New Theory on Death!

[Kami]

Have you ever fell asleep on your hand and woke up to it - feeling a strong electrical vibration within it?

Well I have and it got me curious...

I got so curious to see if the same thing happens to my eye's if I cut the blood flow to them... off.

So what I did was: using my left index finger - I applied the tip of it to my left eye's peripheral region and did the same thing with my right, both eyes.

I pushed into them with the tips of my fingers about a centimeter, and of course... it will hurt but it is bearable.

What brought me to "awe" was within 60 seconds my vision died away into what looked like the fuzzy static you see on a television screen.

And they say that the fuzzy static you see on the television screen is actually the radio wave activity in the universe.

Now here is where it gets even crazier.

I kept waiting past a minute for up to 25 seconds and then what appeared before me in the center of all that fuzzy static I was seeing - was what looked like a nebula in outer space!

It had a green outline the shape of an eye and in the center was a white dot!

And no NO no, my eye's are fine - I have been doing this since I was little... but not every day of every of week of every year... I am not stupid.

-_-

I only do it every now and then to study it.

Now what I am about to mention next is also amazing;

I was smoking weed one day and I got lightheaded - and I felt a warmth covering my entire head and then my face and then lastly my eyes... and then darkness came and my vision quickly faded away.

But before I was about to pass out - something took over my body and made me immediately crouch down to the floor in a frog position with my hands flat on the ground - and also my body had activated my Adrenaline/Rush-Sensation@"Will"/OnDemand switch to "on" as it was positioning itself.

And for a few seconds I saw nothing but darkness... my entire body felt like there was electricity flowing through it - a strong vibration - and there was immense heat all around me.

I did not know who I was or where I was... I was just confused, I felt lost and angry...

And as that moment was coming to an end... as I was coming back to consciousness - I heard myself growling... and then I stopped myself. ~

Usually when that happens - the lightheadedness... I pass out and fall backwards... but not that time...

I have only ever passed out twice - falling down.

But not that third time.

And no I don't hallucinate.

I wish I could.

Anyways...

Vibration,
Vibration,
Vibration.

I now "think" that when I die - I will be in the vibrational energy of the universe.

Until I am reborn again or placed into a past life or... heck - realize that I am still here and attempt to see past that snow of TV fuzzy static.

Edit: Weed has never done that to me before - and also... it has never made me hallucinate, only anxious, and I was holding my breath while looking up at the ceiling when that had happened - my passing out for the third time.

[EternalReturn]

Shit son, I want that what you smoke [lol]

It seems to me that you forgot to breathe or your blood pressure changed rapidly because of that crouch combined with carbon dioxide from the smoke and that should knock you out. You wrote that you crouched while feeling lightheaded which is nice thing to do so you don't hurt yourself much. But it makes rapid changes in your blood pressure. One friend who's a doctor recommended to take a hit, then crouch while holding breath, and rise as you exhale to me and I almost got knocked out. I believe you passed this threshold but try not to as it can do some permanent brain damage.

On the other hand, that sure sounds like a nice trip [yay]

[ThyNegative]

that snow, and a lot things are caused with electric signals sent to the brain.
as far as i know , they can increase by some meditations. because i am seeing them for more than months. and they increase the more i meditate.
my meditations are unique, invented by my self and modified and tested in a way that, well to have extremely painful effects.
so much that i still don't know if anyone else does them, would he die of a brain attack or not.
they aren't difficult to do, and don't take much time because don't need much attention. instead, require high amount of endurance.
to much that no one could take them for even 2 minutes. so basically never tested on anyone except myself.
actually i'm sure most of the ones that tested it couldn't take it even for 20 second.

i thought that i am the craziest that could even active it for 24 hour to see what happens (more snow of course).
then i used it to make some cool practices and started researching on how psi energies work.

but now, i feel challenged. what you do is extremely creepy. you seem like a psychopath too!
if you want you can email me so i send you the instructions. [devil]

[corvidus]

Kool stuff, as long as you're being careful about it
And considering the eyes...

Have you ever considered that we have three separate eyes -two outside and one in the mind?

And have you ever considered joining their 'energy' into One? Something I've been working on is to redirect the current of energy from my external vision to my internal vision. It seems like you're going about the same thing-- shutting off your external sight. But it might be more useful in the end if the flow is just redirected.

[ghawke2]

Don't tear a retina...

[Kami]

Shit son, I want that what you smoke [lol]

It seems to me that you forgot to breathe or your blood pressure changed rapidly because of that crouch combined with carbon dioxide from the smoke and that should knock you out. You wrote that you crouched while feeling lightheaded which is nice thing to do so you don't hurt yourself much. But it makes rapid changes in your blood pressure. One friend who's a doctor recommended to take a hit, then crouch while holding breath, and rise as you exhale to me and I almost got knocked out. I believe you passed this threshold but try not to as it can do some permanent brain damage.

On the other hand, that sure sounds like a nice trip [yay]

It was quite strange, the whole experience...

And heck..wish I had some bidnuz right now yo... ^\\\^

[Kami]

Kool stuff, as long as you're being careful about it
And considering the eyes...

Have you ever considered that we have three separate eyes -two outside and one in the mind?

And have you ever considered joining their 'energy' into One? Something I've been working on is to redirect the current of energy from my external vision to my internal vision. It seems like you're going about the same thing-- shutting off your external sight. But it might be more useful in the end if the flow is just redirected.

Don't worry... (: I'm careful about it.

I can half way induce this without using my fingers but ill not be as vivid.

[RoseRed]

People get all sorts of weird images and lights when they mess with their eyeballs like that. It's a physical reaction. And unless you want to permanently damage your eyes - I wouldn't suggest experimenting with it.

I wanna know what your weed was laced with or what else you took?

A growling frog?... but you don't hallucinate. OK.

Actually, the returning to universal energy is a rather common theory regarding death.

[Cygnus]

I strongly concur with Red Rose, do not mess with your eyes in any way shape or form!
There are far safer ways to see trippy things.

[Kami]

People get all sorts of weird images and lights when they mess with their eyeballs like that. It's a physical reaction. And unless you want to permanently damage your eyes - I wouldn't suggest experimenting with it.

I wanna know what your weed was laced with or what else you took?

A growling frog?... but you don't hallucinate. OK.

Actually, the returning to universal energy is a rather common theory regarding death.

No... not a growling frog.

Was in a frog like position,
I must have somehow known that it was the best position to be in before passing out.

And as for the growling, I am openly admitting my own labelling of what I presume to be a mental defect.

I would like to label it as: Therian Personality Disorder/T.P.D.

I have noticed that as I am awakening from a trance/dream state of mind, I have this alter personality, a wolf... I guess?

It only happens when I am stressed, I will wake up and strangely eagerly approach my front door after it had been knocked on and in my head I will appear to my self to be talking normal, but the person on the other side of the door will have heard vicious (primitive emotion) barking.

Which lasts about 1-3 seconds.

My barking incident came about two times.

And it my assumption that my brain somehow created this mental program for me to ward off any physical or mental offenders when they are present at inappropriate time of day or night.

The first time is described in my o.p.

The second time, I just described now; what seems to be going on here is that if you can get me to be animate while unconscious (or damn near it) an alter personality or conscious operation takes place in me, a primitive one at best. ~

I think this phenomenon to be my fault because I had asked my self for this.

Some of you know this in the form as: "Servitor."

From which I only have one.

This servitor can speak swahili and is the form of a alpha wolf.

I only ever hallucinate by one of three following occurrences in my experience:

1.) Sleeping/Dreaming
2.) Passing the threshold from "dream state" to "conscious state", or vice versa.
3.) Staying awake for more than three days to an entire week.

Else / Otherwise... nai, I certainly doth not hallucinate, especially not out of no where for no apparent reason...

[RoseRed]

People get all sorts of weird images and lights when they mess with their eyeballs like that. It's a physical reaction. And unless you want to permanently damage your eyes - I wouldn't suggest experimenting with it.

I wanna know what your weed was laced with or what else you took?
If you're having this reaction to plain old weed with nothing added in or other substances with it - there's a problem.

A growling frog?... but you don't hallucinate. OK.

Actually, the returning to universal energy is a rather common theory regarding death.

No... not a growling frog.

Was in a frog like position,
I must have somehow known that it was the best position to be in before passing out.
Like I said - a growling frog.

And as for the growling, I am openly admitting my own labelling of what I presume to be a mental defect.
eh, it could be. Have you been taking 'ultimate' shortcuts also?

I would like to label it as: Therian Personality Disorder/T.P.D.
I hope you'll explain what this means.

I have noticed that as I am awakening from a trance/dream state of mind, I have this alter personality, a wolf... I guess?

It only happens when I am stressed, I will wake up and strangely eagerly approach my front door after it had been knocked on and in my head I will appear to my self to be talking normal, but the person on the other side of the door will have heard vicious (primitive emotion) barking.

Which lasts about 1-3 seconds.

My barking incident came about two times.
You think you're talking but you're actually barking at them? This is a problem and not a common occultic one.

And it my assumption that my brain somehow created this mental program for me to ward off any physical or mental offenders when they are present at inappropriate time of day or night.
Perhaps you should tell your brain that it needs to come up with sonething that won't get you locked up in the loony bin.

The first time is described in my o.p.

The second time, I just described now; what seems to be going on here is that if you can get me to be animate while unconscious (or damn near it) an alter personality or conscious operation takes place in me, a primitive one at best. ~
Sounds like some shadow work or internal work is needed here.

I think this phenomenon to be my fault because I had asked my self for this.

Some of you know this in the form as: "Servitor."

From which I only have one.

This servitor can speak swahili and is the form of a alpha wolf.
Do you speak swahili? If not, how do you know for certain?

I only ever hallucinate by one of three following occurrences in my experience:

1.) Sleeping/Dreaming
2.) Passing the threshold from "dream state" to "conscious state", or vice versa.
3.) Staying awake for more than three days to an entire week.

Else / Otherwise... nai, I certainly doth not hallucinate, especially not out of no where for no apparent reason...
Try not to take offense. Levels of hallucinations vary.

What process did you use to create this servitor and what made you choose an alpha wolf (which may or may not be your actual animal?

[Kami]

People get all sorts of weird images and lights when they mess with their eyeballs like that. It's a physical reaction. And unless you want to permanently damage your eyes - I wouldn't suggest experimenting with it.

I wanna know what your weed was laced with or what else you took?
If you're having this reaction to plain old weed with nothing added in or other substances with it - there's a problem.

A growling frog?... but you don't hallucinate. OK.

Actually, the returning to universal energy is a rather common theory regarding death.

No... not a growling frog.

Was in a frog like position,
I must have somehow known that it was the best position to be in before passing out.
Like I said - a growling frog.

And as for the growling, I am openly admitting my own labelling of what I presume to be a mental defect.
eh, it could be. Have you been taking 'ultimate' shortcuts also?

I would like to label it as: Therian Personality Disorder/T.P.D.
I hope you'll explain what this means.

I have noticed that as I am awakening from a trance/dream state of mind, I have this alter personality, a wolf... I guess?

It only happens when I am stressed, I will wake up and strangely eagerly approach my front door after it had been knocked on and in my head I will appear to my self to be talking normal, but the person on the other side of the door will have heard vicious (primitive emotion) barking.

Which lasts about 1-3 seconds.

My barking incident came about two times.
You think you're talking but you're actually barking at them? This is a problem and not a common occultic one.

And it my assumption that my brain somehow created this mental program for me to ward off any physical or mental offenders when they are present at inappropriate time of day or night.
Perhaps you should tell your brain that it needs to come up with sonething that won't get you locked up in the loony bin.

The first time is described in my o.p.

The second time, I just described now; what seems to be going on here is that if you can get me to be animate while unconscious (or damn near it) an alter personality or conscious operation takes place in me, a primitive one at best. ~
Sounds like some shadow work or internal work is needed here.

I think this phenomenon to be my fault because I had asked my self for this.

Some of you know this in the form as: "Servitor."

From which I only have one.

This servitor can speak swahili and is the form of a alpha wolf.
Do you speak swahili? If not, how do you know for certain?

I only ever hallucinate by one of three following occurrences in my experience:

1.) Sleeping/Dreaming
2.) Passing the threshold from "dream state" to "conscious state", or vice versa.
3.) Staying awake for more than three days to an entire week.

Else / Otherwise... nai, I certainly doth not hallucinate, especially not out of no where for no apparent reason...
Try not to take offense. Levels of hallucinations vary.

What process did you use to create this servitor and what made you choose an alpha wolf (which may or may not be your actual animal?

I guess the problem here is my inability to get you to understand.

No offense taken.

And again, no - weed is not laced, for god saks I shouldn't have mentioned it.

I would have done the same thing if weed wasn't in the picture, and I guessing none of you smoke weed because y'all do not fully know what effects weed can and cannot deliver.

Also I personally deep down inside do not believe I have any mental problems but lack of control of my life which leads me to behave in frustrated ways, sometimes weird and sometimes not.

It is comepletey natural and yet very taboo to normans, norman means someone who grew up right, someone who has not been abused mentally with fear and embarrassment.

Now I am not assuming that anyone here is a norman.

There is nothing medically wrong with me, the only thing wrong with me is the fact that I can feel emotion and feelings, mostly that of anxeity and fear and low self esteem and social awkwardness, I am also an introvert.

I have become this way because of abuse in the past, the world to me seemed evil and careless.

No one gave a damm, no one understood why I treated them eye for an eye every now and then.

So you see, my own judgement is always because this is what I think people want to hear, and most of the time I am right when I make those judgements, I iust know what most likely will be said and I don't have time for that.

For example: if I call myself ugly, someone else will most likely feel inclined to say to me that I am not ugly for the sake of how I am feeling.

And yes there are tons of people like that.

But I sure love it when I am wrong, because when I am wrong at least I know I am on the right path.

All I need to is develop my tools for combatting day to day "feelings", and I won't have these problems anymore.

Fear is the ultimate problem.

If I can eliminate it, then I can say goodbye to being manipulated.

And no I will not elaborate on T.P.D. as it is not a real condition, it is a self label.

Everything I mentioned is perfectly normal, I have a few other friends who are experiencing the same effects minus the gibberish/random language phenomenon.

I do not speak swahili nor do I know for certain that this servitor can speak swahili because it only did so once.

I only call it a servitor because it appears to me as one - and I asked for a stronger personality to my subconscious if it was listening to me and only if it was tired of feeling what I felt.

It can simply just be that my subconscious has so much fear of letting anyone down that even in the midst of transcending past the threshold of unconsciousness to consciousness - it behaves the way it ought to based on how I feel inside.

Me answering the door as I shouldn't have been able to... is a more likely fact.

I believe that my subconscious is being quite the active learner.

If I can learn how to pass by a moment when I supposed to pass out but choose not to, such as having lack of oxygen, then why not my subconscious act it self out as I am unconscious?

If I can defeat paralysis each and every time, then why not my subconscious act itself out as I am unconscious?

Besides the growling, no I do not need to tell myself nothing to get rid of this because it is not a problem but a hyper reaction towards activity as I am waking up.

Previously in the past I have always had this 'fear' that one out of every group of people are out to hurt me and it was certainly THAT because of my peers and environment.

I will not get into that so do not ask, it is very personal.

Now this reaction of mine as I awake is perfectly normal, it is a survival reaction.

My therapist and doc do not see anything wrong with me except for the fear I feel which is a huge problem... to me.

They are in no position to make judgements anyways because I do not tell them the full truth because - once again it is personal, I know myself better than they do.

I only asked for a psychologist - I was never recommended one by anyone but myself - I only asked for one because I was hoping that they would know something that I already do not.

Also if there was a way to be emotionally numb so that I can work for soceity and make money.

But of course as stupid as people are they prescribe me with a damn therapist! I can fixyself so screw the therapist, I just want to know about any suppressed hidden information about me when I was little.

There are three ways for me to remain numb:

1.) Same blood type heart transplant from a sociopath.
A.) The genetic mutation or malformation in the neural structutr of their heart is the key to my problem.
B.) Sociopaths do not feel bad for what they do, which is what I want.
C.) Genetic memories are passed down to the transplantee.

2.) Never accepting any gift from anyone ever, seeing the world through only one color, that color being pain.
A.) I'd always ask for the truth despite what they want me to hear.
B.) I'd never open up ever again and just live my life eye fpr an eye.
C.) I'd make sure people felt what they influencede to feel like, especially during my lowest moments from which I needed to recuperate from.

3.) Become a test subject for drugs that aim to disable parts of the brain that deal with stimulating or activating emotion or feeling, ore if not my brain, then areas of my nervous system.

Edit: I am done with editing this post, I am too frustrated with my lame phone, prism ii, it is the slowest piece of sh* I have ever used and the typing is horrible... So I will leave it you to fgure out where what meams what and what word goes where. ~ ^___^

Now I done with this conversation, this post was not meant to be lead off topic...

So.. my apologies... </3

Let's get back on topic, what are you beliefs on death?

[Cygnus]

I would have done the same thing if weed wasn't in the picture, and I guessing none of you smoke weed because y'all do not fully know what effects weed can and cannot deliver.

That's quite an assumption. I used to enjoy "weed" (though I've never liked that term) for many years (long-time rock n roller, what more can I say?). Eventually I gave it up because it became boring.

Also I personally deep down inside do not believe I have any mental problems

I have become this way because of abuse in the past, the world to me seemed evil and careless.

of course as stupid as people are they prescribe me with a damn therapist! I can fixyself so screw the therapist, I just want to know about any suppressed hidden information about me when I was little.

I'm truly sorry for anyone who was abused, but it's quite clear that you can't "fix yourself", there's no shame in getting professional help.

There are three ways for me to remain numb:

1.) Same blood type heart transplant from a sociopath.
A.) The genetic mutation or malformation in the neural structutr of their heart is the key to my problem.
B.) Sociopaths do not feel bad for what they do, which is what I want.
C.) Genetic memories are passed down to the transplantee.

Sorry, but scientifically and medically, this is all complete nonsense, especially the part in bold.
Claiming you want be sociopathic again brings us back to the need for professional help.

Let's get back on topic, what are you beliefs on death?

It's inevitable, and we have no idea when it will come, so try to enjoy life while you can. Personally I'm a bit sceptical about the "head towards the big bright light" stories, I feel there's a biological explanation for that.

[Kami]

I would have done the same thing if weed wasn't in the picture, and I guessing none of you smoke weed because y'all do not fully know what effects weed can and cannot deliver.

That's quite an assumption. I used to enjoy "weed" (though I've never liked that term) for many years (long-time rock n roller, what more can I say?). Eventually I gave it up because it became boring.

Also I personally deep down inside do not believe I have any mental problems

I have become this way because of abuse in the past, the world to me seemed evil and careless.

of course as stupid as people are they prescribe me with a damn therapist! I can fixyself so screw the therapist, I just want to know about any suppressed hidden information about me when I was little.

I'm truly sorry for anyone who was abused, but it's quite clear that you can't "fix yourself", there's no shame in getting professional help.

There are three ways for me to remain numb:

1.) Same blood type heart transplant from a sociopath.
A.) The genetic mutation or malformation in the neural structutr of their heart is the key to my problem.
B.) Sociopaths do not feel bad for what they do, which is what I want.
C.) Genetic memories are passed down to the transplantee.

Sorry, but scientifically and medically, this is all complete nonsense, especially the part in bold.
Claiming you want be sociopathic again brings us back to the need for professional help.

Let's get back on topic, what are you beliefs on death?

It's inevitable, and we have no idea when it will come, so try to enjoy life while you can. Personally I'm a bit sceptical about the "head towards the big bright light" stories, I feel there's a biological explanation for that.

So you are saying that both my psychiatrist and therapist are wrong? I personally asked them if this was possible? Genetic memories, not visual memories of the brain... -___-

I even googled it, and there are suggestions that even further my particular interest here.

Also NO I do not need help, that is how it all starts "claiming that I need help".

What possible medication is there for blockedout abuse? NONE, what professional methods are there for coping... NONE that don't seem stupid and embarrassing.

Yes I can I fix myself and I find it insulting that you think that I can't, all I need to is not give a damm, but I if I do that I risk losing everyone close to me and everything I enjoy.

I will most likely push people away, the ones who bringe gifts and care, the moment I choose to be in control of my life all the good stuff will cease to be.

And I am not ready for that type of life yet.

So no, you are wrong, I can fix myself I am just not willing to yet, because it comes with a safrifice.

Now I'd apreciate it if people would stop quoting this off topic debate and get back to sharing their beliefs on death.

And that is what I am asking for, your explanation, your belief.

O.O

[RoseRed]

I guess the problem here is my inability to get you to understand.
That's not actually actually the problem here.

No offense taken.
Good, I'm glad [cool2]

And again, no - weed is not laced, for god saks I shouldn't have mentioned it.
But it is a mind altering substance that many people use in occultic context. That's too bad, really. Laced weed would've been the easiest and simplest answer.

I would have done the same thing if weed wasn't in the picture, and I guessing none of you smoke weed because y'all do not fully know what effects weed can and cannot deliver.
Seriously?

Also I personally deep down inside do not believe I have any mental problems but lack of control of my life which leads me to behave in frustrated ways, sometimes weird and sometimes not.
As far as I can tell, you're the only one that's mentioned it.

It is comepletey natural and yet very taboo to normans, norman means someone who grew up right, someone who has not been abused mentally with fear and embarrassment.

Now I am not assuming that anyone here is a norman.
Really? People are broken - mostly from their childhoods.

There is nothing medically wrong with me, the only thing wrong with me is the fact that I can feel emotion and feelings, mostly that of anxeity and fear and low self esteem and social awkwardness, I am also an introvert.
I don't understand what you mean by you 'can' feel emotion and feelings. Your own or others? If it's others - that's called being empathic and many empaths have issues before they learn to control it.

I have become this way because of abuse in the past, the world to me seemed evil and careless.

No one gave a damm, no one understood why I treated them eye for an eye every now and then.

So you see, my own judgement is always because this is what I think people want to hear, and most of the time I am right when I make those judgements, I iust know what most likely will be said and I don't have time for that. From everyone or just the people that are close to you?

For example: if I call myself ugly, someone else will most likely feel inclined to say to me that I am not ugly for the sake of how I am feeling.

And yes there are tons of people like that.
Yeah, no shit. You don't have to worry about that with me, at least.

But I sure love it when I am wrong, because when I am wrong at least I know I am on the right path.
That's sounds awfully similar to 'if the road is easy it's probably the wrong one.' LOL

All I need to is develop my tools for combatting day to day "feelings", and I won't have these problems anymore.
Cool - any idea what tools you need? Which ones could be helpful? Or harmful if used incorrectly? Do you even know what exactly the problem is?

Fear is the ultimate problem.

If I can eliminate it, then I can say goodbye to being manipulated.
That's not quite how it works. Fear serves it's purposes - and it has many. It's a biological function that's hardwired into the meatsuit you call home. But you can learn how to use it and harness it.

And no I will not elaborate on T.P.D. as it is not a real condition, it is a self label.
Then how are we supposed to know what you're talking about?

Everything I mentioned is perfectly normal, I have a few other friends who are experiencing the same effects minus the gibberish/random language phenomenon.
Unless you're a Fundamentalist in the middle of a church service - random language speaking is not normal. Neither is barking or growling while in the frog position.

Ok - you're unconscious at the time. Some part of you is obviously working and it's not the paralzying agents that are released while we sleep. The times you mention are transitional times between different brain waves. This is one of the more common states for people to experience the woowoo. You haven't said anything that makes me think you're nuts - other than barking at people outside your front door but you weren't actually awake for that.

Are you familiar with the terms The Great Work, Shadow Work, Self Work - anything along those lines? Those are pretty specific things and that's what I was asking about.

I do not speak swahili nor do I know for certain that this servitor can speak swahili because it only did so once.
Then how do you know it was speaking Swahili?

Without knowing the steps that were taken in it's creation - no one can really give you much of anything regarding what you're calling a servitor.

I only call it a servitor because it appears to me as one - and I asked for a stronger personality to my subconscious if it was listening to me and only if it was tired of feeling what I felt.

It can simply just be that my subconscious has so much fear of letting anyone down that even in the midst of transcending past the threshold of unconsciousness to consciousness - it behaves the way it ought to based on how I feel inside.
That's a huge issue that you'll have to work on if you truly want to walk down the occultic paths. That level of fear and failure is detrimental to the magician.

Me answering the door as I shouldn't have been able to... is a more likely fact.

I believe that my subconscious is being quite the active learner.
Most of them are:)

If I can learn how to pass by a moment when I supposed to pass out but choose not to, such as having lack of oxygen, then why not my subconscious act it self out as I am unconscious?

If I can defeat paralysis each and every time, then why not my subconscious act itself out as I am unconscious?

Besides the growling, no I do not need to tell myself nothing to get rid of this because it is not a problem but a hyper reaction towards activity as I am waking up.
Not being an issue really does depend on who you're barking at.

Previously in the past I have always had this 'fear' that one out of every group of people are out to hurt me and it was certainly THAT because of my peers and environment.

I will not get into that so do not ask, it is very personal.

Now this reaction of mine as I awake is perfectly normal, it is a survival reaction.

My therapist and doc do not see anything wrong with me except for the fear I feel which is a huge problem... to me.

They are in no position to make judgements anyways because I do not tell them the full truth because - once again it is personal, I know myself better than they do.
That, in a nutshell, is a major problem. Until and unless you find medical personnel that you can be honest with...

I only asked for a psychologist - I was never recommended one by anyone but myself - I only asked for one because I was hoping that they would know something that I already do not.

Also if there was a way to be emotionally numb so that I can work for soceity and make money.

But of course as stupid as people are they prescribe me with a damn therapist! I can fixyself so screw the therapist, I just want to know about any suppressed hidden information about me when I was little.

There are three ways for me to remain numb:

1.) Same blood type heart transplant from a sociopath.
A.) The genetic mutation or malformation in the neural structutr of their heart is the key to my problem.
B.) Sociopaths do not feel bad for what they do, which is what I want.
C.) Genetic memories are passed down to the transplantee.

2.) Never accepting any gift from anyone ever, seeing the world through only one color, that color being pain.
A.) I'd always ask for the truth despite what they want me to hear.
B.) I'd never open up ever again and just live my life eye fpr an eye.
C.) I'd make sure people felt what they influencede to feel like, especially during my lowest moments from which I needed to recuperate from.

3.) Become a test subject for drugs that aim to disable parts of the brain that deal with stimulating or activating emotion or feeling, ore if not my brain, then areas of my nervous system.

Edit: I am done with editing this post, I am too frustrated with my lame phone, prism ii, it is the slowest piece of sh* I have ever used and the typing is horrible... So I will leave it you to fgure out where what meams what and what word goes where. ~ ^___^
I feel your pain with the phone thing. I waited until I was at my keyboard to write you back.

Now I done with this conversation, this post was not meant to be lead off topic...

So.. my apologies... </3

Let's get back on topic, what are you beliefs on death?

I have many. Are there any specific ones you'd like to hear about?

[Kami]

I guess the problem here is my inability to get you to understand.
That's not actually actually the problem here.

No offense taken.
Good, I'm glad [cool2]

And again, no - weed is not laced, for god saks I shouldn't have mentioned it.
But it is a mind altering substance that many people use in occultic context. That's too bad, really. Laced weed would've been the easiest and simplest answer.

I would have done the same thing if weed wasn't in the picture, and I guessing none of you smoke weed because y'all do not fully know what effects weed can and cannot deliver.
Seriously?

Also I personally deep down inside do not believe I have any mental problems but lack of control of my life which leads me to behave in frustrated ways, sometimes weird and sometimes not.
As far as I can tell, you're the only one that's mentioned it.

It is comepletey natural and yet very taboo to normans, norman means someone who grew up right, someone who has not been abused mentally with fear and embarrassment.

Now I am not assuming that anyone here is a norman.
Really? People are broken - mostly from their childhoods.

There is nothing medically wrong with me, the only thing wrong with me is the fact that I can feel emotion and feelings, mostly that of anxeity and fear and low self esteem and social awkwardness, I am also an introvert.
I don't understand what you mean by you 'can' feel emotion and feelings. Your own or others? If it's others - that's called being empathic and many empaths have issues before they learn to control it.

I have become this way because of abuse in the past, the world to me seemed evil and careless.

No one gave a damm, no one understood why I treated them eye for an eye every now and then.

So you see, my own judgement is always because this is what I think people want to hear, and most of the time I am right when I make those judgements, I iust know what most likely will be said and I don't have time for that. From everyone or just the people that are close to you?

For example: if I call myself ugly, someone else will most likely feel inclined to say to me that I am not ugly for the sake of how I am feeling.

And yes there are tons of people like that.
Yeah, no shit. You don't have to worry about that with me, at least.

But I sure love it when I am wrong, because when I am wrong at least I know I am on the right path.
That's sounds awfully similar to 'if the road is easy it's probably the wrong one.' LOL

All I need to is develop my tools for combatting day to day "feelings", and I won't have these problems anymore.
Cool - any idea what tools you need? Which ones could be helpful? Or harmful if used incorrectly? Do you even know what exactly the problem is?

Fear is the ultimate problem.

If I can eliminate it, then I can say goodbye to being manipulated.
That's not quite how it works. Fear serves it's purposes - and it has many. It's a biological function that's hardwired into the meatsuit you call home. But you can learn how to use it and harness it.

And no I will not elaborate on T.P.D. as it is not a real condition, it is a self label.
Then how are we supposed to know what you're talking about?

Everything I mentioned is perfectly normal, I have a few other friends who are experiencing the same effects minus the gibberish/random language phenomenon.
Unless you're a Fundamentalist in the middle of a church service - random language speaking is not normal. Neither is barking or growling while in the frog position.

Ok - you're unconscious at the time. Some part of you is obviously working and it's not the paralzying agents that are released while we sleep. The times you mention are transitional times between different brain waves. This is one of the more common states for people to experience the woowoo. You haven't said anything that makes me think you're nuts - other than barking at people outside your front door but you weren't actually awake for that.

Are you familiar with the terms The Great Work, Shadow Work, Self Work - anything along those lines? Those are pretty specific things and that's what I was asking about.

I do not speak swahili nor do I know for certain that this servitor can speak swahili because it only did so once.
Then how do you know it was speaking Swahili?

Without knowing the steps that were taken in it's creation - no one can really give you much of anything regarding what you're calling a servitor.

I only call it a servitor because it appears to me as one - and I asked for a stronger personality to my subconscious if it was listening to me and only if it was tired of feeling what I felt.

It can simply just be that my subconscious has so much fear of letting anyone down that even in the midst of transcending past the threshold of unconsciousness to consciousness - it behaves the way it ought to based on how I feel inside.
That's a huge issue that you'll have to work on if you truly want to walk down the occultic paths. That level of fear and failure is detrimental to the magician.

Me answering the door as I shouldn't have been able to... is a more likely fact.

I believe that my subconscious is being quite the active learner.
Most of them are:)

If I can learn how to pass by a moment when I supposed to pass out but choose not to, such as having lack of oxygen, then why not my subconscious act it self out as I am unconscious?

If I can defeat paralysis each and every time, then why not my subconscious act itself out as I am unconscious?

Besides the growling, no I do not need to tell myself nothing to get rid of this because it is not a problem but a hyper reaction towards activity as I am waking up.
Not being an issue really does depend on who you're barking at.

Previously in the past I have always had this 'fear' that one out of every group of people are out to hurt me and it was certainly THAT because of my peers and environment.

I will not get into that so do not ask, it is very personal.

Now this reaction of mine as I awake is perfectly normal, it is a survival reaction.

My therapist and doc do not see anything wrong with me except for the fear I feel which is a huge problem... to me.

They are in no position to make judgements anyways because I do not tell them the full truth because - once again it is personal, I know myself better than they do.
That, in a nutshell, is a major problem. Until and unless you find medical personnel that you can be honest with...

I only asked for a psychologist - I was never recommended one by anyone but myself - I only asked for one because I was hoping that they would know something that I already do not.

Also if there was a way to be emotionally numb so that I can work for soceity and make money.

But of course as stupid as people are they prescribe me with a damn therapist! I can fixyself so screw the therapist, I just want to know about any suppressed hidden information about me when I was little.

There are three ways for me to remain numb:

1.) Same blood type heart transplant from a sociopath.
A.) The genetic mutation or malformation in the neural structutr of their heart is the key to my problem.
B.) Sociopaths do not feel bad for what they do, which is what I want.
C.) Genetic memories are passed down to the transplantee.

2.) Never accepting any gift from anyone ever, seeing the world through only one color, that color being pain.
A.) I'd always ask for the truth despite what they want me to hear.
B.) I'd never open up ever again and just live my life eye fpr an eye.
C.) I'd make sure people felt what they influencede to feel like, especially during my lowest moments from which I needed to recuperate from.

3.) Become a test subject for drugs that aim to disable parts of the brain that deal with stimulating or activating emotion or feeling, ore if not my brain, then areas of my nervous system.

Edit: I am done with editing this post, I am too frustrated with my lame phone, prism ii, it is the slowest piece of sh* I have ever used and the typing is horrible... So I will leave it you to fgure out where what meams what and what word goes where. ~ ^___^
I feel your pain with the phone thing. I waited until I was at my keyboard to write you back.

Now I done with this conversation, this post was not meant to be lead off topic...

So.. my apologies... </3

Let's get back on topic, what are you beliefs on death?

I have many. Are there any specific ones you'd like to hear about?

Lol i wasnt growling in frog position it was while I was standing back up... xD

And I know it was swahili because I google translated everything I remember saying. This was a while back.

While I was in a trance I spoke: "Chuma chama chama chama, Chichuma."

Which google picked it up as swahili and translatd it as: "Earned the party members, Gather the grapes."

My wild assumption was that it was ten seconds when really it was probably around 3 seconds...

And um... ^///^ I would like to know about your theory on death, what have you experienced that you think helps explain death?

[Kami]

I guess the problem here is my inability to get you to understand.
That's not actually actually the problem here.

No offense taken.
Good, I'm glad [cool2]

And again, no - weed is not laced, for god saks I shouldn't have mentioned it.
But it is a mind altering substance that many people use in occultic context. That's too bad, really. Laced weed would've been the easiest and simplest answer.

I would have done the same thing if weed wasn't in the picture, and I guessing none of you smoke weed because y'all do not fully know what effects weed can and cannot deliver.
Seriously?

Also I personally deep down inside do not believe I have any mental problems but lack of control of my life which leads me to behave in frustrated ways, sometimes weird and sometimes not.
As far as I can tell, you're the only one that's meintioned it.

It is comepletey natural and yet very taboo to normans, norman means someone who grew up right, someone who has not been abused mentally with fear and embarrassment.

Now I am not assuming that anyone here is a norman.
Really? People are broken - mostly from their childhoods.

There is nothing medically wrong with me, the only thing wrong with me is the fact that I can feel emotion and feelings, mostly that of anxeity and fear and low self esteem and social awkwardness, I am also an introvert.
I don't understand what you mean by you 'can' feel emotion and feelings. Your own or others? If it's others - that's called being empathic and many empaths have issues before they learn to control it.

I have become this way because of abuse in the past, the world to me seemed evil and careless.

No one gave a damm, no one understood why I treated them eye for an eye every now and then.

So you see, my own judgement is always because this is what I think people want to hear, and most of the time I am right when I make those judgements, I iust know what most likely will be said and I don't have time for that. From everyone or just the people that are close to you?

For example: if I call myself ugly, someone else will most likely feel inclined to say to me that I am not ugly for the sake of how I am feeling.

And yes there are tons of people like that.
Yeah, no shit. You don't have to worry about that with me, at least.

But I sure love it when I am wrong, because when I am wrong at least I know I am on the right path.
That's sounds awfully similar to 'if the road is easy it's probably the wrong one.' LOL

All I need to is develop my tools for combatting day to day "feelings", and I won't have these problems anymore.
Cool - any idea what tools you need? Which ones could be helpful? Or harmful if used incorrectly? Do you even know what exactly the problem is?

Fear is the ultimate problem.

If I can eliminate it, then I can say goodbye to being manipulated.
That's not quite how it works. Fear serves it's purposes - and it has many. It's a biological function that's hardwired into the meatsuit you call home. But you can learn how to use it and harness it.

And no I will not elaborate on T.P.D. as it is not a real condition, it is a self label.
Then how are we supposed to know what you're talking about?

Everything I mentioned is perfectly normal, I have a few other friends who are experiencing the same effects minus the gibberish/random language phenomenon.
Unless you're a Fundamentalist in the middle of a church service - random language speaking is not normal. Neither is barking or growling while in the frog position.

Ok - you're unconscious at the time. Some part of you is obviously working and it's not the paralzying agents that are released while we sleep. The times you mention are transitional times between different brain waves. This is one of the more common states for people to experience the woowoo. You haven't said anything that makes me think you're nuts - other than barking at people outside your front door but you weren't actually awake for that.

Are you familiar with the terms The Great Work, Shadow Work, Self Work - anything along those lines? Those are pretty specific things and that's what I was asking about.

I do not speak swahili nor do I know for certain that this servitor can speak swahili because it only did so once.
Then how do you know it was speaking Swahili?

Without knowing the steps that were taken in it's creation - no one can really give you much of anything regarding what you're calling a servitor.

I only call it a servitor because it appears to me as one - and I asked for a stronger personality to my subconscious if it was listening to me and only if it was tired of feeling what I felt.

It can simply just be that my subconscious has so much fear of letting anyone down that even in the midst of transcending past the threshold of unconsciousness to consciousness - it behaves the way it ought to based on how I feel inside.
That's a huge issue that you'll have to work on if you truly want to walk down the occultic paths. That level of fear and failure is detrimental to the magician.

Me answering the door as I shouldn't have been able to... is a more likely fact.

I believe that my subconscious is being quite the active learner.
Most of them are:)

If I can learn how to pass by a moment when I supposed to pass out but choose not to, such as having lack of oxygen, then why not my subconscious act it self out as I am unconscious?

If I can defeat paralysis each and every time, then why not my subconscious act itself out as I am unconscious?

Besides the growling, no I do not need to tell myself nothing to get rid of this because it is not a problem but a hyper reaction towards activity as I am waking up.
Not being an issue really does depend on who you're barking at.

Previously in the past I have always had this 'fear' that one out of every group of people are out to hurt me and it was certainly THAT because of my peers and environment.

I will not get into that so do not ask, it is very personal.

Now this reaction of mine as I awake is perfectly normal, it is a survival reaction.

My therapist and doc do not see anything wrong with me except for the fear I feel which is a huge problem... to me.

They are in no position to make judgements anyways because I do not tell them the full truth because - once again it is personal, I know myself better than they do.
That, in a nutshell, is a major problem. Until and unless you find medical personnel that you can be honest with...

I only asked for a psychologist - I was never recommended one by anyone but myself - I only asked for one because I was hoping that they would know something that I already do not.

Also if there was a way to be emotionally numb so that I can work for soceity and make money.

But of course as stupid as people are they prescribe me with a damn therapist! I can fixyself so screw the therapist, I just want to know about any suppressed hidden information about me when I was little.

There are three ways for me to remain numb:

1.) Same blood type heart transplant from a sociopath.
A.) The genetic mutation or malformation in the neural structutr of their heart is the key to my problem.
B.) Sociopaths do not feel bad for what they do, which is what I want.
C.) Genetic memories are passed down to the transplantee.

2.) Never accepting any gift from anyone ever, seeing the world through only one color, that color being pain.
A.) I'd always ask for the truth despite what they want me to hear.
B.) I'd never open up ever again and just live my life eye fpr an eye.
C.) I'd make sure people felt what they influencede to feel like, especially during my lowest moments from which I needed to recuperate from.

3.) Become a test subject for drugs that aim to disable parts of the brain that deal with stimulating or activating emotion or feeling, ore if not my brain, then areas of my nervous system.

Edit: I am done with editing this post, I am too frustrated with my lame phone, prism ii, it is the slowest piece of sh* I have ever used and the typing is horrible... So I will leave it you to fgure out where what meams what and what word goes where. ~ ^___^
I feel your pain with the phone thing. I waited until I was at my keyboard to write you back.

Now I done with this conversation, this post was not meant to be lead off topic...

So.. my apologies... </3

Let's get back on topic, what are you beliefs on death?

I have many. Are there any specific ones you'd like to hear about?

"Are you familiar with the terms The Great Work, Shadow Work, Self Work - anything along those lines? Those are pretty specific things and that's what I was asking about."

No... May you enlighten me? :]

[RoseRed]

Just so you know, you'll be affectionately remembered as the growling frog. It's an image that got stuck in my head. It's really not a bad image. Have you ever been up close and personal with a frog as they are about to make a big jump? Sometimes, they make an odd sorta not a ribbit noise. I'm having a thing with frogs right now so I find it really interesting.

Am I understanding correctly that you spoke your 'servitor's' words aloud and Google translated ?

That leads me to think that this is not a servitor.

Very cool with the Swahili translation, btw. Any idea what it was talking about?

________________________

Death. Big topic.

Death comes to us all. Our mortality is one of our defining qualities as mortals. The Reapers that come are merely tour guides to escort you from hereto there. They work for Death.

I died. Once for certain and CPR- yay! Sometimes it works even when it's been longer than when a body should be able to return. I had the whole out of body experience. It was life changing. It also opened my practice into shamanic areas an hedgecraft. Not that I knew whatnot call it at the time.

Dead was nice. I'm not really comfortable discussing it at the current time. One thing I've found that's universal among everyone I've.talked to that he an NDE and choose to return came back to a life of physical pain and a very different practice and set of gifts. Some were told it wasn't their time and sent back. They suffer more than the former. (Had it, if it's notyour time- you will come back. I truly believe that)

Is there anything you would like to ask me?

[RoseRed]

Not to be short but I'm going offline and to bed shortly. Use the search bar, upper right hand corner. There's a lot of really good information here. That should give u way more info than I'm willing to type on my phone.