My first Celtic cross self-reading

[Cybernetic_Jazz]

I wanted to throw this out here because I know there are a lot of people who have treasure-troves of knowledge with respect to tarot interpretation and I'd love to learn a little bit more about what it's like to see that in action and as well get a clue as to how I can start sort of seeing the connections.

It's probably best for me to start of by saying that I used the Universal Waite for this, pretty standard deck being that it's a clone of all the other RW variants. The Celtric cross format I used is here: http://www.angelpaths.com/spreads3.html

My question: What do I do with my present pessimism with respect to people and the social demands to conformity?

I'll give more backdrop on the context. To be up front I'm not having a mid-life emo crisis, lol it ain't quite a 'society myaaannnnn' kinda thing, it has more to do with being in an environment where even for my best efforts to be polite and open about certain things in my life I'm finding that some people are just, for the lack of a better word, 'loose cannons' when it comes to they're humor, they're reach into their coworker's psyches, a bit too quirky to call them assholes in that sense, and even to leave that out I'm finding out now that even what I do tell people in honesty that I didn't even think I could get in trouble with I find out that I get perceived as a bit of a liar just because something about my life and my outward gestalt - in their math - doesn't shake out.

To add to that I have a new job where the learning pace has been very hectic, I now have responsibilities where if I don't get certain things done at certain times it means whole sections of the company could grind to a halt, and to add to that I'm finding out about another flank - Middle-easterners - and how they often read body language and behavior in such a manner that if they don't get exactly what they expect they assume very quickly that they're dealing with an imbecile. The ones I'm working with are also panickers who need other people to panick with them and if the other person doesn't panick then it's assumed that the person is simply too stupid to get it and needs to be ground into more. Either one of these could start scary rumors about a person's efficacy and competency (the last thing I need is to have people questioning my basic common sense faculties right now), and my luck I have a situation where I'm not quite of the norm, the way I phrase things is going to be different (I can either suck it up or treat myself to a bullet on that one), and my facial affect has never worked in my life - which gives people tons of room for projection if they're 'Ahhaaaaa!!!!' type people.

Lol, not even to mention they're working with an esotericist and I really don't want them to know that.

So really what I'm trying to do is this: I don't want to mis-create and make bad situations come up by my digging in the dumpster for worst-case scenarios, even though I have a strong habit toward this as the number of times I've been stabbed and bitten in life is farther than I can count. I'm really trying to stay positive, have my positivity toward both myself and others make a positive impact and even muffle some of the bad habits around me or at least help to bounce them off of me and even shelter others who need the same protection from it.

Note: I accidentally, when laying the cards, laid 6 before 5 - not sure what the consequences of that are but I thought it would be good to bring that up.

The cards in response to my query:

1. Present - Seven of Wands
2. Immediate Challenge - The Hermit
3. Distant Past - Queen of Cups
4. Immediate Past - The Hanged Man
5. Best Outcome - The Sun
6. Immediate Future - The Lovers
7. Factors Affecting Situation - 5 of Cups (inverted)
8. External Influences - 8 of Wands (inverted)
9. Hopes and Fears - Death
10. Final Outcome - King of Wands

On a side note I was hoping to get an additional card which would be my 'what to do' if I want to be proactive and get the situation as right as I can. After spreading and shuffling I was recompacting the cards when T1 - The Magician fell out. I set that off to the side in consideration that it might be the advice card. I just now checked to see what the next card down on the shuffled deck would be and it's 2 of Pentacles - so whether I'd have gone with The Magician or 2 of Pentacles it would have been a similar message I think.


To give my best initial interpretation of the reading I'd go this way:

1. Present - Seven of Wands - lol, no shit.

2. Immediate Challenge - The Hermit - I don't really understand this one aside from my recent feeling, starting last weekend when talking with friends, that I want to be less and less open about my ontological beliefs, that talking is for debate and rip-down and if you're sure of your path you're suppose to just button your lip. Partly also its the sense that my esotericism adds an extra weight where I perhaps won't stack up when people do the math because what I'm telling them about myself is incomplete and leaving out probably the most 'me' thing about me. The next strain of thought I'll just call layer 2 and my layer 2 hypothesis comes from the Death card in slot 9 - if this is interpreted on the macro level rather than the immediate then it might mean that the 'old man' of the flesh in me is at odds with The Hermit (ie. my mysticism) and that this is my ego throwing up a battle to distract me back to the material realm or make it feel too weighty for me to continue my pursuits.

3. Distant Past - Queen of Cups - This one I really don't feel like I have a grip on. The only thing I can make heads or tales of with it is that I've been an incredibly sensitive person most of my life, it got beaten out of me as time went on albeit certain levels of that stayed.

4. Immediate Past - The Hanged Man - I'm more versed on the esoteric/mystic meaning of this than the day-to-day meanings but I could interpret this one two ways 1) my schedule got so filled that I've needed to play triage with things I wanted to do 2) I did essentially start walking according to the spirit when I joined a couple mystic/magic fraternities to technically - albeit I don't know that I'm exactly at that level of development to say 'born again of the spirit' I'm definitely taking on that endeavor in my life.

5. Best Outcome - The Sun - Seems self-explanatory - that I'm going to overcome or that the clouds are going to peel back.

6. Immediate Future - The Lovers - I don't know on this one unless I were to guess that all the seeming adversities that the High Priestess and Empress have sadly had to throw at me due to my own thoughts and the pessimism floating in my historic pool may have enough suggestion from me to relinquish my confusion and to listen to the superconscious or Master Within instead of myself and to take It's will over mine wherever mine differs. If that's the case this could be a trueing up with my subconscious. I can't rule out a relationship but, lol, I'm autistic and I could more easily see myself materializing things in my hands or making the philosopher's stone than having a romantic relationship that works.
7. Factors Affecting Situation - 5 of Cups (inverted) - I'll say right here that I'm still 'by feel' on inversions since they're usually just mild increase of an already negative card or mild muting of a positive card. 5 of cups tells me what I've known for a long time - my threat detectors are hyperactive and quite easily I can sit there and dwell on every place where I don't measure up to the world's expectations all the while having blessings that I have to manually stop to imagine being without.

8. External Influences - 8 of Wands (inverted) - This makes a lot of sense. At my job they've admitted that they've never thrown someone into the position I'm in this fast and so it does feel like the wagon's going so fast that I need tremendous poise to keep the wheels from falling off.

9. Hopes and Fears - Death - A couple different levels. The mundane - Essentially fear that either some accident that I could not have foreseen will terminate my employment (in the adult work world it seems like mistakes - whether they're your fault or not - mean piano wire to the throat) or that I might not get my contract renewed if they feel like I'm not enough of a social fit. The other aspect going back to what I said with the Hermit - layer 2 - the 'old man' of the flesh in me fears The Tower and the irreversible epiphany that things aren't as they outwardly seem.

10. Final Outcome - King of Wands - Fire or Fire. I don't know what else to say on it. If I get this situation right it sounds like I might be quite lit up to take on new things in the future or really add rocket fuel to my spiritual path.

Action card:
Both options seem to suggest direct focus and really its a bit like suggesting meditation on the spread above and really picking apart the nuances could help me to understand the nuts and bolts mechanics of it all.


Anyway if anyone has some additional thoughts on this or thinks I might have made some amateur mistakes in how I connected, kept disconnected, etc. the flow of the cards let me know.

Thank you!

[Eremita]

What do I do with my present pessimism with respect to people and the social demands to conformity?

1 - Seven of Wands - No shit indeed. XD

2 - The Hermit - The Hermit stands for the strength within. Perhaps the reactions of other people in your workplace (like the panicky ones, and the ones who assume you are an idiot for not reacting in a certain way) are having too much of an impact on your well-being. You know who you are, you know you are competent, so fuck 'em. I think this is very pertinent to the question; sometimes when it comes to others' demands, we don't have to do anything. You are your own guide, and typically we can't live up to the expectations of others; sometimes it isn't even worth trying.

"How other people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours."

3 - Queen of Cups - The Queen of Cups is the epitome of intuition and sensitivity. This is an aspect of yourself (or possibly someone else, but I think yourself) that is playing into the situation right now. I see this card as an reinforcer to the Hermit above. Your sensitivity and willingness to understand others is setting you apart from those around you. The Queen of Cups is a fountain of knowledge, but she can also be undiscerning in what she lets in. I think the message is to try to unplug yourself from concerns about the attitudes of others when those attitudes aren't meaningful or helpful to you in any way.

4 - The Hanged Man - Sacrifice of control for wisdom. Has the loss of control in some aspect of your life, work or something else, been affecting you recently? The Hanged Man can also indicate acceptance. If you've recently come to grips with something pertinent or significant (you know, one of those self-epiphanies) it could be playing out here. Your interpretation of your Esoteric rebirth was also a nice one.

5 - The Sun - Brilliant. That's what you are. Oh baby, you're a superstar. :p

The Sun is the same power that shines within the Hermit (see my avatar pic! ). You already have within yourself everything you need to defeat this question.

6 - The Lovers - Hummm. You may be right about your aversion to a romantic relationship, but the Lovers simply means Union, not necessarily related to a relationship at all. It's a herald of opportunity for connection; friendship; intellectual alignment; devotion; peace; contentedness with where you are. It's a very positive card to have come up in a Future position, as this one did. I think in this situation it's teaming up with the Sun to show you all the ways in which you form mutually beneficial connections with those around you. Do you work in management or something like that? The Lovers are Mediation, and you strike me as the kind of character who shines in that respect.

7 - Five of Cups - Here is your counterpart to the Queen of Cups. The Five of Cups is Disappointment; it's the moody card, being Geburah in the sphere of Water. It tells us that your expectations of other people and the world at large can be inflated. The way things are, and the way you want them to be are very different, and that's a frustrating thing to have to live with. The silver lining is that it's all an inner battle. You don't have to conquer the world; only your attitude towards it. You mentioned pessimism in the original question - here the reversed Five of Cups is giving you a solid answer - reversing your outlook is the key to conquering pessimism. It isn't easy, but it is possible!

8 - Eight of Wands - Your outer environment is one that you are finding it difficult to stay grounded in (haha, I wrote that before reading your own interpretation - I think you've hit the nail on the head there).

9 - Death - Death showing up in position 9 probably reflects fear of change. What this pertains to I'm really not sure. I think it suggests encouragement to let go of attitudes that are no longer serving you, and the card could reflect the question in this way. Death represents deconstruction pending reconstruction; the tossing out of the old to make way for the new. In the version of the Celtic Cross spread I use (which is a little different to this one), position 9 also represents an unresolved factor - something stewing in your unconscious mind.

10 - King of Wands - Another Fiery card to complete the cross on the left! The King of Wands represents strength and self-mastery. He burns away indecision and brooding and reminds us that we are the Creators of our own reality. If the outcome of Death is the King of Wands, then sign me up. This is you as you will be; the perfect complement to the Sun. Other people and the pressure to conform need only bother you if you let them. You are Lord and Master of your life - not them. The King of Wands declares that in individuality and deviation there is Glory and self-fulfillment. Be yourself and be proud. You're a pretty rad dude after all.


I hope you found my thoughts helpful or at least amusing. [crazy]

[Cybernetic_Jazz]

Awesome input and yeah, you gave me a lot of additional context to consider.

Thanks again for reading through that and responding!

[Eremita]

No worries, it gave me a good excuse to drag out and drool over my brand new shiny Thoth deck. [grin]

[RavenDarkWind]

I'm not as good at reading reversals as I should be, but the reversed 5 of Cups makes me think of bottling up emotions.

[Desecrated]

1. Present - Seven of Wands
2. Immediate Challenge - The Hermit
3. Distant Past - Queen of Cups
4. Immediate Past - The Hanged Man
5. Best Outcome - The Sun
6. Immediate Future - The Lovers
7. Factors Affecting Situation - 5 of Cups (inverted)
8. External Influences - 8 of Wands (inverted)
9. Hopes and Fears - Death
10. Final Outcome - King of Wands

1 Describes your situation pretty good actually.
Look at the card, it's a single guy being challenged by six other guys. man vs society. man vs group. man vs norms.

2. The world is shit, a black hole made of shit filled with people who are made out of shit.
You want to survive in it = just go with the flow. Don't try to change anything, just learn how to live with it.

3. Is this your mom? Is that where your attitude comes from originally? Do you have any unfinished business from your upbringing and childhood, that you need to resolve to grow stronger?

4. Do you feel like you are being punished because you are the only one that seems to notice how stupid others are?

5. Good outcome!

6. You can get great support from one person. Someone who you can friendly latch on to and learn from. Someone whom already gone done this path you're on-

7. Acceptance and forgiveness.
People are assholes, learn how to live with it, don't get hung upon it. Don't waste your time or energy on them.

8. It will take a lot of time.

You don't have to look at this as an absolute. it can just be a warning. or a friendly reminder.
Communication is hard. Remember that sometimes it's not your fault, it's not their fault, things are just not going smoothly.
The system both of you are in makes it harder then it should. Maybe you need to talk to them in a different place or in a different way. Catch a workbuddy outside of work, invite your boss to dinner, suggest a trip somewhere.


9. You might discover that you have somebody close to you that is just sucking energy from your life and that person needs to go.

Or you need to go.
Sometimes when shit hits the fan to often, the best way is to step aside.

10. If you go down this road and you succeed. You might find yourself in a leader-position. You might have to rise, or you might just accidentally rise to a new position.

And this can be scary. There is a lot of changes you have in your cards. Almost all of them are big scary changes that makes you feel uncomfortable.

The conclusion is that you are going to have to work long and hard on this.
And, that it is YOU, who are going to do a lot of the work.
You might get some help, Heck, you might even need some help, so don't be afraid to reach out.
You might need to resolve some issues or find some peace within to find the strength to do this.
But the most positive is that the outcome seems good. It seems positive. I think you can do it. Just prepare yourself that it's going to be uphill sometimes.

[Desecrated]

I'm not as good at reading reversals as I should be, but the reversed 5 of Cups makes me think of bottling up emotions.

5 of cups is one of those hard cards. People see fives and they get scared.
But remember it's a five, not a ten. It's only half-bad.

He has lost 3 cups, but still has 2.
So it's kinda like one step forward, two steps back. and that sucks. Sometimes it feels like your effort was wasted. Sometime you just want to throw your hands in the air an give up. But we don't do that when we fall of the horse. we get back in the saddle. we carry on.
The best part about cups is that if the content is spilled, you can always refill them. You don't loose the actual cup. Sure it might be dented and scratch but you can still use it.
I have some scars on my body, mostly because I was stupid, but I won't cry about them now. They are just proof that I've been alive.

The thing about reversed 5 of cups is that it doesn't mean double the trouble. But it has a strong warning to it.

When it's just a normal card it means that you are going to loose something or you have lost something.
When it's reversed it comes with the warning that you really need to get over this.

It's not bad enough that some shit has happen to you. Now you have to let go off it too. Forgive and forget. Move on. Just concentrate on what you have and not what you've lost.
And don't forget what you still have. Look behind you. There is still two cups there!

And you have to. Otherwise you will get stuck.
When it's a normal card it's there to prepare you for the physical happening.
When it's reversed you need to prepare yourself for both the physical happening and the psychological impact this might have.

[Cybernetic_Jazz]

The conclusion is that you are going to have to work long and hard on this.
And, that it is YOU, who are going to do a lot of the work.
You might get some help, Heck, you might even need some help, so don't be afraid to reach out.
You might need to resolve some issues or find some peace within to find the strength to do this.
But the most positive is that the outcome seems good. It seems positive. I think you can do it. Just prepare yourself that it's going to be uphill sometimes.

I think my greatest dangers there are days like today where I felt like I was getting farther and farther behind, felt like the floor was dropping out from under me, and I've learned over time that I'm still horrifically brittle when it comes to these things. I'll seem like a paragon of mental health, clarity, and good thought decisions but when my fundamental efficacy as a human being feels like it's being called into question it's as if there's a Jeckyll and Goebbels dimension to myself where the later opens up and I find myself horrified at just how quickly and easily I start fantasizing about 'doing the honorable thing' if I should find myself in-viable and needing financial support forever.

[Desecrated]

The conclusion is that you are going to have to work long and hard on this.
And, that it is YOU, who are going to do a lot of the work.
You might get some help, Heck, you might even need some help, so don't be afraid to reach out.
You might need to resolve some issues or find some peace within to find the strength to do this.
But the most positive is that the outcome seems good. It seems positive. I think you can do it. Just prepare yourself that it's going to be uphill sometimes.

I think my greatest dangers there are days like today where I felt like I was getting farther and farther behind, felt like the floor was dropping out from under me, and I've learned over time that I'm still horrifically brittle when it comes to these things. I'll seem like a paragon of mental health, clarity, and good thought decisions but when my fundamental efficacy as a human being feels like it's being called into question it's as if there's a Jeckyll and Goebbels dimension to myself where the later opens up and I find myself horrified at just how quickly and easily I start fantasizing about 'doing the honorable thing' if I should find myself in-viable and needing financial support forever.

That is why you need to work on the hermit, and then on the lovers.

[Cybernetic_Jazz]

Sounds about right.

I did give another shot just asking my higher self yesterday how It saw my situation and headspace yesterday if it could sum it up in a card - got the 8 of wands again. Asked for two cards for joint clarifiers - got inverted 6 of wands and inverted knight of cups.

Seems like the tarot can give pretty spot-on analysis of what is, I suppose its another reason why I want to get to know the cards inside and out. I'm hoping I can understand them on a level to where if I also want to ask my inner self for advice I can reach out into what I don't already know or into the options I may not realize I have.

[Desecrated]

Every time I read another book about tarot, I learn something about myself.

I like the cards for divination, but I especially like them as a system to work with oneself.

Every time I learn something new in life, the meaning of the cards gets deeper. The more I evolve. the more they evolve. I don't think you can ever understand them all.