Depression

[helvete]

I've often heard about the possibility for one's emotional stability to be influenced by occult forces. My doubt, however, lies on to discover what can be behind something of the sorts.
I've always been influenced by things that seem to be below the surface, not obvious to the majority of people. I was never personally involved in magick, but I remember being affected by it at the age of three - when my father's girlfriend set out to harm my mother, but instead of affecting my mother whatever she did was caught by me. I got physically ill and I stayed ill for weeks, and I was cured by some sort of healer, witch or whatever you normally call them. Strangely enough, I remember most of what happened and I know my mother wouldn't make such story up (she's quite skeptical herself).
I don't know if my sensibility comes from this particular experience or whatever else, and I suppose I have experienced enough to put me in depression but it's not my experiences what makes me feel at my worst. It tends to come out of nowhere. I notice I tend to be the happiest when no one around me is, and when they are I feel like shit. Sometimes I have strong thoughts on how I wish things were, and things happen. But they don't happen the way I wish they did. It's as if some sort of fucked up spirit is crawling inside my head and and making the things I wish for come true in a shitty way that makes me hope I never wished for them in the first place. I don't do rituals. I don't pray. I don't read about magick. But half the time, I feel as though I was in some sort of limbo where I'm always out of place. I can never experience anything to the fullest, neither sadness nor happiness.
A month or two ago I'd stay in my bedroom and it felt I wasn't the only one there. As I'd go to sleep at night, my bed sheets would wrinkle randomly and out of nowhere as if someone else was there with me. Sometimes before falling asleep I'd feel something touching my head, and in the morning my room would smell as if it'd been locked for years. Every single night between July and August I'd been waking up at 3am and couldn't sleep afterwards. I also remember having a dream, quite possibly the saddest I've ever had, and it was between those days.

Can a person suffer from depression for no reason at all? Possibly, but in my case, most of the time it's also caused by nothing. I tend to believe that feelings are caused by thoughts, but the ones I get come from nowhere and make me feel the urge to kill myself. Or everyone else. I tried getting professional help, but it has always been ineffective and for some reason I can never express myself accurately enough to make any kind of therapy seem the least bit helpful.
Also, I'd like to clarify that I'm only curious on what could cause such things. This situation doesn't bother me anymore - the depression, it feels to be more of a part of me than anything else. I just want to know how to find out more about what's happening and why it is happening.

(And I'm not sure if this should be in the off topic section, if so, apologies.)

[akimbomoss]

I think I've got this one. I know EXACTLY how you feel. That being that's in the room with you I think is your guardian. I think because you don't know the name of the helpful spirit you feel bad when it tries to help you. There are many options as to what you can do.

If you want I can tell you how to contact your guardian so the healing process can start. It's not that difficult.

Also you might want to look into Mood Cure by Julia Ross. This book is a blessing. You need to do due diligence and research on your part. For example! you would not mix 5-HTP with passion flower or cold medication. You can find friends at Icarus Project forum and of course there is my sage advice. Welcome!

[helvete]

I think I've got this one. I know EXACTLY how you feel. That being that's in the room with you I think is your guardian. I think because you don't know the name of the helpful spirit you feel bad when it tries to help you. There are many options as to what you can do.

If you want I can tell you how to contact your guardian so the healing process can start. It's not that difficult.

Also you might want to look into Mood Cure by Julia Ross. This book is a blessing. You need to do due diligence and research on your part. For example! you would not mix 5-HTP with passion flower or cold medication. You can find friends at Icarus Project forum and of course there is my sage advice. Welcome!

I'd love it if you could instruct me on how to do that. Also, I'll see if I can get my hands on that book - luckily I'll be able to find it online!

[akimbomoss]

I think I've got this one. I know EXACTLY how you feel. That being that's in the room with you I think is your guardian. I think because you don't know the name of the helpful spirit you feel bad when it tries to help you. There are many options as to what you can do.

If you want I can tell you how to contact your guardian so the healing process can start. It's not that difficult.

Also you might want to look into Mood Cure by Julia Ross. This book is a blessing. You need to do due diligence and research on your part. For example! you would not mix 5-HTP with passion flower or cold medication. You can find friends at Icarus Project forum and of course there is my sage advice. Welcome!

I'd love it if you could instruct me on how to do that. Also, I'll see if I can get my hands on that book - luckily I'll be able to find it online!

You will need to meditate I guess on a bed. Since you are depressed this will be a little difficult... or it might be easy depending on your mood and how much food is in your stomach. Try to imagine the form of the guardian. It could be anything. Next you ask if it is your guardian / advocate / servitor. If you don't get a straight answer that seems like "yes" then forget about them and start over again. I once found a peacock and all he could do was look at me funny and make stupid noises LOL! Useless. If it is your guardian then you ask what it's name is. Remember it and write it down in a secret journal after the meditation is over. Next thank the guardian for meeting you. Some affection might be in order. Kissing is the best form GPOTOPY. Don't worry about GPOTOPY it's a code for more advanced forum users.

That's it! Also you might want to buy Psychic Shield by Caitlin Matthews. It is like a survival guide for beginners. It tells you how to shield yourself from the mud and crap of the world.

[dodaive]

regarding the concerns over using the occult to deal with depression, IMHO, most people have depression from mystical forces as opposed to material forces (psychopharmokinetics). However, I do think you should at least familiarize yourself with a little bit of Neurophysiology.
Meds,sometimes really are the answer, if you know what you are doing. We have some very knowledgable members on the this forum, best wishes for success.

[Nahemah]

Meds,sometimes really are the answer, if you know what you are doing. We have some very knowledgable members on the this forum, best wishes for success.

QFT.

I tend to believe that feelings are caused by thoughts, but the ones I get come from nowhere and make me feel the urge to kill myself. Or everyone else. I tried getting professional help, but it has always been ineffective and for some reason I can never express myself accurately enough to make any kind of therapy seem the least bit helpful.
Also, I'd like to clarify that I'm only curious on what could cause such things. This situation doesn't bother me anymore - the depression, it feels to be more of a part of me than anything else. I just want to know how to find out more about what's happening and why it is happening.

These are 'intrusive thoughts'.Everybody gets them from time to time,but when they are extreme or frequent and /or distrbing,then they become a real problem.

I have them,but I can deal,as I 'm so over the depression these days and I know they are simply 'hangers on' in my mind.
Mine were often murderous/suicidal.I enjoy them these days,when they pop up as I regard them as ridiculous and funny interferences,little blips in my day.
That technique is on e of those used on this page below.Don't worry if you don't fit all the symptoms there.It's not always anxiety related,though it can be.

http://www.sound-mind.org/obsessive-thinking.html

I 'll post some more links for you on this and some other related information soon.

It tends to come out of nowhere. I notice I tend to be the happiest when no one around me is, and when they are I feel like shit. Sometimes I have strong thoughts on how I wish things were, and things happen. But they don't happen the way I wish they did. It's as if some sort of fucked up spirit is crawling inside my head and and making the things I wish for come true in a shitty way that makes me hope I never wished for them in the first place. I don't do rituals. I don't pray. I don't read about magick. But half the time, I feel as though I was in some sort of limbo where I'm always out of place. I can never experience anything to the fullest, neither sadness nor happiness.

'

This is a form of 'dissacociation',you repressed your emotions somehere along the way,it often occurs as a hard wired self defence mechanism in the subconscious.

http://www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnoses_a ... _disorders

I will post more more you on this too.Dissacociation has varying degrees of severity,again,don't worry unduly,it certainly dosen't mean you have major mental health problems,just some issues around this.

Magickally speaking now:

You have had a Shamanic experience,i'd say,with the magickal illness.Often this is the trigger for 'gifts' that manifest as sickness and depression.

Tackle the sickness first,you prolly have a long and amazing journey ahead,in matters magickal and mystical,best to sort out the healing and renewal processes before diving in too far.

More later.

Chin up,you will get through it,it can be sorted. [smile]

[dodaive]

There is what I call a "2 second cup of coffee" or "2 second dose of speed" whichever you prefer. It is when a thought pops up in the mind, thats stirs up rage and wrath. It actually will do about the same thing as stimulants, but the response triggers an alternate pre-programmed mind state , that is completely unrelated to the provoking thought that is more about feeling the rush and forgetting it. I have found that the best pre-programmed mind state is a vivid peaceful memory. I hope all this makes sense, this kinda stuff is just so difficult to explain [confused]

[Nahemah]

Course it makes sense Dodaive. [grin]

We all get intrusions to some degree.Some of them can be very funny,so not all bad.

When I was little,in Mass [remember: back then Masses were in Latin and lasted forever and a half] I used to get the urge to break into a Fred Astaire routine and tap dance up the aisle,while singing ' let's face the music and dance'..I didn't act on it,but it made me giggle and made Mass seem a lot less boring.

I liked Fred Astaire films.

The worst ones for me were ones of great suffering and horror,I 'd see people on fire,smell the flesh burning,it was nauseating and though they are 'flash thoughts' moving quickly,I felt trapped in them for ages.

In an Occult sense these can sometimes be visionary experiences,so learning to control how you react to them and filtering the 'astral rubbish' out can help in Spiritual development a lot too.

[akimbomoss]

Make sure you don't have Pink Adrenaline. I just found out today I had it since I was born. It started when I was getting infatuated with girls. It converts adrenaline to andrenochrome which is like getting a low dose of mushrooms and LSD at the same time. I am 35 and have never had a girlfriend because of this problem. Symptoms are depression, anxiety and psychosis (or any combination of the three).

EXAMPLE:

You decide at the end of the high school year that you like a hot portuguese girl. You are very shy and do not tell her how you feel. Summer comes and you stay in your bedroom for 2 months obsessing about her. On the next school year she tells everybody she is switching to another high school for an unknown reason because as soon as she said that you couldn't think anymore. You go insane and tell her you love her. Bad things happen.

EDIT: Just started on a regimen of vitamines that involve B1, B3, B6, C, and E among others. Crossed fingers.

[akimbomoss]

Now the next enemy. Gluten Intolerance! This demon lives in wheat derivatives. By a chain reaction the gluten tranforms on it's way to the brain causing havok. It also attacks the villi in the small intestine stopping nutrient absorption.

Symptoms are depression, dire-hea, consta-pation [rofl] , cramps, bloating, IBS and possibly an increase in various skin breakouts. The cost of going off gluten is high but think of the collaterol damage.

[jthorp]

Anyone think it could be a spiritual illness? Like the malignant 'evil eye?' This condition of ten manifests with depression.

Just a thought. Sleep with a glass of water near the head of your bed every night and change the water everyday.

Oluwa

[alex nero]

I don't think anyone is immune from depression,so don't feel alone.It's really down to a matter of will,and strength.Are you going to let life beat you down or not? It will if you let it,with no tears involved.Survival for humans is more complicated than for all other animals.We have this big brain to deal with.I'm not sure if it's an advantage or not! Meanwhile,who cares,you only live this life once,so go for it!As a Satanist,I'm done with being positive.If you still feel bad...

[Nahemah]

Hi Oluwa,great to have you on the forum. [thumbup]

Magickally speaking now:

You have had a Shamanic experience,i'd say,with the magickal illness.Often this is the trigger for 'gifts' that manifest as sickness and depression.

Tackle the sickness first,you prolly have a long and amazing journey ahead,in matters magickal and mystical,best to sort out the healing and renewal processes before diving in too far.

I believe so,it's a spiritually related illness. [quoting myself,above,lol]

I always try to think holistically,so all advice on body,mind and spirit is welcome in the thread,thought I 'd ask and advise on physical stuff first,to get the metaphorical ball rolling,so to speak.

[helvete]

I'm surprised to see I got so many responses. Thanks for the help, guys.
I've been waiting for a suitable time, when no one is around to bother me and I won't have the wrong thoughts in my mind (I remember once meditating concentrating more on how I wish everything around here was quiet as opposed to simply relaxing, and the next day I woke up deaf... And remained that way for a couple of weeks. I'd rather not risk going through that again.) to try and meditate and do as I've been instructed. Akimbomoss, I got the books and I'm going through them, thank you for the recommendations.
Also, I'd like to emphasize the fact that I don't want to "cure" myself or get "rid" of my depression. It can all be comforting sometimes. I just want to know what's happening and be familiar with it, rather than fear it.

[Nahemah]

Glad to hear that Helvete.Please do keep us informed of your progress and don't forget to ask any questions you have ,the members are friendly,lol.

There is what I call a "2 second cup of coffee" or "2 second dose of speed" whichever you prefer. It is when a thought pops up in the mind, thats stirs up rage and wrath. It actually will do about the same thing as stimulants, but the response triggers an alternate pre-programmed mind state , that is completely unrelated to the provoking thought that is more about feeling the rush and forgetting it. I have found that the best pre-programmed mind state is a vivid peaceful memory. I hope all this makes sense, this kinda stuff is just so difficult to explain [confused]

Tachypsychia, Dodaive?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tachypsychia

[akimbomoss]

Good Show! [yay]

[dodaive]

Yeah the description is accurate, i guess there really is a name for the stuff I'm experiencing thanks Nahemah for the link [happyface]

[akimbomoss]

Tachypsychia, Dodaive?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tachypsychia

Crap! So that's what happens when I summon a spirit who is not expecting me to! "Con-cen-tra-tion"