Have you ever considered the possibility that the technological revolutions modern society has witnessed over the last hundred years is solely the product of reversed engineered alien technology? Do you ever find yourself wondering, "Are there, like, robots...in space? That are like, alive and stuff, and really effin smart?" Don't you sometimes feel like all those bothersome thoughts and feelings always bouncing around in your head are just too much, or that maybe having a personality is hindering your performance at the workplace and you'd just like to, you know, wipe it all away over the course of two months? Well, I've got just the ticket for you, scout, so hop on the trolley and join the rapidly growing cul....err...spiritually-inspired-quasi-scientific-institute-but-not-in-a-stuck-up-snotty-way-like-we-wear-labcoats-or-have-degrees-or-something Temple of Megatron! It's the bee's knees! People from all over the world are perking their ears to the wonderful teachings based of the popular cartoon and recent blockbuster film Transformers, which grossed over 300 million dollars in box-office sales! With that many hardworking Americans and maybe a couple Europeans shelling out eight dollars a pop to bear witness to the tale of the great Lord Megatron and his tragic defeat at the hands of the sinister Autobots (and also Shia LeBeouf and the hot chick with the cleavage), you know this is a totally legit religious/philosophic niche and not some kinda scam. Besides, would this shining young face lie to you?
Yes, that's right, Lindsey Lohan is one of our most esteemed Megatronianite clergy members. Lindsey frickin' Lohan! If she can make it up the power chain into a position of importance enough that we use her face to convert the coke junkies and the People magazine crowd, that means anyone can, right? Even YOU! Totally radical! So what are you waiting for, buster? Drop me a line and I can set you up for a free* consultation today! And just a little friendly advice, our rightful rulers are due descend upon the Earth any day now, and you wouldn't want to disappoint the High Council of Decepticon Overlords by being one of those chicken-butt Autobot defectors, would you? WOULD YOU? Yeah, that's what I thought. So go ahead and PM me your name, address, phone number, names of your immediate family, their phone numbers, SSN, credit card number, place of work, and email address, and we can set you off on your first steps down the only true path to enlightenment, happiness, self-fulfillment, and free pizza and a movie Tuesdays. Your ticket to a mindless existence and bankru...I mean, uh...fame and fortune and...um...orgies...sunset to sunrise drug-binged orgies...is only an email and a soul away.
*Free consultation subject to additional consultation fees