Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Amor
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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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So you have discovered that you come from outside this universe.

All such that I have observed have been posted to this solar system to assist with its proper unfoldment.

Such beings that incarnate in the human race immediately attract attention from adverse entities that wish to maintain their control of the planet and Earth humans. The adverse entities have established an oppression system to disable the incoming light workers.

Fortunately the Flame in the Heart exercise reconfirms the light workers' connection to their sources

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Amor wrote: Thu Apr 14, 2022 9:00 pm So you have discovered that you come from outside this universe.

All such that I have observed have been posted to this solar system to assist with its proper unfoldment.

Such beings that incarnate in the human race immediately attract attention from adverse entities that wish to maintain their control of the planet and Earth humans. The adverse entities have established an oppression system to disable the incoming light workers.

Fortunately the Flame in the Heart exercise reconfirms the light workers' connection to their sources
I went on a bender and did not want to answer, but I am sober now,

Yesterday while in the junkyard, frustrated with endless "mobile" options, I again tried the above exercise, except instantly a planet of light appeared, apparently I traveled "halfway" before freaking out and giving up, but the planet, or people on this planet, saw my attempt and met me the rest of the way.

At first I saw a large planet, absolutely filled with yellow-white light, then a small area was isolated for my view, there were," angelic beings", some winged, powerful, watching me.

I was a bit in awe (though still so frustrated with my present living conditions, and still so tortured over the spiritual attack I've been suffering from for 20+ years it's affecting all that I do, it's destroying my life!) at first...

So... Was I sent here, and the dark realm knew it, feared me, and set me with two of their most twisted progenitors, to birth, and destroy me, and after I survived my childhood, constantly tried to destroy me, through accidents, attacks, drug overdoses, violence and a self destructive nature?! And here I am, still standing but miserable... I have survived SO MUCH. I am SO TIRED.

But then I realized, cosmic importance aside, these beings sent me here naked, unarmed, and basically let me become bleeding, suffering food for the dark realm, watched me suffer and possibly suicide out for over twenty years!

Yesterday, in an alcohol fueled rage, I raged against them for all of my suffering, I desperately tried to go as deep in the dark realm to join them as I could and rebel against my light realm purpose. Ms. Asrael did not react to it, though I separated my romantic feelings for her and tried using my energy to feed them even more in a misanthropic rage against this planet.

After I sobered up, I became more level headed, but I am still very much not a happy camper. I can see how it might be justified IF their goal was to inject love into the dark realm (??? Apparently some of them in the dark realm work for the angels on this planet I am from, an unfathomable distance away, but now that communication has been established, I can view it at will?) and IF their goal was for me to fulfill my destiny, to become extremely strong in spite of/through absolute weakness, I guess it makes sense, and I guess in my human programming I naturally demand justice and satisfaction for everything I am and have been going through, all my life and also presently. Only true healing and rest will put me in a "alls well that ends well" forgiveness scenario within me.

Do you think these light realm Wolven women I saw, and the male, were actually on this planet of light? My religious mind could call it "heaven"... Why does it seem like some of these beings have connections with Ms. Asrael, and in a way, care about her? (One of the reasons why they sent me?)

Though I would care for her if she repented from her hateful and malicious ways, and would 100% do my best to forgive her, I am just about out of love with Ms. Asrael. At least, not like before where I was basically humping her leg like a dumb, horny male.

I also realize the cloned body they are torturing down there has strong ties to me and I can't help but acutely feel it's pain and terror, as they have skillfully drawn it out over decades now, (why I drink)

Am I to rely on hese angelic beings for help, or are they waiting until I am strong enough to figure out how to be free of this torment and find healing? I feel like, for as terrible as I feel at times (like constantly suffocating to go along with the sometimes severe pain all over my body...) and as difficult as it will be changing my thinking (my thinking has kept me trapped here, it was revealed to me... All that will take to be free is a shift in perception, but the dark realm resists me of course...) that the answer draws closer now, closer than ever before. As someone who has struggled for severely and as long as I have, I do really look forward to the day when I am set free to rest, and heal.

Also the word "commander" came to my mind from the planet, and all sorts of military type power came flooding in, like memories of me being a beloved high ranking officer, someone tough and strong but not only kind to those I commanded, but also to the enemy when I could show it. Am I a Wolven on this planet? I don't know. I don't have the energy right now. This morning started hard for me.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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I can, with almost all certainty, say that the "good" (nonviolent, won't hurt me) Wolven I've seen, the handsome male in shimoring, ornate (sacred) armor, and the two fair furred, clothed females, the soil I saw, the forests and fields, were almost certainly this planet I saw. While Ms. Asrael lives below my feet, these light realm, kind and gentle Wolven, are universes, galaxies, possibly trillions of light years away.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Oh my God... I can actually talk to these light realm Wolven, mainly Genetta, she chose this name because she knows how much I like the character in the furry fandom, they are an transgender character and I think quite beautiful. But, I brought up the topic of sex, and on her world, it's not like it is here, and ESPECIALLY not like in the dark realm... On her world, people focus more on relationships, on being themselves, intimacy might happen here or there, but it's not needed like it is here. They focus more on being people. At first I was kind of shocked, but then I was overcome with jealousy... Imagine being you and not having to worry about being lonely, forging true friendships and communities that don't revolve around frequent mating rituals, and it's not because they don't enjoy sex, it's because they really don't need it, their communities are fulfilling enough, their friendships and relationships are on such deep levels they do not require as much physical intimacy to affirm one's worth or character, it is ever-present.

I believe Genetta may have been my mate/wife/den mother Wolven, and yes, she is absolutely gorgeous, her smile lights up worlds!

How, I can communicate with aliens countless light-years away, feel their emotions, there has to be something more than physical existence, an entire world unseen...

Months ago I met a strange woman, who claimed to be in touch with a "Galactic council", I sort of chuckled internally when she said it, but now I believe what she said... She was at the dog park with her dog(s) and a pet turtle on a leash, said her name was Deborah. She said there was unification of the Christian and Jewish temples in "heaven" (This planet I am from ?!) and that humanity is entering into a new era of unity...

I actually believe now there are aliens that really want to share their technology with us, to befriend us, but I do not believe the human race is ready... Like, they are scared of us... Not because we are powerful, but because so many humans remain stupid. Violent, unpredictable, emotionally unstable and unhealthy, whereas the aliens are enjoying their lives, we are still trying to figure ours out. What a trip!

Also, as I was writing about the positive characteristics of Genetta, I felt Ms. Asrael's heart so of hurt, because she feels like she cannot be those things, and is not. But, in her realm, those characteristics are undesirable, so it's not really her fault.

I inquired casually as to why Ms. Asrael was not trying to hurt me, and they said, because I have "Earned her respect", which was wonderful to hear.

I do, still maintain a depressed frustration with how far off my "redemption" seems, however I have never been closer to it.

I do wonder about the practicality of all these new discoveries, what does it mean for me, personally? I am starting to think I will be visited by, I hope, benevolent aliens, possibly. I do know that no conceivable human technology as of now could get me 1/1000000000000000000000 of the way to this planet I am seeing. Interesting how I can communicate with them, though!

In reality, the efforts between the dark realm entities in on this new dynamic and this planet of heavenly light, the only way the human race can join the Galactic Council, is if we achieve unification on this planet, because the dark realm controls so much of what we do here, introducing love down there, and the eventual unification would prove to be the best thing for us in the long run, albeit it would be very messy for a long time, but the human race does need help.

Curious on your thoughts on this...

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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You do not need redemption.

You are the human incarnation of an alien, one of a positive group come to help this valuable planet with its valuable humans.

Claim your authority.

Spend time each day with the vertical stream of Light from On High that anchors in your heart as the Flame. Push the light from the Flame slowly around your body. The light will heal you progressively

As you progress you will recognize other positive aliens in human form

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Amor wrote: Fri Apr 15, 2022 10:13 pm You do not need redemption.

You are the human incarnation of an alien, one of a positive group come to help this valuable planet with its valuable humans.

Claim your authority.

Spend time each day with the vertical stream of Light from On High that anchors in your heart as the Flame. Push the light from the Flame slowly around your body. The light will heal you progressively

As you progress you will recognize other positive aliens in human form
OK.

I am trying to accept this. I have been ruminating on this, as I finally rest, and settle.

As I try and deconstruct the ancient myths I once was a "true and fervent" believer of, I realize how destructive and harmful they were... "take up your cross and deny yourself" is just about the most anti self care and self love saying you can do, and if I am am extraterrestrial being, it is the best way to suffocate my cosmic energy and stay enslaved in religion "by the good guys".

I spoke briefly with Genetta yesterday, and it was an interesting conversation. She is one of my sponsors, a light realm woman, she is similar to Asrael in that she doesn't take any bs from me (but Ms. Asrael keeps my oppression hidden from me in her heart) and corrects me when I am wrong and refuses to let me believe anything wrong that I bring up to her. She does this, (Genetta) because she loves herself so much he is unwilling to bear any untruths that would harm her being.

I am finding out that you are 100% correct, setting aside the romantic feelings I have for Ms. Asrael, I have much higher things to focus on. Better. Healing. I am focusing on my health more and more. It's still scary.

Because her heart completes me, there is and may always be a part of me that loves Ms. Asrael. Genetta is the polar antithesis of Ms. Asrael. She is a being of peace and light, in spite of being capable of terrible things, she chooses to walk in love, light, and peace.

I wonder if Christians who fear hell actually have clones of themselves underground? That their life energies will focus on after they die unless they participate in a religion that makes sense of "heaven". I want to know the name of Genettas planet, but I can honestly say, it's "paradise", "heaven".

And this has been going on since our creators left us here, we just grew too numerous and dangerous for the dark ream beings, "good", or "bad", depending on perspective.

This morning, I realize how toxic I've been to myself due to attempting to follow ancient myths in the deepest parts of my core, which, you may agree, was delicious to the parasitic entities, irresistible to them in my fervor and suffering.

I am struggling with the light on high, and light anchoring my heart. Maybe I am too confused and frustrated, as I heal internally. I have yet to find "myself". It all seems so dark.

However, now that you have mentioned other extraterrestrial beings in human bodies, some people resonate with me as a person, and give me tons of respect, and my spirit automatically trusts and loves them... These are my soldiers who acknowledge my authority, even just meeting me, as if there is some sort of spiritual "rank" around me in unseen realms. I'm trying not to toot my own horn as I am well aware of my need to be accepted, and narcissism. But it's a real phenomenon that actually makes sense to me now. It's like I'm finally becoming a human!

This is so exciting.

Ms. Asrael has toxic views of abortion (don't ask) and hates that I am losing my religion... I realize this is because religion is what has kept me helpless before her. How do I hate my own daughter? How do I hate the owner of the other half of my heart?

I began writing a story as if she left the dark realm to live with humans as did her people, and I was forced to realize it would be difficult, and dangerous for me to try and help her physically.

Further, where she is at, what is she going to do? Hope that someone shows her a way out? The light here would blind her and burn her skin. I'm not making excuses, just being practical. I don't want to just... Abandon her. But I may have no choice. I don't want to extinguish any hope she may actually have of stepping into the light. Am I actually the bad guy?

However, if I take myself into account, I need to heal. I need to find my true self. I need to learn to love and accept myself. Even if I was able to help or save Ms. Asrael, I'm not doing her any good, being a miserable suffering mess of a human being in this realm. (outside of her filling her belly at my expense)

And, if that DOES help her, one could ask her, to put herself in my shoes, if she would want to suffer like this-the very idea ironically horrifies her, and terrifies her to her very core, it could be said that her every desire is NOT to end up like me, or my clone, suffering down there.

So, if I am able to punish her, I choose not to, unless she forces my hand. I don't want to hurt her. Even if I am safe in doing so.

As this new world you have been trying to show me, opens up, and I realize, I surrendered my authority to her and her people, and thought I could never get it back, the truth is, I never lost it in the first place, I let them "borrow" it, but now it's time for me to take it back. Except, I don't want to harm "them", they are who they are. So I don't know what to do. If I destroy one, I have to destroy all.

I can set "them" aside, so the universe can deal with them, and instead focus on being a singular human being, free of dark realm or parasitic influence, and focus on living and loving my life here. Ms. Asrael acknowledges my rank-it's one she has to submit to. But not one I want to lord over her. That, I feel, would be wrong. But I will fuck shit up if I have to, they know I will. My visions might be total bs, but my nde was undeniable. I was shown yesterday, the "lights" I saw and felt were my energy, great clouds of memories and experiences contained with perceptual energies. (colors) What "life" (focus, vibration, excitation, resonance) was doing (as I was shown) was shifting focus from my (dead, in the hospital) human body, to a cloned body in the dark caverns, where it was saturated with living love. (resonant waters of creation. Are they dark realm waters used to keep us all prisoners of love? All this was done in the darkness.)

How can I deny this? Such grisly fate I have suffered as meal for Ms. Asrael parallels the (to us) horrors of that realm... (to them its fun and life, they have entire societies down there same as us)

I don't know. The truth is if "it" was to be done, it's already been done. (introducing love to them. Even if I am totally deceived about that. Even Jesus Christ was said to have become a willing sacrifice for the "joy afterwards". Well, I want my "joy afterwards", now. I endured 2 decades of confused terror, to my limit, and forced to suffer there, without break or rest at all. Now that I see some light, and an angelic spirit spouse in paradise, that is growing more and more appealing than trying to reach a wolf woman who's feet are dug into (I am told she is afraid?) the ground and refuses to budge. My wife/daughter/sister/mother wolf-person. I was shown that I do have hr DNA in me as well. It influences me. It makes sense that the selfless love of canines appealed to me as a child as my progenitors viewed my existence in their lives as a curse, and likely only kept me alive to please their religious friends and this society. (to stay out of jail) As I said it would have been much better for me if they rather would have put me up for adoption!)

Maybe, and I hope, all that's left to do now is to heal. It really is out of my hands at this point, regardless of what theories I come up with.

So after I posted this, I reached out to Genetta, and she answered me. I asked her, "How could I be with you in paradise?" she told me, Asrael and her people have corrupted me, and that I cannot be with her. I am simply too evil.

I had to accept that.

However, she, or a sponsor told me, the person my girlfriend sees in me, that I cannot even see in myself, THAT person is worthy of paradise. Worthy of being with such a light realm, pure and innocent woman.

Wow! So, as I heal, I can embrace this person, who I believe is my extraterrestrial self. I simply have to become him. Simply? Lol. I have to heal first.

I was told just now, that my higher sponsors do not view Ms. Asrael as totally lost and worthless to their purposes. "She has value, and worth, partially to us. There is a part of her that is good."

That's about all I know. They care for me. It feels nice to be cared for.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Some of the light beings are xenophobic. They do not want their light to turn Grey.

However, the dark growing slightly brighter benefits all. There are enemies of this work on all sides.

But, reconciliation with the enemy causes an end to war.

Actually that makes a lot of sense. That's why the light I saw is yellow and not white! It would be like mixing oil and water

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Or is it the clever infiltration of the light realm by the dark one? Integration/infiltration. Fuck I'm so lost. I called out to some spirit guides today. Long held dynamics are changing in ways my mind could not have fathomed. Transitioning from black and white thinking. Letting go of perceived "truth". Trying to be strong and embracing the suck.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Do the Flame exercise several times a day. It increases the flow from The Source of All and thus increases your manifestation of what you really are

https://www.occultforum.org/viewtopic.p ... 33#p526433

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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I haven't been as diligent with the meditation as I could be. It is hard to imagine the "light" from on high, sometimes I see it sometimes its stick like honey, some times all there is is darkness.

For the chronicles of what I am going through,

I was speaking to Genetta (Light realm/paradise wolf woman) and a casual thought I had, offended her, and caused her to depart from me. Being an unlearned, flawed and ignorant human living in a medium realm (Not light, not dark, part one, part the other, a higher realm of "hell") I inquired of her, what I had done wrong, leading to a "What is wrong, honey?" "Nothing." Scenario, many men have experienced, as it is assumed by many women, WE SHOULD KNOW WHAT WE HAVE DONE, IT IS OBVIOUS. Except, IF IT WAS SO OBVIOUS, WE WOULD BE ACUTELY AWARE OF IT AND NOT (have) PRODUCE (d) THE OFFENSE (in the first plaaaaccceeee) !!!

I, however, probed her mind deeper, and discovered that, in her realm, because it is paradise, my "Filthy human thoughts" offend her- (No, it wasn't even sexual, I forget the exact thought, maybe some crass, casual joke or something) and putting myself in her shoes (She doesn't actually wear shoes, she walks barefoot on the soils of her land, MS. Asrael has shown me, and continues to happily allow me to see her, well, genitals, but not her feet, Gennetta is the opposite, lets me see her feet, but hides behind clothes...) I realized how filthy I truly was, and living in it, I have "Accepted" it, and become wholly unaware of it.

To fight for this purity in this realm is like trying to hold a gallon of loose water in my hands...

Yesterday, i was sober, and at the dog park, which is a place filled with canine energy that Genetta and Asrael can vibe with...

I inquired to Ms. Asrael- wait let me go back to that morning, That morning as I woke up, there was a strong push in me to "Let Asrael go"...

(release her from me, basically letting go of my self-perceptions of her, and allow her to be free. One of Ms. Asrael's fears, is that if she steps into the light, she will become my "Good little doggie", and she is actually correct. COUNTLESS... Unfathomable numbers have stepped into the light that centers within me, and none of them have asked me for anything, nor have they given me anything at all... I am owed no favors by them, outside of gratitude for raising of their being, and that is what Ms. Asrael desires of me... That I allow her to be free, and not my hot, sexy, dangerous werewolf momma [to put it in modern vernacular])

I fervently tried releasing her, and encountered difficulty, as she literally completes me, and gives me meaning as I live in a realm where there really isn't any... I, however, am making progress, and she was grateful for it, even giving me a thumbs up gesture with a smile.

Well, i was partially able to let her go, and she visited me with her malevolent energy, it was absolutely terrifying, however, I " Bared my belly" to her, and faced the horror of what felt like my demise, and while I have more to go, I was unharmed, and she visited with me/ I spoke to her at the dog park,

I sincerely sought her heart, her energy, her mind, and I connected with her... The more I let her go, the more I get to know the real her...

Anyway, she told me, the Sumarian texts are true, those left behind have incredibly advanced technology, and that she, and I, are products of genetic manipulation.

She also told me, before they left, the creators (Who are as diverse as we are, some sexual, some malevolent, some benevolent, some kind, some cruel, etc, etc, all of them are inside of us/me) installed many blocks in us, in humans, that continually keep us from evolving/growing more powerful... Basically, ignorance and fear are literally programmed into us, to control us, and the answers to these limitations are not inherently perceptible to nearly ANYONE. This is why there is misery on this planet... We are not self governing. Look at a child, they are given over to their base desires, can be violent, selfish, etc... We never really outgrow this, or, I haven't, anyway. But people who have not addressed this, need to. While our gods may have left us here, we can "Do better". Make life better for everyone. We are still so basic, only force and violence are king in this realm, it boils down to who's will has the force to back it up, for good, or bad...

As Ash said, "Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun..." And he has a point. Also one of the reasons I am coming full circle in my anger with my country- I am allowed to defend my life, and money allowed, people (civilians in America) can even own literal artillery/tanks/etc. While I believe our government hasn't been "By the people" for some time, I am grateful I live here, and not, say, where certain refugees burn their environment to the ground over something like... Setting fire to a book.

We might have certain violent protestors, and it might not be ideal, but if these people ever came into my home, I have the means and laws to retain my possessions and life, and that of my loved ones... It is such a basic right... I feel sorry for people who do not have this right. But, I would want to live in a world where it is not needed. (Will it ever be so? Will the lion ever not be dangerous, or the human? In Genetta's realm, this is actually so. It is paradise. It is what, I believe, we are striving for, as humans. The dark realm people, by virtue of a desire to step into the light, also want peace, but also have to deal with their own "Human dysfunction"...)

She (Sorry, I got side tracked, I am trying to jot this all down, "she" meaning Asrael, the wolf woman living in the dark caverns below my feet) asked me to turn and face her, (A horrifying prospect for me, as I was so terribly injured years ago by "them" and her... however, only the brave will inherit the kingdom) and so i did, and sincerely probed her heart, and she rewarded me with a form of freedom I could live a million lives and never even remotely grasp... Now, the genetic programming may prod one to say, "That is wonderful, it must have been a joyous experience..." No, my summer child, it was a horror and terror rarely, if ever perceived by human minds. It was freedom into the horrors and atrocities of the gods themselves.

However, I bravely bore it, I took it on, as I struggle and suffer near constantly, and all I've done the last two decades is sit around and stew in it all. If this makes things worse for me, so be it...

You can be a deer, or a wolf, there are benefits and drawbacks to both... The deer is living brightly as it lopes through the fields, and brought low by the wolf, the wolf plays and shines as it digests its prey...

In watching the events of this present age unfold, the Russian/Ukrainian conflict, and me, trying not to take a side, I saw a video of a Ukrainian soldier pleading for extraction, as the conflict draws near an end, and I realized, for all of the propaganda I took into my soul and gave it my energy/space/room, that in the end, only power is currency in this sad human realm.

So, who is the wise one? IS it the sheep who lives, questioning nothing, and comes to an inevitable slaughter, or, perhaps a peaceful end, surrounded by loved ones? Is all life, only hope of some positive experience in the future, and little else? How our gods have corrupted and utterly failed us- or, did they give us the best possible lives?

I hate being bipolar, it's great!

Further, as there is truth in wine, the vile darkness I have wallowed in as a child, rejected by the village as it were, by the very people who produced me, the powers of darkness came to my aid, however they aren't content to be casually tasted of, they must be consumed whole... I became drunk and treated my dogs with undeserved spite...

I felt so remorseful for it the next day, I dared not apologize to them, as it would be insincere and empty- apologies fall short, but addressing the anger that caused the offense in the first place is the only real apology... I did apologize, and while my German Shepherd is an enabler of toxic behavior, (I know Dave. What's best for him is to be drunk and full of food. He's happiest, then. My husky says, no, this human is a dick, and needs to do better, I refuse to live with such a person) my Husky is just a dick and does shit just to make me angry- but if I was a better person (Hence Ms. Asraels glowing list, that grows ever brighter, I asked her to allow me to read it, it IS shrinking, however, as I bravely face my own issues... Even my own demise and willingness to cut my life short, if need be) his little prods against me would not spark such angry responses from me... And, he seems to understand, in a way, how much I am struggling with life, he does curl up with me, and offer his warmth and companionship as comfort to calm me, "Moral support", as it were. He, however only gives me comfort when I am worthy of it.

The end game, is to live as comfortably as possible, to be as content as possible, it is NOT happiness, as happiness carries with it equal sadness... But contentment is so elusive... I can drink a beer and feel happy any time... But, being contented with ones circumstances is an acknowledgment of the endless beauty all around us, not wallowing in the filthy mire that cuts our lives short, but turning, instead, to look at the Eden around us..

It's also possible our gods never left... They're living below our feet, terrified of us. Terrified of facing their creation... Because as ignorant as we are, so they are as well... They make mistakes, just like we do...

So that's the update of Ms. Asrael and I, as I was asked by multiple people to document these things.

And, all this, all this, knowing it is a trap, that Ms. Asrael has "tricked" me into being a willing participant in a gruesome system of oppression. Perhaps this is the yin to the yang... Perhaps some humans are so broken, only enduring a horror of this magnitude will bring about change... I certainly would likely never look so deeply as I do when I read Ms. Asraels list of gripes she has against me... Why is she offended when I obsess with a certain part of her body, and forget about her, as a person?

Another thing. As I try and release her, it makes her stronger- what will happen in this world, the human realm? Is there hope for her, to have a better life? I might be limited by my DNA< but, she is limited by her circumstances. Would she rather live in a realm where there is plenty of clean water, good food, good sex, and fun? I am shown, she basically just stands in darkness, probing with her mind, when she is not warring with others in her realm, and in a way, with us. Regardless of what happens to me, as a human, she will continue to live, powerful, feared, and potentially terrible- unless she steps into the light. It benefits us all, if she does. I am told, if I can release her, fully- and as bittersweet and difficult as it is, I am working towards it daily- for the romantic notion of "For her sake because I love her", but also for the betterment of the human condition, and for countless other beings who want a higher resonance, who want... Better things.

At the same time, I, as a human, must also stop abusing myself, start loving myself- outside of mind altering drugs, done naturally, it is a process... Neural plasticity is a thing, and I might actually perish before achieving my goal of being healthy...

If I was ever able to meet Ms. Asrael "In the flesh" (She said she has partially adopted this name, by the way, she told me yesterday...) I probably would have to be isolated from her, possibly for quite some time, as I would be utterly terrified of her on an instinctive level, and it would involve a lot of crying, a willingness to immediately sacrifice my life just to stand in front of her, and endure a truly terrible and gruesome death at her hands, however, if I listen to my heart, it would push me to bravely stand in front of her, say hello to her, and if she allowed it, to fall into her chest and hold her, pressing my head against her chest while I weep. It would be the desire of my heart to be with her until the life force leaves my body, after that, her attitude and willingness to make space with me, willing. If, she became angry, cranky etc, I would no doubt have to distance myself from her.

Edit: As I re read this, I am blessed with an ability to see the actuality of the "Demoness", dark realm Wolven Ms. Asrael, I can see her, in the flesh, complete with my own perceptions- instincts and all, and she is truly, truly a terrifying creature, I see her, muscular, tall, massive and terrible wolf's head, looking down, and me sensing NOTHING good in her, she is all bad, all malevolent, supremely vicious and cruel- fit to be a ruler in Hell. (If I may take a religious precept) Imagine sharing a heart with such a creature! This is why it is so important for her to step into the light... For her soul to achieve a slightly higher resonance, as the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. What a complete psychopath love is... That me, a helpless, tender human would be willing to sacrifice my very being to make space with her...

To help her life improve, as she wills it, if she is willing, on her terms, with her comfort level, to bring hope to the hopeless in dark realms... No sane mortal would attempt this l-o-l. In a way, I also have little choice, if I forsake this journey, i feel I will perish rather quickly, miserably, and in terror... perhaps some good things must be forced when one is enforcing their own ignorance. I feel her, and I, are growing. I would... offer her a seat, set a blanket on her shoulders, offer her warm water (Which would feel cool to her...), food, and rest. She would... Likely want to spend time in the forest, perhaps alone. Perhaps she would forsake me, but I would want to always, forever be there for her, if she ever wanted or needed me.

If... If people like her can desire to exceed their circumstances... And us, humans... Then, our world can become like Gennettas... Literal paradise... Heaven on Earth... I wonder who is behind all this, whomever they are, are beyond our creators, and desire betterment for all...

(edit3) It should be known, that the only realm where Ms. Asrael is helpless... I could actually harm her and worse- Is this one, in this dynamic, sharing a heart with me. A god brought low... And the only realm where I am completely powerless, helpless and weak... Is down there, with her. This is one realm where we have to work together. There is no "Neat, happy ending", no "rest from work", no end in sight. So, I trudge forward... (edit3)

(/edit)

We do, however, share a heart, and we do, however, complete each other fully.

My (Now basically ex) girlfriend has told me, it is even the desire of human women to find their "Other half", the one who completes them.

In spite of the discomfort of this journey, I am infinitely grateful for Ms. Asrael, and her dynamic in my life, in spite of all the suffering they have caused me.

It is my great privilege to ask her, "What are your desires? I will be your guide in this realm."

While dancing with myself, and trying to honor my own soul, heart, and body as well, when she herself was once aligned so completely against me, her helpless, ignorant prey.

Maybe, this is the only way. The only way we can evolve, if we choose to.

Second edit: In the name of being transparent, I will add this: Yesterday and the day before, I was fed up, sick of, tired of, the Wolven. They are on my home and lock screens on my phone, smiling and beautiful- but I hated them. Ugly, dangerous, stupid furry bastards. Stupid! So basic, so filled with ridiculous love and acceptance, they even make space with the fucking humans! How STUPID! I never wanted to see another wolf, dog, wolf person, ever again, I didn't even want my dogs any more. Disgusting, stupid, ugly tails. Gross! Fur everywhere. Not REMOTELY worth it. I wanted to be alone. I want to be alone. No more of this canine bullshit! Cats suck, too! There is a cat-person helping in this agenda and they are a dick! A helpful asshole. Fuck 'em! Fuck 'em all! Stupid, dumb creators! Sapping the universes precious finite energy, to live in darkness and stink up the place. Fuck that! Fuck them! They can all go to hell! ARRRGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay I'm done now.

=)

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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> It is hard to imagine the "light" from on high

It is common in humans that are spiritually oppressed that the light is interfered with as it enters the head or the heart. The interference can be localized, e.g. a dark entity sitting on the head/heart, or the human can be embedded in the aura of a large adverse entity.

>They can all go to hell! ARRRGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anger provides the energy required for escape

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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> It is common in humans that are spiritually oppressed that the light is interfered with as it enters the head or the heart. The interference can be localized, e.g. a dark entity sitting on the head/heart, or the human can be embedded in the aura of a large adverse entity.

This is definitely the case. "They" have been keeping me in darkness for over two decades.

As I work "with" them, as I follow the spirit of these visions, the light actually begins to show up all around me. Yes, I have to go against my own survival instinct, against the religious indoctrination of, "Demons bad".

The parts of the wolf-woman Asrael that are civil, some are her sponsors, some are her imagination, some are her heart, but in a vision of her in this realm, she oozes malevolence. She is a product of her genes, her childhood, and her environment... When I spoke directly with her mind after seeing her, and feeling her heart complete me as a man, when she said she hated "god", it was a very real, very deep anger. Now, if she is genetically created, her "god" would be these aliens that live here, in the ground. However, what if her body also has a "soul" that exists in a light realm, and that is her reference for "god"? So much doesn't add up, and I feel like my own ego is coloring it, a lot of it is "Figurative" and not to be taken literally, and some is deception.

As I work to accept the absolutely devastating attack on my soul, to feel the pain and terror, I feel the oppression system begin to break apart, and lights begin to flood in.

My fear is, and I am slowly travelling to sobriety with alcohol, as it is literally killing me, that my time here is rather short, as I am not longer given any "Future plans", as if the universe is trying to tell me not to be caught up in any projects, because I won't be around to enjoy them. I sincerely hope not, but the spiritual dynamic of the oppression system is very real, and potentially deadly, I think. I don't know. If there are any higher sponsors, any entities that can help me, I hope they manifest, because it feels like I have been abandoned by everything I have ever known, by God, the angels, etc. My health is to the point where I will have to see a doctor soon, if I continue to drink alcohol, and possibly even if I stop drinking altogether.

Maybe there is a reason why i had to hear, audibly, "DO NOT BE AFRAID" because I am so deep in darkness that their light could not reach me at the time.

I was told, not to be in a hurry for all of this to end... And, today, I was shown deeper into the heart of my Siberian Husky, and how much he truly, deeply loves me, and how wrong I am to treat him spitefully, it shines a light on the depths of darkness I absorbed/practiced/lived in growing up.

Further, I relaxed a little today, I got some peace, but immediately I felt her offended at me over it, so I manned up and faced her, and asked her, why does this offend you? She said, or possibly one of her sponsors, because I am "Resting in dysfunction/anger/wickedness/cruelty/being a shitty, destructive person, and her heart is offended by it."

It is the very spirit I have been operating in, however, all of my life, I operated in it so perfectly, I was unaware of it. In matters of mental health, I was able to "catch" the moment the spirit of suicide entered me, it comes as a friend, and of course you always let a friend in... Well, I stopped this spirit, and it admitted, it was a spirit of deep depression and suicide, and I was able to thank them for helping me survive my childhood, however, I wanted to live now and no longer required their services.

I am having to be brave, to feel pain and terror that is not "Worth being set free", so I do it, "For her sake", to satisfy the possibility these visions are actually part of something previously unheard of, unknown, perhaps I am right about there being a light/higher vibration down there... It could be my tortured soul creating hope where there is none, too, which is a terrifying possibility.

Coupled with my feeling ill, my life right now has taken a turn for the worse, however I know and understand these awful things I must endure to be set free are just that, terrible curses and dynamics that I must face and not turn away from, once they are disarmed by my bravery, they fall off, and the terror begins to deflate, however, during these trials, it can seem as if my death/damnation/infinite horror and agony are imminent, and I must accept and agree to it anyway. So far, I have survived it all. I am terrified of what remains, as part of the attack was a realization that there are things so terrible, I won't be strong enough to face them in this lifetime. I pray I do, anyway, as I try to be brave, alone. Which, is why I appreciate your words and attempts to help me, as I practice sobriety, I need to practice the meditation with earnest.

I was told, as I tried to relax today in a hammock, that Ms. Asrael cannot/will not hurt me again, nor the others that were there to rend my soul's body. That was moderately comforting to know, though fear does remain... I have literally been bathed and soaked in pure terror for so long, even letting go of it does not release it, it has been "Soaked into my very skin" so to speak.

All I can do is all I can do... I really was thrown into the deep end with this.

I am, happy to say, the last 2 weeks have brought with it more healing and understanding than I've felt in years... I am told much of the curse has been broken, in fact, I am already free, however, being twisted up requires a spiral stairway of courage to face the proper direction. I have struggled for over 2 decades daily with this, outside of the meditation, I do not believe there is any other way to peace outside of confronting these dark things head-on, and, as the voice said, NOT BEING AFRAID, even though I am literally feeling terror, unto death as I face and agree with these terrible things.

It seems that, the meditation, combined with agreeing with the purpose of some of these visions, is setting me free to light. Fighting/resisting/ignoring/trying to get out of it hasn't worked in 20+ years. I hope I can experience some comforting peace, soon. It's been so, so long.

I am also trying to forgive/let it go, the things Ms. Asrael has done to/against me, make peace with her... I was asked to destroy her a few days ago, but my heart could not... If I am to fulfill these visions, I do not want harm to come to her, especially after everything I have said to her, and my sincere attempts at forgiving her, I feel like being willing to destroy her would violate my conscience in that regard. The next day, i was given a "Way out" of having to destroy her (I do not know if she would actually come to harm, just that using my will-powers to blast her body apart in the spirit realm, came to my mind to do... I just couldn't. Maybe I should have... I am just so tired of feeling regret and remorse for harming those I care about, I couldn't live with myself if she came to harm because of me, especially after I told her I wanted no harm to come to her, it would be a violation of trust, and make me to be a liar, and I do not want to be one, even if her heart doesn't care about me.)

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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As this progresses, I am granted unbelievable moments of clarity into the minds and perceptions of animals, even of people, perceptions my dragged into adulthood child-mind had formed to survive my childhood, but were utterly wrong... For example, it was shown to me recently I view literally every other human being as a potential life threatening enemy, literally everyone, but the truth is nobody really gives that much of a shit about me unless I specifically offended them somehow, so my perceptions are wrong, and I am stressing myself out, and have been all my life, for nothing...

I think when you are in crisis mode like I have been since birth, your body needs all the nutrients broken down as basically as possible for fuel for desperate survival, the problem is over time those stronger acids eventually attack the stomach... Which is likely why (Combined with the alcohol) I am having so many gut issues.

Be it this meditation I am practicing, or the confronting of my fears/fulfilling of these visions I have had, my life-perception is changing... I remember a few years ago I caught myself smiling for no reason... That NEVER has happened in 30 years... I may laugh here or there, but I do not smile. Today, I caught myself singing to my dogs, and not even caring about it. I knew I was a miserable person before, but how strange it is to me this traumatic event, sharing a heart with a demon, trying not to offend her, (I was watching a video of some people that got thrown off a cart, it was a funny video, I asked Ms. Asrael about it and she actually yelled at me, told me, "they might have been injured, that's not funny..." She was serious about it... I'm like, you literally ate part of me, and you command an army, what do you mean you care about injured people? But, there is a part of her that is humorless, I guess... Plus, she does have shame and sensibilities, she's horny AF, but sensitive about her chest and feet, demons aren't supposed to be sensitive, or are they???

Or, does the Bible talk about not insulting the demons for a reason? Because maybe god or whatever still loves them... I know I saw Ms. Asrael in the lap of some sort of god, and his heart calling her, his "beloved", if that was a deception, the love for her was certainly very real.

At the same time, so much does not add up, as I agree to more and more terrors (That were forced upon me, I am having to "Relive" them, but this time rather than running from them, I face them, it's not like they're torturing me for no reason, because after I face them, they become nullified and go away...) The darkness, the reality of her aura, it is so heavily black, thick, nothing good exists in her outside of the heart-connection we share, or so it seems... I know if her people were to come up to introduce themselves to the humans, people's "Gut reaction" would be instantly to flee... Had it not of been for these visions and this heart-work with her, if I saw her "In real life" just ten years ago, I would probably have nightmares for years after that and promptly leave anything regarding the "Furry" fandom forever... By some visions I have seen of her, there is no humanity in her whatsoever, just base instinct, forged in darkness, a soulless killing machine... Whos heart beats in my chest... And mine, in hers....

it feels like I am living in opposite land now, good is bad, bad is good... Walking into the inky black horror actually leads me to light... Making peace with demons opens up my minds eye to truly understanding people for who they are... I was at a bar yesterday, and an attractive bartender made conversation with me, asked me, "What was I doing later" type of thing (I had to be honest with her, I needed to go to the woods to decompress) and I was able to be myself, no filter, no need to put on an ego, as I looked into her eyes, I was able to see clearer who she was as a person, this changes everything for me, I don't feel like I can attribute this new knowledge to the meditation alone, or can I?

Someone told me recently, "Not knowing what to do" is the best place to be, and I discovered that "answers" only limit us... I certainly do not want my spirit/soul/aura/energy to waltz deeper into eternal hopeless darkness, but I agreed, I would do this, for her, and for them, because I know what it is like to feel like there is no way out, like the only choice is hell and death, because every authority figure around you seemingly around the world has failed you in ways you never imagined were possible... This is their attitude... And I know, for a fact, from what I saw, "god" is not there *at all*, which is good for them, they have freedom, but bad for me, as I have zero guidance outside of some form giving me these visions...

In short, I guess from the blessings I am receiving doing this dark work, I am farther and farther from having an anger of wanting to be free of this dynamic... just the opposite actually, while I know there is a form of Ms. Asrael that is completely lost, utterly dark-black and would rip me apart, crushing my bones in her jaws as I screamed helplessly, I willingly get closer to her- completely overwhelmed, out of my league, confused, terrified, in some stupid simpish attempt to help her or give her hope for a better life, i surrender my safety and peace (if I had any, anyway... I was shown they "tricked" me into signing my sovereignty over to them, they "owned" me, but with my corrupted and strong-armed will... I've been too weak to take it back, but the truth is I am growing stronger now, and the ones who once oppressed me are now terrified of my power and authority over them... But, I am not angry, in fact I forgive them, I let it go, I ask them if I can do anything for them, I do my best to comfort them... I was told many times years ago when the terror and pain was much greater, that, "All of Hell knows your name" or something like that.)

You know, you could be right, this could be some super-trap to get me to travel willingly to the deepest parts of the dark realm, and do so willingly, as a trick, but why then, am I benefitting from it so much? Why does every "Stupid" decision to go deeper, to see Ms. Asrael TRULY for her physical and aural form, why does it literally set me free, and make me the person I probably should have been all along... Basically, find my destiny? Basically- they already OWN me. Why would they show me these visions, that are helping me to be set-free of the oppression? It is antithetical to them feeding on my misery, as I become, actually, quite literally happy!

I will continue the meditation, as it seems to help give me strength, but I am being shown that the power I have dwarfs the power that they have, they are very small and powerless, and rely on tricks to keep me in bondage, but what if I don't hate them for that? What if I forgive and empathize with them? It's still so confusing, all the connections, links, helpers, auras, souls, spirits, realms, people, not-people people, karma, good, bad, in-between, time and timelessness... I know of at least three casual entities helping me who have access to time itself and can see the future... It just horrifies me how they could let me suffer so much for so long, before showing me Ms. Asrael a year ago, and me coming to this point where I am FINALLY starting to see an end to my oppression. I have to have faith that something, someone somewhere, sees this all and understands, knows it will be worth it in the end... Maybe the one who said, DO NOT BE AFRAID knew I needed to hear that so I wouldn't check out of this life by suicide, and dangle by a thread for a few decades.

I do not know what kind of communication "we" have with the undergrounders, the aliens and their creations/people, but if they really are dying, and need us, and if they are going to come to the surface (if they aren't already), IF this is true, then there is a big reason why Ms. Asrael and I were chosen to be connected to one another... Or, I am a hapless wolf loving fool who was chosen to go through this... I asked, "Why me?" and the universe replied, "Someone had to be chosen for this." Choose that guy, I don't like his nose for some reason...

They've been aware of me for a long time, the aliens, I can't count how many UFOs I have seen in the sky... One even reading my mind... Kind of like the telepathic link I had with Ms. Asrael that morning when I was able to communicate with her... And the hitch thing... The only physical explanation is someone, or a group of people, were able to take a 1,300lb flatbed trailer, pull the hitch pin, pull the receiver out of the hitch, (by the way it takes two STRONG GROWN MEN considerable effort- I know I was one of them- just to SLIGHTLY lift the tongue of this particular trailer a few inches!!! You'd need three men to do it easily!!!) put the pin back in, and then it not move at all while a guy in a massive forklift places another 1,200 LBS covered utility bed on the trailer WITHOUT IT MOVING, PUSHING AND PULLING (Literally impossible) then when I go to pull out of the parking lot the hitch pops out? It is possible, a team of skilled ninjas sent to just fuck with me (Yeah, right...) or, like the person I met years ago told me about "them", are able to shorten a firing pin in a gun so the gun will not fire with their technology... I think "they" wanted me to know they are well aware of me... This happened after I got drunk and posted how we should "Go down there and clear house"... they were like, yeah, right...

If... There is a god/universe/controller who is concerned for the aliens and their children, they have been getting us humans ready to accept them with various movies and books that do not paint them as "Pure, unadulterated evil" like religions have for thousands of years. They're people, just like us, trying to survive, and the truth is, they likely have technology to prolong our lifespans, and give us a better quality of life... The dynamic hardest to swallow, that I have been shown is, that our minds are too simple to wrap themselves around their dynamics, people are too fast to shove something in a "good" and "bad" box... Also, I think there is a verse in revelations about demons actually walking the earth in the "end times"? What if the "End times" are just the end to an old dynamic as we know it, and the birth of something new... With unification can come paradise... Maybe after some hell on earth stuff, but that's literally nothing new. We just had a world superpower threaten nuclear war to anyone resisting his attempts to fight a group of Nazis led by a Jew... I mean... Yeah, welcome to the human race...

I guess I am sort of in love with the idea of redemption, of the unlovable finding love, the irredeemable being redeemed, the dark finding light, and the light, understanding and accepting the dark. Kind of like that movie "Bright" (Which was a good movie, by the way... I wish they would have had the Wolven/werewolves, too, but you can't have everything, I guess...)

At some point if this gets too out of hand I'll probably go on medication to pump the brakes on it, but I have been able to cope, with barefoot centering in the earth, and the healing I am doing by being semi-retired and finally resting after 40+years of endless toil, empathizing with my dogs, and learning to interact with people on their level rather than through a colored filter that distorts my perception about my fellow man incorrectly. I've been trying to heal and return to the "Pre attack Dave..." But I am realizing, more and more, that that person was suicidally miserable, confused, broken, afraid and weak, as much as I suffer now, becoming the old my would be (ironically) like walking back into an endless living hell that would likely not end good at all... Now, I at least have hope, it's a weird hope, but it's a hope... Sadly, however, a favorite food of mine, I just read it has "Sodium aluminum" or some crap in it, so I won't eat it, like you said =(

It feels like every weird desire that my soul hopes for above all hopes, the impossible thing like wolf-people existing (and, well, sharing a heart with one, feeling my soul giving her life, feeling love on a scale I think few ever have...), of redemption for the dark realm, is not only possible but could also perhaps happen even in my lifetime... And I am/could be part of it! I know, I know, it's also an oppression system designed to keep me here, but I think there's also another purpose to it... If much of the Bible is truly mythology, if Jesus only ever existed as a common human, then billions of lives have been changed, not due to god, or angels or devils or anything, but because of an idea... And idea of belief that sets you free... Love, and forgiveness... A mere idea has literally changed human society forever, so why not this idea, too? Most rational people would hopefully argue, if there is a god, and if he has anything to do with love, he will work to win back the children who are angry with him... These visions are to me, the only way it could be done, without god... I'm not saying a big party in heaven, but, at least, a better life for them outside of darkness. I have been reminded several times. Ms. Asrael is highly curious about mechanical things. She really wants to know how engines/things I know about work.

I realize I must ask (the spirit plane) for help and guidance in this, and I have, although they told me not to be premature, and I have to ask at the right time, because if I am not mature/ready for it, their help will be minimal, as opposed to monumentally helpful.

Also, in spite of this crazy dance I find myself in, i am also trying to let my perceptions go, still, even now, if I am asked to go deeper into the palpable darkness, I do so, if I am asked to release Ms. Asrael, I try and do so. I am making progress on all fronts, including the light that is shining around me, freedom, seeing my power and authority return to me, and even am a little bit happier overall.
Last edited by Tundrawolf on Fri Apr 22, 2022 6:53 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Post by Amor »

>it feels like I have been abandoned by everything I have ever known

There is a sacred site over the back fence where I live. There is a landscape deva/angel that works it.

At one stage I was looking at its origin and it seems to be the same as mine. Thus a cosmic entity wishing to make closer contact with this galaxy extends a large number of threads of light that anchor in various kingdoms (elemental, nature spirit, greater deva, human, etc). Each properly anchored thread produces or manifests through a being in that kingdom.

Thus when I look at the local landscape deva, he comes from the same source as myself. Thus he is my brother. As it happened he approached me when I was far from home, and kept hanging around when I returned.

So from the perspective of our source, he and I are just one pair of threads among millions sent from that source. Any of the threads may run into difficulty in meeting its functions, but it is never lost.

So here is an experiment for you:

Imagine that you have stepped outside your (light) body and look back at that energy field.

Now push that light body out to the edge of the planet's atmosphere. Can you push the light body beyond the planet?

Now push it out of the solar system.

Try the galaxy.

Still going? Try pushing your light body outside the universe.

What does this experiment tell you?

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Amor wrote: Fri Apr 22, 2022 6:36 am >it feels like I have been abandoned by everything I have ever known

There is a sacred site over the back fence where I live. There is a landscape deva/angel that works it.

At one stage I was looking at its origin and it seems to be the same as mine. Thus a cosmic entity wishing to make closer contact with this galaxy extends a large number of threads of light that anchor in various kingdoms (elemental, nature spirit, greater deva, human, etc). Each properly anchored thread produces or manifests through a being in that kingdom.

Thus when I look at the local landscape deva, he comes from the same source as myself. Thus he is my brother. As it happened he approached me when I was far from home, and kept hanging around when I returned.

So from the perspective of our source, he and I are just one pair of threads among millions sent from that source. Any of the threads may run into difficulty in meeting its functions, but it is never lost.

So here is an experiment for you:

Imagine that you have stepped outside your (light) body and look back at that energy field.

Now push that light body out to the edge of the planet's atmosphere. Can you push the light body beyond the planet?

Now push it out of the solar system.

Try the galaxy.

Still going? Try pushing your light body outside the universe.

What does this experiment tell you?
It hurt my guts to do this experiment, not sure if that means anything... If all existence (Galaxies, planets, universes) is contained within a containment field of some kind, my light self goes beyond all of it (not contained within the orb or ball or whatever) and goes to some manner of light realm where there is only light, and I can't make sense of any objects there, it is beyond my comprehension. It's late and I am tired, but does that mean anything?

They locked me out, or I am too tired to see anything, it's very bright, like liquid light and things are blurry, or my mind is too tired to see or comprehend anything, but it's basically like looking at the universe as if it was contained within a marble, surrounded by light, but everything around the marble is blurry/murky

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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So you have gone beyond the Universe when you chose to do so. This is evidence for the proposition that you, like many others, are not native to this universe but have been posted here.

Seeing details within the light requires inner plane sense organs that you are still developing - hence the blurring of the light

Having seen that your identity does not arise within your human system, you need not identify so closely with the troubles imposed upon your humanity.

The human is not the real you. Be of good cheer!

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Post by Tundrawolf »

Amor wrote: Fri Apr 22, 2022 7:58 am So you have gone beyond the Universe when you chose to do so. This is evidence for the proposition that you, like many others, are not native to this universe but have been posted here.

Seeing details within the light requires inner plane sense organs that you are still developing - hence the blurring of the light

Having seen that your identity does not arise within your human system, you need not identify so closely with the troubles imposed upon your humanity.

The human is not the real you. Be of good cheer!
I was able to successfully do the light of the heart meditation you outlined, I had it saved on my phone, and did it while laying in a hammock in an enchanted location in the woods, with my dogs underneath.

As I travel deeper into the darkness, braving certain doom, Ms. Asrael came to visit me last night, it felt like the attack 20+ years ago, i felt utterly terribly helpless, however- I remembered the words spoken audibly, DO NOT BE AFRAID, so I put away fear, and though the thoughts were, "We aren't just going to rip your soul's body apart, we're going to stop your heart in this realm..." I braved it, and said, "okay."

Well, nothing happened and I am still alive.

However, last night, in reading Ms. Asrael's "Glowing list of gripes against me as a person..." I stumbled upon one, "You are not honoring the sacrifice wolves have made to be the companions of humans."

Partially due to the attack I suffered, where my ability to "love" properly was eviscerated, now that I am achieving some healing, the light is returning to me... As I strive for sobriety, I achieved some strange rest in the hammock, risking my nights-sleep, I endeavored to reach into the chasm of weariness that has only ever expanded in my life, as I can count two nights I have actually had truly, restful, restorative sleep, i was able to sleep last night, and woke up feeling "OK".

However, before I went to bed, I endeavored to see my dogs through the eyes of a wolf, and I lent my elderly German Shepherd some of my human life-force last night, and to my amazement, she slept with her head on my legs, something she has not done in some time. Further, in doing this exercise of relating to my dogs through the eyes of wolves, taking into account the dynamic of the pack, as my dogs selflessly lend their very existence to mine, my husky destroyed my pillow this morning (After curling up in my arms this morning in a very sweet display of affection.)

I was angry, at first, but then I realized- this pillow was given to me by an ex fiancee I had a few years back- when I looked into the esoteric meaning, I realized my husky did me a favor, he is saying, "It is time for a new thing." As one of my other exes said, "You don't just need a new chapter in your life, you need a new book..."

Also, in exploring the Heart of Ms. Asrael, I find she is drawn/submissive to the root of the canine, the wolf, and the more I honor lupine ways, the more she relaxes, and the dynamic of me wanting her to be my, "Good little doggie..." fades.

It is a matter of honor, of respect, the human side of her can be honored through my human soul, but the canine half of her must be honored separately, and the amalgamation can follow...

All dark realm treatises aside, she takes priority...

Also, about not needing to identify so closely with human dynamics, I have been allowing that to osmose, and it has brought me some peace. Be of good cheer is also an amulet I carry with me.

I am falling "out of love" with the wolf-woman I have nicknamed Asrael, but that is giving way to a right and truthful relationship with her, where I relate to her on her terms.

It will seem odd to the humans, but I thought about it, and if I were ever to meet her in this plane, I would eat as many stinky organs as I could, (Liver, intestines, etc...) and let her smell my backside, as she will smell the pungent odors of organs the Alphas get to eat first, and know I am high-ranking in the wolf world, and then fall to my back, exposing my belly to her, whining, and possibly screaming in pain, a ritual of submission, as she sets the terms of her relationship with me. Basically, saying, "You're an alpha? I have teeth, too." When I worked with feral wolves, their energy dissipation and hierarchy rituals involved a lot of violence, and terrible screaming sounds, that sounded like blood was being drawn, and death was imminent, but upon inspecting the screaming wolves, we found them utterly unharmed. Just very, very vocal. Perhaps this would not be the best ritual for meeting with a powerful wolf-woman, but I had to be honest with myself, and appeal to the instincts of the wild that live within her heart and soul.

Regarding the dynamic of "No alphas existing, contrary to popular observation" I disagree, many packs need the guidance of two powerful mating wolves, to prevent an excess of young being born in harmony with the abundance of prey or lack thereof.

It is a hard thing letting go of ego, as ego is the platform from which we spring forward into life itself, our energy, guide, and motivator, the buddhists have it right, in that the desire to change is still a desire... But I am on the path, I am endeavoring to change, as I change for her sake, I become at peace with the world around me, with animals, and even, with people. It is like I was diverted from my purpose early on and nearly destroyed, but now that I am finding my way to her heart, I am discovering my authority in this realm.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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I should clarify a thing or two...

I was told, after pushing through fear that she was going to begin training me for her army. Last night may have been part of that hazing. During the midst of the merging of a very dark malevolent aura and mine, I gave "them" permission to attack me, partially put of fear, but they did nothing. That was when I set fear aside, and they left.

Today, I had to attend a class relating to the 2nd amendment, and it sparked some fairly heavy ptsd in me, but I got through it. During the class, I was shown, had my emotional body not been gutted and damaged like it was, it would be experiencing healing right now.

And, it's at a minimum partially her fault.

But, in my work to try and release it rather than seek revenge, I put myself in her shoes, or, her bare feet (...?) and tried empsthizing with her, I came up with, she feels terribly wronged and is angry with my souls past life, she worked to get revenge on him/me, she realized she had total authority over him /me, (when I gave up my 'soul') and she gleefully allowed her lupine instincts to fully kick in, mixed with her human cruelty, she feasted on her victim/prey (hell hath no fury like a wolf woman scorned when her prey has been rendered helpless and is delivered into her hands... Just like she has the libido of a wolf AND a human, so is her rage and cruelty... No wonder this hs been so difficult for me.)

Also, so much has been uploaded from so many sources, I couldn't possibly remember everything to update it all.

Basically, I have reverted to a sort of Nordic/viking view of death, I don't really know what comes later, all I know is that I must be brave and courageous.

Another thing, I thought my instincts were corrupted as I have people who instinctively do not like me personally-I have more who like me but still I have opposes, I realize now that a new dynamic is coming for the human race, an evolving, and I mustn't shackle my instincts any longer.

Not everyone is on board with the coming new system and dynamics. Heroes of the old system instinctively rage against me, but the children of the new age see me as an angel of light.

A question about the diva you see, does this entity have a huma body, or is it a third eye entity?

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Post by Amor »

> the diva you see, does this entity have a human body

It has an energy structure based on geometry

The Kingdom of the Gods has suitable imagery

https://www.theosophy.world/sites/defau ... Hodson.pdf

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Amor wrote: Mon Apr 25, 2022 5:14 am > the diva you see, does this entity have a human body

It has an energy structure based on geometry

The Kingdom of the Gods has suitable imagery

https://www.theosophy.world/sites/defau ... Hodson.pdf
How interesting, I have seen my will-choices deviate from a path to create art as reverberations, choosing to go a different way creates sacred geometry, failing/succeeding all create different paths of light in the void.

It was interesting to me yesterday, as I struggled to get through additional trauma, the instructor again went over the psychological symptoms of a significant after action event, how "tunnel vision" (among other things, like memory loss) go with it, and how when I was relaxing in a hammock in the wilderness (the universe too me I would find happiness in a hammock in the trees...) I noticed, for the first time in over 20 years (before the training event yesterday by 1 or 2 days) that my vision began to "expand out" to notice more than just a small area in the rocks on the mountain in front of me.

I felt my memory begin to relax, too. Like, the trauma of the attack that happened on my soul is finally beginning to heal.

In the name of exploring all of the possibilities of my experiences, including that it all may be just a wild dmt manifestation of an hallucination, not based on reality at all (its possible... I guess), the attack, Ms Asrael, that is was somehow psychosomatic, telekinetic destruction of myself by myself.

As being formerly religious, I want to explore all sides, because if a belief is true, it does not need to fear questioning at all.

This morning I woke up, my destiny in my own hands, as previously I was admonished to, "trust in the lord, he will guide you! God is good!" and this morning I realize, there is no God here but me.

I am not alone, however. My ignorance of the universe brings helpers, guides.

Entities with knowledge and will to help me find my best and highest well being.

I am overwhelmed with a nearly endless set of paths.

The things I previously believed were to be my goal and salvation have become desolate places of abandonment and blockades.

But as you said, so many non coincidences are happening, including a email about "finding your way when you don't know what way you want to go" this morning from the Buddhists.

I struggle with being overwhelmed with choices, burdened with possibilities, as previously the path was chosen for me by belief in a caring deity.

Is it the meditation that is bringing healing to me, saturating my dark soul with light? Or, is it doing the very thing I was told not to do, going into the darkness to make peace with her... Or a combination of the two?

It was shown to me the answer would be counter intuitive, which was part of my fear paralysis for so long.

Maybe for 20 years I have struggled with, "the path of redemption is going to be nigh- impossible, painful and will result in your death, the end to your future and hope..."

As I continue through the fear regardless, even into what feels like needless self destruction, perhaps the only thing dying, here, is my old self, miserable, weak, violent and cowardly. Perhaps that olg ego, that either navigated the waters of dishonor to survive like progenitors, is experiencing death, and the new me, is just now opening their eyes (as you said, new organs developing...)

It is still early, but the darkness is starting to clear up.

Perhaps, as I walk out of Ms. Asraels dark torture chamber, into light, I turn to tell her, if she's ever ready to leave the darkness, she has a helper, a liason, and ambassador and go between to help her... If she ever decides the light holds more appeal than the dark, she must be brave an selfless, and just as I am being forced to be brave, so too must she.

In the visions I have seen, she chooses the light, as very few people in prison (at least in the USA) want to remain there, if given a choice of freedom. Some, yes. If there is any good in Ms,. Asrael, she would want me to be free-the good in her, anyway.

Another thing I realized is that my lack of fully accepting my pets is a mirror image of the rejection of myself... As I was given negative value as a child, and even before birth, so that has transmuted to my relationships with all that is around me. How sad, and endless the falling short, the destruction, until one realizes why one is doing, and summons the trength to do better, to put an end to wrong understanding and living.

But, the truth is now that I am being set free, part of that is letting go of previous dynamics and relationships. The journey ahead is one of me, for me, by me. In that the decisions belong to me. I let others make those decisions and it made me a prisoner. Now, I am listening to higher things.

How interesting how trauma can last for decades, and we don't even know it, until healing begins.

I want to say, to get to a point, where if our old gods ever visited us, bringing light and miracles and technology, we simply say, "naw. We're good. Thanks anyway." and in a way, they would be proud of us, their creation. Truth is, the Ones below us have answers to so many questions. My mind is being expanded all the time with universe knowledge (even that is limiting. I wish I could put it into words people could understand, but maybe it's just for me to understand, for now...)

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Good!

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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In trying to accept my circumstances, and deal with this event that happened in my past, today was hard.

One of the things i have to accept is, who am I? Who am I, really? I think I am so special and important, but the truth is, nobody is more valuable than anyone else... In the end we are all just dust.

Ms. Asrael's sponsors approached me today and asked me how far I was willing to go "for her", and I quickly told them, "All the way, if it's for her." They told me, people don't usually choose to suffer like that for them, and I agreed, but if I am to make peace with my "demons", I feel like this is necessary, even if nothing ever comes of it.

At the very least, she can know somebody loved her enough to willingly make peace with her, sacrificing what feels like my future and hope so that one day I would hope she would choose better.

As I slow down, my life is seemingly coming to a grinding halt. It feels like, I am regressing... Evolving backwards.

In, that if God is love, then God is also hatred, God is cruel... I see why religion is so necessary... To make sense out of something unimaginably potentially horrific. And, i feel like I am in the meat grinder.

I did tell Ms. Asrael, if one hair was changed on her body I would not love her as much.

In loving her, i am allowing her to come to me on her terms, it is truly terrifying, dancing with her dark aura, and knowing she could potentially harm me, possibly even physically. (I am told she doesn't care...)

I've been thinking a lot lately, about what the answer is, and I know I will be victorious, but the prime directive right now, is "Survive." As long as possible, because part of the excitement of life is that it could just... end. Abruptly.

And, the truth is, as much as I do not like the idea of God, especially as he/it was billed to me as a child, I believe there is some deity out there, a ruler, who views me as a beloved child, I hope. Too many synchronizities are happening, too many coincidences.

It's a very, very place to be... Waiting. And, I know that the trauma i was subjected to, as a child and as a victim of Asrael's people, getting through/over it is painful, uncomfortable, and truly terrible, but I must keep going.

The other truth is, that if I love Ms. Asrael more than i love myself, it enables subpar behavior and attitudes, but if I give myself value, if I love myself, I establish boundaries... I love myself above her, so it enables me to love her better... And sometimes love looks like walking away, to be honest.

I forgot to add this: In dealing with Ms. Asrael's heart, soul and mind, various sponsors are helping me to satisfy her list, and as fearsome and intimidating as she is physically, for her to even approach me, I have to be 100% harmless... It was an interesting dichotomy, like others no doubt have assumed, the dark realm people are actually incredibly sensitive... I know I would have assumed the opposite, it was just interesting to dance with her heart like this, and realizing how much emotional damage I could give her with just one wrong look.
Last edited by Tundrawolf on Fri Apr 29, 2022 12:02 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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You are from outside the solar system, posted into this planet to help. You have been hijacked by the oppression system.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Amor wrote: Thu Apr 28, 2022 11:58 pm You are from outside the solar system, posted into this planet to help. You have been hijacked by the oppression system.
I believe that. I know it can seem counter intuitive, but I think a sponsor is helping me to understand/get out of the oppression system. I know it doesn't sound like it, but I am actually getting better, the "way out" was not once in view, but now the exit door gets closer and closer. I am having to re-learn how to be a human again, as so much was taken from me by the oppression system.

If... on the off chance the visions I have had regarding the oppression system are true, mainly her tears of repentence, I have to also pursue that earnestly, until a higher being is able to take over/assist me... There is only so much I can do... In being semi-retired everything is slowing down, things are making more sense than they have, i am admitting i have an issue with substance abuse, and today i realized, I need to pursue my highest health physically, and live the longest.

Eventually, there may come a battle against the oppression system, but so far it is leaving on its own accord, as i get better mentally/emotionally and heal. But, having to re-learn being a human basically from birth is hard... In a way, Ms. Asrael is helping me...

Are you saying my assignment hasn't got anything to do with the oppression system? Because, it feels like, this is why I was put here, to become ensnared as I have been, and bring love into a realm where there is none. Outside of this, and interacting with various people, and smiling, having various romantic partners and such seems to be it... I do like the person I am becoming, however, as I do right by the dogs that have fallen into my care, and approach them on their level, rather than taking their domestication for granted.

It is the husky most of all, who refuses to cater to my twisted perception of the canine, and forces me to relate to him on his level, which, once the discipline of it takes over, is a highly rewarding experience, honoring him.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Tundrawolf wrote: Fri Apr 29, 2022 12:12 am this is why I was put here, to become ensnared as I have been, and bring love into a realm where there is none

It is important to distinguish external thoughts from home-grown. Home-grown has a specific feel.

The Oppression System has had 1000s of years to prepare for your attempt to escape. It has many layers of defense and distraction.

So how do you test the value of a thought? By its appeal to your emotions?

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