Re: "Am I going crazy?" Entity contact and mental illness
Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 5:24 am
HEAVYY hmm... i used youtube expanded earth four times and 9 below..
I have been tossed into the deep end of the demonic pool.the_spiral wrote: ↑Fri Jan 08, 2016 9:49 pmYes, totally! And these schisms aren't always deliberately created, although knowing how to open and close them is essential to both healing and harming others through magic. They can also be opened through abuse, trauma, mental illness (especially the fragmentation of the ego during a psychotic break), bad luck while dabbling, bad drug trips etc. Any number of circumstances can leave people energetically damaged and vulnerable to influence. And lots of different "things" are attracted to the wound like sharks to blood. Organized religion would categorize all of these things as evil or sinister, but most are just out there trying to survive like us.cyberdemon wrote:I agree with pretty much everything you've pointed out here, spiral. When you say "schism in the energetic body", that's pretty interesting to me. On this side of chao-ceremonia-demonology I normally assume that when we open/close portals that these portals just exist somewhere nearby, not exactly on the mage's astral or physical body.. But now that you've brought it up, the idea makes sense to me. Creating a portal directly on the astral body would definitely give a path for other beings right from the astral or higher planes and into .. not our physical world specifically, but at least up to the physical body.
Well, I basically had an "ah ha!" moment, I guess.
As for a mage deliberately creating portals on their energetic body to use in demonology...dang. That sounds interesting but really heavy. You could probably expound on the possible effects better than I could since I've never worked with demons.
I was "Given over to the devil" and allowed demonic free access to my spiritual body, whereupon they reconfigured and consumed me/ a portion of me. If you want it drawn out, youtube the video "Korean artist hell" and look for the twisted up people being tortured, that's what it feels like in the spirit.
However, recently I was given visions and allowed to connect with one of the creatures down there, one who is responsible for much of my pain in this realm, and it turns out she was once my wife- and has the other half of my heart. She is down there, possibly in part, due to my lack of love and appreciation for her in the first realm (I did not have Gods love for her, but I do here!) and this is my karmic debt to her, being carried out.
So where does that leave me- I would like to be healed, but I believe God told me, "Your healing is up to her" meaning I have to win her heart, or possibly just give it time and let God do it.
Anyway, before these visions, as I jumped into the spirit realm, in order for me to be able to "Hold" this deep information, God had to "Expand" my mind to hold it, and it literally felt like I was going insane the few times it was expanded.
So anyway I guess that's where I am at, desperately seeking answers. God (Or whatever concerned entity, force, or motivation) has allowed me to see the physical form of Ms. Asrael, and she is as beautiful as she is terrifying, her head is like the head of a bear, her muzzle is very large, and she has insane power to cause physical damage to flesh.
Like a woman scorned, but with teeth. The times I have been allowed to speak with her, she was sarcastic, bitter, and accusatory. She has also reverted to a sort of angry teenage attitude over things- though I do not attempt to communicate with her often. (She is very mad at me, hopefully less so with time)
I am trying to sort things out, here- why am I on this planet? Is it to satisfy a great karmic debt to Ms. Asrael and the universe? What should I do, how should I do it and when, and what will be MY end? I feel like, if there is a God, he is saying, "Do not be afraid!" to me, but I am afraid. Still, I keep going.