Personality crushing experience
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Serenitydawn
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Personality crushing experience
I should start by saying Set is the shit. He has put up with me for 38 years and I am so not easy. I thought I was. [rofl] So he paired me with someone who was my opposite. The funny thing was she thought she was completely different. She thought she controlled everything and was stubborn. I thought I was easy going, and followed whatever Set wanted. We just realized today, actually a couple hours ago that we are completely opposite from what we admitted to ourselves. I am a stubborn, controlling, hard to deal with bitch. There I admit it. Now I just have to learn to LET GO, which is what I keep getting in my head. Just have to figure out how to do that. It was affecting my magick. I controlled every aspect of the astral, so nothing could just happen, I wouldn't let it. I couldn't hear or see much because I wouldn't let them in my head. I control every aspect of everything. Now I have to learn to let go just the right amount so I don't go the other way.
We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of disociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age. ~ H.P. Lovecraft
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ChristopherNight
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Re: Personality crushing experience
Funnily enough, the mention of shadow personalities and opposite partners leads me to an analysis which Michael Aquino wrote of Lavey's "The Compleat Witch" for his book "The Church of Satan", so at the risk of having my proverbial ass handed to me, I'll draw upon that reading for my advice.
"The Compleat Witch" espouses a system of psychology in which we seek a partner who, for all outward appearance, is our cardinal complement. The passive may seek an active partner, the intellectual may seek an emotional partner &c. Why is this, beyond the romantic adage that opposites attract? The explanation offered by this text is that our conscious or "surface" selves struggle with a hidden "demon" self. The intellectual may think he has a handle on things, but within there is a hidden irrational personality which shocks and appalls him.
Because these demon selves are the antithesis of the personality type we deem so integral to our identity, we naturally fear and repress them. In the end, however, the balance of this struggle will assert itself, so how can these diametrically opposite tendencies coexist? Either we can take the unsettling and lycanthropic solution of allowing our dark sides to periodically surface and have full control (to pull this into focus, I believe this is the trouble you're experiencing in your magical work at the moment), or ground ourselves by projecting our demon selves onto our partner (which as you've stated does, indeed, seem your opposite and harbours her own demon self).
I hope my input is of some help, even should it simply cast new perspective on your problem.
"The Compleat Witch" espouses a system of psychology in which we seek a partner who, for all outward appearance, is our cardinal complement. The passive may seek an active partner, the intellectual may seek an emotional partner &c. Why is this, beyond the romantic adage that opposites attract? The explanation offered by this text is that our conscious or "surface" selves struggle with a hidden "demon" self. The intellectual may think he has a handle on things, but within there is a hidden irrational personality which shocks and appalls him.
Because these demon selves are the antithesis of the personality type we deem so integral to our identity, we naturally fear and repress them. In the end, however, the balance of this struggle will assert itself, so how can these diametrically opposite tendencies coexist? Either we can take the unsettling and lycanthropic solution of allowing our dark sides to periodically surface and have full control (to pull this into focus, I believe this is the trouble you're experiencing in your magical work at the moment), or ground ourselves by projecting our demon selves onto our partner (which as you've stated does, indeed, seem your opposite and harbours her own demon self).
I hope my input is of some help, even should it simply cast new perspective on your problem.
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Serenitydawn
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Re: Personality crushing experience
Yeah, by "paired" I mean Set wanted us to be friends and we are. Not "partners," lmao big difference. [lol]
Reading Aquino is always a good choice. I believe the two of us achieving Balance is definitely one of the reasons why Set wanted us to be friends. [grin]
Reading Aquino is always a good choice. I believe the two of us achieving Balance is definitely one of the reasons why Set wanted us to be friends. [grin]
We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of disociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age. ~ H.P. Lovecraft
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ChristopherNight
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Re: Personality crushing experience
My mistake, it was perhaps presumptuous of me to assume that you were married with your friend. At any rate you're fortunate to have found a friend who would appear to be your diametric opposite, does she also practice magic?
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Serenitydawn
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Re: Personality crushing experience
Oh yes she does, we seem to be helping each other progress. [eg]
We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of disociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age. ~ H.P. Lovecraft
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Serenitydawn
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Re: Personality crushing experience
hmm, my edit button seems to have disappeared but I should add I like sausages not peaches...just a personal preferrence... [thumbup]
We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of disociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age. ~ H.P. Lovecraft