bent on death

Chosef · Post by **Chosef** » Sat Sep 19, 2009 3:58 pm

Alright I'm going to ask what you think. I have a self-destructive nature and a death wish. You know they say fools go boldly where angels fear to tread? Well I do it for the thrill that I might just die and get this life over with, even when I know it is insane to do so.

Why I do that is complicated but my honor was robbed of me. I was supposed to have died in my prime. I idealized the great heroes of literature and tragedy, that life should be led fast and furious and you should die in the peak of your power and glory. But unfortunately it didn't work out that way as you can tell. So I feel cheated, and while I was actually killed once for whatever reason I was sent back, rejected, thrown back into this hell we call planet earth to serve out the remainder of my sentence in this prison.

So I have sulked and brooded and grieved and pitied myself. I've been depressed and all that. I'm over that crap. I have beaten myself and whipped myself into hysteria to embrace the moment when death will finally come. I know I will die eventually. Maybe soon. No I don't just want you to kill me or cast some thunder bolt on me. I want to die in a way that I can make amends with myself and for my bad karma. It bothers me, and yes sure you can accuse me of many things but there have been much worse than me. The wrongs I did I won't say but I will say I didn't kill anyone or rob old ladies or anything like that. It was the act of comprising myself and letting things into my life which were in complete antithesis to everything I once believed in and honored.

So I ask you what you think, can I be healed of this or will the universe give me the opportunity to at least die an honorable death that I may at least atone for what I feel was my downfall. You tell me. I will try just to listen to what you have to say.

Chosef · Post by **Chosef** » Sat Sep 19, 2009 4:02 pm

And no do not mention suicide it is out, and if you mention it I will keep you in mind for the next time I have barbecue and a little extra lighter fluid

and no I'm not a cannibal and I didn't rape little children, or rape anyone. Keep it cool and I will keep it cool.

Mist · Post by **Mist** » Sun Sep 20, 2009 11:44 pm

Either you cling too hard to honor in your life and are overemotional, or you are a terrible troll.

Spinel · Post by **Spinel** » Mon Sep 21, 2009 2:06 am

You already have a sense and feeling of what honor is and now you have the keys to live your life honorably.

Chosef · Post by **Chosef** » Mon Sep 21, 2009 5:08 pm

Well I am a terrible troll I won't argue about that. Actually I wouldn't say I'm a troll but people seem to like to call me that. I guess it's like how Nazis like to call jews Kikes and KKK like to call black men Niggers. But whatever. I'm just a mirror dude whatever you are seeing is just your reflection. I'm afraid to say that if you see a monster well you might be the one living under the bridge. My Karma is clean.

I suppose so that I know what honor is, but I think it was a curse and now I believe at last it has been broken.

I feel very sorry for the ones who put it on me though.

Chosef · Post by **Chosef** » Mon Sep 21, 2009 6:11 pm

Well you know I have a lot of enemies who want me dead. For various reasons. They have misunderstood me though.

I play games.

But they don't.

They don't understand I was like a little child learning how to walk.

But I also know my enemies won't triumph over me. I've seen them scattered and destroyed and their bodies in the grave.

They hated me for the wrong reason. And for that now they turn the sword on themselves.

I am sorry though but, it was not my doing. They did not understand me.

I have nothing more to contribute to this forum nor will I walk amongst you again.

Mist · Post by **Mist** » Wed Sep 23, 2009 6:18 am

Finally!

Post by **Venefica** » Thu Oct 22, 2009 4:55 am

I see the original poster have left the forum. I however still have something to add to the tread. In my opinion if one value honor over life, and then get robbed of that honor, then there is only three choices the way I see it. Dedicating oneself to righting the wrong one did and restoring ones honor, finding new honor or give it up either by dying or giving up on the concept of honor. That are the choices there is. Sitting around and moping about it do nothing. Make a choice, and live with that choice and get one with ones life, that is all one can do.

williamjacob · Post by **williamjacob** » Tue Jul 19, 2011 5:07 am

"There was this preacher who started a ministry. He had the gift of prophecy, and he sought out other prophets who also had the gift. His ministry grew large and prosperous. One day, he became concerned after reading a story about pockets of Cannibalism in Africa. He decided to do something about it. He said to his prophets, "I am sending you to Africa to convert the Cannibals." He got together a planeload of them and sent them off to Africa. Soon, word came that all his prophets had disappeared. As he was grieving over this, his accountant arrived with even more bad news. "Reverend, you have spent too much on this mission, and your church is now in the red." The Reverend replied, "Oh, my Lordy, first I hear that all my Missionaries are gone, and now my church is in a deficit. How can this be?" "Simple," the accountant replied. "The Cannibals are eating up the Prophets!"

_______________________________________
UK Education in India

Post by **Belial** » Mon Aug 22, 2011 10:44 pm

Honor is worthless.It is a mere self perceived ideal.It will impede your progress and stand in the way of evolution.

Ag aaiom vran torzu mirc iaiadix