A black hole like feeling

[ryanleman]

Hello all,

I always do this when entering a discussion place. and by this I mean try to find leads on this very "fleeing" sensation. I've had this for as long as I can remember and I've only found one function (I found this about 3 months ago). Ok so characteristics

1. it is always there on the same spot in my body. I feel this all the time no matter what my emotional state or physical state is.
2. It has times where it's presence is much more intense and times where I barely notice it like now.
3. I feel it right below my heart or you could say that if it had mass it would be sitting on top of my diaphragm. I say it doesn't have mass because no matter how I move my physical body this "thing" doesn't move or feel any different which you would expect if this "thing" was an actual objective mass.
4.It feels like a black hole meaning there is infinite depth (ever feel like your heart sinking? well think of that but like if you dropped a rock into it you'd never hear it hit the bottom)
5. Now the only function I mentioned. It seems as though I can send any sensation into this black hole (like a input if you will) and then the output is energy like a caffeine energy without the "shaking hype". If you'd ever tried pure caffeine powder in water you'll know the feeling. I guess you can say it feels like a energy drink without the sugar.
6. It's been only about 3 months that I've known about this "energy converting" function. This function is basically I can take any sensation whether physical or emotional and turn it into energy. I can gain energy from others or I gain energy from the sensation I feel whenever acknowledging someone or their emotion (I'd guess that it has to do with empathy in that I do not "steal" there energy but rather say someone is crying I experience sadness of which I can convert into energy). Before this 3 months I've only known this "black hole" as "that annoying feeling" that does nothing except increase/decrease it's presence for no apparent reason and does not respond to anything at all.
7. The most interesting characteristic is that if this was all psychological than it stands to reason that I can "absorb" from anything, anytime, any place etc but this isn't the case. It seems from objects I get very little, from animals a bit more than objects and humans I can bring in a large sum ( real "waker upper :p). BUT sometimes when I try on certain things like say my computer I may be able to get energy from it today and than try again like a day, minute, hour etc later and gain nothing and this also includes animals and people. So you can say this "function" is picky although most of the time I will get at least some energy. By now I am "skilled" enough to know when I am doing it correctly. I can't really describe what "correct" means as doing so would be like describing how I mentally make my arm move, very instinctive.
8. When I do use it on say emotions the emotion seems to disappear when the energy increase.
9. Whenever I mess around with this energy like visualizing myself playing with it or doing something like the experiment I wrote about just below this I will lose energy. I've never experienced "running out".

Lastly the most interesting thing I've done (actually a few days ago) or thought I did was I was hanging out with a friend thinking about this black hole. I thought about how I could test this and saw his cat and thought to myself (well, to absorb energy I don't have to have physical contact so I wonder if I can take energy from the cat and give it to my friend) so I did my thing and the cat became so tired it started to fall asleep. My friend had no effect (to note he'd taken a hard drug......I'm always nagging at him to quit it oh and he didn't know about the black hole during this). Even more interesting was when the cat woke up like 20 minutes later the cat started to give me a "I really hate you" stare. I really would have been ecstatic if my friend had like gotten really hyper or something at the same time the cat was falling asleep. When I told him about the experiment that he didn't know he was participating in he told me that because of the H (yes that drug) even if he had gotten energy he wouldn't have felt it because H has a strong hold on someone's energy level (he talked bio-chemical terms, I just don't feel like reciting it). We shared some laughs at the thought of what if I had taken energy from the cat and just scattered it from my inexperience. We also laughed about the death look the cat was giving me.

SO now that I'm done story telling I'm always looking for leads on any information on what this black hole could be. It defies the concept of the mind and body being the source of all sensations and I am not the type to ignore something that doesn't fit my perception of the world. Ask any questions, I'm pretty sure I can answer any as I know this "black hole" like I know well.......a really annoying existent thats been with me my whole life (annoying as in it doesn't tell me anything at all .....ever).

[Rin]

I'm hardly an expert, but my first thought is that it sounds like some kind of anamoly in the energetic (astral/etheric) body. Paying attention to it would result in directing energy towards it, which would work to break down the blockage and release the stagnated energy contained within - which would account for you feeling energized afterwards.

Do you notice any particular sensations or effects on mood or awareness when you stimulate the 'hole'?

[ryanleman]

Yes, Whatever I use as the "input" seems to get used and disappears, note this is only subjective experience ex. if I touched my computer my computer wouldn't disappear rather the physical sensation that should have been felt lessens (like it's inputting most of the sensation but not all of it). When this happens there is no "numb" feeling but rather it just feels like I am touching with less force. The specific emotion I am using as the "input" seems to gradually but quickly disappear. Another characteristic is that more intense inputs like say intense happiness will yield more energy than less intense ones like (someone tells a joke) and I am slightly amused and decide to use that input this will yield energy but not that much.

My body feels like it has more usable energy but I think this is the mind being tricked into thinking it does. A inconclusive evidence would be that near the very beginning of using this I kind of "over charged" and rode my bike on it's highest gear as fast as I could for about 14 minutes straight. When I got home my body felt dead and my mind slightly dizzy pretty much exhaustion.

My mind just feels more awake and attentive from the "energy". Even when I was exhausted my mind (although slightly dizzy) was thinking like a mad scientist mostly coming up with (ahhhhh this sucks, reeeest, foooood, water, ummm "f" it lay here and chance it) and like a mad scientist I was laughing a bit because for me this was a breakthrough and a rush. In order to get more energy I actually used this black hole again then drank a lot of water and slowly made my way to the refrigerator, ate then proceeded back to my bed to act dead for a while.

I will probably start doing this to people at random and see what happens to them because for me this is where the objective evidence begins.

[ryanleman]

hmmm.... I shall prime my subconscious with some sigil work to become attentive to this black hole thus increase the chances of me using it throughout the day. I am curious to work with sigils as it is a very interesting concept. Admittedly I didn't understand it and assumed it was like drawing a picture that'll work magic for you and so thought of the concept as one step above praying.

(final edit)

Ok I wanted to make it so I can change the subject with a note to me not to open the post so that I can show you my sigil but I couldn't make it happen. Know I did it by auto-writing (when you clear your mind, invoke the feeling you want the sigil to send to your sub then let intuition guide your pen) and it looked simplicity awesome. I'll probably post it later if I become satisfied with my results.

[Rin]

Are you able to give an exact description of where it is in your body? Even better yet, a diagram showing it from the front and side.

[ShubNiggurath]

Hello Ryanleman,

Hello all,

1. it is always there on the same spot in my body. I feel this all the time no matter what my emotional state or physical state is.
2. It has times where it's presence is much more intense and times where I barely notice it like now.
3. I feel it right below my heart or you could say that if it had mass it would be sitting on top of my diaphragm. I say it doesn't have mass because no matter how I move my physical body this "thing" doesn't move or feel any different which you would expect if this "thing" was an actual objective mass.
4.It feels like a black hole meaning there is infinite depth (ever feel like your heart sinking? well think of that but like if you dropped a rock into it you'd never hear it hit the bottom)

I got the same thing at the same spot. I call it a soul. But.. mine can hurt.. hurt like hell.. like razorblades on sore, scarred skin..

with kind regards
shub

[ryanleman]

shub,

hurt? that sounds physiological. I've never had that unless I am miss interpreting your definition of hurt.

location: lets see height wise I'd say what you can do is touch the bottom of your sternum and measure 1.5 inchs up. a measurement of width would be pretty much dead center width as in from shoulder to shoulder. It's diameter would be I guess about 2 inchs. and depth like from the surface of my chest going in I'd say again dead center.

btw awesome link

http://www.healthline.com/human-body-maps/male#5/1

[RoseRed]

Have you looked into psychic vampirism?

[ryanleman]

I've heard of it. Never felt the need to look into it as the concept seemed simple enough. Psychic vampires are known to suck life energy from people and animals (object? never heard of that in specific) rather than drinking blood which would be known as sanguine vampirism.

Honestly I get hyper from my own blood and to me it seems reasonable that some humans could have evolved to become hyper when the stomach or smell senses blood. This would be kind of like a "last ditch" defensive mechanism to get the human to ether fight or run away because the smell of human blood usually implies conflict or damage of some kind of which human blood in the stomach would be a huge "red flag" for our body. I'm thinking with so much war in human history this kind of defensive mechanism could be invaluable but because of the whole unholy blood ideaology people have taken this hype as a sign that they are something special or supernatural (which something being supernatural in a natural world is a contradiction in it'self) which in reality simply isn't the case.

As far as would I label myself a physic vampire? no but that is only because such a label comes with a load of "added" baggage. As far as I know I can take sensations and convert it into energy and maybe even manipulate energy. Nothing more, nothing less.

[RoseRed]

There's nothing simple about true psy vamps and they run the gamut from naturals who feed off of ambient energies without even realizing it to those that require feeding for their existence.

Just because you don't know much about something does not mean that there's not much to know.

I asked for a reason. Let's see if you can figure out why.

[ryanleman]

I already have other things to study that's captivated more of my interest as well as starting college psychology classes. I've run into these ego stroking "lets test him" kind of bull shit games before and really am not interested so if you have something on your mind then out with it and if not thats fine but if you are the kind who wants to play games then I am not the kind to want to participate. If what I've said thus far has grabbed enough of your interest to give me something "to figure out" then perhaps a better option is to send a message to my inbox.

[RoseRed]

so if you have something on your mind then out with it

OK.

Your ignorance is astounding. You came here asking for help and when you get it you want all the answers handed to you on a silver fucking platter.

I could give a shit about 'testing' you. I was giving you an idea of where to start your research so you could find your own answers. That's a hell of a lot more than you had when you started this thread. I don't really care what 'captivates' you. Sometimes, the things we need to learn about can bore the shit out of you but that doesn't make it any less important.

The knowledge that I have is my own. It's not for the taking for every little pissant that doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground who demands it from me on a forum.

As far as 'ego stroking' - think what you like. It doesn't really matter to me. I've paid my dues on this path with blood, sweat and tears. And for the record - I don't play 'bullshit games'. Your demanding little tantrum told me all I need to know about you and how ready you're not for all of this.

[Ramscha]

You said you were hanging out with a friend who was on a H trip at that time. Do you also take drugs? If yes, then I guess we have the point of sorrow.

[ryanleman]

The only drugs my works had required was daily 156mg caffeine in about 20oz water and 200 Choline CDP. I am actually so close to being done with the caffeine which took soooo many hours of research, questioning myself, more research etc to always make the correct choice. I am at the delicate point of where I think what I'd want to do is continue using for 4-7 days (keep in mind I've been at this for about 1.5 years consistently) to "over do it" so that when I quit the "levels" I was promoting will drop down to the level I want. So no my answer had nothing to do with substance use.

Anyway it was the tone in which you said it that implied it was a "test" specifically "Let's see" which directly implies an outside figure (apparently you or the forum) evaluating of which "if you can figure out why" implies a preconceived correct answer of which the evaluator holds. I came to discuss hence why I said if you have something on your mind then out with it but testing to me was very insultive.

[ryanleman]

oh and yes another very important part to my works was mostly through cognitive methods. A LOT of reflection. A LOT of study, a good amount of behavior analyzing which of course leads to more reflection and perhaps study my favorite being a free youtube Standford lecture series. It's hard to recap the details which would be the crucial part of my works as I've been at it for over a year now.

[RoseRed]

If you plan on continuing the discussion then anyone and everyone reading the forum will see. That's all that was meant by that.

Implying tone to the written word can cause so many misunderstandings on forums. I'm pretty much straight to the point and the 'implied tone' says much more about you and how you took very simple sentences than what was actually said. You added quite a bit that I didn't write and didn't think of.

Boring topic or not - I gave you a place to start your own research and it really won't take that much research for you to find the answers. The MAIN reason why I didn't just answer your question with what I think is because in doing some basic research on something that you haven't studied at all will give you a much better understanding of what you're looking at then a simple given answer. You already think that there's not much to the topic and it really is quite broad. Without being able to put that into perspective you'll lose any importance that any answer I could've given you could've possibly had.

You want to avoid the topic of psychic vampirism because of all the 'excess baggage' BUT if you knew a little bit about it you'd realize that a lot of the 'excess baggage' is simply what people that don't know anything about it think about it. Do you really give a shit about what other people incorrectly think about a topic or would you rather find out the truth for yourself?

So, no. I'm not being an ego stroking, testing bitch. But without some common ground/knowledge of the topic there really can't be a thoughtful discussion.

[ryanleman]

I could argue further but I think we both agree that this argument would be pointless and not at all productive. I think we can boil this all down to you using bad wording (at least in my opinion) and me being testy from being put "through the ringer" more than anyone should have to be. So in my eye we can easily get back on the point.

If I am not wrong the point you wanted me to see was one: the psychic vampire idea is much more complex than I assume and 2. I may have at least some of these abilities although you probably thought that because of the baggage I had mentioned I was in denial or never considered it thus never thought about that possibility which would be a wrong assumption although supported by the fact that I never gave it it's "due process" by not doing decent research. My problem of baggage is not of other people caring but rather when one speaks I think it is more practical to use words as what the majority of people would interpret it as and so I try to avoid "loaded terms" or terms with a lot of unneeded baggage. If anything someone can see me having a problem of not wanting to be misunderstood which would be true as I see this as potentially causing unneeded problems. So I'll give it it's due process as it is over due first on this form and second on the web however I am skeptical of finding something I would consider profound because of the whole "vampire scene" being a great profit maker in the market as well as people going toward that scene for psychological issues and probably saying anything ex. false claims. that makes them feel like more then what they are

[RoseRed]

I could argue further but I think we both agree that this argument would be pointless and not at all productive.

I wasn't arguing - I was explaining. At this point, I do agree that any further discussion of this specifically would be pointless.

I think we can boil this all down to you using bad wording (at least in my opinion) and me being testy from being put "through the ringer" more than anyone should have to be.

Actually, I used very little wording. All the extras were added by you.

the psychic vampire idea is much more complex than I assume

At the very least. Assumptions in an occult path can be very dangerous.

2. I may have at least some of these abilities

Yes. From what you've described I would'nt label you as a psy vamp BUT most people have some of these abilities and it's a good place to start looking for answers.

although you probably thought that because of the baggage I had mentioned I was in denial or never considered it thus never thought about that possibility which would be a wrong assumption although supported by the fact that I never gave it it's "due process" by not doing decent research.

Denial never crossed my mind. How would I know if you ever considered it or not? I can only go by what you say and that was basically that you think the topic of boring, loaded with baggage and not of interest to you.

My problem of baggage is not of other people caring but rather when one speaks I think it is more practical to use words as what the majority of people would interpret it as and so I try to avoid "loaded terms" or terms with a lot of unneeded baggage. If anything someone can see me having a problem of not wanting to be misunderstood which would be true as I see this as potentially causing unneeded problems.

But you're not dealing with the general public or the majority of people here. You're dealing with occultists. For the most part, we care very little about what the general public thinks about anything. They usually have it wrong anyway. The added baggage from the general public means Jack Shit here.

however I am skeptical of finding something I would consider profound because of the whole "vampire scene" being a great profit maker in the market as well as people going toward that scene for psychological issues and probably saying anything ex. false claims. that makes them feel like more then what they are

I can understand that. There are a bunch of idiot children running around and playing at being a vampire. It reminds me of an episode of Buffy when they go into the 'Vampire Club' and find a bunch of idiot children all dressed up pretending to be vamps. Real psy vamps hide in plain sight behind these idiots.

You're also not looking in the right places. Psychic vampirism is very real. There are forums dedicated to it. Some of these people are trying to figure out how to live with what they are. How to feed without hurting others. Some don't care. Some mentor others. Some are just assholes. At the end of the day - whatever psychic gifts/curses they have - they're just people.

You could start with googling 'The Black Veil'. It's a voluntary code of conduct that many psy vamps have adopted and hold to.

Not many things in the occult world are cut and dry and there really is a lot of overlap. Just because I don't think you're a true psy vamp doesn't mean that you aren't. I do think that you can find a lot of information about your 'black hole' and learn to control what you're doing. These are the first baby steps to learning to use your inherent abilities. If you're hung up on what the general public thinks then you're letting the mindless masses control you.

I am glad that this was able to turn into conversation instead of just argument (actually it was never an argument on my end). If you have a problem with my words because of 'tone and inflection' perhaps walking away and coming back to them later could be helpful. You have some hang ups (we all do) and you're letting them color my words instead of taking them at face value. You don't need to read into them or make assumptions. As seen above - if you ask me a direct question I will answer it. I may say 'no' but that's still an answer.

[Ramscha]

Anyway it was the tone in which you said it that implied it was a "test" specifically "Let's see" which directly implies an outside figure (apparently you or the forum) evaluating of which "if you can figure out why" implies a preconceived correct answer of which the evaluator holds. I came to discuss hence why I said if you have something on your mind then out with it but testing to me was very insultive.

Hell no! I was asking a fucking question straight to the point, not implying anything. And yes, THAT is bad wording [bummed]
Why should I test you, I have better things to do then to waste time on testing around.

I could argue further but I think we both agree that this argument would be pointless

I see nor argument here but rather denying the point where Rose wanted to help.


So, to come back to the point. I am not quite sure what to think about it. This energy vampirism thing sounds a little bit dubious to me, I didn't know that such symptoms could be focused on a specific body area. Sounds more like a blockade to me, but this theory was already pointed out.

Ramscha

[ryanleman]

Well the main object of study would be to really find "how" these things could function to begin with. This black hole doesn't seem to give me trouble now that I've found out what it does and even then before I had figured this out all it was was a really annoying black hole feeling. Right now my curiosity lays in what you could all the "physics of magic". At times in my journey I've even studied bits of pieces of magic like the psychological aspects of rituals that I knew I was never going to use but just because of this curiosity of how it could work I was drawn to study it.....i think this was when I was looking into Laveyan Satanism rituals which all boils down to psychodramas as far as I know.

The black veil code of conduct I've seen and didn't really like it but that is only because of my a-moralist like views on the world.

[RoseRed]

I've gotta ask - how old are you?

It really doesn't matter what you like or not. It's a voluntary code of conduct.

This black hole doesn't seem to give me trouble now that I've found out what it does and even then before I had figured this out all it was was a really annoying black hole feeling.

Figured that out all by yourself, huh? Sounds like you've got all the answers already. And you know none of the consequences. You're gonna get yourself eaten for lunch if you ever come across a fully trained adult psy vamp. Oh, I would love to see that. Hell, I'd bring popcorn and watch the show. Would anybody like to join me? You'd be lucky if you only ended up in a coma.

Go learn it the hard way. You don't want answers. You want someone to pat you on the head and tell you that what you think is correct. As I said before - your ignorance is astounding.

(And there's no need to imply tone. This is me being a minor bitch and laughing at the stupidity in this thread)

[ryanleman]

I'm 21. Excuse me if I don't share your sympathy for morality. The reason I do not follow it is not to be "lawless" or for that "teen age mentality" I think you were hinting at but because I simply think morality it'self does not actually exist. I think morality as we know it is a blend of several fields of psychology like how we were raised, our relationship with those who taught us, then there is our own experiences, our physiological constructs, our genetic dispositions etc but morality having a objective basis in reality? I don't think so and thus I do not think morality exist so I myself do not form any morality like structures to guide my behavior. This is not to say I go around punching people in the face as there are plenty of reasons to behave like we have brains without ethical or moral guidance.

And now I believe you are putting words into my mouth. I never said I figured everything out about this like for example Currently I see the black hole as a sort of mystery mechanism as in how does it work? how was it created? can it be improved? are there any other functions as well? How can I test it? and I'm sure if I sat here I could ponder up some more questions to ask about it. By no means have I figured it "all" out but in my current view I found a pretty big piece of the puzzle which had escaped me for so many years.

Didn't we just have a discussion about throwing a fit, of which last time I was the perpetrator? Can we not do that again?

[RoseRed]

I have no idea what you're talking about morality.

It really doesn't matter if you like the code of the Black Veil. It matters to the psy vamps that choose to follow it.

I didn't put words in your 'mouth'. I underlined the part I was addressing.

That wasn't a fit - that was me being a minor bitch. I get that way sometimes. I thought our discussion was about implying inflection and tone.

[ryanleman]

Well no matter how other psys feel about my "black hole" I will continue to use it and experiment how I see fit. I owe my loyalty to no one. The only condition I would honor the "black veil" is if I got some benefit from doing so but I seriously doubt this will happen. After all why would I follow laws of people that don't have the ability to enforce it and worse that I don't even know personally?

Now my result: apparently after gaining energy from various people, other people seemed to have more of an attraction/ interest of me. I got to the level of feeling "beaming" or you could say I was "glowing" with positive energy (you know one of those people you feel good just looking at). Later after a while of using this ability all my muscles were very relaxed and currently I am very much awake almost like I just woke up and I am very hungry which was a constant pattern in my previous uses of this ability.

I intend to do more predictable test and I am wondering the question of does this ability have implications that cross other theories in magical tradition like is this ability a stepping stone to more and things of that nature.

[RoseRed]

Well no matter how other psys feel about my "black hole" I will continue to use it and experiment how I see fit. I owe my loyalty to no one.

I never said not to. I've been encouraging you to learn more about it. Part of that learning is experimenting with it. I fully support anyone who tries to understand and learn to use and control their inherent abilities. I also warned that many people learn to hide in plain sight. Just be careful who you use it on because if you try to use that with someone that knows what you're doing - the encounter may not end well.

You have several inherent abilities that have been touched upon in this thread. What gifts/curses you have that haven't been discussed yet - I don't know. Knowing Thyself is very, very important. And a huge part of that is developing inherent abilities so that you can control at will.

Not every psy vamp follows the Black Veil. It's a personal decision that each person needs to make for themselves. I really don't care what people choose to do as long as it has no afffect on me. The reason that I brought it up is because it is difficult to find decent places to research this type of thing with all these idiots running around pretending to be vamps. All I did was give you a place to start your research if you choose to. I wasn't placing a moral judgement or saying that you should follow it. Your choices are your own to make.