OccultForum.org

Hi,


It is becoming apparent to me that my parents were irresponsible, neglectful, and abusive and given what I know now, should have been encouraged to remain celibate, or to work on themselves unto the goal of being able to fully nurture a human child. But, as things are in present day humanity (year:2021) we yet remain belligerently clueless as to how to properly nurture, care for, and raise human children in this realm. Weighed against an ideal utopia of love, maturation, and nurturing to bring a human child fully into integration with this realm and it's practices, aiming for a full life that will eschew said human into the eternities with minimal, of any, regrets.

It does not happen...

My parents hated me so much, my own dad tried to murder me by shooting me in the head with a .22 caliber semiautomatic pistol when I was a child, (He says he does not remember anything) the bullet grazed my temple, and my maternal unit, it was told to me, assaulted me sexually then began using her sacred maternal connection with me to drive me to end my own life so she (assumes... she is wrong) would be free of the guilt of stealing that sacred first from me. (Robbing me of it)

I have probed the universe and discovered that I was an accident, unwanted, created by two likely autistic spectrum (complete disconnect from the wisdom of humanity, mixed with baseline malevolence, hidden perfectly under the mantle of western "Repent!" Christianity) and therefore I have no basis of love from which to propel my endeavors in this present human society.

Basically, I am adrift.

With no source, how can there be no healing? And, with no foundation in this world, how do I find value in my existence? Worth? If God Himself has rejected me, to whom will I turn?

I have been told to "Love myself" but, what if the concept of self alludes me? Whom am I supposed to love, if I never was allowed to develop and exist?

Is this a terrible Karmic punishment for a past life, where the Offended get to watch my writhe and twist in helpless, terrifying futility? Perhaps then, they are satisfied. (Did I do something TERRIBLE in my past lives? And this horrific experience is here to atone for it?? If so, may I be granted some semblance of peace as I yet live? Perhaps when I was told, "It is up to her" (A woman I wronged in a past life) when she feels I have suffered justly, then I may be granted release... Who knows? I just want some answers, answers religion and science have failed to provide the foundation from which I may fully successfully integrate into this present iteration of human society.

Some... Guides have appeared, but they come and go- They offer some encouragement, and they do resonate with parts of me, but are they a substitute for the natural human mother and father... Maybe I will take what i can get. My idea of "God" has been splattered across the universe, when I pray any more I have no idea to whom or what I am praying to.

An incident with a spiritual encounter 20 years ago has sent me hurtling into this occult knowledge, where i have been forced to travel backwards in time and heal the wrong beliefs of a broken, terrified child thrust into combat while desperately trying to avoid the unfathomable abyss- it has brought some settling, but still the foundation alludes me.

So for this forum has helped me, guided me, instructed me, and yet I have not even begun, as I still search for answers.

Maybe someone can help me. Thanks.

>Is this a terrible Karmic punishment for a past life,

Your history is standard for those being spiritually repressed - mainly because they have been posted to the planet to assist. Female postings usually have worse suppression than males.

>then I may be granted release.

Give her love/light from the Flame in the heart. Take charge of your life here. Do not remain a victim

> when I pray any more I have no idea to whom or what I am praying to.

Human concepts of God are not particularly useful. Fortunately The Source of All has provided you with a direct connection - thus the experience of Divine Light transcends all human constructs.

The word Pray is from the French: Prier. One of its meanings is: to beg. That is not a proper relationship with The Source of All.

Since you are a direct manifestation of Spirit, and Spirit is never contaminated by its human experience, your essence is always pure. Thus: radiate your light/love from the Flame which is the anchoring of Spirit.

>Your history is standard for those being spiritually repressed - mainly because they have been posted to the planet to assist. Female postings usually have worse suppression than males.

I can agree with this, in the last few days I have made MASSIVE spiritual progress, light years more in letting western christianity go, and embracing the spirit realm. The idea that I can even have value at all is incredible to me. Because the Bible tells me to "Deny myself" as if I have no worth. Maybe I am to "Deny myself" (My sick desires, as Jesus said, he came for the sick!!!) until I am well, because religiously motivated things can be so corrupt.

>Give her love/light from the Flame in the heart. Take charge of your life here. Do not remain a victim

Her... my mother of Ms. Asrael?

>Human concepts of God are not particularly useful. Fortunately The Source of All has provided you with a direct connection - thus the experience of Divine Light transcends all human constructs.

I can definitely agree with this. The revelation of there being multiple Elohim, YHWH being just one, blows apart what I have been taught and what has been drilled into me- and that of these Elohim there are more and more. Our "god" is just a "Caretaker" of this iteration of God entertaining himself.

>The word Pray is from the French: Prier. One of its meanings is: to beg. That is not a proper relationship with The Source of All.

Wow... This is mind blowing...

>Since you are a direct manifestation of Spirit, and Spirit is never contaminated by its human experience, your essence is always pure. Thus: radiate your light/love from the Flame which is the anchoring of Spirit.

I believe my spirit has been attacked, and if it looks human, it is ripped and torn apart by an angry entity... I am not sure if this affects anything.

I will say, after I posted this, I received some knowledge: I have been a misanthrope all of my life, it seems all of humanity was against me, so I naturally hated those who hated me. What was told me yesterday in the form of a spiritual knowing, that because I have hated all of humanity, it is difficult for me to find worth among human society, basically because on some level I have rejected it. If I heal my understanding of other people existing, then I free myself to in turn, also be a human (And then be worthy of existing)

The Beatles wrote a song: Love is all you need

In regards to Christianity....the religion itself...like most, is corrupt....and in most instances should be avoided. On the other hand, i've had nothing but beneficial experiences working with the pantheon of the tradition: Jesus, Arch Angel Michael, St. Cyprian, Raziel, Metatron......etc.

Its important to distinguish these 2 points.....bypass the human system and go straight to spirit....that being said....from your post, it would seem appropriate that your in need of healing. There's lots of ways you can go about doing this. If your serious of about shifting out of your current energy....which as you said...is not pleasant....i would encourage you to look into tools for healing.

Coming back to this post.....as off the last 1-2 years been doing a tremendous amount of ancestral work. Meaning i go into the ancestral bloodline and look for energetic wounds that are in need of healing. St. Cyprian is a good dude for this kind of work.

The OP may wish to discard his direct parents while at the same time look at the blood-line and help clean it up for his own benefit. Shit that happened 1000 years ago can still be screwing with the current generation. Hope this helps.