Your biggest obstacle?

[the_spiral]

Hey, I was just curious to know what people's biggest obstacles have been in their magical development. What inner or outer traits, circumstances or actions have held them back in the past, and what they did/do to overcome them.

For me? Lust for results. I've always been intensely passionate about getting what I want whether it's love, money, a new job, a new magical skill etc. In the past I've been known to do a ritual working, and then do a second or third one toward the same result. Makes the results that much stronger, right? Sometimes...but sometimes it just messes up the intent of your original work. Or in the case of a human target, messes up their mind [crazy]

[Cybernetic_Jazz]

Mostly turbulence in the volatile. I can stick with something diligently as long as I know it's what I want, why I want it, what results it's supposed to achieve, or at least that there's not anything better to be doing with my time anyway .

AMORC and BOTA seem like committments that are just boiler-plate throughout this and accordingly reading an AMORC monograph once a week, doing my BOTA meditations and reading my monograph either five or seven times a week - time allowing - is something I can stick to with pretty good certainty. It's the personal rituals over and above that which can get more questionable.

For instance I felt like I was getting a nudge from Babalon to work with her from April or May forward and I started on a 156 day plan based on the 156 adorations from En Nomeni Babalon, had a four quarters ritual of Babalon heptagrams that I made up, and I was able to make it maybe fifty-some days into making a new ritual card every morning on GIMP, doing the adoration, and doing the heptagram ritual, but something came up and I think what it was - there was off-board work tightly related to this that I was finding I couldn't do because work was sapping me too much, when that fell off it almost seemed like the point had been somewhat voided to keeping up with the heptagram rituals and adorations. I'd like to try it again in the future but I'd definitely to try it when I have more resistance to turmoil, both internal and external, and more particularly by itself when I understand it better - ie. that leads to one of my other problems; I get myself overinvolved and overobligated fast, when I start taking up an hour or two a day mandatory between different things it's bound to work while my motivation and time budget can allow it but it's ultimately bound to fail once the seasons and settings of my life change conditionally. All it takes is one other obligation starting to crowd it out and whatever long term plan I had starts to unravel. If I were to try another 156 day Babalon adoration I'd definitely keep it clean and simple - just that and only that. I'd also I think want to understand as well how to make the relationship work well rather than just getting a sense that She sees a need to be in my life to assist - I'm greatly humbled by that but I think that can still happen before I embark on such an obligation and I tend to feel like it's better going forward to know that I have all the ingredients to stick with that obligation - particularly clear purpose and understanding of outcome.

I think that's why I'm realizing I need to be very time-savvy. The other thing, the sense of not actually knowing enough about the astral, mental, causal etc. realms first hand and largely being book driven with some additional intuition to back that up - I never really know that either there's much legitimacy in what I'm trying, nor that it's the right thing for me at the right time in my life. Being a bit rudderless like that also sops motivation. At least being in two mystic/magical orders is one foot in front of the other, monagraphs at one level at least lead to monographs at a higher level, it's an ongoing education without any need for reservation, and I think that's why its easier for me to have stick-to-itiveness with my order work much more so than my private explorations.

[Desecrated]

Laziness.

[RockDemon]

Deciding what I really want.

[RaineAshford]

Demons attacking me because they fear I'll get power.

[Hadit]

The biggest problem with lust of result is people think that's it's a problem.

My biggest problem is chronic pain and sickness. It sucked back when I naively thought magic was simply wilful change, but once I grew past Crowley and understood the true nature of magic first hand, I realized my inability to fix or avoid these problems wasn't such a short coming at all. Sometimes shit just sucks, and magic is in dealing with it.

[EternalReturn]

Lack of discipline, personal projections and tendency of having chaotic mind.

I have fought it for some time now and the battle gets easier. But then, new horizons are discovered to only see deep rooted problems and begin the battle anew. Chaotic mind has been put to gentle control to some extent, but personal projections kinda flow naturally and I am only aware of them in the aftermath. Lack of discipline is closely connected to chaotic mind which sometimes manifests as adhd. There are indications that I have adhd but I have never been diagnosed with one or been put to the test. I was simply seen as a child with a lots of interests and tendency to not finish what I started.

[Draco20]

The lack of displicine has been a problem for me in the last year or so. I am getting a lot from my occult studies by reading books, but when it comes to dedicate a specific period of time for actual, concrete practice; it can be hard to avoid all the distractions that modern society brings with it. Sometimes I will choose to do other things instead of focusing on occult practices. I am working on medidation right now to improve mindfulness which I think can help me deal with that but yeah, so far my biggest obstacle is long-term discipline.

[CCoburn]

For me it was how to actually get started practicing. It seemed like alot of the ready made evocations/invocations were a bit tedious, also what my apparatus should consist of.

Once I formulated an initial procedure, the act of conjuring made me feel a bit silly at times. Prior to Occult science, it was mostly science, and philosophy for me, and some metaphysics too(all informal).

So i guess for me it was getting started; not just reading, and overcoming a feeling of awkwardness.

[Maya The Generator]

Discipline? Whats that? <- That is my main problem.

[Ušušur]

As far as practice goes I'm usually doing fine for a few weeks and then I get very emotional about something and it lasts for a few days or even weeks... during that period there's usually no room or strength in me left for anything else. Then it takes some time to get back on tracks.