magus33 wrote: 2 i do not think the "bad" stuff that i do that i do has any relevance... they always deserve it
I'll have to disagree with that. By your own words someone decided to not help you financially and you believe they are now dead due to a curse you placed upon them. Again by your words you have a gambling addiction. It occurs to me the fellow made the right decision by not helping to feed your habit. Death should not have even entered into this equation.
Of course practicing black magic has repercussions to it no differently than practicing gray or white magic does.
Black magic requires a negative energy. To get this negative energy you must first create it within yourself. When you are full of negative energy, negative things happens.
I have no gambling stories to tell simply because I hate losing worse than anything. I'm one of those that if I happen to say,, wanna bet? You would do well to decline because I will have all your money. I only bet when I know the odds are all in my favor. If I hand money to someone, rest assured they are placing something of equal or more value into my hands.
As was advised, I'd seek help on the gambling. I'd also consider figuring out some way to rid yourself of the negative thoughts which would help rid yourself of the negative energy. No one is at fault for your addiction and doesn't deserve to suffer due to your addiction.