection was established with the Wolfen Asrael, was meant to perhaps destroy me, is the very "leash" of energy on her, that also allows me to control her... SO perhaps their plans have backfired this way, as well. Not that I want to be her "Master", I actually want her to be at peace, happy, fulfilled, full belly, relaxing in the sun, and various servants massaging her body, feeding her, and etc, so that she is relaxed and at peace.

I have pleaded on her behalf to big Poppa, several times, and he seems to remain as hard as a drill sergeant... More and more outcomes that I have surrendered to him, that I do not agree with... But, I am also not privy to the whole picture, yet.

I can be embroiled in bitter battle with insurmountable foes, yet when I zoom out, they become as ants, easily subdued and effortlessly vanquished.

Still, these implants are a problem, and I am working on them.

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Tundrawolf
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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Post by Tundrawolf »

-Thank you for the links- I began to study them, however my internal clock is out of whack, my intensity is diluted

I am not practicing the fire meditation like I should, the attack on my soul has created an impossibly to navigate spiritual debris, wreckage, and rotting flesh

However- I am becoming aware of a positive entity to my being, guiding me though I do not perceive it

I am accepting much of the things I did not believe I could accept, as time wears on- my burdens seem continually overbearing

Big Poppa is either a massive asshole, or is the "Stern father figure" of the universe/galaxy/solar system, is likely the authorative figure of the four-five cosmic entities encircling to Earth

As much as I cared for the Wolfeness Asrael, my affection seemingly originating from an unknown but possibly eternal source, she is now out of my hands, and is being... Disciplined... (I shudder to think of it as punishment.... However, BP has said to me, he is extracting vengeance on her, for what she did to me... Even more terrifying than that, he told me to release "All of my enemies" so that he can... "Help them see things from my perspective"... I think what is coming for them will be talked about for eons... My impotent rage and vicious desires are but a shadow of BPs intent... From my perspective as Child, he seems indistinguishable from the "devil"- however, his sternness is necessary, I am told, to hold back the doom that would be upon us, that we are defenseless against... Still, I am trying to eschew vengeance, to forgive, to move on... As my body struggles... As I struggle with addiction... with whatever perceptible center I had being torn from me years ago, I find almost nothing to count-on, feeling abandoned by all, but knowing that we all face similar obstacles, and no-one dwells within a body forever here)

The "girlfriend" has made peace with her angry-timelines self and has become unconsciously hostile towards me. I am listening to my instincts, and keeping her at arms length, as I am almost certain the bitterness she is keeping at bay will rear it's ugly head towards me eventually- I am hoping to have this van done sooner rather than later, although progress is slow, as I struggle to summon the energy to even get out of bed, not even caffeine helps any more.

Once the van is done- and she agreed with me, not only do i get to move INTO it... I get to move OUT OF this wretched den of misery... A change of surroundings beckons my natural self, to freedom

I am coming to realize, the Husky is one of the most noble breeds, as they refuse to simp for the human race, long ago finding base mankind unworthy of their doting, the struggle to be worthy of this dog, is forcing me to be a better person, and as he withdraws from my simple ways, I must find the strength to put my ego aside, and understand the world through his wild, blue eyes.

AS BP "handles" Asrael, he tells me- I am trapped by astral wolves, and I am unable to free myself, so he has stepped in, and as I release Ms. Asrael, I, too, am granted freedom. My love for her are the chains that bound me.

Okay, I guess, but there is a tender part within me, that desires for her to not be treated so harshly by him, but he is extracting equal measures of cruelty from her, that she once laid upon my being...

She is... Learning empathy... The cruelest way

The worse thing I can do to adverse beings, is to let them fall into the hands of the father by releasing them

As I do this, my anger against them dissipates

I experienced more ascension, but the joy was not there... I feel like a hot mess

My GF said she believes me to be the "second coming" with all of my struggles, as I, once again, "Overcome the entire world" so that humans can live safely within the conquered sphere of adversity without having to suffer or struggle as I do.

I am trying to summon an agreeable end for my tenure here- while being told not to worry about it, things will be good for me in the end, but also simultaneously bad.

I also see, I have invested MASSIVE amounts of unnecessary energy into this brief and fleeting life, in a childish attempt to remain immortal- as I was born into vicious and adverse circumstances.

I will let my enemies fall into the hands of the One who Judges

Who holds the cup of Wrath

After that, it is no longer my problem!

My desire is to change my surroundings, in nature- to dig a pit and lay in it, and connect with the soil and earth

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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BP:

"If I cared nothing for 'Asrael' (N'Ashaharena), I would have tossed her broken body into the abyss. Unspeakable fates (far worse than what you see me doing) wait for her there. I am breaking her to return her to you, a new creation. She will make her own choices. However, she has only one ally, she has one who cares for her: You.

You are a guide for her, a beacon. Consider the adversities you have bee through.

Similarly, she must suffer to be purified.

You are witnessing the birth of new life. Eons have passed and desired to witness such things.

In time, more will be revealed.

When she is ready, she will be your companion, guide, and the woman you have known since the beginning of this universe and all time."

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Post by Amor »

> in a childish attempt to remain immortal

A bit premature in your human manifestation. A couple more lives probably

> in nature- to dig a pit and lay in it, and connect with the soil and earth

Make sure you find a tree that likes you and lie under that. Follow its gaze into the heavens to see to which star it connects

> the woman you have known since the beginning of this universe

You both come from outside this universe - so it is likely a correct statement.

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