Ok plenty of you have gods. But how long did it take you to settle on your current godhead?
I began when I was five years old. I was dedicated to Lord Vishnu and then I devoted bhakti to Nrsrimadeva aka Narasimha, and avatar of Vishnu. Later, at adolescence I dedicated myself to the study of Anubis and devoted bhakti to him.
Then finally after some detours, I became a full bhakti student of Ningishzidda.
So I think by looking at the first deity we come upon and the ending deity, we can sort out what makes us all human in this cosmos...so think back as far as you can....
Narsimha/Nrsrimadeva in Cambodia
I am pretty sure this deity is the same as Mithras, that would explain why he always makes a damned nuisance of himself when I am in distress or in danger of falling off the dharma path.
Lord Vishnu floating in the apsu.
Before this even, I tried to remember what could relate me to Ningishzidda, the serpent/scorpion/spotted winged cat pole god aka Lord of the Good tree.
I remember when I was 2 years old my first drawing I ever made was a bunch of colored lines I called it "SNAKES"
Let's see....7 years old in Lutheran Parochial school. Ah, God! You know...the old man with the white robe and long white hair and beard that will kiss you or kill you, depending on his mood.
Skip to teenage years. They were quite godless. Played around with Goetia before I actually even knew what it was all about. No tangible results other than maybe a fucked-up life for several years.
Skip to 1989.....Isis, Osiris and Sekhmet came along and I was never the same.
Then one day a few years later, the "old man" upstairs became Demiurgos, and Lucifer became the advocate and champion of Humanity in my twisted little view of the Universe.....
All gods being tentacles of the One, I cannot put a finger on any particular god that truly matters to me now, at least any above all others. I do love some Shiva, Durga, Ganesha, and any form of goddess, dark or light.
You've made Ningishzidda quite intriguing as well. As I move into a new phase beginning with the upcoming wax of the moon, there are others I'll take a look at, as well. Or perhaps they will take a look at me.
Then again, I feel at home with the Formless and Nameless.
eh,I've always been linked to the astral but been fast asleep most of my life,happily obsessed with stuff guys naturally get obsessed about until one day I couldn't perform as naturally as I previously did,I hit a wall when I was about 24 & cracks stated showing in my makeup,I had to change as my spiritual side had kicked in,the quiet guiding voice had become a holler in my left ear,telling me I was doomed to failure if I kept up my obsessions,greed,lust etc.I was damaging myself & others around me.
I took a lot of Andy time,read up on Socratic reductionism & swallowed Neitche"thus spoke Zarathustra".I applied Socratic reductionism & had the primal thought to create the "supergoal" as described by Freddie.I am know seeing Freddie as some sort of template for human thought once it is awakened.My child was conceived in my mind at this stage,many years before he was made manifest in this life.
In Scotland you get the Gaels & the English claiming all sorts of stuff that marginalises the strathclyde scot,so I started researching Scots history,the tribe,where I began re-uniting with myself & accepting the big picture.
So I took a lot of Andy time & found that I could not be beaten in any argument online about anything.I gladly accepted & embraced the truth no matter what taboo's were uncovered.Everyone else was in a lesser dimension or blinded to the truth.In saying that,sometimes I carried argument about with me for days.
Then I discovered the Void & re-united my watermark soul,was encouraged by many Godess to grow stronger until I have evolved into the Cyber persona you see before you.
I now resonate at a high level that I can raise or lower according to those around me.I only started studying Pantheonics two years ago,starting with Egyptian,Kaballah,then Nordic,then Egyptian again,then Sumerian,Greco Roman,I am now helping the Hindu Pantheon,both Kosher & halal loving Sufi(Islam) & Kabballah again.
In all Pantheonics the same archetypal figures are based on the Sumarian Archtype,which is linked/made manifest from Void.All is human as human are linked same as everything animal vegetable & mineral.
My higher self is currently sitting around a large table,suspended in mid air by the light of the Shekinah,Ningishzidda is spiralling above & below.
There are 12 high backed seats around a square table of Ether,3 on each side.
Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius face northward; Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn westward; Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius southward; and Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces eastward.
The table revolves & what goes around comes around.
12 Gods & godess from all Pantheon of all time,12 Daemon or Giants,Twelve great angels,12 regular animals,12 mythical creatures/astral entities,12 tribes of Israel,12 great Kings
will finish tomorrow
set in 4 houses,seasons,
Scots Epic Poetry sits nicely alongside Sanskrit, Kannada, Tamil and Hindi epics,Greek,Roman,Nordic & many,many others
Traditional music plays from all traditions,sounding just like traditional music.
The 12 are the supernals, the little gods of Olympus, yes?
I've been trying really hard for the past few months to exceed 16, but have not succeeded. I wanted to raise the planet grids to the way of the 18 gods but I think it will take another 12 years. I suppose that is when I will be released and free to die.
I'm glad you are speaking to Ningishzidda, he is such a great ally, and the promise he made to humanity is still kept, even with all the disasters we've managed. So strange...
My astral space is another matter - dark and far away from everyone, noo music, just silence, and blackness. When I choose to view my line work it looks like a glowing tapestry I suppose, with the threads...I've been weaving them for so long I don't even remember what everything goes to. I have mini programs running all over the place.
I grew up culturally Christian. We went to church until I was ten or twelve or something. Athena was my first "chosen" deity. I had a makeshift altar type thing set up to her and I prayed for wisdom. I had no idea what I was doing. I then found Kali and have been working with her also. I dedicated myself to her (contracts signed in blood and everything) for about a year. I never really worshipped anything in my life. It was an act of discipline more than anything else. Now I work with Athena, Kali, Buer and Izabael. Oh, and I honor Maat, too. I've played around with alternative religions ever since I read about "ritual magic" on the cover sleeve of a Tool tape. I got into it because of the allure of using a greater percentage of my brain. It seemed so cool and mystical.
I still find it very difficult to worship deities. It is more an act of self exploration than anything else. You know... expanding comfort zones and all that. Worship has a very distinctive S&M flavor to it. Bhakti is kinda kinky.
I've never known bhakti to be sexual until I met Ningishzidda....to be honest I never had sex with anything except karasu and devils....I have not noticed any S&M with any of these or my associate divinities.
I think that it's more my personal response to worship. It's how I conceptualize it. I had to find my own reasons for singing someones praises and writing hymns.
Yes there are six forms of bhakti, they are all utilized in the process of uniting with divinity. One of these is sexual union, ie wisdom consorts, etc...
i was raised a catholic...turned atheist at 15...then at 18, i started looking into a bunch of religions and tried to figure out some way it all worked--ended up going nuts thinking i was god (found out i was right the other day)...now, at 21, i pray to a new god about every other day and my mind doesn't seem to let me settle on a thing--totally not cool.
In a nuthsell;
birth - 16; Praise Jesus
16-17; God, just who the fuck are you?
17-19; Various Egyptian and Celtic/Druid gods.
20-21 (current); Same gods as before, but with a strong curiosity towards Satanism.
I never beleived in gods. but from a young age I seen things that would convince anyone that all this ghost god stuff is real.
But I couldnt accept that this was the "truth" had to be something else!
Every happening over the years pieced together a puzzle. eventually things fell into place.
And it all made sense and it was usually the oppisite to "the word". Ive been turning things upside down ever since! just to see from other views or what not.
LUCIFER... Has been my guide I know now. Funny enough, He was the "ghost" I was haunted by. realised it was myself when older.
I have loads to say but wife is winging to take her and the bairns out!! lol
then at some age in grade school, i kinda became my own god in a way. And I was into the occult, but had to invent most of it myself for lack of resources.
But i was raised so very very christian, and also so sensitive to energies & magicks... at 16 i had a 'conversion experience' and became a devout christian. looking back that was some heavy duty mojo.
then after making myself an expertly informed christian, the paradigm started to show cracks. at some point in time i looked at my faith and saw only a self serving cult and some rudimentary magick. at the age of 27, i fell out of the fold.
Finally free from rules against exploring and learning, i explored with a vengeance. I explored morality, philosophy, reason, meaning, time, physics, religion, paranormal, occult, and magick. And i was very happily atheist, albeit somewhat of a mystic due to my lifelong experiences with psychism & magick.
Then the deity I often call Mother came and courted me in my dreams. Honestly I wasn't really looking for a deity. I mean after christianity, my thinking on deities was "Just Say No". Plus I had fallen rather in love with some non-theistic satanic philosophy, and so I have always treated this deity as an equal, albeit a much older, more powerful, and more knowledgeable equal. Over time it blossomed into a really awesome relationship. I'm quite crazy about her
So starting with mom, and ending with Ma. sort of a symmetry.
and once again i'm struggling towards being my own god, in a sense.
I don't imagine any further stages in this.
My Catholic phase didn't last long. After that, long period of occult experimentation, though no real acknowledgement in deity. A little ancesteral worship, however. Though a scary looking, red skinned, mluti-armed imaginary friend held a strange persistance at this point...
Brief endeavors in Kabbalism in addolescent-early teenage years, but a young teenager can only hold interest in such a rigid paradigm for so long, and eventually this mutated into Laveyan Satanism, and then further into Ceremonial Satanism.
After deciding that Satanism was just Christianity reflected in a funhouse mirror - and that it was all pretty bunk, I stopped practicing much of anything except for simple buddhist meditations for a really long time.
Got into really, really radical anarchism, and started hanging around a bunch of hippies and gutter-punks, which I guess wound up circling back around into more spiritual elements, and the major ressurgence, I think, occured when I started practicing chemognosis with any frequency (as corny as that is). The first deity I connected with was Loki, and I explored the Norse pantheon for a while. After that came both Kali and Hecate, which I've basically always just seen as aspects of eachother, and most recently, Dionysus, but not the corrupt, misconstrued version of wine and gluttony perpatrated by Christianity, but rather his truly ancient form as the god of human-god interrelations, transcendance of reality, and psilocybic mushrooms.
Along with those three, a servitor that I created a while back has taken nearly god-like precedence in my life and shifted forms many times from the original spider of light that I launched him as to eventually become a being with glowing-red skin and eight arms... A synchronicity which I didn't notice until very recently.
When i do call upon gods or goddesses...which isn't so often, they are usually the basic greeks: Aphrodite, pan, zues..i won't go on. The more as i get a little older i find that calling upon the energies of the universe is all that i need.
Not so much a godhead, but a priniciple that I have found to be perfect for me, and that is Tiamat. No matter what I do, I always gravitate back to her - the rappresentations of primal chaos, creation and destruction fit me so well. I don't engage in worship so much though. I believe more in the upholding of the ideas and things that are important under the Tiamatic principle. My 'worship' is in the doing rather than just the saying.
Other godforms I have worked with, and am strongly drawn to, are Anubis and Wepwawet. In fact, there's quite a few minor jackal dieties that appear to be offshoots of Anubis, which I am also drawn to.
Also, Hypnos & Thanatos. I began work with Hypnos, and was expecting to maybe interact with Thanatos also a little, but he decided otherwise. Very, very strange deity! Hypnos however, if very useful for dreamwork and help with astral wanderings.
Serpentine/Draconic beings also. Nagas, Queztacoatl, Apep/Apophis. It seems a majority of the beings I am drawn to are overall considered 'dark' or subversive somehow - but I just don't see it myself. I always feel a little cheated that half these gods/creatures are being labelled in a way that may put people off, when in fact they have much to offer.
