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Recently I got aware that there is a deep rooted hate and desire for revenge in me. You see ever since my early childhood years I had traumatic experiences. Before I was able to talk and walk I had a disease which made me to cry a lot. It resulted in stomach problems and I got an operation at the age of 4. I had problems with my parents. Being the strange kid I also had problems with my peers as well. In my teenage years I recently remembered that I was hating the whole world. And the traumatic experiences were still going on until lately I am trying to take my life in my hands. Now this hate and desire for the revenge is manifesting itself through some various forms. How can I deal with it? How to forgive and let go?

I'm sure I'm the last person you'd want any advice from - but here it is anyways.

Hate is like Love,
It's hard to let go.

Hate is a very special thing,
It will make a man go his whole life contemplating another mans death,
While love will make a man go his whole life trying to spare any life he can from darkness.

Without hate - a man hates no other man,
Without love - a person loves no other person.

I am sure that whatever is making you feel hate - is too personal to talk about,
Because I have a lot of that in my life,
So I can only imagine that it is personal for you as well.

If you want whoever made your life difficult growing up - to suffer,
But cannot do such a thing because of the law,
Then you will never get over it...

The best thing to do is to let go,
Find something else to hate.

Like hate itself and fear.

Or you can try using magick against this person.

...

If you feel alone,
Don't.

You're not alone.

I too suffer from a similar feeling.

Whenever I feel like no one cares and why should they - type of blah blah blah stuff,
I drink and hide myself.

But something peculiar happens...

I will wake up in my bed like it never happened.

...

What I am trying to say - is - you are more special than you realise!

You have something in you that cares about you,
Something that will fight for you,
Take care of you and guide you.

You just need to find a way to get this alternate consciousness to awaken within you.

Send me a p.m. to let me know you're alright.

Life can be hard - but with the right mentality - you won't struggle as much.

RockDemon wrote:Recently I got aware that there is a deep rooted hate and desire for revenge in me. You see ever since my early childhood years I had traumatic experiences. Before I was able to talk and walk I had a disease which made me to cry a lot. It resulted in stomach problems and I got an operation at the age of 4. I had problems with my parents. Being the strange kid I also had problems with my peers as well. In my teenage years I recently remembered that I was hating the whole world. And the traumatic experiences were still going on until lately I am trying to take my life in my hands. Now this hate and desire for the revenge is manifesting itself through some various forms. How can I deal with it? How to forgive and let go?

A. Talk about the events until you grow fucking tired of them. Go to every forum you can find, support groups, different psychologist, and just tell everything in detail so many times that you finally don't feel any emotion to them anymore.
There is always a part of us that doesn't really want to admit to things being real. And the worst thing we can do is try to trick ourself that it didn't happen. Talking about it makes it real, it makes it part of the person you are now.

B. A lot of people try to hide their traumas. That only makes them heavier.

C. Break the fuck down.
Go watch disney movies about dogs or what ever triggers you to crying. Once you open the floodgates all sorts of bad feelings seem to come out. If you hadn't had a really good cry in a while, lock yourself in the basemen, get drunk and watch sad movies.
Cry like a baby, eat some ice cream, have a headace and hug a dog.

D. Do not try and separate yourself from the events. Don't try to push them away, don't try to avoid thinking about them. Get them out in the open and own them. They are your memories, and you can have them as often as you want and they can make you feel however you want to feel about them.

E. Don't separate your past from your current self. Go back to the memories as an adult, as you are today, but do not neglect to feel them both as a kid an as adult, but imagine how you would handle it differently. (don't use violence, use your words).

F. I don't think you can build up to forgiving somebody. It's not a natural thing to do, and there is no situation that will lead up to forgiveness. It is a state of mind that you basically just have to choose. Right now.
"I forgive that person". And then you try to live up to that.
It's about YOU forgiving them, not THEM doing something that deserves forgiveness. You just have to make up your mind to forgive them no mater what.

G: You can't move on.
No mater how horrible the events are, they are part of you. Things that happened in the past will always be there. You can never reach a state where you don't think about them ever again, the only thing we can do is try to empower ourself to the point that we are no longer afraid of these memories, or afraid of what emotions they might bring, or that we allow them to continue to change our behavior.
You getting angry today about something that happened yesterday does not mean that you have to be angry about it tomorrow. Get the anger out of the system and then return to the memories without the anger and then choose to react to them in that manner in the future as well.

Forgiveness and letting go is not something that can be forced. It may make me intolerant but I never lie to myself if my feelings for someone that hurt me is still bad. I embraced and vented it, without letting it harm him/her and it went away automatically with time. It's not the complete healing of my wounds, rather it is being at peace with myself that I have been ill-treated and that I can face the individual normally. Until then I avoid them for both our sakes.

I think Desecrated summed it up pretty well.

You need to get the feelings and the memories out. Write it down. Scream it at a wall. Paint it. Whatever you need to do to get it out.

You also need to understand that this will take time. Don't expect an overnight change or revelation here. It's taken me 10 years to reach the point I'm at, and I still have a long way to go. Give yourself that time. Know that crying it out may feel awful at the time, but the catharsis will be fantastic in the longer term.

day after day i ponder whats new, in keeping up to the next day i just need a roll of quarters....

I went through a pretty heavy black phase as well, not so much towards external hatred and revenge, but self-hate and despair -- as well as the typical child/parent relationship troubles.

RockDemon wrote:Now this hate and desire for the revenge is manifesting itself through some various forms. How can I deal with it? How to forgive and let go?

Everything operates as a cycle. Hatred and desire for Revenge continually renew themselves because they are continually fed by your Mind after years of conditioned thinking -- and there are oh-so-many things which trigger these ways of thinking.

How can you deal with it? By accepting the emotions and the experiences which created them whole-heartedly. After all, it's all part of the process of development. Without them, you wouldn't be who you are today, and you certainly wouldn't be on the path you're currently on. These experiences are necessary to fortify your mind and expand your understanding of the world, as well as to strengthen your 'soul'.

The only way to interrupt the cycle of Hatred and Revenge is to abruptly interrupt it with Love. This is the essence of forgiveness. Forgiveness isn't something you say to yourself over and over again, waiting for something to happen; forgiveness is the response of Love to a negative action like Hate. To really conquer Hate, you have to Love it -- which extends to loving the self.

What this basically boils down to is the transmutation of the emotional response to a specific memory.
Simple in theory, difficult in practice...

One of my favorite quotes I've heard regarding the subject (the source is forgotten):

"Every Sinner has a future and ever Saint had a past."

It basically means that our Karma is not Fixt, and that we can change it. All it takes is mental fortitude and strength of will.
Which you already have because you're still fighting onwards

Hey,

I have some rational constructions that have helped me in my past dark days. ( some mutually exclusive, take the ones that resonate with you / you believe them, if you feel like doing so)

-Acknowledge that it HAD to happen in order for you to learn something. All things are in the ALL blah blah multiverses blah blah, existence wasn't complete without you having this bad experience etc etc.

-You without knowing it manifested such bad situations. You came to this plane to learn and before being aware of your ability and capability just projected what you recieved as a child, negativity, restraint, and bullshit, thus creating more bad things around you. But hey, you now know what you want and it is not to experience that over and over, right?

-The people that hurt you didn't have a choice. (This one if you think free-will is bullshit and existence is a big domino). Since the initial conditions of the Big Bang it was determined that you had to experience such things. Let go.

-Warrior like mentality (you came here against all odds but fuck, you did it!)

etc etc

I wish you well,

Forgiveness is artificial, therefore detrimental, until you've been empowered from the trauma.

Natural process.

Next wrote:Forgiveness is artificial, therefore detrimental, until you've been empowered from the trauma.

Natural process.

Yeah-No. This is stupid to say. First, forgiveness is not artificial, and is extremely beneficial to the person doing the forgiving. It allows you to accept and move on from an incident rather than repress and bury it. I'm not saying it'll miraculously heal all wounds, but it'll go a long way in helping you.