I always find introducing myself to be rather awkward so I suppose I'll just jump right in and get it over with.
To be honest, that I've ended up here (both on this forum and where I am in life) is still quite surprising to me, and yet, not surprising at all. I grew up in a conservative, fundamentalist christian home. This means, as a child, I had very little exposure to anything occult related. My parents were vigilant in keeping any sort of occult related material away from me and my sibling as we grew up. However in my teens I started playing Magic: The Gathering and to be honest (if a bit hokey) that was the seed that sparked my interest.
Fast forward ten years, in my late twenties I still hadn't ever really explored anything esoteric. However, I've always read science fiction and fantasy novels, which I now believe were a way of feeding the part of me I would never allow to explore the occult. Throughout my twenties I grew more and more disillusioned with the protestant faith until I eventually converted to Eastern Orthodox Christianity (I believe I was attracted to this because of the highly ritualized nature of Eastern Orthodox practice). I'll be honest, I was always somewhat afraid that if I got into magick, and Christianity turned out to be right, I'd definitely end up in Hell and that's not a place I wanted to go. However, in studying Eastern Orthodox dogma in depth I have found something interesting. Universal salvation has never actually been ruled out by Eastern Orthodox dogma. Indeed it is considered a reasonable hope by the EO church. In the past few years I have read the writings of many of the Church's greatest saints that also advocated the concept of universal salvation. I became convinced that if Christianity is indeed true, the universal salvation position is the only one that makes any sense. If Christianity isn't true, then none of it matters anyway. I've always suspected that most major religions hold some level of truth within them, but do not necessarily contain all truth.
Thus I felt freed of the burden of fear that was holding back my intellectual and spiritual curiosity. I've studied extensively in Christian theology and all sorts of philosophy from the classics up through modern day philosophy. I've also studied classical literature and myth. To a lesser extent I have studied Hinduism, Buddhism, and Taoism (the wisdom literature of Taoism is one of the most beautiful expressions of human existence I've ever read).
For much of the past five years I have been developing my own spiritual, moral, and intellectual approach to existence. A sort of personal philosophy of life tailored to my experience.
I guess I should get around to my interest in Magick and what has lead me here. Almost two years ago I was hanging out with a friend and she showed me a few of her tarot decks. I was taken with the interesting artwork immediately. I couldn't stop thinking about them all day so I went online and bought a couple decks (nothing fancy, just the regular Rider-Waite, and the Osho Zen deck which I picked up mostly because I absolutely love the artwork). For the past year and a half I have muddled around in this and that esoteric literature. I have read through probably a half dozen books that are supposed to help you learn tarot (none of the systems have ever really felt right though). I picked up the Crowley Thoth tarot and DuQuette's Understanding Aleister Crowley's Thoth Tarot book and found that confusing as hell. However before quitting that book I ran across a basic explanation of the Kabbalistic Tree of Life and found it to be one of the most fascinating and profound symbols I've ever run across.
After that I started looking into different magical orders and such, becoming more interested in pursuing a study of magick. Like, I assume, many people just dipping their toe in, I was disappointed to find that there were no orders I could find that looked interesting operating near me. What's more, the more I found out about orders the more like religion they started to feel. I'm very happy with the philosophy of life I've been working on for myself. I'm not that interested in being bound by somebody else's rules and traditions anymore. However the issue I found was that almost all the introductory books I could find dealt with only the outer circle of knowledge offered by most of the orders. I didn't want to get started on a system and hit a wall due to not having any desire or ability to join an order. So I took a long break from my inquiries.
Recently I started back up again because I still want to explore Tarot, I am still very interested in Kabbalah, and quite frankly there is nothing else to spend my time on that seems satisfying or important in comparison. This time around I managed to find the book Modern Magick, which seems to offer a lot more than most of the other available works. It also seems to be held in fairly high regard by some prominent magicians and occult figures. It also has the benefit of a suggested reading list on each of the topics it introduces, that will help you study areas of magic that interest you more in depth. In short it seems to be exactly what I need. I love that it starts you out with basic rituals pretty much right away.
I ended up here because recently my only friend that was interested in esoteric stuff moved away. My roommates are EO christians and thus not exactly good people to talk to about this stuff. For now I want to keep my practice private, but I also recognize that being a part of some sort of community might be a good thing for me as I begin this journey. So, at the age of 30, I ended up here.
HI
To be honest, that I've ended up here (both on this forum and where I am in life) is still quite surprising to me, and yet, not surprising at all. I grew up in a conservative, fundamentalist christian home. This means, as a child, I had very little exposure to anything occult related. My parents were vigilant in keeping any sort of occult related material away from me and my sibling as we grew up. However in my teens I started playing Magic: The Gathering and to be honest (if a bit hokey) that was the seed that sparked my interest.
Fast forward ten years, in my late twenties I still hadn't ever really explored anything esoteric. However, I've always read science fiction and fantasy novels, which I now believe were a way of feeding the part of me I would never allow to explore the occult. Throughout my twenties I grew more and more disillusioned with the protestant faith until I eventually converted to Eastern Orthodox Christianity (I believe I was attracted to this because of the highly ritualized nature of Eastern Orthodox practice). I'll be honest, I was always somewhat afraid that if I got into magick, and Christianity turned out to be right, I'd definitely end up in Hell and that's not a place I wanted to go. However, in studying Eastern Orthodox dogma in depth I have found something interesting. Universal salvation has never actually been ruled out by Eastern Orthodox dogma. Indeed it is considered a reasonable hope by the EO church. In the past few years I have read the writings of many of the Church's greatest saints that also advocated the concept of universal salvation. I became convinced that if Christianity is indeed true, the universal salvation position is the only one that makes any sense. If Christianity isn't true, then none of it matters anyway. I've always suspected that most major religions hold some level of truth within them, but do not necessarily contain all truth.
Thus I felt freed of the burden of fear that was holding back my intellectual and spiritual curiosity. I've studied extensively in Christian theology and all sorts of philosophy from the classics up through modern day philosophy. I've also studied classical literature and myth. To a lesser extent I have studied Hinduism, Buddhism, and Taoism (the wisdom literature of Taoism is one of the most beautiful expressions of human existence I've ever read).
For much of the past five years I have been developing my own spiritual, moral, and intellectual approach to existence. A sort of personal philosophy of life tailored to my experience.
I guess I should get around to my interest in Magick and what has lead me here. Almost two years ago I was hanging out with a friend and she showed me a few of her tarot decks. I was taken with the interesting artwork immediately. I couldn't stop thinking about them all day so I went online and bought a couple decks (nothing fancy, just the regular Rider-Waite, and the Osho Zen deck which I picked up mostly because I absolutely love the artwork). For the past year and a half I have muddled around in this and that esoteric literature. I have read through probably a half dozen books that are supposed to help you learn tarot (none of the systems have ever really felt right though). I picked up the Crowley Thoth tarot and DuQuette's Understanding Aleister Crowley's Thoth Tarot book and found that confusing as hell. However before quitting that book I ran across a basic explanation of the Kabbalistic Tree of Life and found it to be one of the most fascinating and profound symbols I've ever run across.
After that I started looking into different magical orders and such, becoming more interested in pursuing a study of magick. Like, I assume, many people just dipping their toe in, I was disappointed to find that there were no orders I could find that looked interesting operating near me. What's more, the more I found out about orders the more like religion they started to feel. I'm very happy with the philosophy of life I've been working on for myself. I'm not that interested in being bound by somebody else's rules and traditions anymore. However the issue I found was that almost all the introductory books I could find dealt with only the outer circle of knowledge offered by most of the orders. I didn't want to get started on a system and hit a wall due to not having any desire or ability to join an order. So I took a long break from my inquiries.
Recently I started back up again because I still want to explore Tarot, I am still very interested in Kabbalah, and quite frankly there is nothing else to spend my time on that seems satisfying or important in comparison. This time around I managed to find the book Modern Magick, which seems to offer a lot more than most of the other available works. It also seems to be held in fairly high regard by some prominent magicians and occult figures. It also has the benefit of a suggested reading list on each of the topics it introduces, that will help you study areas of magic that interest you more in depth. In short it seems to be exactly what I need. I love that it starts you out with basic rituals pretty much right away.
I ended up here because recently my only friend that was interested in esoteric stuff moved away. My roommates are EO christians and thus not exactly good people to talk to about this stuff. For now I want to keep my practice private, but I also recognize that being a part of some sort of community might be a good thing for me as I begin this journey. So, at the age of 30, I ended up here.
HI
