Return to the Occult

[ElectroConvulsiveJeremy]

Hello all,

Just a quick introduction and request for a bit of guidance really.
I first became acquainted with the occult when I was around 11 years old and picked up a book on fortune telling - this lead me to research the Tarot, palmistry, dream interpretations and numerology. Eventually I started reading up on meditation but then, when I was at college some years later, whilst doing a project on the occult in the media I became interested in Magick.
Due to the nature of the research I was doing, the Magickal practices I enthusiastically delved into were of too much of a darker, more sinister nature for perhaps, retrospectively, a relative beginner.
I read the texts of the Order of the Nine Angles, picked up a copy of The Satanic Bible and Satanic Rituals, and began to experiment in the comfort of my own home.
My ritual practice was lead by a definite teen angst and need to assert my presence on the world around me. I felt that my workings were successful and began to feel a definite sense of power welling within me, albeit a dark one.
Eventually, things came to a head. I was living with a friend in a flat where I had no space to myself (there was one bed which was his and I had the sofa bed - when you were as sociable as we were at the time, you couldn't just go to your bedroom when the bedroom was a front room full of people smoking and drinking) and the friend made it clear that I had to stay there otherwise he could not afford the rent etc. I felt trapped and turned to Magick for assistance.
I performed a very emotionally charged Enochian working.
The following two weeks were full of dramatic change. My friend lost his job, his girlfriend, he was assaulted, his best friend and also a member of his family to whom he was most close were both hospitalized and he became physically unwell himself. At the end of this two weeks he apologized to me and decided to move back to his home town - I moved in with family and descended into a deep depression.
I continued to dabble throughout my depression until, at the height of my mental illness, I was assaulted whilst walking home and had my bag, full of all of my texts, stolen. I took this as a sign and then chose to leave the world of the Occult behind and found a job and started to rebuild my life.

It was not until recent years that I have felt that something was missing from my life and, constantly, my mind turns to the Occult. I have tried looking to other means of spirituality but they all leave me feeling cold. So, I have returned to some simple Tarot practice, doing successful readings for others and myself, yet I still have that gut feeling that I should resume some form of Magickal practice. Although perhaps not from where I left off though I always feel drawn toward the more "sinister" left hand practices.

I welcome any and all advice and thoughts as to where you think I should start again. Apologies for the long post!

[entropic]

Welcome!

Shoo back to where you left off, you aren't a depressed teen anymore, are you? It also sounds like that is what you want to do ,)

[Serenitydawn]

Welcome to the forum! Hmm "sinister left hand practices," I suppose that makes me sinister. [eg] There is no good and evil, only perception. What xaarea said, just make sure you control your emotions and don't let them control you. Use them to your advantage.

[ElectroConvulsiveJeremy]

Welcome!

Shoo back to where you left off, you aren't a depressed teen anymore, are you? It also sounds like that is what you want to do ,)

No I'm a depressed adult, hah! But yes I think I will probably return to at least some aspects of my original practices, after all, I suppose it doesn't matter so much which school of magickal thought you come from, they mostly aim towards the same goals.

Welcome to the forum! Hmm "sinister left hand practices," I suppose that makes me sinister. [eg] There is no good and evil, only perception. What xaarea said, just make sure you control your emotions and don't let them control you. Use them to your advantage.

Very true, and thanks for the welcome!

I'm also in the process of rebuilding my library, I still have all of my divination texts with the exception of a book on astrology by William Lilly/Zadkiel (a lovely hardback which was "lost" by a militant christian member of family [sadface] ) but need to re-purchase a few things. I'm also always on the look out for any copies of Andrew Chumbley's work - that doesn't require the taking out of a loan to acquire! Any recommendations on other interesting / useful books would be most appreciated [happy]

[Serenitydawn]

a lovely hardback which was "lost" by a militant christian member of family

Same thing happened to me. Cool thing is now you can get a lot of stuff online to download free. You can find some here: http://www.occultforum.org/forum/viewto ... =4&t=32833 Anything you can't find there, you can always google. Here is some stuff:

http://www.filestube.com/a/andrew+chumbley
http://kat.ph/andrew-chumbley-one-the-g ... 18713.html

Christian astrology??? http://www.worldastrology.net/wp-conten ... 2/CA-I.pdf

[ElectroConvulsiveJeremy]

Christian astrology??? http://www.worldastrology.net/wp-conten ... 2/CA-I.pdf

Ha yes! Ironic really, but I think he wrote those books a few centuries ago when, unless you stated a firm allegiance to Christ, publishing a book on divination would surely raise an eyebrow / lynching post from those lovely god fearing people.
The copy I had was from the turn of the 20th century, red hardback with brilliant illustrations. I definitely prefer having the physical book as an almost "living" text if you like. This is something Chumbley was apparently keen on - each book being a separate living magickal tome in its own right, I think that's one of the reasons I'm set on getting one of the physical books. Don't get me wrong, the wealth of knowledge on line is, frankly, mind blowing compared to what was available when I was younger and I've taken advantage of it by downloading a few classics but, to quote Giles from Buffy
"it's the smell!
"But computers don't smell"
"Exactly"

[The Cove]

I would advise getting deep into the tarot - beyond it's divinatory uses. It is what you have started again with is it not?

[Serenitydawn]

Ha yes! Ironic really, but I think he wrote those books a few centuries ago when, unless you stated a firm allegiance to Christ, publishing a book on divination would surely raise an eyebrow / lynching post from those lovely god fearing people.
The copy I had was from the turn of the 20th century, red hardback with brilliant illustrations. I definitely prefer having the physical book as an almost "living" text if you like. This is something Chumbley was apparently keen on - each book being a separate living magickal tome in its own right, I think that's one of the reasons I'm set on getting one of the physical books. Don't get me wrong, the wealth of knowledge on line is, frankly, mind blowing compared to what was available when I was younger and I've taken advantage of it by downloading a few classics but, to quote Giles from Buffy
"it's the smell!
"But computers don't smell"
"Exactly"

Well that makes sense then. I agree, I prefer having the physical book. You are quite right about the smell of the book, and they "feel" magickal. I use the ebooks when I don't have the money for the real thing lol. Also some you just can't find in print anymore. I suppose if you have to you can print it out, but it'd be more like a paperback. Let's face it those just don't have the presence that a hard cover does. Yes, I too am a book snob and proud of it. [wink]

*And a Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan back in the day, Giles was the shit.

[ElectroConvulsiveJeremy]

Giles was indeed the DBs!

Having said all I have in the above posts - last night I discovered how to convert PDFs for my old school kindle which I was given for xmas. So I'm now able to comfortably read through all the PDFs I downloaded from Occult Underground a few years back without eyestrain! [yay]

Thank you to all for the advise and responses, I think I'm not just going to be returning to where I left off, but where feels natural to where I am now, including getting further acquainted with the Tarot - although I'm feeling the need to return to some basic exercises to be honest to get ye olde magickmuscle back into shape!

[Rin]

e-readers are a miracle for the 21st century magician Sometimes I wonder how on earth anyone managed to learn anything a few decades ago before pdf files.

[Serenitydawn]

e-readers are a miracle for the 21st century magician Sometimes I wonder how on earth anyone managed to learn anything a few decades ago before pdf files.

[lol] Some of us are older than the internet, I'm not sure how I got through life before the internet.

[The Cove]

I still am master in a second hand bookshop