OccultForum.org

Hi everyone. Once in a while i get a suicidal feeling that its almost uncontrolable. It happens mainly during night time and it lasts a couple of hours. The first time it happened i was 15. I tried to throw myself out of the balcony but my mom stoped me. This thing happens maybe two or three times a year. Im 26 and these things still happen except i live alone now and im frightened of not being able to control myself.

I dont think theres nothing wrong with me psychologically... im generally happy, and when i get depressed all i have to do is meditate for a while and look at the good things in life. Maybe its nothing to worry about but this is nothing like depression. It really frightens me because it takes a lot to control myself and stop me from doing something. Also its like i really have the courage to off myself... [bummed]

It comes out of nowhere, and i suddenly panic and then i get an urge to run away as fast as i can, non stop, and do something stupid. Like theres nothing in front of me to look forward to. But its just for an hour or to. then it goes away. I try to lay down or just close my eyes and think to myself: this is not happening!! this is not happening!! it doesnt work most of the time, and so i try to ring a friend, so im not alone..

Sorry for the long post, im just wondering some force could be causing this? How can i find out? Thank you all

Do you take anti-depressants? The reason I ask is several different types of them have been known to cause thoughts of suicide in people who previously didn't have any.

Or night terrors.Night terrors are a sleep related disorder,when the mind is trapped between layers of consciousness and the impulses in the brain are going haywire.

I 'll find some links for you,so you can check this out and see if any/some of the info applies.

http://www.patient.co.uk/doctor/Night-T ... omnias.htm

http://www.psychnet-uk.com/x_new_site/D ... mnias.html

http://www.pdrhealth.com/diseases/sleep-disorders

Thanks for the replies. I dont take anti depressants, but i do have night terrors lol. every night, and i wake up from it with my heart pounding. Not sure why. The night terrors started after one night i woke up screaming and i couldnt remember anything but i was begging not to die as if I was someone else but i couldnt remember anything. Now i just wake up screaming but i dont panic as much.

I love the night, but it scares the hell out of me [tongue]

I get them too.
Not as frequently as I used to,so there's hope,I promise [thumbup] and I have mitigated the fear and panic a lot.

I still get the disorientation and pounding heart and I still feel extremely freaked out too,so not all roses either,but I can 'come down' off the peak a lot quicker these days.I remember and the fog clears.I find staying awake for a bit and relaxing in a quiet environment,till I fel sleepy again is better than trying to go back to bed too soon.

My family are pleased, [cool2] not so much yelling.flailing and guttural throatiness,still sweaty and a bit wild eyed tho' lol.

By the way,I tend to joke a lot,when it's a serious subject,or a personal one,I find a sense of humour about these things helps diffuse the stress too.

Stress can cause me to return to the bad nights.Stress management helps a lot.

Yoga and the breathing that goes with it can sometimes help too,or Tai Chi,or any other form of movement /exercise that calms and helps with control of themind, spirit and body.

Do you ever suffer from any other related disorder/symptoms?

Dear Niponic,

I can relate to your experience on some level, but I admit that my episodes of suicidal behaviour have mostly been driven by curiosity.

It is good that you meditate. I humbly recommend that you continue your meditations. You may also find it rewarding to stick to a regular discipline of daily meditations. What Nehemah suggests is valuable advice. Oriental philosphy and its related practices have been proven to improve overall mental and physical health, so you have everything to gain.

In his famous Essays, Montaigne wrote, "Philosophez c'est l'art d'apprendre à mourrir." (To philosophize is the art of learning how to die) So perhaps a bit of philosophy may come to teach you how to die - not that I want you to commit suicide, but rather, to consider the value of life in comparison to a precipitated death. If you read Plato's "Apology," "Crito," and "Phaedo" (Platonic dialogues that deal with how Socrates was tried, sentenced to death, and executed) I promise you that you will grow a great deal from it, and will have months (if not years) worth to meditate upon.

Best of luck, brother.

i get that feeling too sometimes when i'm sitting at the balcony at night and watch the moon and the window is opened, but is not that strong and i can resist it easily.
Same happened recently when i've been on some mountains peaks, seeing the gap ... i felt the impulse to jump ... wondering how would it be like if i jump, how would i feel.
I'm afraid of heights and yet i get that strange impulse ... probably our dual nature, on a side you fear, on the other you are attracted.
I had the pounding heart and paralysis symptoms long ago, and on top of them, every time i was sleeping i had terrible nightmares, so i started to meditate a lot and do breathing exercises during that time.
I was so terrified that i was doing the exercises daily, at least an hour a day, sometimes even 3-4 hours. After a while, the symptoms disappeared and i started to experience lucid dreams.
I think meditation and breathing exercises will help you too.

I would have to agree with everybody about meditation.Perhaps if you reach a higher level of awareness it will lesson the pull of these events.I don't entirely understand your situation but maybe something is calling to you or pushing you that you do not see.

Honestly I cannot relate to your situation.Sometimes I have dreams that cause me to awaken infuriated but fears were never an issue for me.Granted living in my environment would certainly desensitize you to such things.Personally I often enjoy midnight walks through the woods or along the roads.I love the night and I always feel better once the sun goes down.

Though potentially not directly related to your suicidal behavior if you are having your fears exposed and turned on you perhaps you would benefit from confronting those fears so that they may no longer be used against you.Granted were your fears of a large agile demonic fire breathing tree your options regarding confronting it would be greatly limited.Being just a wee bit criminally insane or evil provides a good amount of resistance against fear.Know that even your fears have fears and you may use them to exploit their weaknesses and overcome.Disclaimer not all fears actually possess fears but odds of encountering them are low and as such the method is rather effective.Perhaps you fear fire but that very same fire fears water.

Nahemah wrote:...so not all roses either...

Niponic maybe you should try Rhodiola Rosea. It is used by soldiers in afganistan to help with post traumatic stress disorder, nightmares and has a small bonus on aches and pains. Don't mix it with anti-coagulants as this starts to get too experimental (such as vitamin E, etc).

I tried it and noticed all of the above. You will still dream it's just that they will become normal and sometimes positive. Also 5-HTP can help but since you said you are not depressed I won't recommend it. Just make note of it.

"i feel suicidal for no reason?!" I see a question mark. Perhaps its a Freudian slip. Perhaps your problem is that when faced with the option of commiting suicide rather than asking why you would want to commit suicide, you ask why it's ok to be alive instead. With a lack of any definitive reason the only alternative to life is death. However that is the same for anyone. Sadly there is no grand obvious reason for why living is worth it. I think that confronting your own sense of purpose and your potential lack of it is the only way to escape long-term from this. At times I too have considered how easy it would be to end my own life. However I came to the conclusion one day that there is no reason to do anything simply as an alternative for something else.

Even if life seems pointless that does not serve to prove that death has purpose. Until you can find rational reasons to find purpose in either, stay in the state of existence in which you have the capability to choose which one.


In other word stay alive until your death serves some purpose and if it never does then live forever.

Same thing happened to me but not suicidal if anything homicidal here is my most powerful and scary thing that happened.

I felt it coming on so I immediately fell to the ground knowing my conscious thoughts were going to be very weak soon. I started a fit where I would receive several significant scratches all over my body from the surrounding area and heard on of my parents yell "What is going on". That was not the time to talk to me because I got up so fast that I actually broken my ankle. Very luckily I collapsed because my broken ankle couldn't support my body or something really bad might have happened seeing that I didn't realize the pain and was completely gone at that point. This came simply from an intrusive thought (unconscious thought or whatever) about which I cannot remember what it was.

After going to the hospital they put me on an atyipcal antipsycotic. Nothing like that ever happened since then. Sure I can still get angry at people (surprisingly not an angry person and if I raise my voice people are shocked) but I am always in control which is the important thing here. If you don't want to hurt yourself and you stay in control you wont.

To know the degree of help you may need is not my place but a doctor's. Just putting it out there that may be a way to go.